Harry Potter and the Curse of the Prophecy
by quizgirl
Summary: After hearing the Prophecy, Voldemort is convinced that as long as he and Harry both live, no one can harm them. And what is better than to have Harry on his side, as his Heir? As it turns out, Harry may not have much choice in the matter. Post OotP.
1. Home At Privet Drive

HARRY POTTER 

**AND THE CURSE OF THE PROPHECY **

Summary (updated 6/21-05): Voldemort has a new, 'waterproof' way to get Harry at Halloween. How will Harry and Hermione deal with this, and what is really going to happen?

Special thanks to AmberEyes, Annick and Danfan4ever. And Rolephant and Anna Rose.

I promise that I won't stop writing before I'm done.

Here you go; the first chapter! (Nothing belongs to me)

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Chapter 1: **HOME AT PRIVET DRIVE**

The rain poured down on the window at number four Privet Drive with all forces, but the black-haired boy with a lightning bolt scar did not take any notice of it. He was sleeping, horrible visions blurred his mind, and just as thunder roared its way down from the sky, he sat bolt upright, panting, and wildly awake. It was too late to stop the scream from escaping his lips.

In an instant the boy named Harry Potter leapt to the door and placed a chair in front of it so nobody, like a viscious uncle, could get in. Only a minute later, Harry heard the unmistakable banging on the door from Vernon, telling him to keep quiet. Harry had made the mistake of not blocking the door in time. He would not do that again.

Harry shivered, and cowered himself under the blankets once again, but sleep would not come to him even if he wanted it to.

This, of course, wasn't all that uncommon. Every day since Harry had returned to his so-called-home, things had been like that. Every night visions and nightmares of Sirius falling through the veil haunted him.

-

Morning came around 6.30, and Harry forced himself up from bed, his head spinning slightly, and walked unsteadily to his snowy-white owl, who hooted friendly to him. After a half an hour, Harry removed the chair from the door and took a cold shower.

After that, Harry threw on some clothes and went downstairs to grab something to eat before he went downstairs further to where Dudley kept his training equipment. Harry used to do this. He liked to train; he liked getting all the energy out of his body. It calmed him down. It kept his anger at check.

Usually the Dursleys did not wake up until somewhere around nine, and then Harry would go outside and run. He didn't know exactly why he had suddenly started to do this, but that was the only thing that seemed to keep Harry from sitting on his bed and mourning over the loss of his godfather. Harry had actually been pretty good at boxing after a while, and he noticed some progress in running too.

Sure enough, at five past nine o'clock, Vernon Dursley came down the stairs followed by his wife Petunia and their son Dudley Dursley; Harry thanked himself for not forgetting the time and being stuck in the basement. However, as soon as Vernon spotted Harry he yelled out.

"COME HERE BOY AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

Harry muttered a silent "No thanks," before he stormed outside and away from Privet Drive.

-

After running for forty-five minutes Harry sighed and sat down at a bench, while he carefully looked around, almost expecting to see a Dementor, a Death Eater or even Voldemort. However, there was no one to be seen, except for a group of boys and girls who looked vaguely familiar, though he could not place them right away. A pang of realization shot through Harry as one of the boys turned and spotted Harry with a glare. Harry returned it.

The teenager was a boy named Aidan, and the girl beside him Harry recognized as Patricia.

Aidan and Patricia stopped in shock of seeing Harry, and the rest of the group stopped too and watched the scene with interest. Harry felt his anger rise like an electric shock and he stood up off from the bench quickly. Aidan and Patricia took that as a sign of fear, and grinning wickedly to each other, they slowly approached Harry, clearly expecting him to run away.

"Look, who do we have here? It's the Potter boy!" Aidan said, grinning an evil smile and nodding to Patricia, who said, "Such a long time Potter… Pity, I have missed beating you up in the schoolyard."

"What do you want?" asked Harry, while clenching his jaw tightly; the anger did not fade. _Control yourself…_ Harry was very well aware of the wand in his pocket, and he was also very well aware of how _easy_ it would be to throw a curse at them, even an Unforgivable. Like the Cruciatus Curse. _It would be so simple,_ He thought. _And hey, it might even be worth it!_

Harry slid his hand slowly down his pocket, gripping the wand. _Just give me a reason, and I swear-_

"What's your problem, Potter?" Aidan yelled out. "Do we _scare_ you?"

"No." Harry almost laughed at the irony. _They should be scared of him._

Aidan and Patricia got closer. Twenty feet. Fifteen feet. Harry gripped closer around the wand. What if he got expelled?

They stopped, ten feet from him. Harry sighed. He couldn't be afraid of them even if he wanted to anymore.

When Harry was a kid, before receiving the Hogwarts letter, they were some of his worst bullies apart from Dudley and his gang. However, now he had been through so much worse: He had faced the most evil wizard in the world and survived a number of times and stood up against his supporters. Harry had defended himself. He had defended his friends. And he had to defend the world. _No pressure. Right._

Aidan and Patricia glared glared suspiciously at him. Harry showed no sign of fear like they had expected. On the other hand, he looked like he was in control. Like he had the upper hand, even if he was alone against a group of six people. That confused them.

Harry let a smile purse his lips as he slowly started to draw his wand.

But then, only a moment before Harry had gotten his wand out, a tall, female woman appeared from behind a bush. Harry promptly recognized her as Tonks, even though she had long, golden hair this time, and green eyes that matched Harry's own. Tonks was a new Auror and a friend of Harry's as well. Harry grinned at her and said, "Hi Tonks."

Tonks returned his greeting with a short smile before she asked a completely stunned Aidan, "What's going on here?"

Harry answered her question, "Oh, nothing, I was simply wondering how I could do as much damage as possible to these two," he said pointing at Aidan and Patricia's faces, their taunting faces had changed to shock and confusion. They had not been expecting this.

Harry almost laughed at what they must be thinking. What's happened to the boy who didn't have any defenses and the boy who would run simply by the sight of them? Well, Harry thought bitterly to himself, that boy disappeared a long time ago.

"Calm down, don't do anything to them, there are greater dangers you should prepare yourself for," Tonks said as if the group of muggle students weren't even there.

"You-Know-Who and his followers killed ten more people tonight. I know you have fought him before Harry, but there is no point playing with suspension like this."

Aidan and Patricia eyes were very round.

"I know," Harry sighed, his anger finally starting to ebb out of him. "But I still would like to get revenge on them. I would still like to hurt them so bad that they wish they were never born…!" The last bit Harry nodded with full force towards his formal classmates, who were simply staring at him and Tonks, a look of confusion and fear on their faces. Tonks just looked at him. She looked scared too.

"Harry, is this really you?"

Harry snorted. "Who else could I be?" Tonks gave him a look as to tell him he should knew very well what she meant. Harry returned his focus on the muggles in front of him, and simply said, "Go." And they went. Tonks disappeared with a _pop _and Harry was alone again.

As he made his way back to Privet Drive, it started to rain.

-

The days came and went slowly. Everyday Harry went through with his training; he didn't care if he had to run in the rain. In surprising reality, it was actually quite refreshing. Every night, he woke up to hear himself screaming after a nightmare of Sirius, or a vision of Voldemort killing someone. Every morning Harry wondered how much more he could take. Then he would remind himself of the Prophecy and the fact that he was the only one who could save the world. Screw the world! What was worth living for anyway? It wasn't like Harry could just face Voldemort straight away. He wouldn't have a chance against him. Harry rolled over in his bed, not really caring to get up straight away.

Suddenly something flew through his window and landed on his bed. Hedwig. He sat up and removed the two letters from Hedwig's leg. There was one letter from Hermione, one of his best friends, and one from Lupin. Without even opening the letter from Lupin, Harry wrote a reply.

_-_

_Lupin-_

_I'm fine. The Dusleys are behaving. No problems. I don't need anything._

_Harry_

-

At first Harry used to open the letters from Lupin, but they were always the same:

_-_

_Harry,_

_Are you ok? Are the Dursleys treating you well? If you need anything, just tell me. I expect us to come and get to see you soon._

_R. Lupin _

_-_

Harry returned his attention to the letter from Hermione, wondering if he should open it. After staring at it for ten minutes or so, Harry decided to open it. After all, if he didn't, Hermione would probably get worried and tell someone.

-

_Dear Harry,_

_How are you? How are the Dursleys? I hope they are treating you well._

_I have been staying at the Burrow_ _for a couple of days now, and I have something important to tell you when we meet each other._

_Are you coming to the headquarters? I heard something about picking you up in a week or two, when Lupin was on a visit here._

_Ron is acting weird. I wonder why, he won't tell me about it. Ginny says hi._

_Have you gotten your OWL results? I got mine yesterday, and they were pretty good actually, at least better than I thought. What did you get?_

_I will see you soon, maybe sooner than you think. Try to not break any rules or get yourself into trouble._

_Love,_

_Hermione_

_-_

Harry snorted at the last sentence. _Try not to break any rules. Right._ Why did everyone always tell him what to do? Harry wrote her a short answer.

-

_Hermione,_

_I'm fine. The Dursleys are behaving and so am I. I don't really feel like coming to the Headquarters. Say hi to the Weasleys for me._

_I haven't gotten my OWL results yet. What do you mean with "sooner than you think?"_

_Harry_

_-_

A shout from downstairs made Harry hurry and put the replies on Hedwig's foot and quickly sent her off. She gave him an ugly look before she disappeared into the darkness. She was probably offended by the way Harry had treated her.

Somebody was knocking on his door. Why were the Dursleys out of bed already?

"Boy, get up and open the door this instant!" Petunia said, clearly angry. Harry wondered for a brief second if it was better if he didn't, but in the end he decided to do as he was told.

The same moment as Harry opened the door, Petunia grabbed his arm and dragged him outside in the hallway, making Harry yelp in surprise.

"Quiet boy!" sneered Petunia, "Today we are going to get you a haircut! I can no longer tolerate the neighbours talking about it!" Harry stared at her, not really believing his ears.

"And you better keep it the way it gets this time!" warned Petunia, and started to grab him down the stairs.

"Wait!" said Harry, trying to get out of her grasp and succeeded. "I need to use the bathroom. Wait downstairs, I will come in a minute." Petunia eyed him suspiciously for a moment, but then she shrugged and let him go, making Harry slightly more surprised. He went back to his room and got his wand and changed to clean clothes before he went downstairs, a little uncertain of what he was going to do. He hadn't gotten a haircut since he was… well, ten. And then it was Petunia who had cut him and the day after his hair was just as long as before. Maybe it was time for a new haircut. He would even got the chance for it to be cut properly.

-

Five minutes later both Petunia and Harry sat in the car, driving down to the town centre. When Harry thought about it, he had never actually been in the town centre to get something for himself. He suddenly thought of something else.

"Aunt Petunia? Why are we doing this so early in the morning, without Uncle Vernon or Dudley?" Petunia looked up at Harry in surprise, as if she just realized he was there.

"Because…" she said after a while. "I didn't want to disturb them. Remember, I'm _only_ doing this because I am getting tired of looking at you with that hair of yours."

_How can I forget?_ thought Harry bitterly. Petunia turned on the radio and Harry listened lazily to it, missing his daily training.

-

The haircut didn't take a long time. Petunia actually pushed Harry in the hair salon and told the woman who was supposed to cut him to just shave it all off if she had to. It was over after twenty minutes, however, they had not cut it so much. Harry had told her that what he _really _wanted was to have it neater for once. The lady, named Ruth-Ann, had cut it so it indeed looked neater, but Harry could still hide his scar. Ruth had been very interested in his scar, but Harry, in lack for good excuses, had refused to tell her where he had got it.

When he was done Petunia had simply stared at him for a long time and only mumbled to herself something about why she hadn't done that sooner. Harry gaped at her in amusement.

This seemed to somewhat inspire Petunia. By the end of the morning Harry hadn't just gotten himself a new hairstyle; he had also gotten himself some new clothes, in _his_ size, and in colours that made his eyes look more intense. Harry liked it, but couldn't help wonder of what Dudley and Vernon would say. Petunia seemed to think the same thoughts, she used over an hour of browsing and buying clothes to Dudley.

-

On their way home Petunia seemed to be lost in thoughts, with a weird expression on her face. Harry did not ask her about it, he doubted it would be anything good anyway. However, after a while she broke the silence.

"Where do you get money from…. to your- er- you know- your… school supplies?" Petunia shrugged, as if just saying the word 'school supplies' was a shame.

"Erm..." Harry started; he didn't really know what he should say to that question. He had promised himself not to tell, but it must be fairly obvious that he got money from somewhere. He gulped. "My mum and dad left me some." Petunia nodded sharply, clearly expecting that.

They did not say anything more on their way home, and when they got home Harry escaped up to his room. On his window he spotted a large owl by his window, with _The Daily Prophet_ clutched in its claws. Over the _Prophet_ Harry saw a letter from the minister: OWLs results. Harry paid the owl and watched as it went up in the sky before he returned his attention to the newspaper. He didn't want to open the letter. He nearly choked when he saw the headlines of the _Prophet_:

_THIRTY DEATH EATER AND DEMENTOR ATTACKS – THE MINISTRY IS LOSING CONTROL_

That meant that it must have been around fifty only this week. Damn. They were certainly not hiding anymore! Somehow, Harry should have expected that. He had dreamt it. He had been Voldemort. He had felt how it was to throw the deadliest curse of them all: the _Avada Kedavra_. He had felt it. And he had liked it. However, (as Harry kept telling himself over and over,) it was not him who had enjoyed it. It was Voldemort. _Not him…_

Harry sat down on his bed, his good mood completely gone.


	2. Unexpected Visit

**Disclaimer:** Nothing belongs to me.

Special thanks to Rolephant and Anna Rose.

- .

Chapter 2: **UNEXPECTED VISIT**

Days passed in slow motion as they had before, maybe even slower. Harry lost track of time and days. Somehow the date didn't seem to matter to him as much as it used to. He would get to Hogwarts soon enough, and then people would start to stare and accuse him of things again. Usually he would kill time and read about defense magic but he could do most of the spells already, so he didn't really learn anything new.

Harry sighed. Hedwig had been gone for a very long time; in fact, he hadn't seen her since the day his Aunt had taken him to the mall. He felt a pang of guilt. He had been at the mall, _shopping_, while people who depended on him died.

Harry knew he should try to empty his mind before he went to sleep -after all, that would have saved Sirius. But Harry felt that he _deserved_ those dreams, since he could not save anyone from the almost daily attacks.

Other than his dreams, the days were quite boring and nothing much happened ... except from one time when Dudley had kicked him down the stairs when Harry was leaning over it to see if the coast was clear.

Harry didn't train that day.

His thoughts where interrupted by somebody ringing the doorbell. Harry grimaced. Dudley had teased him all summer about how many friends he had compared to Harry.

Harry was pretty surprised when he heard Vernon yelling:

"THERE IS NO ONE NAMED HARRY POTTER IN THIS HOUSE!"

Harry, still in shock, jumped from his bed and bolted down the stairs just as Vernon shut the door with a loud _bang._

"_Who was it?" _Harry demanded. Vernon narrowed his eyes.

"Just the mail boy. Now, KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF MY BUSINESS!"

"I think I'll go outside-"

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Vernon roared and Harry soon got out of the way and up to his room, slamming the door behind him before he put the chair in front of it again, in case Vernon decided to put him in his cupboard.

Angry, Harry sat down on his bed, planning what curses he was most likely to use as soon as he turned seventeen. The Unforgivables were the first ones that popped into his head.

_Clank. _Yeah. It would be good. _ Clank._ But he would never be allowed to- _clank-_ do that…

Some more _clanks._

Someone was throwing stones at his window!

Harry quickly got up from his bed to get his wand and then stared out of the window as another _clank_ hit the window once again. He felt his jaw drop. There, outside, he saw three people he recognized as Tonks, Lupin and Hermione.

Harry quickly opened the window.

"Wotcher, Harry!" Tonks yelled up at him as Hermione simply grinned. Lupin said nothing.

"Hi, what- what are you doing here?" Harry asked, but let a smile play on his lips. He had not smiled for… actually, Harry couldn't remember the last time he smiled at all.

"We came to see you, of course!" Hermione yelled back. "Can you come outside? Your Uncle wouldn't let us in!"

Harry grinned and left the window, taking away the chair and going downstairs. The television was on. _Good. _ Harry quickly went outside as fresh, wet air soothed his face. As soon as Harry stepped outside, someone with a lot of brown hair hugged him so hard that he almost couldn't breath.

"Hermione!" He choked out.

"Oh, sorry Harry, I-"

"It's okay, Hermione, really," Harry reassured her.

Hermione let out a sight of relief and let him go and took a step back. She looked …different, Harry realized. Her hair was longer, but not nearly as bushy as it was before, and it framed her face neatly. Her cheek was slightly blushed, and her face had gotten some colour from the sun.

"Wow, Hermione! You look pretty!"

Hermione frowned. "I _can_ look pretty you know."

Harry suddenly realized what he had said.

"I'm sorry!" He stuttered. "I didn't mean it like that. You always look pretty." Harry was pleased with himself for his quick thinking, escaping a fight. Hermione beamed.

"You look good too."

"Thanks." Harry responded, but suddenly he heard Tonks burst out laughing. It took a while before Harry realized Tonks was laughing _at them_.

"_What?_" He snapped, but Tonks only laughed more. Harry turned to Lupin, who looked lost in thoughts. Probably about Sirius. Of course, Lupin was mourning too! –And it was his fault.

"SHUT UP!" He yelled, and Tonks stopped, alarmed. "Just don't." Harry added, feeling embarrassed.

For a brief moment Lupin actually looked up at him, but Harry wouldn't meet his eyes. He couldn't stand the guilt. He just couldn't.

"I'm sorry…" Harry whispered and looked over to Hermione. She had tears in her eyes. What was it with girls who where around him? They sobbed all the time! "Erm," Harry continued, "exactly how long are you staying here?"

"Well," Tonks said, a bit careful, "my shift is nearly over, and Lupin's going to the headquarters. I don't really know about Hermione.

"Can I stay? I don't really feel like going to the Burrow right now," Hermione pleaded.

Harry shot her a questioning look.

"I don't really think the Dursleys-" he began.

"The Dursleys will be no problem," Lupin interrupted, talking to Harry for the first time.

"We'll talk to them."

They all went to the front door and rang the doorbell.

"I SAID-" Vernon roared as soon as he opened the door, but he fell silent when he saw that Harry was with them. "_What are you doing there boy?"_

"Harry here," Tonks said, who now had pink hair and orange eyes, "and Hermione," she continued, pointing at Hermione, "are to stay here for a day or two."

Vernon's eyes almost swelled out of his face with anger. Hermione gulped nervously.

"_I will not, TOLERATE any GIRLFRIEND of that – that freak!"_

"She's not my girlfriend!" Harry said through gritted teeth. "She's- she's someone I met a couple of days ago. She wanted to know where I live, and I told her. Don't worry, she knows I'm going to St. Brutus'." Harry felt pretty clever for thinking that up too. Merlin, maybe he wasn't so stupid after all?

Hermione again shot him a questioning look but didn't say anything.

"Then what's she doing with _those?_" Vernon asked, pointing at Lupin and Tonks. Harry swore silently. _So much for making that up._

"We don't know her." Lupin said, obviously catching up quickly (after all, he was a Marauder) "We were just here to check on Harry. But it seems that he is doing fine. We'll be off then." He said, waving goodbye as he and Tonks turned around and left. When they turned the corner Harry heard a soft _pop,_ which meant they had Apparated.

Hermione shot a nervous glance at Harry, uncertain of what to do. To be honest, Harry didn't know either. Suddenly he heard something, or _someone,_ coming down the stairs and soon Dudley was down in front of them, panting like he had just run a mile. Dudley's eyes widened when he saw Hermione.

"Who are you?" he asked, rudely.

"Hermione Granger. Pleased to meet you," Hermione frowned. Dudley relaxed a bit.

"Are you as weird as _him?_" Dudley asked, nodding at Harry. Harry answered for her.

"No, she's not." Dudley smiled a very ugly smile and asked something that caught everyone off guard.

"Wanna see my room?"

Hermione gaped at him, but when Harry gave her a look she followed Dudley upstairs. However, when Harry tried to follow, Vernon caught his wrist and pushed him roughly against the wall.

"You will _not_ stand in the way, boy!"

"What?" Harry asked, surprised.

"You heard me," Vernon told him off. "You stay here!"

"But she's _my _visitor!" Harry cried, trying to get out of Vernon's grasp. Harry's struggle was in vain, however, because Vernon was strong and held him in place… hard. Harry's arm felt numb, but he continued to struggle.

Suddenly Harry heard somebody let out a shriek from upstairs. Hermione! Harry struggled against Vernon with every bit of strength he had, and suddenly Vernon let go out him like he had burnt himself. Harry used Vernon's moment of distraction as an opportunity and flew upstairs. He found Dudley leaning over Hermione, who was clearly trying to get away.

Harry quickly grabbed his wand and pointed it like a sword at Dudley.

"LET HER GO!"

Frightened, Dudley did as Harry told him. Hermione hurried over to Harry. Dudley frowned at her.

"You will pay for this! And it will be worse than what I did to you a couple of days ago!" Dudley roared before disappearing downstairs.

"What did he do to you?" Harry asked before Hermione got the chance to say or do anything.

"He-… It was nothing, Harry, really-"

"No, Hermione, _what_ _did he do_?" Harry asked, a little bit more forcefully.

"He wanted to know if I was single, and when I said no, he got a bit angry. But he didn't do anything Harry, I swear!"

Harry thought for a moment, and than it hit him,

"You're not single? You are seeing somebody?" Harry said, rounding on her.

Hermione frowned.

"Harry, sometimes, your are almost as bad as Ron. Almost! Come, let's talk in your room." Hermione said, and Harry showed her the way, but couldn't get his eyes off her. _Who was she seeing?_

"You don't need to look so surprised!" Hermione said indignantly, looking over her shoulder at Harry before they entered his room.

Harry locked it and put the chair in front of it, under the handle. Hermione raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"So…" Harry said and sat down on his bed. Hermione did the same. "How has your summer been? How's Ron?"

Hermione looked down, biting her lip.

"Oh, Harry, I don't know! It's been awful!" For a moment Harry was positive she was joking.

"_Awful?"_ Harry couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sure that's an over-"

"It _was!"_ Hermione interrupted. "Ron's been acting so weird! He's _tailing _me everywhere! I don't know what to do!"

Harry stared.

"And then he asked me to go out with him!" She cried, throwing up her hand in frustration. Harry's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe it! Why hadn't he noticed? When Harry thought about it, he saw that he should have seen it coming; Ron was often blushing and overreacting when Hermione was around. But still, they always argued so much, how could they like each other? So Ron was the one Hermione was dating. But why was she so frustrated then?

"So he's the one you are dating…" Harry mumbled, stating the obvious. He felt really stupid, and somewhere in the pit of his stomach, he felt sick. He would be like a third wheel... His friends would get married, have kids, and forget about him. But, on the other hand, it wasn't very likely that Harry would live to see that day. That thought only made the sickness stronger. His head was spinning so fast, he almost didn't register Hermione talking.

"I said I have to think about it."

"Huh?" Harry said without thinking, his head snapping up so fast he felt his neck crack in protest.

Hermione sighed.

"I told him I have to think about it. I was lying to your cousin."

"Oh," Harry said, unsure how he felt about that too. "What do you want? Do you-- you know- like him?"

"I don't know, Harry! Sometimes I feel like there is something there, but then I think about all the fighting, and…" She paused for a moment. "I'm not sure it would work between us." Suddenly Hermione flickered her ayes to Harry. "How do you feel about it?"

Harry gaped. He hadn't expected her to ask that. What was he supposed to say? Then he remembered the Prophecy. Maybe it was meant to be…

"Erm," he stuttered. "I- I think that might be a good idea." His voice cracked a little at the end. He couldn't stand to meet her eyes, his own eyes were threatening to swell up with tears, something they rarely did. Why did they have to come now? But the thought of not living to see the things he was supposed to see was almost unbearable. He didn't want to die… not in the hands of Voldemort, knowing that it was his fault that the world would live in fear.

"Harry, is there something wrong?" Harry quickly looked up. A huge mistake. Hermione's eyes widened in shock. Damn those tears, she must have seen…

"What's wrong, Harry? You can tell me."

"It's nothing Hermione, nothing. It's just the whole situation, you know? With Voldemort and everything…" Harry exhaled softly. At least some of it was true.

Hermione didn't buy it.

"There's something more Harry. I see it on your eyes."

"Yes, there is. But I'm not ready to talk about it," Harry moaned. "But hey, really, if you wanna be with Ron then I will not stand in the way." He looked up at her and managed to give her a weak smile. She smiled back, but still in a concerned way.

Hermione really looked different Harry noticed again, for the second time that day. Her hair looked smooth, and reflected the light from the window. Her eyes were soft, deep and brown, her lips hinted of carefulness and wisdom. She looked so different to how she did a month ago. She looked so much older… and he had almost lost her because of his blindness...

He looked away, afraid to be caught staring. He looked at his arm instead; it was throbbing painfully. He would get bruises... He stroked over it distantly, his mind swirling like it had done so much those past weeks. Hermione also seemed to be lost in thought.

They didn't say anything for a long time, just enjoying each other's company. She took his hand and placed it on her lap. It felt good to be held but strange all the same, like it was something he shouldn't be doing.

"So…" Harry said, feeling he needed to break the silence. "When are you going back to the Burrow?"

Hermione looked up at him. After a while she said, "I don't know… I wanna stay here with you for a while, if that's okay with you that is?"

"Sure. I'd like that. But I'm warning you, the Dursleys are not really friendly," Harry said.

"I've realised that," Hermione said.

-

At six o'clock they ate diner in the living room. Sometimes, when the Dursleys didn't think Hermione noticed, they looked suspiciously at her, making Hermione sit deeper and deeper in her chair as if she wished to just disappear. Harry couldn't blame her.

Once in a while, Dudley would shoot an evil look at Harry, a promise of mischief, pretty similar to the look Fred and George had sometimes. Just add some evil and Dudley would look exactly like them.

Vernon made a huge point in telling Hermione how _kind_ they were to take Harry into their house when his parents had died so _tragically_ in a car crash. Hermione raised an eyebrow.

Vernon would then tell her how _rude_, _useless_ and _violent _Harry was.

"Right," Hermione said through gritted teeth, a dangerous look behind her eyes. Harry thought the whole situation was a bit funny and couldn't help but snicker under his breath.

"What's so funny boy?" Vernon demanded.

"Oh, nothing. Just thought about something," Harry answered innocently.

Vernon made a sound that told him he didn't believe him.

"He _is_ a danger you know," he continued to Hermione. "I have heard him yelling in his sleep."

This caught both Hermione's and Harry's attention.

"He used to mutter certain words like '_Kill Him_,' '_Avada Kedavra' _and something like '_curio_.' And then he laughs… wakes me up, he does!"

Harry froze. He knew Hermione knew Vernon had meant '_Avada Kedavra'_ and '_Crucio_', two of the Unforgivable Curses, which resulted in death and great pain. Harry knew Vernon didn't lie. He had been the one to cast them in his dreams when he was and saw through the eyes of Lord Voldemort.

Hermione glanced sideways over to where Harry was sitting. Harry looked down at his plate, not daring to look up.

"But Dudley here," Vernon continued, "never does anything wrong, isn't that true, Duddie?"

"Yeah!" Dudley eagerly voted in, making Harry frown.

"I'm done, thanks," Harry interrupted, and rose from the table. Hermione did the same thing and then both she and Harry went outside to get some fresh air.

The sky was heavy with dark clouds, but at least it wasn't raining, for now. Harry wondered whether or not he should hold Hermione's hand or something, but he decided not to. No point in making things weird. They were just friends anyway, and Harry liked to keep it that way. _Why was he even thinking about it?_

Suddenly Hermione grabbed his wrist, just where Vernon had grabbed it. Pain shot through Harry and he flinched out of her grasp. Hermione eyes widened.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Harry really didn't like that people were always asking him that.

"Nothing, I just hit my arm against something hard earlier today," Harry said and involuntarily shuddered.

"Oh," Hermione said. "When? How?"

"It doesn't matter," Harry said, with a clear 'end of discussion' tone. "Come on, let's go."

And they went. After a while Hermione took Harry's hand again, a bit more carefully this time. Harry closed his eyes in annoyance. _Couldn't she take a hint? Obviously not..._ She held his hand a little tighter. She was clearly nervous about something.

Harry stopped. "What is it Hermione?"

"I'm worried about you," Hermione sighed, and looked up in his eyes as if she was searching for some answers there. "Was what your Uncle said about you true?"

"Not everything," Harry muttered, feeling the irritation flowing through his veins. "Only the last part. –And _no,_ I have not been practicing Occlumency."

"But Harry-!"

"Just leave it, 'Mione. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Maybe you should!" Hermione insisted.

"NOT now, okay?" Harry let go of her hand.

Hermione looked hurt. Harry knew he should apologize. Damn.

"When I'm ready, you will be the first one to know," Harry said. Hermione seemed to settle with that.

-

-

Harry had never had anyone stay overnight with him before. At first, Petunia and Vernon had insisted that Hermione should sleep in _Dudley's_ room. Both Harry and Hermione had been so frightened of the idea that they had refused. Harry even had said that he could sleep in the living room.

For one or another reason the Dursleys didn't like that idea, so Hermione was to stay with Harry.

Vernon made it clear to Harry that _if _Hermione got herself pregnant, Harry would be moving straight out. Harry and Hermione got the almost impossible dark shade of red on their faces: Harry with anger, Hermione probably with humiliation.

As soon as they could, they escaped upstairs.

"Argh!" Hermione said suddenly. "How do you _live_ with them? They're horrible!"

"Well, actually," Harry said. "It's better now than it was before. Until I started first year at Hogwarts I used to live in the cupboard under the stairs."

"_WHAT?"_

"Yeah…" Harry chuckled to himself. "Dudley used to have this room for all of his extra toys."

"I'm sorry Harry, I never knew..."

"What? No! Don't be! It's no problem really," Harry smiled reassuringly to her, but all he wanted to do right now was to go to bed.

He went to get something Hermione could sleep on and when he came back he saw her standing over his OWL letter, but she hadn't opened it. She gave Harry the letter and watched as he opened it carefully.

_-_

_-_ Defense Against the Dark Arts: O

Theory: 0

Practical: 0

- Charms: O

Theory: 0

Practical: E

- Potions: E

Theory: E

Practical: E

_- _Transfiguration: E

Theory: A

Practical: E

_- _Herbology: A

Theory: E

Practical: A

- History Of Magic: P

Theory: P

Practical: -

_- _Astronomy: A

Theory: A

Practical: A

- Care Of Magical Creatures: E

Theory: A

Practical: O

- Divination: P

Theory: P

Practical: P

-

Harry let the letter down and gave it to Hermione, who eagerly accepted it. Harry looked down in the envelope. There was another note there too.

-

_Mr. H. J Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you are accepted in following NEWT classes:_

- Defense Against the Dark Arts

- Charms

- Potions

- Transfiguration

- Herbology

- Astronomy

- Care of Magical Creatures

_If you are still considering a career in being an Auror, I would recommend you to take these classes:_

- Defense Against the Dark Arts

- Charms

- Potions

- Transfiguration

_Sign up which classes you want to attend and send replay before the 15th of August. _

Signed: **Prof. McGonagall**

-

Hermione beamed at him. "You made it! You made it!" She gave him a chest-breaking hug. "That's _great_ Harry!"

"Yeah, if I will live to see it!" Harry answered sarcastically before he thought about what he was saying.

"What would you say something like that for? You're not thinking that you are going to die, are you? If you only stay out of-"

"I _can't_ and I _won't_ stay out of trouble, Hermione!" Harry snapped. "And I don't wanna talk about it!" Harry turned his back to her, staring angrily at the door.

"Harry, is there something that you are hiding from me?" asked Hermione from behind. Harry didn't need to turn to know that her eyes were filled with tears. Damn those tears…

He felt her hand on his shoulder and tensed. He forced his shoulder to relax and turned around.

"Look, Hermione, it's been a very long day, can't we just go to sleep?" It was very hard to look into Hermione's sad eyes without looking somewhere else.

"Will you tell me tomorrow?" she asked. Harry felt as if he was pushed up into a corner.

"Maybe, Hermione. Maybe."


	3. They Will Hunt You Down

Special thanks to Anna Rose and Rolephant.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing belongs to me.

- .

Chapter 3: **THEY WILL HUNT YOU DOWN**

_He was running down the corridors of Ministry of Magic. She killed Sirius – I'll kill her!_

"_Where's the way out?" _

_A door opened and he ran through it. He saw the Golden Fountain Statue of a witch, wizard, centaur, goblin and house-elf, and ... Bellatrix!_

"_Aaaaaah ...did you_ love_ him, little baby Potter?"_

_Hate! Anger!_

"_Crucio!" bellowed Harry. _

_Bellatrix screamed, but she wasn't in pain like she should be…_

"_You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain – to enjoy it – righteous anger won't hurt me for long-!"_

_Pain in his scar…_

"_YOU'VE GOT IT, POTTER, AND YOU WILL GIVE IT TO ME! Accio Prophecy! ACCIO PROPHECY!" _

_Suddenly – Voldemort! _

_Voldemort's wand was pointing at Harry, Harry's own pointing uselessly at the floor …he was going to die, and he knew it… _

"_I have nothing more to say to you, Potter," said Voldemort quietly. "Avada Kedavra!"_

_A jet of green light, but something blocked its way…the statue…_

_Dumbledore! _

Somebody was talking to Harry from a long distance, but who was it? It sounded familiar, but Harry couldn't recognize the voice.

_Dumbledore and Voldemort dueling ... Voldemort disappeared ... Dumbledore looked scared ... why?_

_THE PAIN! Pain cursed throughout his body… so badly he knew he was dying …he was blind …he couldn't escape! He couldn't fight it …his body screaming for release ... PAIN! _

Harry screamed.

Suddenly he felt himself floating to the surface up from the darkness. The pain subsided slowly.

He woke up, panting; his breath came in sharp rasps. He could breath again, he could actually breath! He still couldn't see though… Harry suddenly realized that he wasn't wearing his glasses and put them on with shaking hands. Slowly the world came into focus, and he saw with a start a very scared-looking Hermione leaning over him.

"Harry?" She asked and straightened up. However, Harry heard something in the hall… Vernon probably… _Vernon!_

"Damn!" Harry swore and jumped out from his bed, only just managing to put the chair in front of the door before Vernon took his big hand on the handle a second later.

The world started to dance before Harry's eyes, and he noticed he was dizzy, very dizzy. Blackness was threatening to wash over him again as it pressed over his eyes painfully…

He felt himself falling just as Hermione leapt over to him and grabbed him around his shoulders. The blackness disappeared slowly and was replaced with a sick feeling in his stomach. He shouldn't have fallen asleep… Hermione shouldn't have to see that, now she's going to be _so _worried…

"Thanks 'Mione, I'm okay now," whispered Harry as he tried to sit down on his bed, but Hermione wouldn't loosen her grip on him. Vernon was still banging on the door, demanding Harry to be quiet.

Hermione slowly turned Harry around so they were face to face. Her hands were still around his shoulder firmly like she was hugging him.

"No, you're not okay, you're not!" She said quietly, loosening her grip a little. Harry opened his mouth to protest, to say that he was okay, but he couldn't find his voice so he closed it again.

They were very close. He could see every inch of her face, every lash, every colour in her eyes. They weren't just brown, they were also black, green and a little blue, he realized.

She licked her lip, and he suddenly wondered how it would be like to kiss her ... but that would be wrong, he didn't like her that way – the way that Ron did. His stomach did an involuntarily loop of guilt. He backed away, and she let him go. His breath was still rasping.

The clock displayed 5:24 am.

Harry sat down on the bed. Hermione hesitated for a second, but did the same thing.

"What did you dream?" asked Hermione after a while. "Was it another vision from V-Voldemort?"

"No, just a memory from the night in Ministry of Magic," Harry shrugged.

Hermione gaped, and suddenly she looked very scared, much more scared than she had looked when Harry woke up. Harry cocked his head at her.

"But- but Harry! You were – I heard – I heard you say _Crucio!"_

"Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you about that…" Harry groaned and put his head in his hands. "I tried to use it on Bellatrix, after she –you know –did that thing to Sirius… It didn't work though…"

That didn't seem to cheer up Hermione at all.

"You used an _UNFORGIVABLE?"_ she cried.

"Yes! I just told you, remember?" said Harry mockingly. He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Oh, Harry! You can be thrown into Azkaban!"

"You're not going to tell on me, are you?" asked Harry, a little frightened. She had told on him before.

"Of course not, how can you even think that?" Hermione said, her tone a little hurt.

Harry shrugged. "I don't. It's not exactly something I'm proud of, I just didn't know what to do."

"What did they want anyway? Some kind of Prophecy?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah," said Harry slowly. He didn't want that conversation to go any further either.

"What did it say? I heard it broke or something?" asked Hermione again.

"I can't talk about it 'Mione," said Harry with a sigh.

"Why not?"

"Voldemort tried to get his hands on that Prophecy for over a year," said Harry without looking at her. "If he suspects that you know it he wouldn't stop before he got you, not now. They will hunt you down, and when they've done that they'll kill you and your family. You know I can't let that happen."

Hermione stared at him, her mouth forming an 'o'.

"I'm going to take a shower," said Harry quietly and he left the room. Hermione seemed to be lost in thought and didn't say anything.

-

A shower was just what he needed. As the water hit him softly, he felt the pain from his dream ease its grip on him.

When he was done he realized that he had forgotten his shirt in his room. Fairly embarrassed, he knocked on his door and asked Hermione if it was okay for him to get it.

Hermione let him in with a smile, and Harry went to his wardrobe to get his shirt. Suddenly he heard Hermione gasp in shock, and he spun around quickly, instantly prepared to defend her for whatever danger that was threatening. Instead he saw Hermione looking at him with wide eyes.

"_Where in the world did you get all those bruises?"_ she exclaimed. Harry felt his face redden in anger and humiliation. He didn't need her to feel sorry for him.

"I'm _fine," _he snapped. "I just fell down the stairs, that's all."

Hermione didn't seem to believe him.

"Just like that?" she asked, not able to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

"Er… Dudley pushed me down actually, but that doesn't matter – it was my fault! Really – I wasn't paying attention!" Harry cut her off.

"I can't believe he'd do such a thing!" cried Hermione angrily.

"You can't? Anyway, he hasn't been so bad than the past years," said Harry in an attempt to calm her down. "It was much worse before I found out that I was a wizard."

Harry's attempt to calm her down didn't help. On the other hand, she seemed much more terrified that Dudley could be_ worse._ Her eyes glittered dangerously.

Harry sighed and found the shirt he originally was looking for and put it on. When he turned around he found Hermione standing very close to him.

"I have an idea," said Hermione, a wicked smile spreading on her face. "What do you say to go out to a muggle – restaurant tonight?" Then she added: "I think it would do us good to get out of here for a while, don't you think?"

Harry couldn't help but agree. However, the words 'go out' rang in his mind for a long time.

-

-

The day went somewhat faster compared to what they were used to since Harry had come home from Hogwarts. Later that afternoon, Hedwig and two more owls came back with Harry's birthday presents. Harry couldn't help but to be surprised, he had completely forgotten that it was his birthday. _One more year and he could finally use magic outside of school!_

His gift from Ron was a miniature figure of…Harry himself actually. Harry stared fascinated at the figure in several minutes before he opened the other gifts Hedwig had brought with her.

From the Weasleys he'd gotten a lot of cookies. From Lupin, he gotten a book named '_Advanced Spells and Curses.' _He had gotten some kind of amulet and a birthday cake from Hagrid, to both Harry's and Hermione's bemusement. Harry had actually gotten a gift from Tonks too, which was also a book: '_What You Need to Know to Become an Auror.'_'

Hermione was very interested in the books, but it was an hour before they were supposed to go out (as friends, they both agreed to) so she had to go to the bathroom to get ready. Harry used the opportunity to get a peak inside the book from Tonks.

-

Hermione was done after forty minutes. Harry still couldn't see why girls had the patience to use such a long time in a _bathroom_, but she looked amazing.

She wore a black skirt, which fell down to her knees, and a red top with a V-form under her neck. Her hair was in a fluffy ponytail with a few hair locks in the front, which, Harry noticed, framed her face. Her face looked different too, in a good way, but Harry couldn't put his finger on it. He wondered briefly if she had put on some make-up.

Harry, who had never seen her dress anything like that just to go out and eat, gaped at her.

"What do you think?" asked Hermione, and spun around, making her hair flow around her neck.

"You look…" Harry started hesitantly, not really knowing what to say. He paused another moment before simply saying, "Beautiful."

-

-

They took the famous Knight Bus to where they were going. The bus was quite full, and Harry noticed that many people looked over at them curiously. Harry wasn't sure if they were staring at Hermione or himself.

-

It didn't even take ten minutes before they were standing in front of their restaurant.

A _'Partner At Hand'_ sign was glowing with brilliant yellow neon light. Hermione and Harry stared, fascinated at it as it changed colour from yellow to red, and from red to blue.

Hermione took Harry's hand and guided him into the first restaurant he had ever been in.

"SURPRISE!"

Harry stopped dumbstruck in his footsteps. Inside he saw Molly and Arthur Weasley, with Ron, Ginny, Fred and George grinning up at him. Beside them Harry also saw Tonks, Lupin, Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Moody. Over their heads Harry saw a large banner, with the words 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!" written with big letters.

Hermione gave a small squeeze of Harry's hand before she let go, leaving Harry to stand in front of the door alone and gaping.

"Hi Mate!" said Ron, still grinning, as he walked over to Harry.

"Uh," said Harry, his brain not working. He had never, ever had birthday party before.

"Good to see that you haven't gotten any smarter over the summer," said George, grinning.

"Yeah," said Fred. "We were afraid you would turn out like Percy, mate!"

"Uh-uh," said Harry and, finally finding his brain and talk abilities again, added thoughtfully: "Percy? I don't think so."

Fred, George and Ron laughed.

"Hi Harry!" said Ginny, grinning up at him. Ginny had also changed over the summer, Harry realized. She had cut her hair, and she also used some make-up, making her lashes look longer and darker and her lips redder.

"You look good," said Harry politely, remembering the mistake he had done to Hermione.

"Thanks!" said Ginny and blushed slightly.

"So," said Ron, as he gave Harry a small punch in his back, making Harry flinch. "How has your summer been? We were planning a new rescue mission if we didn't hear from you soon!"

"Oh," Harry said. "The Dursleys are okay. I'm all right. It's been a bit better since Hermione has been there, though-" Harry stopped abruptly then, not because Ron had said anything, but by the way he _looked._ Ron's grin had faded away from his face, and he was red with fury.

"Hermione is staying with _you?_" asked Ron incredulously. Harry stared at his best male friend. _Hadn't Hermione said anything? _

"Yeah," said Harry slowly. "But only for a day or two. You're not my _only_ best friend, you know! She has all the right to stay there if she wants to!"

Out in the corner of his eye Harry saw Fred, George and Ginny backing away slowly.

Ron opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Mrs. Weasley who called Harry over. Harry, thankful for the excuse, walked over to her.

"Harry dear, how are you?" asked Molly as she pulled Harry in to a tight hug.

"I'm fine, thank you, Mrs. Weasley." Harry said and pulled out from the hug.

"WOTCHER, Harry!" said Tonks and leapt behind him, her arms waving in all directions. Harry jumped in fright.

"_Constant Vigilance!"_ Harry heard Moody growl from somewhere in the room.

"Tonks!" exclaimed Harry. "What did you do that for?"

Tonks only grinned. "How'd you like the gift?"

"Oh!" said Harry. "It was great, thank you! But you really didn't have to-"

"Oh, it's no problem! I'm happy to!" Tonks waved him off.

"Hello Harry," said a deep voice behind him, and Harry turned around.

"Headmaster," said Harry nodded politely, still feeling resentful against the old Headmaster.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay," answered Harry quietly, remembering all too clearly what had happened the last time he had seen Dumbledore. Dumbledore nodded and walked over to Lupin_. Probably to ask the same thing, _thought Harry and frowned.

-

After a while of talking and greetings, everyone gathered around a big table. Two waiters came over to them with a large plate of fruit, bread and drinks. Hermione sat down carefully next to Harry, and Ron sat beside her and Molly. Arthur sat down on the other side of Harry, and Ginny sat on the other side, looking a bit disappointed. Harry noticed that Hermione avoided eye contact with him as well as with Ron. _So she hadn't told him then._

After they had ordered and eaten the delicious food, the lights turned down and music started to play in the background.

"Do you wanna dance, Harry?" asked Hermione, receiving ugly looks from Ron and Ginny. Harry hesitated for a moment.

"Sure," he said at last. "But I'm warning you, I'm a _terrible_ dancer!"

Hermione smiled, and Harry couldn't help but notice how beautiful her smile was.

"That's okay, Harry, I'll guide you," she said as she reached out a hand and helped Harry out from the chair. Harry felt a weird, tickling sensation in his hand as he held onto her hand. He frowned slightly, he couldn't understand why he had that weird feeling in his hand… maybe someone had put something in his drink?

Out on the dance floor Harry felt pretty uncomfortable, but Hermione acted like she had done it a thousand of times and pulled Harry's hands on her waist and her own on his shoulders and slowly started moving her legs in time with the music. Harry struggled to follow, but after a while he actually managed to get the hang on it without stepping on her toes.

It didn't take long before Tonks, Shacklebolt, Molly, Ron and Ginny all joined the dance floor.

Hermione sighed and rested her head on Harry's shoulder. He closed his eyes and smelled in the scent of her, her hair tickling his nose slightly. Feeling Hermione's body against him made him feel strange. Not like the feeling he had whenever Cho had been near him, but something else he couldn't put his finger on. The more they danced the more he felt he could relax.

He listened to the words of the song that played in the background a bit.

_If I see you next to never_

_How can we say forever?_

_Wherever you go_

_Whatever you do_

_I will be right here waiting for you_

_So this was how it was like to have a normal life,_ Harry thought sadly as he pulled Hermione a little closer at the thought of losing her. This was how his life could've been if he hadn't been Harry Potter, The-Doomed-Boy-Who-Lived. He could have had a life without the fear of losing the people he cared about, but he couldn't simply because he was the Boy-Who-Lived. Harry couldn't stand to lose any of his friends; he would die for them without a second thought.

_I took for granted, all the times_

_That I thought would last somehow_

_I hear the laughter, I taste the tears_

_But I can't get near you now_

And he would die, probably. He had no chance to win against Voldemort; Voldemort was too strong, too powerful, and too dangerous. The times he had met Voldemort he hadn't actually fought much against him, he had only escaped or gotten help in the right moment. He would be dead now if it hadn't been for Dumbledore.

_Whatever it takes_

_Or how my heart breaks_

_I will be right here waiting for you_

_I wonder how we can survive_

_This romance_

_But in the end if I'm with you_

_I'll take the chance_

It was ironic how _well_ that song fitted to his life.

-

Harry wanted the moment to last forever, but after two more songs Ron came over and asked Hermione to dance. She hesitated, but Harry gave her a nod she accepted, leaving Harry alone on the dance floor.

He didn't need to stand there alone for long, however, because Ginny came over and asked if he wanted to dance with her. Harry, a little embarrassed and not really wanting to, accepted. Ginny beamed up at him and they started to dance.

Dancing with Ginny was much different compared to dancing with Hermione. For one thing, Hermione was taller and Ginny was tiny, with very small hands. Her scent reminded Harry faintly of strawberries.

After a while Ginny did the same thing as Hermione had and rested her head on Harry's chest. When Harry looked up he saw Tonks, still dancing with Lupin, grinning teasingly up at him and gave him a thumbs-up. Harry glared at her angrily and felt himself going red. Luckily it was rather dark, so nobody noticed.

After one more song Harry began to hear the unmistakable sounds of Hermione and Ron arguing. Harry broke off the dance, as all the other pairs had already done.

Hermione and Ron shouted something to each other, both equally red in their faces. Suddenly Hermione turned around and ran towards the exit, her eyes full of tears. Harry sighed.

"I better go after her Gin, I'm sorry."

"That's okay. Thank you for the dance," said Ginny. She gave him a small hug before he followed Hermione towards the exit.


	4. Night Actions

Special thanks to Anna Rose and Rolephant.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**- .**

Chapter 4: **NIGHT ACTIONS**

Harry found Hermione sitting on a fence, the '_Partner At Hand'_ sign reflecting her angry face. Harry suppressed a new sigh and sat down beside her.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," said Hermione unconvincingly. "Ron's just being a prat about me staying with you and all."

Harry carefully laid an arm around her shoulder, and she turned around to face him, her eyes glittered with angry tears.

"It's not like I'm his _girlfriend,_ you know. And even if I was, he still wouldn't have the right to keep me away from you! That's not fair!"

Harry noticed that he, too, was getting angry at Ron.

"He has no right to treat you like his property, Hermione," he said heavily, closing his eyes slightly in agitation. Hermione nodded, and a silent tear ran down her skin. Harry took it away with a touch of his hand without thinking, and Hermione involuntarily shuddered.

"I hate this!" she said a bit more softly, with her eyes tightly shut.

"Yeah," said Harry. "I hate it too. Life's too short for stupid, unimportant things like that."

Hermione opened her eyes at this, and Harry could see realization lighting her eyes like a fire, just like it did when someone asked a rather difficult question that she knew the answer to. She leant forward to give him a hug, and Harry hugged her back, holding on just as tight as she was, enjoying how warm she could make him feel. After a while Hermione let go a little so they were face to face, only some inches apart. Unexpectedly, Harry's stomach did a huge lurch, and his heartbeat raced up drastically. He couldn't move even if he wanted to, all he could do was study her; she was so cute, her skin was so soft, her eyes so deep...

The sign made her face turn red, blue, green...

Then, before Harry could collect himself, the space between them was gone. With a start Harry realized they were kissing each other, their lips pressing against each other softly. _This is insane, this is insane,_ his mind told him, but it also told him: _this is so right, so right... _Harry was utterly confused, but he didn't let go or back away. His brain seemed to have gone on a vacation or something, and it didn't help him at all.

It was very different from kissing Cho. First of all, it wasn't nearly as wet. Second of all, it didn't feel the same. Harry couldn't tell _why_ it felt different, it just did. Harry didn't know, nor did he care right now.

Hermione opened her mouth a little and Harry pulled deeper down into the kiss, lost in the sensation, their tongues touching slightly, exploring.

Suddenly Harry heard something that sounded very much like a stick being broken, and his brain abruptly returned to him. He broke off the kiss, and in the next moment he knew something was blinding him.

_Snap! Snap! Snap!_

"What's- oh!" said Hermione, holding a hand in front of her eyes, and she gasped.

In front of them there were at least ten reporters, holding their cameras and taking pictures as fast as they could.

"Oh no..." muttered Harry; this was the last thing they needed right now. He stood up, blocking Hermione from the reporters view.

"Harry! Hermione! You're missing the-" Tonks yelled from the entrance and halted. "What's going on?" Her eyes widened when she saw the reporters, but reacted fast. "_LUMOS_!" Brilliant light erupted from her wand, blinding the reporters so they couldn't take pictures. But something wasn't right... _why did they scream?_

Harry turned his eyes from Tonks to look behind them, and he froze with terror.

The whole area was lit with curses. Red and green curses were flying over their heads from every direction; some people ran, some Disapparated, and someone dropped to the ground -probably dead. Harry felt his insides turn to ice. This could only mean one thing – Death Eaters.

There was no way Tonks could have caused something like this.

Harry didn't even blink before he jumped in front of Hermione and pushed her to the ground, only a second before a green killing curse hit the fence they just had been sitting on.

"_STUPEFY_!" shouted Harry and threw the curse from where he imagined the green light had came from, but it was too dark for him to see if he had succeeded or not, nor did he try to look. Hermione had scrambled to her knees at this point and was frantically searching for her wand, but Harry grabbed her hand, pulled hard, and together they ran as fast as they could towards the entrance of '_Partner At Hand'._

"GET HELP! WARN THE OTHERS!" Tonks shouted at them as soon as they reached her, while she dodged a new spell. Hermione did as she said and continued in, but Harry stopped - his hand leaving Hermione's - and shouted back:

"I'M NOT LEAVING YOU! I'M FIGHTING!" _How could he ever forgive himself if something happened to Tonks just because he tried to save his own butt when the Death Eaters might not even be able kill him? Unless Voldemort was among them somewhere... Either must die at the hand of the other..._

Harry started throwing spells at random. He guessed that there weren't many innocents left. Kingsley, Moody, Lupin and Mr. Weasley came quickly to help them, hiding behind the doors and throwing spells like Harry.

"_Get IN, Harry!"_ hissed Moody as he threw a new curse.

"NO!" shouted Harry. _Why couldn't they just accept the fact that he wanted to help? _Moody scowled; there was no time to argue.

"FINE THEN! USE THE MEMORY CHARM! MEMORY CHARM, HARRY! IT'S-"

"_OBLIVIATE_!" shouted Harry, remembering the spell Lockhart had tried to use on him and Ron during his second year.

"-_that one,_" ended Moody, and his eyes widened in relief. "Dumbledore!"

Harry spun around and faced Dumbledore, who looked just as powerful as he had in Ministry of Magic. _They were saved!_

But then, at the same moment, three jets of killing curses were thrown at them.

There was no time to think; everyone cast himself or herself on the floor, but one of them wasn't quick enough.

Two of the killing curses hit Kingsley, who had been standing behind Moody at the time, in the chest. Kingsley hadn't seen the killing curses in time.

"NO!" roared Harry, but it was too late. Kingsley Shacklebolt's dead body hit the floor with a soft thump

_No... Not another one!_ Harry thought desperately, and he turned his head so he couldn't see Kingsley's surprised dead eyes staring blankly at him. Death seemed to be following him everywhere...

Dumbledore didn't cast a second glance at Kingsley or anyone else. He flicked his wand in a very complex way, and something large and blue covered them all like a shield. The shield grew larger and faster until it reached the fence - it was like time and sounds were kept outside - then, suddenly, the whole thing exploded inside-out with a loud _bang._

The Death Eaters disappeared with several _pops_, leaving nothing but a few Stunned, dead or injured bodies behind.

Harry got to his feet, panting, carefully avoiding the crawled body on the floor. His body was shaking uncontrollably, his head was buzzing.

"Harry?" said Dumbledore, looking gently down at him. "Are you all right?"

"Huh? Oh, yes Headmaster, I'm doing fine, I- I think I- I think I'll- just go inside or something... Yes, I could do that..." stuttered Harry, not really aware of what he was saying.

"Yes, do that. I will see you soon," said Dumbledore quietly, his eyes missing the usual spark, as he turned to talk to Tonks, who was sobbing hysterically.

"He was my trainer! He helped me – I wouldn't have been an Auror if it hadn't been for him, oh Dumbledore, why did he have to die? He was like a father to me! WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE?"

Harry turned away from the scene and walked inside, not really noticing where he was going.

He almost walked straight into Hermione, Ron and Ginny.

"Harry!" cried Hermione as she threw herself around Harry's neck and squeezed him so tight that he couldn't breath.

"He's _dead! Kingsley's dead!"_ mumbled Harry, not really eager to talk about it, but he knew he couldn't hide something like that from them anyway.

"What?" gasped Ginny, her hand covering her mouth in shock. Ron just stared dumbly, and Hermione started to sob on Harry's shoulder.

"Oh Harry! I'm so sorry," said Hermione between her sobs. "I shouldn't ha – have gone in, I thought you w-were just behind me, honestly, if I knew I would _of course_-"

"Then you too could've been killed, and I wouldn't be able to handle that," interrupted Harry, and he continued: "Not if any of you..."

"I don't know what I would've done without you, Harry!" Hermione wept.

"No, mate, if you died-" started Ron, but stopped abruptly. Harry had torn himself from Hermione, and a look mixed of anger, sadness, and something else flickered behind Harry's emerald eyes, making his eyes to seem much darker than usual.

"Then _what_?" said Harry bitterly. "When I die-"

"_If,"_ corrected Hermione, and she tried to brush off her tears with her hand.

"No, _when_ I die," said Harry and gave Hermione a warned look. "You have to continue without me. You must take care of each other, and not, _ever,_ give up! _Do you understand? You – can't – give – up!_ Use the life you have left and-_"_ Harry suddenly realized he had said way too much, and he had also, if that wasn't enough, yelled the last bit. He felt his face turn red, and it started to sting behind his eyes.

"I've got to go..." Harry choked out, walking as quickly as he dared from the stunned faces, who were staring at him with opened mouths and big eyes.

-

Harry didn't know where to go exactly, but he escaped into the men's room and locked himself in. At least here nobody could come and ask him questions. At least there he could be alone and collect himself...

Harry sat down on the toilet seat and rubbed his forehead between his hands. His scar was throbbing painfully, and Harry could tell that Voldemort was both pleased and disappointed. Harry wasn't surprised. After all, Voldemort had one less Auror to worry about, but he still hadn't managed to get his hands on Harry.

"Oh, just _stop_ it already!" cried Harry to no one in particular.

He tried very hard not to think about what had just happened, but his mind was constantly turning towards Kingsley's dead body and everybody else Harry had seen die. Harry could have prevented them all... Why did he have to let Wormtail go that night two years ago? If he hadn't, if he hadn't been such a _coward, _Wormtail would _never_ have had the chance to rejoin his master, and then Voldemort probably wouldn't have returned for a long, long time. That time could have been what Harry needed to learn more magic, and he would have had a much, much better chance against Voldemort...

Harry groaned angrily. He could practically feel an angry, red ball growing inside his stomach. Yes, he should and he could have managed to save them, but he had failed. He had failed in so many things that he couldn't even count them anymore, and he had yet the largest failure to do. The Magical world was doomed! So doomed! Harry would die, no matter what he did, no matter how much he learned. Why should he even try? Why should he torture himself with that? He was only sixteen for Merlin's sake, not even a legal adult! He was only a teenager.

Yes, Voldemort had screwed things up when Harry was a baby, but Voldemort was hardly one who made the same mistake twice.

Harry looked down at his wand; it was still warm from the battle. Could he even cast the Killing spell? Could he... cast it on himself?

Harry waited for the feeling of dread that a thought like that should bring, but no such feeling came to him - instead he felt strangely calm. _Why was that? It couldn't be right._

Suddenly Harry heard Dumbledore's voice down the hall. "Where is Harry? I need to talk to him right away!"

Harry gaped at Dumbledore's urgent voice. He had never heard Dumbledore talk like that before, not even to Voldemort. Had somebody else died? Alarmed, Harry opened the door and went out in the hall.

"I'm here," said Harry, and Dumbledore immediately looked relieved.

"What's going on?" asked Harry, more worried than ever.

"Harry," said Dumbledore and grabbed Harry's shoulder. Harry swallowed hard and tried to ignore the feeling of hatred that no doubt came from Voldemort. "I know this is hard," Dumbledore continued, and it took a minute before Harry realized that Dumbledore was talking about Kingsley and not the strange hatred Harry felt, "And that it is hard to be patient and not to blame yourself, but you have to promise me, that you will never, _ever,_ try to do something on your own. Not without telling anybody where you are going, or what you are going to do," Dumbledore paused a moment and looked intently at Harry, "And you must promise me; that you will stop blaming yourself for things that happens that you have no control over. It is _not_ your fault that Cedric, Sirius, and Kingsley for that matter, died – yes," Dumbledore said when Harry opened his mouth to protest, "-it could have been prevented, however, in war people are bound to die. You did not want them to die – you would not have let them either if you could – so _stop blaming yourself!_ If you want to blame someone, then blame Voldemort, or even myself," Dumbledore paused for a moment again and a sad expression appeared in his eyes, "Believe it or not, I know what you are going through, I have gone through the same things myself."

"What happened?" asked Harry without thinking, his curiosity acting first. He had never heard Dumbledore talk like that.

"Just do what I told you, Harry. Life is too short to use it to drown yourself in guilt."

Harry frowned. Of course he knew that life is short! He had even used the same words himself an hour earlier, before he and Hermione ... _oh God..._

Dumbledore looked at Harry over his half-moon-glasses, nodded, and left Harry very confused.

-

-

_What a birthday_, Harry thought to himself with a sigh, as he laid himself to sleep on his bed, back in number four Privet Drive. He had expected to fall asleep right away since it had happened so much, and he was so tired, but for one or another reason the adrenaline was still flowing through Harry's body, making his heart beat much faster than normal sleeping modus.

Harry had been to his first birthday-party ever, he and Hermione had kissed – oh, how was he ever going to face her again now? – the reporters, the fight, Kingsley dying, Dumbledore's advice... taking a portkey home, scaring the Dursleys' out of their own skin... Harry chuckled slightly at the memory, but the chuckle died in his throat almost instantly.

He turned around in his bed, and looked at the empty bed beside him, where Hermione had slept. It felt empty without her... However, having her there with him now would be awkward.

Hermione hadn't come back with him because she felt she should spend a little more time with her parents while she could. Harry didn't blame her, but he doubted that was the only reason.

Harry knew he ought to say sorry for what had happened, and he didn't know how Hermione would react to that... What if he hurt her feelings? And what about Ron? Merlin, Ron was the one who liked Hermione, not Harry! Right?

Everybody had been grieving the rest of the evening. Harry couldn't get Tonks hysterically sobbing out of his head... she had said that Kingsley had been like a father to her... now, he too, was gone.

Harry turned over again, and he finally felt sleep start to reach him. However, Harry didn't want to wake up to nightmares again, he was sick of them.

Desperately, he tried to empty his mind, to only imagine a black wall ... Hedwig hooted softly in the distance...

-

-

Harry woke up after a (nearly) dreamless night when an owl from the_ Daily Prophet_ soared through his window. Harry put on his glasses, paid the owl, and gasped:

He and Hermione were on the front page: he was laying on top of Hermione and throwing the Stunning curse somewhere in the dark.

_THE-BOY-WHO-LIVED IN A FIGHT WITH DEATH EATERS TO PROTECT HIS GIRLFRIEND, page 2-4,_

The front letters and the pictures took almost all of the space, but in a corner of the paper, almost not visible, Harry saw what he was looking for:

_ONE AUROR KILLED, page 7,_

Harry quickly turned to the right page.

_KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT KILLED_

_Last night, The-Boy-Who-Lived, Dumbledore and several other people were attacked by at least six Death Eaters. Some of our reporters were already there, because of a tip from someone who had seen Harry Potter and his girlfriend, Hermione Granger, on the Knight Bus earlier that night. However, most of our reporters were surprised by the attack and fled, except one who remained hidden and saw what happened. 'They fought well, but Kingsley Shacklebolt was unlucky,' Adam Sanders says to the _Daily Prophet

_Kingsley Shacklebolt, a faithful and highly respected Auror of the Ministry Of Magic for the last forty years, died when two killing curses hit him. 'The next second Dumbledore did something amazing with his wand and created some kind of shield that exploded, and four of the six Death Eaters escaped. The reminding two has been taken care of,' explains Arthur Weasley, one of the ones who fought against the Death Eaters, also employed in the Ministry of Magic. _

_Nymphadora Tonks, Remus John Lupin, and Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody were also fighting against You-Know-Who's supporters, all of them are still alive and are without any serious injures. _

Harry sighed heavily, and turned to page two, where two large pictures, one of him and Hermione sitting very close while holding hands, and the other picture was the same as the one that was on the front page. Harry looked at it for about two seconds before he threw the newspaper away. He didn't want to read it. Things were getting too much complicated.

-

Harry used the next two hours reading, but after a while he started to wonder why he hadn't gotten an owl or something since he had used magic last night. Did that mean he was allowed to use it, or was it only because it had been in mortal peril? He didn't know, but he wasn't eager to press his luck any more than he already had done, no matter how much he longed to try some of the spells in the books.

After a while of just laying in his bed, without doing anything particular but to think about the present, past and future situation, he got dressed and went downstairs. The Dursleys sat around the breakfast-table; Vernon reading the newspaper, Dudley trying to put as much as he could into his mouth at once, and Petunia sipping her coffee. Not one of them bothered to look up when Harry entered the room, and Harry ignored them and sat down by the table, quickly grabbing some food.

Harry ate the food as fast as he could. He was eager to get away. He almost gave Dudley a run for his money.

Harry looked carefully up at Vernon. He had expected Vernon to give him a piece of his mind somehow, after what had happened yesterday when Harry had entered the living room, 'out of thin air,' but none of the Dursleys said a thing. Grateful, Harry cleared his plate and went down to the basement, where he started to punch the punching bag with more force than ever.

-

-

After two hours Harry heard with a start, someone – sounding very much like Petunia – cry out from upstairs. Harry quickly took off the punching gloves and went upstairs, where he met some very frightened looking Dursleys' and a very friendly-looking Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed and closed the basement door, receiving another nasty look from Vernon and one from Dudley.

"We have some important matters to discuss," Dumbledore announced, making it deadly quiet in the room.


	5. The Gift from Sirius

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Special thanks to Anna Rose and Kez.

-

Chapter 5:** THE GIFT FROM SIRIUS**

"Something wrong?" asked Harry, suddenly preparing himself for the worst. _Had there been another attack? Had somebody else died? What was going on? _He shot a quick glance at the Dursleys and saw them looking between him and Dumbledore nervously.

"Let me explain first, Harry," said Dumbledore, as he went into the living room and conjured a chair, completely out of thin air. Harry ignored Petunia's and Dudley's yelps and sat down on the couch.

"What I have come to discuss," said Dumbledore, peering at Harry over his spectacles. "Is Sirius' will."

The effect on Harry was immediate; as soon as he heard Dumbledore's words his insides turned to ice and he started to shiver. He didn't want to think about Sirius! Why couldn't everybody just leave him alone and let him deal with it himself? He didn't want anything from him! He was the reason Sirius had died!

"Sirius has left you quite a lot, Harry," continued Dumbledore. "Half of his money in the vault is yours and has already been transferred to your own vault. Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger got two thousand Galleons each, and Remus received the rest of the money. However, there is more-" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he said this "-he has also left the house in Grimmauld Place to you andsomething that you can find outside."

Harry looked up at this, unable to stop himself from getting curious. What else could it possibly be?

"However, before you go and see it, there is something else you ought to know."

Harry suppressed a snort.

Dumbledore let out a small sigh as though he knew exactly what Harry was thinking (something that wasn't unlikely) and suddenly he sounded much more serious.

"Harry, this is not common knowledge yet, very few knows about this. Last night, just after Kingsley died, Fudge was sacked. He has been replaced by Mrs. Bones. Now, it is not certain Mrs. Bones will keep the job – that depends on The Selection in the end of September – for now she is only a substitute.

"However, as soon as I heard about it, she and I had a talk. In the end we both agreed to make an exception of the rules, and allow you to practice magic during the rest of the holidays as an adult. You need to be able to take care and defend yourself at these times."

Harry had to keep himself from leaping up from the couch and giving the old wizard a huge hug. He couldn't believe what he was hearing! His head immediately started to spin with all the things he could do, but Dumbledore wasn't finished.

"You must remember, however, that this brings great responsibility. You will be considered as a legal adult and you must not misuse this in any way. The consequences will be great."

"Does that mean that I'm allowed to join the Order?" Harry asked eagerly, sitting at the edge of the couch.

"Alas – no," Dumbledore said with a small smile. "You cannot. You have enough to deal with at the moment."

Harry nodded, only slightly disappointed. He shot a quick glance at the Dursleys, who now stood in a corner, holding on to each other, rigid with fear. Harry smiled. _Oh yeah, this will be fun..._

However, Harry suddenly thought of something else. "Sir? Is there anyway possible that I can get training lessons? I've been reading about some spells I'd like to try out, but I need someone to train me."

Dumbledore thought for a moment. "I'm sure that can be arranged. I can train you personally about three days a week."

Harry's stomach turned over in excitement. "Great! When can we start?"

Dumbledore chuckled at Harry's eagerness. "I have some time tomorrow. But I suggest that we do this in Grimmauld Place."

"Alright..." said Harry slowly. He didn't really want to go back to that place, but if that was the only way he could get some training done he didn't have much choice.

"You will have plenty of time to study there," said Dumbledore, again reading Harry's mind. "The house is empty with the exception of Mr. Lupin and the Grangers, since it is not safe for them to live in their homes at the moment."

Harry nodded and felt his stomach do another turn at the thought of seeing Hermione after what happened last night. He had crossed the line. What would he ever do if she abandoned him?

"How are we getting there?" Harry asked, remembering the cold flight last year and not exactly eager to do another one. Especially not without his broom, Harry reminded himself sadly.

"I will use Fawkes," Dumbledore replied. "However, I dare say you would rather use the last gift Sirius can give you. It is waiting for you right outside."

Harry nodded weakly.

"When do you prefer to leave?"

"Oh," said Harry, his mind elsewhere. He cleared his throat. "I guess I can leave in an hour or two. I just ... need to pack first."

"Very well, be careful about how you use the gift," said Dumbledore softly, and he disappeared with a quiet _pop._

Harry stayed in his seat for a while, thinking the whole situation over. So much had happened at once.

The Dursleys, who had been strangely quiet the whole time, still stared at the spot where Dumbledore had been, not daring to move at all.

Harry quietly went up to his room to get his wand. He was feeling exceedingly excited because now he had the oppertunity to do what he had dreamed about for so long. He was legal. He was independent.

The first thing he would do was to check out the gift from Sirius, he decided, but he halted when he came to the front door. Something was holding him back. _The last thing... _

Closing his eyes and ignoring the lump that had formed in his throat, Harry opened the door and stepped outside.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, and gasped.

There, standing right in front of him, was the coolest motorcycle he had ever seen!

It was large, and it had a beautiful black colour that reflected the light. It had a powerful engine and a wide, long black seat that were both probably made of skin and looked deadly comfortable. Harry didn't know a lot about motorcycles, but it was obvious that this was not something everybody could afford. It did, however, feel like he had seen the bike before. Strange.

With eyes wide of wonder, Harry moved his look to the front of the bike, where a note hung from one of its handles. Harry removed the note from the bike and read it with shaking hands. It was from Lupin:

'

_Harry,_

_Sirius would have wanted you to have this. I hope you will enjoy it as much as he did, and take good care of it._

_Take care,_

_Remus._

'

Harry dried his chin with the back of his hand. _I hope you will enjoy it as much as he did..._ he could practically hear Lupin saying it to him and he could imagine Sirius; face written with joy and pride, as he rode the bike so fast that he would be gone with the blink of an eye, his rough mane of hair struggling against the wind. Gone...

Harry looked over at the bike again, longing to ride it.

But before that, he had other things to do.

-

-

The packing didn't take a great deal of time; Harry hadn't unpacked much of his school stuff, so all he really needed to do was to pack his clothes and books down in his trunk. Harry enjoyed very much the fact that he could use a Levitation charm on the suitcase, instead of carrying it down the stairs. Petunia, who did the mistake on passing the stairs with a plate of fruit in the exact moment as Harry made his way down the stairs with the suitcase levitating in front of him, dropped the plate of fruit with a shriek. The fruit fell to the floor and rolled in every direction, while the plate broke.

Petunia was furious: "YOU'LL CLEAN THAT UP BOY!" she yelled, pointing her bony finger at Harry, her hand shaking.

Harry grinned and lowered the suitcase to the floor. He cancelled the spell and used a simple 'reparo' charm at the plate. Instantly the plate was whole and just as nice as before.

Petunia gaped like a goldfish, unable to utter a word, and her eyes was so huge that Harry feared they might pop out of her head and land on him.

He suppressed a chuckle; it was (almost) too bad he couldn't get the chance to stay here, when he actually could do magic and get the revenge he always wanted.

-

Harry didn't have to leave right away, so he had plenty of time to show the Dursleys just _how_ grateful he was that they had taken "care" of him. For the next forty five minutes Harry used magic in every way possible, from getting the mail to chasing Dudley around the living room with books. When Dudley tried to run out the front door, Harry used the locking charm Hermione had taught him and lit his wand with a soft '_lumos_'. That was enough for Dudley to faint with fright.

Harry had already frozen his Uncle and Aunt, so they couldn't help their son anymore than Dudley could help himself.

He even levitated himself, but that didn't work too well. His feet would go this way and that, as if he was standing on slippery ice that didn't supported him.

Even so, Harry could perfectly understand why Fred and George had enjoyed using magic so much. He had waited so long for this, and it felt _amazing_! Why had he ever thought of using the Unforgivables?

-

-

After an hour, the fun had began to go away. The Dursleys would either faint or hide from him, so they weren't any fun. It was sad to admit it, but he wanted a challenge now. Shaking his head of himself, Harry reduced the size on his suitcase and put it in his pocket. Checking once more that he had gotten everything (he had collected a rather lot from his years at Hogwarts) he went outside, yet again marveling at the sight of the very cool bike. There was only one problem though:

Dumbledore had forgot to give him a key.

Great. Now _how_ was he supposed to drive that thing?

Sighing, Harry touched the bike gently. It shivered under his touch, as if inviting him to come closer.

Suddenly feeling watched, Harry turned around and saw no other than Dudley spying on him through the window. He had a jealous look on his face, just like Harry had wore so many times himself when Dudley got something new and not him. Not able to stop himself, Harry flashed a grin teasingly at Dudley and the fat pig quickly ducked out of sight.

Harry laughed softly and turned his attention forward again. He still didn't know what he was supposed to do. Harry almost turned to go back in, but somehow the thought of just studying the motorcycle was too appealing.

He touched the bike again several times; down the front, over the seat, the wheels... every time the bike shivered, and every time Harry enjoyed it. Wondering how it would feel if he _sat_ on it, he swung one leg over the bike and sat down on the seat. The bike shivered again, violently, and then, without warning, the motor started to run! Nothing could have prepared Harry for this, and he almost jumped right off again. _Where had Sirius got this from? It couldn't be a muggle bike! Unless it was something similar to Arthur's flying car? _ Harry only knew one thing; there was no way this could be a normal motorcycle.

Harry was just looking for some kind of gas-pedal or something –anything that could make the motorcycle go forward, when the bike slowly started to roll down the street. Completely on its own. It was a wonderful and powerful feeling, even though they went pretty slow. However, the speed didn't worry Harry much. What was beginning to worry him was the fact that he didn't know how to stop it! Harry had no idea how he had got the bike to roll forward in the first place!

The bike stopped.

Odd.

Harry was beginning to feel stupid now. _Could the bike read his mind or something? Or was he just being stupid?_ Probably the latter, Harry mused to himself, but there was no harm in trying. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

"Er, can you go forward?" Harry asked the bike, wearily.

The bike went forward again, a bit faster this time.

"Can you stop again too?" asked Harry, confused but excited, and the bike stopped. Now Harry was certain. The bike did exactly what Harry wanted it too. Cool!

Harry asked the bike to go forward again, even faster this time, and the bike again did what Harry wanted it to. He enjoyed the feeling the bike gave him; how powerful it felt under him, and how the bike bid his every command... It made him feel very powerful and free.

-

After riding on the nearly empty road for half an hour, Harry had discovered that the bike didn't only go faster or slower if Harry wished so, it could also become invisible. Harry was also invisible when the bike was, and he had every intention of staying so, but after a car nearly collided in him from behind Harry figured that it was safest to be visible.

Harry also found out that riding in a light sweater wasn't a good idea because the wind was freezing, and he soon couldn't feel his fingers and arms very well, sense they were stiff with cold. He stopped behind a gas station and transfigured his sweater to a black jacket. It wasn't very comfortable, but it was warmer.

Harry shrugged and put on the jacket, and noticed a couple of girls that came out of the shop. They gave him a wink, and broke down in a fit of giggles. Frowning, Harry found his way back to the motorcycle and quickly climbed it.

He was getting used to the shivering now and without a second thought he ordered the bike to go forward.

The girls had stopped giggling at him now and were instead staring at him with open mouths. Harry closed his eyes in irritation, he should have been more careful. They were bound to find him suspicious now.

They didn't stop staring, however, and even though Harry got more and more space between them, he couldn't help but wish he could just fly away, from them and from the world. He didn't like people staring at him; it didn't matter if they were muggles or not.

Suddenly the bike lifted from the ground.   
At first, Harry didn't notice, because that was exactly what he had wished for, but as soon as he realized it he yelped in surprise and quickly lowered to the ground again. He didn't dare turn around to see if the girls had noticed, and he pretended that nothing had happened.

Hopefully they had been so far away that they hadn't seen what he did. As soon as he was certain that he was out of sight for anyone that might be watching, he let himself and the bike come invisible and lifted from the ground.

What a feeling it was! It was wonderful and couldn't be compared to anything else Harry had ever flew on. Yes, his Firebolt came close because of the speed, but he had to admit that the bike was fast as well, and it was very, very comfortable to sit in.

If a muggle wondered what the sound was and looked up, Harry didn't notice. For the first time that summer Harry allowed himself to have pure fun, and he didn't think of Sirius' death or the Prophecy for once.

-

-

It took Harry a little over two hours to get to Grimmauld Place, and when he finally got there he quickly shrunk the motorcycle and put it in his pocket before he rang on the doorbell.

A dark-haired woman with brown eyes that were a bit wrinkled opened the door, and Harry realised she must be Hermione's mother.

"Hello, I'm Harry," said Harry politely, and Mrs. Granger greeted him with a friendly smile.

"Please come in," she said. "We've been expecting you."

Harry stepped into the dark hall and breathed in shakily. The house was exactly like he remembered it; gloomy and dark, although it looked a bit cleaner some places. Careful to avoid waking the portrait of Sirius' mum, he stepped into the living room.

He almost expected to see Sirius standing beside Lupin and the Grangers, and just the memory of how much his Godfather had hated that place was enough for Harry to feel a rush of anger and a lump in his throat.

Harry suppressed a whimper as Lupin caught his eye. The memories was still too fresh, too much to handle.

He wished he had never come back.

"Hello, Harry," Lupin said. "How are you doing?"

"Hi," replied Harry, his voice sounded strangled. "I'm all right, I guess."

Harry shrugged and slowly started to back away. He didn't want to be there anymore; he wanted to go someplace quiet where he could be alone.

Harry had just reached the doorstep when Lupin called after him:

"Harry?"

Harry stopped.

"This isn't going to work," said Lupin, and Harry noticed that he, too, looked worn.

Harry didn't know what to say, so he did nothing.

"You must know that I don't blame you, Harry," said Lupin quietly.

"Yeah, well," whispered Harry, and, as his anger again flared inside him, he found more strength to his voice: "You should. It was my fault, and my fault alone."

"No," said Lupin, a bit more forcefully. "It wasn't. Sirius made the choice to come along, and he _knew_ what consequences it could bring. He came for the same reasons you did."

Harry was saved from answering anything else when Hermione came over. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered; with her hair behind her ear, and a neck that looked delicate and proud...

"Can I talk to you a sec, Harry?"

"Sure," Harry answered as his stomach turned over in a new wave with dread. _What a coward he was._

-

As Harry followed Hermione upstairs to her room, he noticed that Hermione seemed to be nervous, just as he was. Harry really wished he knew what she was thinking. However, if he had _bothered_ to learn Occlumency, then maybe… no, he couldn't do that to her anyway.

Upstairs, they went into a room, and Hermione closed the door behind him. Harry found himself staring at the floor again with nothing to say.

"So…" said Hermione.

"So… How are you doing?" said Harry, not knowing what else he could start a conversation with.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," said Hermione, biting her lip. "But Harry? We need to talk..."

"About what?" asked Harry wearily, but deep down he knew exactly what she meant. Hermione frowned.

"About last night," she answered as she looked up at him with eyes that begged him to say something... anything.

"Oh, right," Harry said. "The kiss?"

Hermione smiled and nodded, relieved for a moment, before she got her serious expression back. "Yeah. Well, I was just wondering... did it, you know... did it mean anything to you?"

This caught Harry off guard, and he had no right answer. If he said no, he would hurt her. If he said yes, someone else might hurt her. Did it really mean that much to him? Of course, he had thought _a lot_ about it, but he didn't have that kind of feelings for her, did he? Did it mean anything to_ her_? Was she upset about it?

"Did that mean anything to you?" repeated Hermione, close to tears now, but Harry couldn't see if that was because she was sad or if it was because she was angry.

"Er, of course it did," Harry said, in a tone that he hoped she would take in the way that suited her best.

"Oh," said Hermione, and looked thoughtful. "I guess I should turn down Ron then... I mean, I would have done it anyway, but-"

"What?" Harry said; he had lost her again.

"I'll turn down Ron."

"Oh, but you shouldn't do that for me-" Harry began, but he was interrupted as Hermione wrapped her arms around him and gave him a tight hug. He hugged her gently back, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Her hair smelled nice though, and Harry felt a shiver run down his spine.

After a while he let go a little, and he felt Hermione's hair tickling him in his neck. Her eyes locked with his, and he was filled with an enormous strong urge to have her closer in his arms. It was a weird sense of familiarity, even though he was sure he had never felt that way before. If felt that as long as he had her there, he could protect her from anything,. Like there was no place else she was supposed to be. Like... she was all he needed.

Oh, that was scary! And he was nowhere near prepared for it.

Some part of him wanted to run and hide under his bed or something, but the urge to have her close won easily, and Harry lifted his arm to touch Hermione's cheek, then down her neck. He enjoyed how soft her skin felt, just like he had imagined it.

She moved forward slightly, so he could easily bend down a little to kiss her... He could feel her breath against his own mouth... He didn't realize that kissing her was exactly what he was about to, before he was so close that the slightest movement would make their lips to connect.

Oh dear, he had gone to far again! Quickly, he snapped his head up and took a step back. Hermione, who had closed her eyes, opened them, obviously confused.

"What's wrong?" she asked, taking a step forward to reach him. Harry had to take another step back to avoid her.

"We can't... do this," said Harry, trying hard to look into her eyes. She stared back at him, biting her lip.

"There's a prophecy," Harry began, knowing there was no other way to explain why he did what he did.

"Yeah," Hermione said. "It broke."

"True... but that Prophecy was only a record. The real one was given to Professor Dumbledore, and... he told me what it said, when I got back to Hogwarts after fighting Bellatrix. It pretty much said that I have to die in an attempt to kill Voldemort."

Hermione jumped and paled sheet-white in a matter of seconds. "_WHAT?_"

Harry nodded, refusing to feel sorry for himself.

"Harry, are you _sure?_"

"Yeah, it says that '_one has to die at the hand of the other, because neither can live while the other survives.'_"

Hermione's eyes widened, and Harry could tell she did some quick thinking. "But... it doesn't say that you _have_ to die, it says that either you _or_ Voldemort have to die."

"Yeah, like I have a chance against him!" Harry said sarcastically.

"But you must have, or the prophecy wouldn't have said it like that."

"It also said that Voldemort couldn't kill me because I have powers he has not. But-" Harry said when Hermione opened her mouth to add something. "-That has to be that my mother died to protect me... But I won't have that anymore, because Voldemort has my blood and can touch me now even. You really should be with Ron, Hermione. He's a very nice guy and it's obvious that he likes you very much." Harry swallowed with difficulty. It was unbelievably hard to say.

Hermione pursed her lips slightly, but said nothing.

"Yeah. That's why he always does so many stupid things around you."

Hermione said nothing to this either and walked over to the window, her back against Harry. Harry sat down on the only bed in the room, staring at his hands. They didn't do anything for several minutes until Hermione, without turning around, asked: "But why can't _we_ be more than friends? The prophecy doesn't say that you can't try to have a normal life and live a little-"

"Yes, it does," interrupted Harry. "It says that '_neither can live while the other survives_.'"

"But then that prophecy would be like a curse!"

"It's exactly what it is," Harry answered quietly; his voice barely over a whisper as it went up for him too.


	6. When Madness and Magic Mix

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Special thanks to Anna Rose and Kez.

_- ._

Chapter 6:** WHEN MADNESS AND MAGIC MIX**

Harry went to bed early that evening. The day's happenings and the ride to Grimmuald Place had really gotten more to him than he had expected. He fell asleep as soon as he had put his head on the pillow, without even thinking about emptying his mind first or removing his wand from his hand.

-

_He was walking up an empty street. There was no light from streetlamps, and the half-moon was the only thing that gave light to the almost pitch-dark street, casting long, soft shadows. _

_Harry turned around a corner and saw what he was looking for. It wasn't exactly hard to find... The house was big and slightly majestic, yet Harry knew the house would be welcoming if someone hadn't put a Venetian blind behind the windows, blocking all sight of inside. It was a pity really –their safety precautions were all for nothing. _

_The lady beside him, dressed in black hood that would match her hair if anybody cared, opened the gate and they went into the garden. The grass was long and the bushes had not been trimmed for a year, yet Harry knew that this was once a very nice garden. It even had a silly fountain._

_Suppressing a tired snort, he turned around and looked the lady –Bellatrix, his faithful servant –in the eye. She took that as a sign and knocked on the door with a bony hand that almost looked silver in the moonlight._

_A woman with short, black hair and PJs on opened the door, and for a second she looked comically shocked; with her eyes and mouth open in shock. Suddenly - as if a bolt of lightening just had struck her, she caught up with herself – she let out a high-pitched scream. Bellatrix fired a killing-curse at her, hitting the woman in the stomach, and the woman's scream died before she hit the floor by the door. Bellatrix laughed silently, and together they walked inside the house and into the empty living room. Or at least it had looked empty, they didn't see a balding man on the stairs, staring terrified at them, until he turned and ran back upstairs where he must have come from._

"_HIDE!" He shouted. "IT'S VOLDEMORT!"_

"_How come they never mention me?" complained Bellatrix indignantly, but Harry didn't bother answering her._

_They followed the man upstairs and found him pointing a wand at them._

"_Don't come any nearer! The Aurors are on their way! You can't kill us!" said the man bravely, but the violent shaking of his wand betrayed him._

"Crucio!"_ cried Harry, pointing the wand at the man. The man collapsed on the floor, twisting and crying and yelling in pain. Harry laughed, and said:_

"_Bella, get the other ones."_

_Bellatrix nodded and did what she was told. She soon came back with a young woman with long, black hair. Strangely though, deep down she looked oddly familiar to Harry. But how could that be? Bellatrix threw the girl against the wall. The girl cowered , shaking in the corner. She didn't have a wand, but that wouldn't have mattered anyway. Harry ended the curse on the man, which had lasted for several minutes. However, even though Harry had ended the curse, the man didn't recover right away. He twisted and shivered on the floor, sobbing, crying, for what seemed to be like forever. _

_He didn't get a grip on himself before his daughter let out a stuffed cry, and he realized the seriousness in the situation. In a matter of seconds the man was up on his feet and in front of his child. Bellatrix broke them apart, and threw the man where he had just been. With a cry, the man tried to do the same again –but Harry stopped him with his wand._

"_Stay," he bellowed, and the man froze in his steps. Harry's lips curved slightly in pleasure, feeling deep satisfaction. "Curse the girl."_

_The man with the name of Patil didn't do anything. The only thing he seemed to be able to do was to stare dumbly at Harry._

"_Torture the girl!" said Harry again, more forcefully, and he raised his wand higher. "And I _might_ spare her life." _

_The man looked from his daughter and to Harry, his eyes watered with tears. Pathetic fool!_

"_I… don't… know how to – to – to do it!" stuttered Mr Patil with difficulty._

_Feeling impatient, Harry decided to move the process a bit quicker. "Imperio!" he shouted at the man, and Mr. Patil suddenly got a dazed look over his eyes and relaxed his shoulders. Almost boringly, he pointed his wand at his daughter. The teenage Patil looked terrified up at him._

"_I d – don't b – blame you daddy…" she sobbed as she covered her face with her hands. "I love you!"_

_Mr. Patil hesitated for a moment, and Harry saw something flicker behind his eyes. He was clearly trying to fight off the curse. Good for him..._

_However, Mr. Patil's attempts were in vain: "_Crucio!"_ he yelled, and red light shot from_ _his wand and to the girl. Her eyes rolled up in her head and she screamed in pain. Her feet curled up under her as she grew desperate to get away._

_Harry watched with pleasure for about a minute, and then he ended the Imperius curse. The girl's body went limp. She quickly began to shiver, tears still running down her cheeks, making her look like a drowned puppy. _

_Mr. Patil blinked, and when he saw what he had done his hand flew to his throat as he made some choking sounds that only a man in deep shock, guilt and sorrow could make. _

_Bellatrix nearly jumped up and down in glee._

"Now,"_ said Harry evilly. "Curse her again. You know how to do it now!"_

"_No! No, no! Please – please don't!" The young Patil cried between her sobs. "WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER-!"_

"_Do you know the Prophecy?"_

_The girl stopped sobbing. "What? What prophecy?"_

"_You don't have it?" Harry hadn't really expected her too, but it would be a terribly pity if she did knew and Harry killed her first._

"_No, no, I'm sorry! I don't know what you're talking about! Please-!" The girl was frantic now._

"_Then I don't need a thing from you," sneered Harry and pointed his wand at her._

"_NO! You can't!" said the girl desperately, she was running down from options and she knew it. "Harry Potter will bring you down! He will get revenge! If you do this, you will only motivate him even more to come after you! I swear – he has a plan, a brilliant one he says, that–"_

_Harry laughed. "Potter is no threat to me! Mr. Patil, you really should have joined me when you had the chance, then this would never have happened."_

_The man looked over to his daughter in the corner and to his dead wife in the entrance._

"_Please, I've changed my mind! I will join you; I'll do whatever it takes! Just – please don't hurt my daughter!"_

"_It's too late for you to join me now, Patil," said Harry and curled his lip. "I have only use for faithful servants. And soon, you would be too late for your daughter too, if you don't torture her right _NOW!"

"_Please, be merciful-"_

"_One," Harry counted._

"_Please!" cried Mr. Patil again._

"_Two…!" Harry continued, and raised his wand yet again, so it pointed at the youngest Patil. The man did the same, weakly, and muttered _"crucio."_ His eyes were closed._

_The girl was hit with red light, but it was weak, way too weak. It almost looked pink! She only raised her shoulder and cried out, but she stopped after a second when nothing else happened._

"AGAIN!"_ Harry barked. _"And this is your last chance!"

_The girl said nothing as she saw her dad raise his wand arm again. _

"Crucio!"_ the father said, more loudly this time. The girl's black, long hair fell in front of_ _her face as she screamed, however, that was the only thing she did: She didn't cower in pain and nor did her legs curl up. Mr. Patil ended the spell with a relieved look on his face._

"_That was fake, Master!" shouted Bellatrix suddenly and furiously as the two Patils' froze._

"_Right you are, Bella," said Harry, suppressing a sigh. "That was not good enough. Did you really think you could fool me?" _

"What?_ But I did-! I can show you-!" exclaimed Mr. Patil desperately, his hand waiving_ _desperately in the air. _

"_No…" sneered Harry. "You had your chance, Patil. I was nice today, you even got a second chance, but you blew it. Now... take the consequences." _

_Harry, still pointing the wand at the young woman, said: _"Avada Kedavra!"

_The girl didn't even have the time to scream one last time before the spell hit her. The wall still supported her, but her arms were limp and her chin had fallen down to her chest. Her eyes looked empty and didn't wear the surprised and scared expression she just had._

Harry didn't see what happened next. Suddenly he found himself wake up of a loud _bang_, and something that shattered to the floor.

-

Harry awoke with a start. His heart had escaped up in his throat and it felt like he had run a mile, but he had the strangest feeling, something that he couldn't explain and that had settled deep down in his gut.

Something was horribly wrong!

Harry turned over in his bed, trying to figure out what had happened. He knew it had to be something to do with Voldemort though because his scar burned badly and the wand was still warm in his hand...

_Wand?_

_Weird,_ he thought, he couldn't remember grabbing it. Actually, he couldn't remember leaving it either...

It wasn't before now Harry became aware that his room smelled burnt. And that a large, black hole was staring at him from the wall, where there used to be a picture of two birds. Some smoke came from the black hole and up towards the ceiling. Harry stared in disbelief. _What had he done?_

He looked down on the wand again and felt a tickling sensation from his fingers and up to his shoulder. He must have done something _bad!_ He had never felt like this before.

Then he remembered the dream. He remembered the black street, he remembered the father and he remembered the daughter. The Patils. Parvati… How many times had he seen her in class, in the Quidditch stands, the halls, or in the Gryffindor common room? More times than he could remember. And now she was gone, and probably her –

Suddenly his scar burst in pain again, however, this time Harry could feel it open, and he got blood in his eyes. _Yup, her father must be dead too..._

Harry quickly got up from the bed, his eyes shut. He couldn't see ... there was too much blood. _What was Voldemort doing?_ Harry tried to concentrate; he tried to image Voldemort and Bella-trix.

"…_Coming! Master… Aurors…"_ Harry heard someone yell faintly as if coming from a long distance. Harry wasn't sure if he had imagined it or not, but he haddefinitely heard something.

Suddenly, the bedroom door burst open and someone came in, but Harry still couldn't see anything except from the red blood.

"Harry, what happened?" he heard the voice ask.

The scar burst in pain _AGAIN._ _How was that possible? Would it ever stop?_

"NO!" cried Harry, his voice rasp. He could tell that Voldemort was angry, he must have felt Harry trying to enter his mind… _Merlin-!_ "NO! STOP IT! ARGH!"

Harry collapsed to his knees and screamed in agony.

_Let it stop, let it stop..._

He felt someone grab his shoulder; pulling him up from his knees, but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was to get away, away from the pain, away from his life, away from everything.

"STOP IT!" he cried again, desperately trying to struggle away from the grip, which suddenly let go of him.

_Kitchen, _he thought. _He was so thirsty…_ _If he only could get to the kitchen, then everything would be all right…_ He could clearly see himself standing in the kitchen by the table – he really wanted to get there… _Please let me get there…_

Suddenly everything went black and he felt very light, like he was drifting off to sleep, his head was spinning. In the next second Harry opened his eyes and saw that he actually _was_ standing in the kitchen.

_What the-? How-?_ Harry wondered dumbstruck, and then it hit him. Had he just _Apparated?_ But how could he do that? He hadn't even read about it, nor had he ever-

His thoughts where interrupted with a loud sound which sounded very much like an alarm. Harry quickly spun around, expecting to see death eaters or something worse, but he couldn't see a thing. There was still blood in his eyes, and without his glasses, it was a lost case. Suddenly he heard Arthur's voice, magically high, through the house.

"HARRY POTTER'S GONE! I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM, AND NOW HE'S GONE! REMUS! COME QUICK! WE NEED TO FIND HIM!"

Harry moaned. Great. Now they were all going to worry, even though he hadn't done anything wrong…

"I'M HERE...!" yelled Harry harshly. He didn't bother to look for someone, but drank some water from the spring instead. The cold water felt amazing.

"HE'S HERE, ARTHUR!" Harry heard Lupin say, and Harry turned around, making Lupin gasp, as well as Mr Weasley and the Grangers' who came quickly through the kitchen-door.

"_What?"_ snapped Harry, but then remembered the scar, which, by the way, had stopped hurting and all the blood that surely must have been flowing down his face as well. Muttering an 'oh' of realization he put his head under the spring once again, and washed his face with his hands. It stung a bit.

"Harry!" Harry heard Hermione exclaim behind him. "What happened? ...Harry?"

Harry didn't turn around. He simply replied: "Voldemort. The Patils – dead, – gotta … go."

Again Harry heard them gasp, but he had other things on his mind. _What had he done to the wall?_ He didn't cast the same spell he – no wait, _Voldemort_ – had cast in the dream, had he? Only the thought of it made Harry sick and the blood stench was the drop that made it too much for him. He vomited in the sink.

Embarrassed, Harry turned around and looked at the worried faces in front of him, not that he saw them very well, however.

He was their only hope, and he couldn't save them. He would fail… He had failed Parvati… The one with the beautiful black hair, the one who always giggled in Trelawney's classes… Cedric, Kingsley, _Sirius…_

Harry's legs were shaking under him, and it was impossible to stand up. He slowly sat down on the floor, trying very hard to stay awake. He heard somebody talking, but he couldn't figure out what they were saying...

Something in his mind took form, slowly at first, but then faster, until Harry was certain that it was a snake. It looked familiar, he had seen it before – he was sure of it – but where? The snake looked at him, and hissed:

"_What are you doing there, young man? You ssshould be awake, you know?"_

"_I am!" Harry protested._

"_No, you're not!" The snake snickered, and Harry groaned in frustration._

"_Who are you anyway?" asked Harry._

"_Me? Oh, I'm Nadini. Don't you recognissse me?"  
"No, I-" Harry began, but then he remembered. "Hey, you're Voldemort's snake!" _

_The snake laughed. "I don't belong to anyone. I am my own massster."_

"_I don't believe you," said Harry off-handily, but someone was shaking him; forcing him back to the reality._

"Huh?" said Harry and snapped his eyes open, only to see the faint outline of Lupin leaning over him.

"She says she's her own master," said Harry and giggled slightly to Lupin, who, of course, had no idea what Harry was talking about. But Harry thought it made perfect sense.

What didn't make sense, however, was that everyone looked at him like he was some sort of alien.

"Harry?" said Lupin worriedly. "Are you drunk?"

"Bog off…" groaned Harry and put his head between his hands. He was so tired… He just wanted to go back to sleep… He had Apparated once; surely he must be able to do it again? Harry tried to imagine his bedroom, tried to image himself standing there… _really standing there…he WANTED to get there…he really, really wanted to –_ Harry again felt his body drift away and his head spinning and he knew it had worked. In the next second he knew he was back in his room. He instantly collapsed in his bed, embracing it.

-

-

He woke up when he felt something wet on his forehead. He opened his eyes and saw something or someone standing over him. Harry jumped off the bed in fright, grabbed his wand, which luckily was on the nightstand beside him, and he pointed it at the intruder while he took on his glasses.

It was Hermione. His beautiful Hermione, and he had almost hurt her!

Harry lowered his wand. He would never use it again. Never. He didn't want to be a wizard anymore. He wanted to be someone else, anyone else, he wanted to-

All of the sudden, he saw himself using the Killing curse. Not on somebody else, but on himself. The thought was scary, terrifying, and Harry quickly pushed it in the back of his mind. He took a deep, shaking breath and took the wand away. If he would sink so low as to kill himself then he would not do it in front of Hermione. No way!

However, he was sick and tired of being weak. _Enough_ of it! No more!

Hesitantly, he took a step towards Hermione, who looked very uncomfortable, and politely said: "Thank you, Hermione. Sorry if I frightened you."

"That's okay," said Hermione slowly, keeping a close eye on him. "But Harry? What happened?"

"I don't know," said Harry, what pretty much was the truth anyway. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Two days," said Hermione with a sad shrug, and Harry gaped at her.

"_What?"_

"You did."

"Oh. Have you heard anything from the Weasleys'?" asked Harry, quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah, they're coming over tomorrow." Hermione looked a bit worried.

Harry was not, however. He felt a bit relieved actually. Now he wouldn't have to worry so much about Hermione anymore. It felt weird when the two of them were alone.

"I'm going outside to take a ride," Harry said shortly to Hermione and went out the door.

"What do you mean?" asked Hermione, catching up with him.

"I'm going outside to take a ride."

"What about food?" asked Hermione, more urgently.

"I'm not hungry."

"You _got_ to eat something, Harry!"

"I don't think I do," said Harry, and he turned around, realizing he must have sounded very rude.

"I'm just not hungry Hermione, I'm _sorry."_

"What's wrong with you?" snapped Hermione, her eyes flickering angrily. "First you're screaming, waking Arthur up, then you disappear and reappear at the kitchen! You got blood all over your face, saying the Patils' are dead, which, by the way, is true, and then you start speaking Parseltounge and muttering nonsense words before you disappear _again!_ And you don't even have a Apparating license. You're too young, you aren't even allowed to do magic-"

Harry, who had blocked most of what she was saying out of his head, snapped back to the reality when he heard the last sentence.

"I am," Harry said. "Dumbledore told me ye- er- some days ago."

"What?" said Hermione, her mouth hanging open. Harry nodded. "But, what about-?"

"Just forget it, 'Mione. I don't even know for myself."

Hermione didn't say anything more, and they joined Lupin and Hermione's parents for lunch, even though Harry didn't feel any hungry. He wanted to do something more valuable with his time.

As soon as he was finished, he hurried upstairs to the Black's library. He could go flying later.

-

It was a huge library, with almost - Harry noticed – nothing except Dark Art books. Harry could bet that ninety percent of the amount of books in the library would fit into the Restricted Section at Hogwarts.

Harry scanned some of the titles: _The Art Of The Dark Arts, You-Know-Who's Tactics, Why You Should Use Dark Arts, Bloody Revenge, A Death Eaters Journal_... However, what really caught his eye was a book called:_ All About The Unforgivables. _Hesitating, he wondered if he should look at it. It could come handy, and he needed more information about them, he really did. How else was he supposed to defeat Voldemort?

Harry took the book down from the dusty shelf. The bind outside the book was grey and uncomfortable to touch. When Harry blew some air on it the dust whirled up and tickled his nose.

Resisting a sneeze, Harry sat down on an armchair and looked through the register:

Ch1: _What the Unforgivables Are_

Ch2_: Why the Unforgivables are So Unforgivable _

Ch3_: Who Invented the Unforgivables _

Ch4_: How the Unforgivables Works _

Ch 5_: The After Effects_

Ch6:_ The First Time an Unforgivable Was Used, _

Ch7:_ How to Cast an Unforgivable _

Ch8:_ The Usual Mistakes _

Ch9_: How You Know You Have Succeeded _

Ch10: _How To Keep it Hidden_

Ch11:_ After Words _

Harry paused. Should he really do this? Sure, he needed the information, and his life probably depended on it, but ... it was … Harry's brain suddenly couldn't find a reason _not _to learn. After all, to _learn_ it wasn't the same as _using_ it - to cause pain at least - was it?

Harry sat down more comfortably in the chair and started to read.


	7. With What You Learn

Hi! New chapter and new description of the plot is up:

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_What do you do when you know that you're the only one that can stop the Darkest Wizard in the world? What do you do when the same Wizard makes you do things you don't want to do? That's just some of the problems Harry must solve in his sixth year at Hogwarts... _

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This chapter is about 50 percent longer than it uses to be, I hope you'll like it!

Read and Review, and don't forget that Rowling owns it all!

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CH7: **WITH WHAT YOU LEARN**

Harry couldn't deny that the book was very interesting. The next three hours he just sat there, reading it through. He had never looked in a Dark Art book like this one before, and Harry was amazed how much _different_ views it had from what Harry had grown up too learn. However, Harry had to agree with it at some points: You are better prepared when you _knew_ things, when you _knew_ how to attack an enemy. Could it be a better way to get rid of an enemy than to use an unforgivable like the Imperius Curse? If you used that one, you could simply tell the enemy to go away, or to attack one of it's own. That would be so much_ easier,_ faster, and much more useful. The only hatch was that it was illegal. If you were discovered, then it would be enough to get a life-sentence in Azkaban.

But, a little voice in his head said; you're Harry Potter. They _can't _lock you in. You're their only hope. You'll find a way out.

And he _had _used the Cruciatus Curse before, after all.

Harry shrugged. He didn't like to be reminded of that, even though he deep down wished it had worked properly. Bellatrix deserved to feel pain; after all she had done against him, Sirius, and Neville's parents... She had killed Sirius... _He should kill her._

Harry had looked through half of the chapters, but he hadn't yet started on '_How You Know You Have Succeeded'_.

He sighed heavily and started to read:

_You know you have succeeded in casting an Unforgivable when you _feel_ the power of the Curse in your wand. You would get a tickling feeling in your arm, up to your shoulder, and, sometimes - when you cast The Fatal One - even through your whole body. The effects on this could be compared to Muggle drugs, which can also make you addict to the feeling of killing._

Harry's heart dropped to the pitch of his stomach, it was very similar to what he had felt in his room when he had... _witnessed..._ Parvati's death. He slowly continued reading.

_You will also see the characteristic green, blinding light, and a rattling sound, until the Curse reaches the victims body. _

_When you cast The Avada Kedavra, the most obvious reason you know it have worked is when the victim dies immediately. The Avada Kedavra would make the heart stop as soon as it reaches the target, and it is very usual to find the victim with his or hers eyes or/and mouth open._

_When you cast the Cruciatus Curse, you would feel the victims trembling through you wand like it is linked. You would _feel_ the ache, but without feeling any pain yourself. The Cruciatus Curse has a red light, also very blinding. You would feel the power of your spell if you have succeeded, however, it is not as physically powerful as The Avada Kedavra Curse, because the Avada Kedavra need a lot more _desire_ to hurt and kill to make the intended action to take place. _

_The Imperio is, as said, the most effortless one to cast, and the only thing you would feel that would let you know that you have succeeded, is some of the consciousness to the victim. You can feel if the victim is trying to fight the curse off or if the victim does not. _

Harry stopped reading, he felt very tired and his eyes were stinging. So it _was_ the Avada Kedavra Curse he had cast... It was like the air had been taken out of his lungs. How could he have been so _stupid?_ How could he falled asleep with his wand, when he _knew_ he'd probably get another vision from Voldemort? What if somebody had stood in the way, and he had hit him or she instead? What if it had been _Hermione?_ Her parents? Or _Lupin_?

Maybe it was about time that he learned Occlumency properly?

If he had killed Hermione, Lupin, or anybody else, Harry knew there was no way he could ever forgive himself. It was no way he could ever live with himself.

Harry closed the book soberly. _Damn it!_

Harry wondered what Dumbledore would say if he knew. Only the thought made Harry's stomach turn over with dread. Dumbledore couldn't know, nor anybody else. _How disappointed they would be..._

Harry got up from the chair, thinking that they probably would be disappointed anyway. He got up to his room without meeting anybody, and lay the book down on the table close to his bed. He quickly threw a Disillusionment-charm on it so it couldn't be spotted so easy, unless you knew it was there. He stretched and went down to get something to eat, his thoughts swirling with what he had just learned.

* * *

"Harry, is there something wrong?" Lupin asked after Harry had finished eating.

"No," Harry said quickly. Lupin raised an eyebrow, and Harry added: "Just thinking that I should probably learn Occlumency, for real this time." Lupin nodded and was about to say something, but Hermione interrupted him.

"Really? Oh Harry, that's wonderful!" She beamed. Harry frowned at her comment.

"I don't have anybody to teach me, though. Snape won't do it, not since... I..." Harry's word died in his mouth.

"Not since what?" Hermione asked.

"Never mind," Harry said, "the important thing is that I got to learn it in some way or another."

"I can help you!" Hermione said bluntly, and Harry blinked. "I've read a lot about it last year," Hermione smirked, "I bet I can do it."

"Alright..." Harry said slowly. "But that would have to wait, you can't do it until you get to Hogwarts."

Hermione said nothing. Harry looked over at Lupin, but Lupin seemed to be lost in thoughts again. Harry sighed; he didn't know what to do. He still felt somewhat responsible for Parvati's death.

What were Voldemort doing now? Was he planning the next attack?

Suddenly an idea popped into Harry's head. He knew he should try to find out what Voldemort was doing, it could spare life, after all. Maybe...

"Look..." He said slowly. "About what happened... "Both Lupin and Hermione looked up at this.

"When that thing happened..." Harry continued, "I was trying to break into Voldemort's mind, like he has tried to do with me so many times, so I could find out what's going on."

Hermione gasped, and looked terrified.

"I only heard something Bella said about Aurors, but-"

"Bella?" Lupin interrupted, looking even more alarmed.

"Yeah, I mean _no_, Bella_trix!_" Harry frantically tried to explain. Somehow he had gotten up from the chair.

"Since when has she been Bella?" Lupin asked again.

"Since - NEVER!" Harry yelled. "_Do you want to hear what I has to say or not?"_

Lupin nodded, letting Harry continue. "Yeah... like I was trying to say, that was the only thing I heard Bella-trix- say, was that the Aurors where coming or something, at least that's what it looked like to me. And I was thinking, that... I might should try to do it again, to see what he's up to-"

"NO!" Hermione cried, gabbing his arm, like that was going to stop him. "You _can't_ mess with Voldemort like that! No one knows what he could do!"

Harry only frowned.

"He has tried to kill me since I was one year old, 'mione. I don't think it would do much more difference; expect that he would be angry."

"But look what happened the last time-"

"It could _save LIFE_ Hermione!" Harry shouted angrily. They weren't helping. "Look, I'm going to do it anyway, no matter if you don't want to help me or not."

"Of course we would help you, Harry," Lupin said slowly, and smiled. Not a wide, warm smile, but a smile all the same. Hermione only looked at him, but after a while she nodded hesitantly.

"Okay..." Harry began. "I'm just going to sit here, and... don't interrupt unless... something happens..."

Harry sat down on the chair again, and tried to calm himself and relax. After he saw Lupin and Hermione nodded one last time, he closed his eyes, and focused only on Voldemort. He tried to think of what he must be doing right now. _Willing_ himself to know...

At first nothing happened, but then he felt his thoughts wander, reminding him almost faintly of apparating. It was a very weird feeling. After a while Harry realised he could hear voices:

"_I'll do it, Master...what? No... of course..." _Harry gritted his teeth, he _wanted_ to hear it _clear_, he _had _to, or there wouldn't be a point... Suddenly he saw something reminding him of a hand in the blackness, and his own voice.

"Pettigrew, go back... doing... get inform-...and..."

"Always, master, always..."

Harry furrowed his brow; he really wanted to see where they were... It was like he was trying to climb over a high fence, he didn't seem to make it...

But, suddenly, it was like someone was turning on the television. He saw Pettigrew, bowing in front of him; they were standing in some kind of forest... Voldemort was about to say something, but something stopped him... It took only a moment before-

The scar exploded in pain, and Harry cried out. He desperately tried to break the contact, it was unbearable... But he couldn't do it... It was like he was drowning; he had no control...

Harry felt Voldemort trying to get into his head, pain exploding in even higher levels, it was like something was exploding inside him as well... but he still couldn't move... _What was happening? _Harry was getting desperate now, Voldemort couldn't get to him, he _had_ to get out... Suddenly Harry felt his body lose contact to the ground, and he knew he was apparating, only this time it wasn't because he wanted it to... He tried to scream in panic, but suddenly he felt something hard hit his head, and everything went black.

* * *

Black ocean... he was drowning... he needed to get air... drowning... air... pain...

* * *

It was dark when he finally woke up. It took a while before he realised that he was in his bed, with Hermione's head on his chest. His body jerked in shock, and Hermione groaned. Suddenly her eyes snapped open and looked widely at Harry. Harry noticed that her eyes were red and swollen, like she had been crying. Without saying anything Hermione threw her arms around Harry and squeezed him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her in return, grateful that he was with her than with Voldemort.

Without letting him go Hermione climbed up in his bed and leaned over Harry, so she was in top of him, still hugging him tightly. Harry closed his eyes. She was so close...

They hugged each other like that for a very long time until they heard somebody knock on the door.

They slowly let go off each other and Hermione sat down beside him, only a moment before Dumbledore came in.

Harry immediately felt the hair on his neck stand up, but Hermione took his hand and squeezed it gently. Harry gulped nervously. _What did Dumbledore want?_

"How are you, Harry?" Dumbledore asked gently, his eyes twinkling slightly.

"Fine, Headmaster," Harry said, but as he said it he noticed that his head was throbbing. "Just a little headache," he added.

"I see," Dumbledore said and conjured a chair out of thin air and sat down. "What happened? Lupin told me the most of it, but I would like to know what happened after you started the connection, from your point of view."

"Um," Harry said, thinking hard. "I tried to- figure out what Voldemort was planning... And I heard voices... Wormtail's, I think...yes, it was him... They said something about getting information... And then..." Harry frowned. His thoughts were a mess. "And then... I saw- yes, I _saw_ Wormtail, they were standing in an open forest or something, and... Voldemort, he-." Harry's voice died as his throat tightened. Hermione squeezed his hand a little tighter, and he shot her a nervous look.

"Go on," Dumbledore said softly, and leaned a bit forward in his chair.

"He- I don't really know what he did, but there was something- I could feel- I could feel him trying to enter my mind, like he did a couple of months ago –you know, and then I- dunno- apparated or something, and crashed... in something, and that's... that's all I can remember," Harry finished weakly and shrugged.

Dumbledore nodded, the twinkling gone from his eyes. Hermione leaned her head against Harry's shoulder, holding his hand so hard Harry felt his fingers going numb.

"Well," Dumbledore finally said, "trying to enter Voldemort's mind is a very dangerous thing to do, Harry. You can risk letting him have access to yours as well, and make you do things you do not want to do. If we had not made an apparating-shell around this house, you probably would not be here right now. I think Voldemort tried to make you get to wherever he was so he could try to kill you without be interrupted. Tell me, Harry, how many have you told what I told you not so long ago?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Only Hermione."

Dumbledore smiled. "Good, you need somebody other than me to talk about it to." He paused for a moment. "I should probably tell you that we can have a lesson tomorrow around noon, if that is alright with you?"

Harry nodded. Dumbledore nodded, the twinkling back in his eyes. Hermione looked curiously at him.

"You can practise magic?"

"Yes," Dumbledore answered for Harry. "And so do you actually. That's the other reason I came over today."

Hermione beamed.

"One more thing," Dumbledore said, looking at Harry, "do not try to do that again unless I am with you. We cannot risk losing you, Harry. It is important."

Harry nodded again.

"Goodbye, Harry, Hermione, enjoy the rest of the evening."

Harry glared. _How was he supposed to do that?_

* * *

The next morning came fast, and Harry felt a lot better. He hadn't dreamed anything last night and felt oddly refreshed, and ready for practise.

He met Dumbledore in a room that was as good as empty. Only a couple of shelves and chairs were to be seen. Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling as usual.

"Are you ready, Harry?"

"Yes," Harry said, but couldn't help but feeling nervous.

"First of all, what you must remember with magic, is that you can do many things simply by _imagine_ it. However, not all wizards have the imaginations enough to do that, and it takes a lot of practise. I will try to teach you how to do it, however, today I would teach you a blinding curse. The curse makes the opponent blind for some amount of time. The stronger curse you cast the longer the opponent would be blind. Some might be blind for only a minute, and some can even last for a day. It depends on how powerful the spell is."

Harry nodded.

"Now, to cast the curse you will have to make a cross with your wand and say: _'Axcesterate'. _You have to point your wand at the person's eyes when you do and say the curse. Do you understand? "

"Yes," Harry said again and gripped his wand tightly.

"Try it on the chair over there first," Dumbledore said and suddenly the chair had something that looked like a pair of eyes on the top.

Harry nodded and pointed at the chair. He started to make some cross with his wand, and focused on saying _Axcesterate._

The chair suddenly turned over and Harry was interrupted his thoughts.

"Very good Harry, but say the incantation a little louder next time. The curse would also be more effective if you say it out load."

Harry gaped at him. "But I didn't do anything!" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, you did, Harry."

"_No,_ I didn't _say _anything!" Harry almost yelled. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

"Yes, it's possible to do spells without saying the incantation. But that's not something you will learn before next year. You actually did something similar to what I told you only a moment ago. You Imagined yourself doing it, and you did. Curious. Very curious indeed."

Harry stared at him.

"Now, try it on me next, Harry," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling even more.

"Er... On _you,_ sir?" Harry asked, alarmed.

"Yes," Dumbledore said firmly. Harry hesitated, but the expression of Dumbledore dared him to do it. He placed himself in front of Dumbledore, really not wanting to do it, but if he had to, he had to do it well. He formed a cross with his wand, and yelled "_Axcesterate!" _

Electric blue light shot from his wand and hit Dumbledore in his face, and Harry looked horror-struck up at him as Dumbledore took a step backwards, suddenly looking vulnerable.

Harry leapt over to him.

"Headmaster! Are you all right?"

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore said, beaming, looking a little at Harry's left side. "Very good indeed. It was a very powerful curse you cast. I'm sure this would at least last a couple of hours. _Finite blindfold._" Dumbledore said, and looked over to where Harry stood. "As I'm sure you will notice is that this curse has long been discussed if it should count as a Dark Art or not, but it's still classified as just a curse. What I want you to prepare till tomorrow is a list about what you want to learn in our training lesson."

"Uhm, okay," Harry said, he knew what he _really_ wanted to learn, but he also knew that Dumbledore would never approve to it.

Dumbledore nodded, and left.

Harry stood for a moment, and wondered what he could do. The training hadn't took so much time as he expected. He decided to go upstairs and learn more about the Unforgivables, he had become very fascinated by the book.

* * *

Later that afternoon the Weasley came over. Harry had read in the book the entire time, and right now he was on chapter_ 7_: _How To Cast An Unforgiveable._

The chapters were very long, and it took amazingly long time to read them. Decides, Harry used to stop now and then and repeat to himself what he had just read. He had a strong feeling it would get important to know. Maybe sooner than he knew.

He sighed and went down, where the portrait of Ms Black had started screaming again. He _had_ to do something with her soon.

When he got down, Ms Weasley, who asked him over and over if he was okay, embraced him tightly. ("I am_ okay_, really-!") Harry forced a grin to the rest of the Weasleys', so they would stop asking him questions.

"Hi, Mate," Ron said, Ginny standing right behind him, grinning up at him. Harry suddenly felt very self-conscious. Everybody was looking at him.

"Hellu, Ron," Harry said dully. He couldn't get the thought of Ron asking Hermione out away from his head. Ron shifted uncomfortably, noticing Harry staring at him. _Where did Hermione go, anyway?_ Harry wondered; he hadn't seen her the whole day. Ron seemed to think along the same lines.

"Where's Hermione? There something I gotta ask her about," Ron mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"I don't know," Harry said, a weird knot twitching in his stomach. "What do you want to ask her about?"

Ron blushed deeply at the question, totally unaware of the sarcasm in Harry's voice. Of course Harry knew what Ron wanted to ask Hermione about.

"Er- only some- some- stuff about the OWLs..." Ron stuttered.

"That's nice, Ron," Harry said, and narrowed his eyes at Ginny who suddenly had started giggling frantically, clutching her stomach. Ron frowned, his face slow returning to his normal colour.

"Do you have something you want to say, Ginny dear?" He asked. Ginny hiccupped.

"_No, I think you pretty much said it!"_ She chocked out, laughing even harder.

Harry shook his head. _Girls._

"Do you want to see if she's upstairs?" Harry asked Ron, who nodded.

They went upstairs, and they found Hermione sitting in the library with a book in her lap. When she looked up at Ron her eyes widened, and Harry took the hint and went out in the hall. He stopped for a moment; he really wanted to hear what they were talking about, but he decided not to. It was none of his business.

* * *

Harry used the rest of the afternoon in the company of the rest of the Weasleys', he knew it would be rude to be alone in his room when they had just arrived. However, he was in a terrible mood, and it certainly didn't help that Fred and George constantly tried to feed him with some of their new 'tricks,' ("Honestly, Harry, they aren't dangerous! Why would you think that?") or the fact that Ron and Hermione went down together, looking shyly at each other.

Ron was so caught up in looking at Hermione that he managed to break a glass down from the table, so Sirius' mother started screaming again.

"I'll take care of her," Harry said, wanting an excuse to leave.

"Oh, thank you dear," Molly said and gave him a wink. Neither Ron nor Hermione seemed to notice he went.

He shuttered the door loudly behind him as he entered the hallway to where the portrait of Sirius' mother was. Not that it mattered; it would take a lot of noise overcome the sound of Ms Black screams.

"_Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds! Freaks! Leave my house! How dare you-!"_

"SHUT UP!" Harry yelled, pointing his wand at her. Sirius' mum eyes narrowed.

"_You!"_ She said, looking at Harry, "_you are some of the scum Sirius brought in! How DARE he disrespect-"_

"SIRIUS IS DEAD!" Harry shouted at her, but suddenly it was like the floor he was standing on disappeared under his feet. He had never said those words after the night in the Ministry. He had always known that Sirius was gone, but saying it like this somehow made it much more real.

"He is dead?" The old witch in the portrait said, her eyes round. She paused. "Well," she said after a while, "deserves him right. How _dare _he-"

That was the drop for Harry, his temper flowing hotly through his veins, he was absolutely furious now...

"ONE more word like that about Sirius, and I _swear_ I will-!"

"What? Destroy me? Sure you are to young to know any curse that can make me go away!"

"Actually, I do!"Harry said angrily. The old woman just laughed.

"Sirius was nothing but a blood-traitor, he had _no_ pride what-so-ever, _shame of my flesh!_ _Sirius was merely a scum, an abomination, a-"_

Harry didn't know what made him do it. Maybe it simply was his temper, boiling over the surface, or maybe it was just the need to make the awful woman pay, the woman that had made Sirius' life a hell already before he went to Azkaban. He just did what felt most natural in that very moment...

"_Avada Kedavra!_" He shouted, feeling all the rage dart from his wand as the bright, green light hit the picture straight in the middle with a rattling sound, leaving nothing but a large, black hole where Sirius' mother had been, only a moment before.

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I love cliffhangers, don't I?

As usual, thanks for all the reviews, and thank you for reading my story!

I can't tell you when the next chapter is realised, it depends on how much time it takes to write it. I'll try not to use to long time though.

(By the way, did I mention that I LOVE reviews? Yes, that was a hint...)

Cheers!


	8. Occlumency With Hermione

Another chapter... Hope you'll like it! For some of you there might be a surprise at the end of this chapter, (don't peak!) actually, only one reviewer had thought of it... Anyway, here you go!

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Ch8: **OCCLUMENCY WITH HERMIONE**

It was like the time had stopped. Harry stood frozen on the spot, his wand still pointing at the black hole, where the picture of Sirius mum had been.

So he finally got rid off her...

Harry's wand seemed to glow, and he felt a rush off unwanted excitement through him. The tickling sensation he had discovered the night he woke after the night he, or Voldemort, had killed the Patils', was now not only in his arm, it was trough his whole body. He could even feel it in his toes.

He stared at the hole in what seemed like an eternity, and he slowly started to realise what he had done. He had used the worst of the Unforgivables. He had used the Avada Kedavra. But _how_ could it have worked? He had never done it before... Not on purpose anyway.

He slowly lowered his wand, shaking. _How could he have done such a thing?_

His scar was tickling, and Harry dimly realised that Voldemort was happy. He probably knew what Harry had done already...

Suddenly the door into the hall where he was standing burst open, and Molly Weasley came in.

"Harry, dear, what's taking you so long? Oh my!" Mrs Weasley stopped abruptly when she saw the black hole in the wall and clapped her hand in front of her mouth.

It didn't take long before Hermione, Arthur, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George Weasley came in to see what was going on. Harry wished he could just disappear in the ground.

They started asking him questions, but Harry couldn't register what they asked him about, it was like the voices were coming from someplace far away. He felt too dizzy to care.

"Harry, what happened? Are you okay?" Harry finally registered Hermione asking. He opened his mouth to answer but no sound came out. He closed his mouth and nodded awkwardly instead. He felt someone with strong hands grab his shoulder from behind. Harry's body went rigid from the touch, and he felt a strong urge to just yell at them to just leave him alone.

"Come Harry, let's go out for a minute, shall we?" Arthur Weasley said and guided him out in the kitchen.

"I'm okay, Mr Weasley," Harry said, finally managed to talk again. Mr Weasley had let go off his shoulders and was now standing in front of him.

"What happened, Harry?" Mr Weasley asked.

"Er..."

"Come on, just say it."

"I just used a curse on her, that's all." Harry said, absolutely terrified for Mr Weasley to know what he had done.

"What curse?" Mr Weasley asked, looking curious, but serious. "We have been trying to get rid of her for an _year,_ and we have done everything we could think off. And here you go, getting rid of her with only _one_ curse! Tell me, what did you _use?_"

"Er... I don't remember actually," Harry lied, hiding his wand behind his back. He knew what was coming.

"Well," Arthur said, "there's always a way we can check it out, if you just give me your wand, and then-"

"_No!"_ Harry exclaimed, taking two steps back.

"Harry, what-?"

"I won't let you have it!" Harry repeated, more forcefully, taking another step back.

"You've been too much around Moody, mate," Ron said from the door, and chuckled. Harry faked a laugh.

"Wanna play some chess?" Ron asked, and Harry, grateful for an excuse to get away, nodded and went with Ron upstairs. Arthur didn't stop him.

-

Harry was even easier to beat by Ron in chess than he used to be. Harry's head kept spinning with thoughts of his resent actions, and he couldn't concentrate. Ron even seemed to be a bit tired of winning every ten minutes, much to Harry's surprise. Harry never thought he would see the day Ron was getting tired of winning.

"You aren't even trying!" Ron exclaimed every now and then, but Harry just shrugged. After loosing his fourth game Harry called it quits, and got up.

"I'm sorry. I guess this just isn't my day."

Ron nodded, accepting the excuse. "What curse did you use?"

"I don't know," Harry answered, using the same excuse he had given Mr Weasley. "I just did something. It's not much of a deal, really."

Ron shook his head. "Blimey, Harry! Not much of a deal? That must've been some hell of a curse!"

Harry grunted. "I'm going upstairs to finish my essay for Dumbledore."

-

Writing the essay for Dumbledore was harder than Harry thought it would be. At first Harry couldn't think of a thing he thought could be useful, but after a while he had an whole list of spells he wanted to learn, many of them was from the books he had read from over the summer. Harry also wrote down that he wanted to be an animagus, even though he knew that was very unlikely. After finishing the essay Harry collapsed on his bed, starring up at the ceiling.

He could give almost anything for being someone else - anyone else – but himself.

Harry wondered briefly if that could be done. He wouldn't be surprised if that actually was possible. Hermione would probably know.

Harry turned over of the thought of her. Had she accepted Ron's suggestion? It certainly looked that way...

His eyes fell over a shadow on his desk. _All About The Unforgiveables_... He still had the Disillusionment-charm on it. _Stupid book... Why had he even started reading it?_

Hedwig flew over to Harry and landed beside him, nipping his ear with her beak, as if she was trying to comfort him.

"Yeah, yeah, Hedwig, I'm okay, really," Harry tried to assure her, but she didn't seem to listen. Harry sighed, just as somebody knocked on the door.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice said from behind the door. "Can I come in?"

Harry said nothing.

"Harry, I _know_ you're in there!"

"Fine!" Harry groaned, "Come in."

Hermione opened the door and went in, looking carefully at Harry. "How are you?" She asked, her voice barely over a whisper. Harry gave her a look. She sat down on the bed beside him.

"Do you remember what we talked about?" she asked.

"Yeah," Harry said, "I'm guess that you didn't turn off Ron?"

Hermione looked up at him, like she was searching for something, and then blushing slightly. She had a odd look in her eyes. "That's not what I meant."

"What, then?" Harry asked, confused. Hermione sighed.

"That Occlumency thing, remember?"

"Oh... yeah..." Harry said. He deeply regretted telling her that he wanted to learn Occlumency now.

"You promised!" Hermione exclaimed, clearly seeing the expression in Harry's face.

"'mione..." Harry pleaded.

"Don't "mione' me!" Hermione snapped. "You promised!"

"Okay, okay," Harry surrendered, and shrugged. Hermione smiled slyly.

"I've looked it up again, and it's not really a hard spell to do. The hard part would be to end it, but that shouldn't be much of a problem. So- do you want to start right away?"

Harry gulped. "Huh?"

"Right now."

"But I was –eh- going up to se Buckbeak."

Hermione gave him a look that matched Harry's when she had entered the room. "Buckbeak can wait."

Harry lowered his head, a little vexatious. He could never win an argument with Hermione. Hermione pulled him up so they were both standing in the middle of the room.

"Erm, there's something I want to give you," Hermione said, and pulled something out from her pocket. "It's your birthday present. I wanted to give it to you when we were in that restaurant, but after everything that happened, I didn't see it right to give it to you then. I'm so sorry, I should've give it to you before." Hermione sighed nervously and gave the wrapped present to Harry, who only stared at it. He had completely forgotten that he hadn't gotten a present from her. And, if he had remembered, he would've expected a book or something. This was certainly not a book.

"Oh," he said, and smiled, "that's okay."

He opened it carefully, and found a beautiful silver watch. But it wasn't an ordinary watch. On it there were four hands, with the names: Hermione, Ron, Ginny and himself. There were also two more hands, but they were nearly invincible, and they didn't have any names on. Around it, where there usually would be numbers, there were letters like; 'School', 'Home', 'On Visit', 'Lost', 'Danger', and 'Mortal Peril'. Right now the green hands with Hermione, Ron and Ginny were on 'On Visit.' The clock was somewhat similar to the clock Mrs Weasley had in the Burrow, Harry realised.

"Hermione!" he said in an eave, "that must've been really expensive! You shouldn't give something like that to me!"

Hermione smiled. "It's okay, I wanted to give something special for a change. You deserve it."

"Thank you," Harry whispered, and made a mental note that he needed to find something just as special to Hermione's next birthday in September.

"The clock will glow red if any of us are in danger, and green when we are nearby," Hermione explained. "I also think it would get warm, so you'll notice. Do you like it?"

He stared at her in amusement. "Like it? _Like it?_ Hermione- I _love_ it! This is just too much! Where did you get it?"

Hermione smirked. "I asked Mrs Weasley, and she told me about a store in Diagon Alley where she had gotten hers from. I went there and bought it a couple of days before I got to your place."

Harry shook his head. "You're really something, Hermione!"

"Thanks," Hermione grinned. "So, are you ready yet?"

"Ready for what?" Harry said, still thinking about the watch.

"Occlumency...?"

"Oh, right," Harry laughed faintly, "I guess I am." He put the watch around his wrist, and felt his nerves calm down a little.

"You know how it works?" Hermione asked but she didn't wait to hear the answer. "I'm going to say '_Legilimens',_ and then you're going to try to block me out. Er... I haven't tried it before, but I think I can do it."

"You _think? _You are going to enter my brain and you_ think _you can do it right?" Harry half-joked, but he didn't question her any further. He had never seen Hermione _not_ managing something. Well, except with the Dementors in third grade.

"I'm ready," Harry said and concentrated on keeping his head blank. He didn't succeeded properly though, because as soon as he heard Hermione say '_Legilimens!'_ he felt his thoughts wander.

_He was one: Flash of green light. A flying motorcycle... (Hadn't he seen that before?) He was seven: Dudley and his gang were chasing him around the schoolyard, beating him up. He was eleven: Hagrid knocking the door down in the small hut... Kingcross station... _

Suddenly Harry felt his mind jump, and things were happening much faster: _Voldemort out of Quirrels head... Tom Riddle, motionless Ginny on the floor, the basilisk... _

Every thought were just flashes of images... _Trelawneys second prophecy... Dementors... Sirius... Horntail... Second task, seeing Hermione and Ron sleeping under the water, next to Cho and Gabrielle... Voldemort! Cedric on the ground beside him, his eyes open with surprise, staring at him... mouth open... Duelling with Voldemort... His mum and dad... Getting away..._

_Stop it!_ Harry thought desperately. He didn't want to do it anymore.

_Fifth year...The Thestrals... The DA... Umbridge... _I must not tell lies_...seeing his dad in Snapes memory... Hermione hit by a curse... Sirius duelling... Falling through the veil... Harry chasing Bellatrix... His first attempt on an Unforgivable... Voldemort and Dumbledore duelling... Voldemort possessing him..._ AH! The pain! _He and Hermione kissing... Kingsley hit by the Killing curses, falling dead on the floor... Killing Parvati..._ No, that's final; no more... he had to stop it...

_Harry, standing in front of Mrs Black's painting..._

_NO!_ Harry shouted, but no sound came out of his mouth, _I would not let her see that!_ Harry blocked her out with every bit of strength and willpower he had, and slowly, very slowly, he began to see the room more clearly, to see Hermione... She was on her knee with her eyes closed, a pained expression on her face. He felt his thoughts wander back to where they was, but he was _not _letting her see anymore... She had seen enough... Instead Harry tried to imagine Sirius, like he remembered him when Sirius was happy. But the thoughts soon shifted to see Sirius falling through the veil once again.

Harry was getting tired now; he wasn't sure how much more he could handle. He was very tempted to just letting Hermione see whatever she wanted to see, and get over with it. Surely she must be getting tired too?

But just in the moment Harry decided to do just that, he saw something else take form in his head. It was Nadini, Harry realised, as the snake took form and hissed.

"Hello Potter... slept well?"

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

The snake snickered. "The question is not what _I_ am doing here, the question is what _her_ is doing here... Why is she in your mind?"

Harry snorted. "We're practising."

"Practising what?" The snake hissed. "If there's Occlumency you're talking about then you're not doing a good job. Even I can reach you."

"I'll snap out of it, then!" Harry hissed back, and focused hard on taking a step forward. It was like walking in a steam; it was nearly impossible, but finally Harry felt his foot left the ground and he took a step forward, and fell over. He took some deep, calming breaths before he looked over at Hermione, who looked like she was beaten up. She was on the floor and shivering badly. Small sobs escaped from her lips.

Harry stared dumbfounded at her for some seconds, but quickly got up and lifted her up from the floor and placed her on his lap, rocking her back and forth like she was a little child. Her sobbing slowly subsided.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, "I should've ended it earlier, but I c-couldn't d-do it, and..." She hiccupped.

"It's okay, 'mione," Harry said, and stroke her hair absently behind her ear. He was pretty shaken too, but he had, after all, gone through these memories over and over in his dreams more times than he could count already. He was beginning to get used to them.

He kept rocking her back and forth until she stopped shaking and got up. She smiled weakly up at him

"What a first lesson, huh?" she tried to joke.

"Yeah..." Harry mumbled. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Hermione looked up at him. Harry was startled to see that se was a little black under her eyes. _Was she wearing mascara?_ He wondered. He remembered Petunia always used to complain to go outside when it rained, because of her make-up.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe later, thank you for asking though."Hermione said, biting her lip. Harry realized he rarely asked her that question. Actually, he couldn't remember _ever_ asking her that. Nor could he remember Ron asking. He felt a pang of guilt. Hermione asked that question all the time. But with Harry and Ron, they only asked her things like '_did you get hurt? Are you alright?' _When they were doing or had done something dangerous. Harry made another mental note to himself. He had to ask her that question more often.

"Oh," Hermione said, as if she just remembered something important. "Arthur told me to tell you we're going to have someone from school over. He wouldn't go into details, but it had something to do with a family being attacked."

Harry looked at her question. _Sure he would've known it already?_ Hermione seemed to know what he was thinking.

"You didn't know?"

Harry shook his head.

"Maybe it happened when you were awake?" Hermione suggested. Harry just shrugged his shoulders. He would've thought that he would have felt something in his scar, but on the other hand, maybe Voldemort had found a way for blocking it? He wondered which family that had been attacked this time.

They didn't say anything for a while, but Harry felt Hermione looking at him when she thought he didn't notice. That made Harry even more uncomfortable, but he tried not to think about it too much. He didn't know how much Hermione had seen under their not-so-successful practice, but she had seen more than she should have.

After a while, Ron and Ginny came over to talk to them. Only Ginny seemed to notice something had happened.

-

-

It wasn't until three hours later that Mrs Weasley interrupted them and said that the guest would be arriving any minute. Harry was glad for the interruption, the conversation had come dangerously close to what happened to Mrs Black's painting. Harry could tell that even Hermione, who had been unusually quiet the whole time, also was interested to know what had happened to the painting.

"Maybe you should greet them alone?" Mrs Weasley suggested friendly, but Harry could tell it was more than a request.

"All right, Mrs Weasley," Harry said, and got up from the floor.

"Just Molly, dear," Mrs Weasley said, and Harry disappeared out of the door and downstairs.

After a couple of minutes Harry heard a soft knocking on the door, and he went to open it, revealing Lupin and a person beside him, with long, black hair that Harry had never thought he would ever see again.

The person standing beside Remus Lupin was Parvati Patil.

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Yet again, I want to thank everybody for all the reviews. It keeps me motivated.

To those who asked questions; you will find out later in the story. ;)

An other thing I found out a couple of days since I posted the last chapter, was that I only could receive reviews from people that's registered on However, this stupid, little thing is off now, so go crazy and review!


	9. The Last Patil

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter. However, I'm happy to write about him. Chapter edited March 19th. Nothing major, just grammar and stuff. ;

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Ch9: **THE LAST PATIL**

Harry felt his jaw drop. _It couldn't be her, it was impossible! She was dead!_ He had seen her die! He had felt the spell! For a long time Harry couldn't do anything but stare at her as if she had grown another head.

"You're- you're dead!" Harry suddenly exclaimed, and Lupin gave him a nasty look. Harry quickly apologised, but the Parvati in front of him didn't seem to notice. She just stared at the ground; with red and swollen eyes. Harry also noticed that her hair was not as nice as it used to be, and it had lost some of the shine it used to have. It didn't look like she had combed or washed it for _weeks._ But the most noticeable part about her was that she looked so… pale and fragile Like she had been crying herself to death.

Harry slowly stepped aside so they could come in, his brain working furiously. He couldn't help but wonder if the person wasn't Parvati, but an impostor with Polyjuice Potion instead. Merlin, he was actually beginning to think like Moody!

Lupin guided them into the kitchen, but held Harry back for a moment and whispered:

"She's been trough a lot, Harry, don't push her. She's an orphan like you now, I don't know how well you two know each other from school, but try to show support and understanding. Take care of her."

Harry nodded; he understood, even though his brain was fogged with confusion. Anyway, he really wished he could know what had happened. He just couldn't understand why she was here, when Harry himself had witnessed her death. It didn't make any sense.

Harry was dimly aware that Lupin had left the room, and he was alone with the person that seemed to be Parvati.

"Parvati," said Harry softly, but she didn't respond. Harry approached her and guided her down on a chair. He sat down beside her where he could see her face.

"Parvati," he said again, a bit more forcefully. She sniffed, but other than that she didn't show any respond. Harry sighed. She must be in some kind of shock state. Harry brushed some of her hair away so he could se her face better. She looked even more awful than he thought!

He didn't know what to do. One part of him just wanted to shake and yell at her so she would give him an explanation, but that wouldn't be a good idea. He wished Hermione was there with him instead of being upstairs with Ron and Ginny. She would know what to do. He was absolutely clueless when it came down to girls!

Not knowing what else to do, he took her cool hand and held it, and told her that if she needed to talk, she could always come to him. To his surprise he felt her squeeze his hand back gently in return. Had he done something right after all?

Harry stayed with her for a long time, even though he would rather be almost anywhere else. He and Parvati had never been special good friends; the closest they had ever been were on the Yule-ball in forth grade, when he had asked her to come with him simply out of pure desperation after Cho turned him down.

However, sitting there with Parvati wasn't that bad, Harry figured out after a while. He had time to think, and he didn't need to worry about being asked questions he didn't want to answer.

After twenty minutes Lupin opened the door to the kitchen and motioned for Harry to come out. Harry let go of Parvati and followed Lupin out.

"Did it go alright?" Lupin asked, and Harry nodded apprehensively.

"Did she say anything?"

"No," Harry answered.

"Do you mind taking care of her a while? I could ask Hermione of course, but if I'm not mistaking she and Parvati weren't what you can call friends, and sense you know what happened to Parvati already, you-"

"But I don't know!" interrupted Harry, staring at the werewolf angrily. How could he just expect Harry to drop everything in his hands to help Parvati, when it would be better for her to go to some of her other friends?

Lupin sighed. "But your dream-?"

"In my dream, I saw mys – er - Voldemort _kill_ Parvati!"

Lupin's eyes widened at this and Harry continued: "First, I saw Voldemort killing her mother, then Bella went in and took Parvati out of her room and ordered her dad to use the Cruciatus Curse on her! But when-" Harry stopped, not because Lupin had said anything, but because of the look Lupin had on his face. At first it looked like he was doing some serious quick thinking, and then there was something that looked like realisation in Lupin's face.

"What?" Harry asked, annoyed.

"What about Padma? What happened to her?" asked Lupin, and Harry caught his breath as the explanation dawned to him, like a bolt of lightning. It wasn't Parvati he had seen die, it was Padma, Parvati's twin! Now as Harry thought about it, he realised that had to be the explanation. Padma looked a lot like Parvati, but he knew it couldn't be Padma who sat in the other room. One thing was to see them in a dream, when he wasn't awake, but it was completely different to see them in reality. Padma was the one who died. How could he had been so wrong? He hadn't even thought about the possibility!

Harry realized he must had been too upset to even think about that it could be Padma. Padma had been in Ravenclaw, and he didn't really knew she was Parvati's twin until forth grade before the ball. He couldn't help but feeling stupid though.

Remus Lupin nodded, he understood what Harry was thinking. "You'll take care of her then?"

Harry nodded, he owed her that much, even though he didn't really want to.

The older man smiled warmly. "Thank you. That'll mean a lot, I'm sure. We don't have much resources to take care of her as much as she'll need right now. I'm sure she'll be grateful, well, at least when she gets a little better."

Harry just shrugged as Remus nodded and went out. Harry wondered if Parvati was ever going to be all right. She was so breakable. He certainly had some hell of a project to work with.

* * *

Harry stayed with Parvati for over an hour. He was awfully bored, and Parvati had been in the same position the whole time. Finally he put away the book he had been reading - _Alternative Curses - _and lifted Parvati's chin so she had to look at him.

"You can't just sit here all day without doing anything," Harry told her sternly, and saw something flash behind her dark eyes. "Let me tell you something," he continued, "we can _either_ go upstairs and _talk_ to Ron, Hermione and Ginny, _or_ we can go outside and take a ride on my new motorcycle. So, what do you say?"

Parvati opened her mouth to speak, but when no sound came out she closed it again. Harry sighed heavily.

"Look, we have something in common, I've also recently lost someone I cared about."

Parvati looked confused, so he quickly explained: "Sirius Black was my Godfather and he… went away not to long ago. I know-"

"_He was a murderer!" _exclaimed Parvati suddenly, talking for the first time ever. Harry quickly recovered from the shock.

"That's what everyone believes, yes, but he was innocent. He was known for killing many muggles including Peter Pettigrew, but I've actually seen Pettigrew at least twice in the last two years, so that's not true. Peter was the one who sold my parents to Voldemort, and Peter was also the one who helped Voldemort back to his body." Harry stopped then, because Parvati had suddenly felled down from the chair, and was twitching and crying hysterically on the floor.

Harry quickly dived down to her and did the same thing he had done for Hermione earlier that day.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, and did his best to comfort her, but she couldn't stop crying. Suddenly Harry got a weird feeling. He turned his head wearily, as if it should be anyone there, but the door remained closed.

He quickly got up with Parvati, whose legs wouldn't carry her. He put her back on the chair; half-thinking he should try a tickling charm on her or something. Parvati stroked one hand across her face, in an attempt to brush the tears away.

Harry felt like a trapped animal. Not only did he have to be in a room with a crying girl he didn't know, he also hadn't gotten the chance to train since the day Hermione came over. He felt a rush of energy under his skin, begging to get out, and he began to pace back and forth on the floor while Parvati cried.

After five more minutes Harry couldn't stand it anymore.

"Parvati," he said firmly, barely able to keep his voice even, "we're going to do _something_, anything else than just being here! So, I've decided, unless you know something better to do, that we are going out for a ride. Right now."

Parvati didn't do anything to show him that she had listened, but Harry didn't care. He dragged her up from the chair and guided her out to the hall. Outside he saw Lupin staring after them, and Harry wondered if Lupin had tried to get in earlier. If somebody had tried that was.

Harry shook his head slightly to Lupin, so he wouldn't follow them.

As soon as they reached the entrance, Harry found his own and Parvati's jacket, which he gave her and told her to get on quickly. He wanted to get out fast before anyone knew what they were up to; he doubted they would let him and Parvati go if they knew what he had planned.

Parvati hesitated, but in the end she just shrugged and took on her jacket. Harry guided her out, took out the motorcycle out from his pocket, and enlarged it. Parvati's jaw dropped slightly, and Harry smirked in a very Slytherin way.

Harry swung his right leg over the bike, and helped Parvati up behind him. He turned around and told her to hold on tight and squeeze him tight if she wanted to go slower, before he silently told the bike to roll forward. Immediately Parvati squeezed him tight around the waist, but that only seemed to be out of shock, because she soon slackened her grip again. Harry told the bike to speed up and fly, and soon they were flying high up in the sky. Luckily it was rather dark and empty under them, so the muggles wouldn't see, but he still wouldn't take any chances. The bike turned invisible, and he heard Parvati cry out, but he grabbed her arm so she knew that he was still there and safe.

After a while, she seemed to settle a bit, and Harry could truly enjoy the view of the small town underneath them. The moon was not full but still very large, and the blank lake ahead of them reflected the light. The stars shone brighter than he ever could've remember seeing them, and they seemed so close that he got the feeling he could almost reach them if he took his arm high. They flew even higher.

The longer they flew, the more motionless did Parvati seem to get, and after twenty minutes Harry turned around so they could get back. Halfway home though, he got a weird, uncomfortable feeling deep down in his stomach. Something wasn't right. Quickly, he reached out behind him, but Parvati was still there. _Calm down, _he told himself, he was getting far too paranoid.

However, after ten more minutes with flying, Harry suddenly felt the bike slow down against his will. He briefly wondered if they needed more gas or something, but then the bike lifted behind him and seemed much lighter. Feeling nauseous, he quickly reached out behind him again, but this time Parvati wasn't there!

Harry almost fainted of the shock. _Oh Merlin!_

Turning the bike down sharply, and saw Parvati falling through the air in an amazing speed. _He wasn't going to make it!_

He turned the bike down even sharper, so they were as good as vertical to the ground, and it was all he could do to not fall of. All his thoughts were on reaching Parvati before she hit the ground. However, the bike was large and clumsy compared to a broomstick, and the wind was like an enormous wall against him. He tried to hide behind the front of the bike because he got tears in the eyes, but it didn't help much. Parvati was still much further down from him, and the ground came towards them with sickening speed. He wouldn't get there soon enough, it went way to slow...

Suddenly, a small, insane idea sneaked up in his head. Quickly – his bike slowing just a bit – he reached for his wand, pointed it at Parvati, and cried:

"_ACCIO PARVATI! ACCIO PARVATI!"_

He hadn't really expected it to work, but then the most amazing, wonderful thing happened; Parvati slowed up and stopped falling! He quickly caught up with her, still focusing on not dropping the charm, and took her hand. It felt cold and damp, like she had already died. And Harry had touched a dead hand before.

With a swift movement that almost detached his arm, he pulled her up in front of him. It was a good thing he had trained over the summer, or else he could never had done it.

Parvati just blinked at him as Harry drove down towards the ground slowly, and then she suddenly looked angry. As soon as they landed and Harry asked the bike to turn of the engine, she started yelling at him, her face dark red.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"Pardon?" asked Harry, dumbfounded.

"WHY DID YOU GO AFTER ME? WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE LET ME FALL? WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE LET ME _DIE?"_

Harry narrowed his eyes at her, he was getting really angry himself now, and he had a major problem with controlling it. Parvati stared back at him with furious, dark eyes for a second, but then her façade broke and she burst out crying again. She felled down on her knees, her hands covering her face, and sobbed hysterically. She was practically having a breakdown, and Harry had no idea what to do. Merlin should know he was hopeless, especially with sobbing girls, so why was he always stuck with them?

He sat down beside her and waited for her to get it all out...

It took quite a while for her. Harry didn't dear to think of what kind of reaction he would get when they got back. They must be really angry… and worried. Worried for their _tool._ He snorted for himself; he had always wanted someone to care where he went, what he did, and why he did it, but now he dreaded to go back because that's exactly what was going to happen.

Unfortunately, the time came where Parvati somehow collected herself. Harry wondered how she could even stand on her feet after all the sobbing, but he kept his mouth shut. Cold, and in Parvati's case also wet, they rode the last bit to Grimmauld Place number12.

* * *

As he expected, Harry found Remus, Molly and even Arthur waiting for him when he got back, and they looked really angry. Parvati was tired, so she went straight to bed, but Harry was stuck with the adults.

"Harry, do you have _any, any_ idea _at all,_ how _dangerous_ it is to just go out like that? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" asked Remus dangerously, and Harry was unpleasantly surprised by the harshness of his words. Lupin wasn't exactly the one who easily lost his temper.

"Harry, I'm _very_ disappointed of you! How could you just go off like that-?" said Arthur Weasley, but Molly was the worst:

"WHERE _HAVE_ YOU BEEN? GO OFF LIKE THAT? DON'T YOU HAVE _ANY_ CONCERN ABOUT HOW MUCH WE NEED YOU? HOW MUCH THE WIZARDING WORLD NEEDS YOU? HOW COULD YOU? ARTHUR AND I HAVE TAKEN CARE OFF YOU LIKE YOU WERE OUR OWN SON, AND THEN YOU STILL-!"

It was like being slapped in the face. Harry honestly didn't thought it would be this bad, he only wanted to help. He did his best to keep a straight face as he waited for them to get finished, but it was hard. To his horror he didn't only want to yell back, he also felt like crying. It was not a combination he liked or even wanted to think about, but that was how he felt. He knew he had been stupid, he knew he had been thoughtless, and he knew it almost had ended horribly wrong, even though the adults didn't know that part.

"I'm sorry," he said when the shouting had quietened a bit, but that only resulting in them shouting again.

"_NOW_ YOU'RE SORRY? DID YOU EVER THINK-?"

Harry stared at them unblinkingly until they had finished, then he escaped up the stairs before they could say anything else. He was now more angry than anything else, and the anger even went down to his fingertips.

Harry used several minutes to calm himself down. He knew it would be stupid of him to face anybody now, because if he did then he would snap for certain. When he finally felt calm enough to face the rest, he began to search for the other teenagers.

He found them in the same room he had left them, only on the couch. Hermione was reading a book, and Ron was leaning over her as if he too was trying to read. Harry knew better though, and he felt his heart sting.

"Hi guys," he greeted them carefully. Hermione looked up at him and smiled, but Ron scowled back at him, startling Harry. The red-head clearly wanted to be left alone with her.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks, and raised his eyebrow at him, who glared stubbornly back. Hermione frowned.

"What's wrong with you two?" She asked, looking over at Harry, and then at Ron, who suddenly looked normal and shook his head. Without saying anything Harry went to bed, feeling more alone than he had at the Dursleys.

* * *

Harry didn't feel much better the following morning. He had woken up early, and he decided to go out for a run like he had done every morning at the Dursleys. The fresh air helped a lot, but he was still in a sombre mood when came back to prepare to the lesson with Dumbledore. He actually wrote down twice as much on the list that Dumbledore had assigned him than he had before, _everything_ that Harry could imagine he could use or just wanted to learn. Harry then wrote the most important ones on a separate note. Some of it he doubted even Dumbledore wanted Harry to learn, but he wrote them down anyway.

After he was done Harry made breakfast for everyone, what took him more time than he had thought in the first place, because there were a lot of people staying at the moment. Harry ate his food as fast as he could, and he had cleaned up his plate Mrs Weasley and Ginny came downstairs. Both of them seemed shocked that Harry had made breakfast before they even got up from bed, but Harry quickly escaped the room before they could make any more comments.

To make the time pass Harry locked himself up in the room Dumbledore would be teaching him in, and locked the door with the strongest locking charm he could accomplish. He had brought the _All About The Unforgivables_ with him, because he attended to give it back to where it belonged. However, since Dumbledore wouldn't arrive until at least half an hour later, Harry decided, somewhat bitterly, to finish the book. He was afraid it was something he had missed that was important. Perhaps he was just too stubborn to give it up, but he didn't like the thought of leaving something out. Decides, Harry had already used them, and would probably have to do it again. If he came to a "kill or be killed" situation, as he certainly would at some point, it could save his life. It was against his morals and it was extremely dangerous, but he had to learn it.

He settled in an armchair in the corner, and mournfully looked through the pages of the book. He didn't find anything that looked new, except from some comments from people that had used it themselves. He kept looking, until something caught his eye. The book was saying something about consequences, but it was something he hadn't noticed before:

_When the caster put so much emotion in the curse as he or she would have to do for the curse to work properly, it is not without a prize. Not only would the caster risk a life-sentence in Azkaban, the Wizard Prison guarded by Dementors, but the caster's soul would also be affected. _The soul would be forever marked_, depending on how **much** the caster enjoyed it._

_The feeling of power is addict able, and the caster would in most cases feel strongly tempted to use an Unforgivable again in the future. If recently used, it would have an effect on Dark Detectors,-_

Harry stopped reading. Full of regret he threw the book across the room, so it landed with a _thump_ in a corner. Absentmindedly he rubbed his forehead between his head, and groaned.

"Something wrong, Harry?" he heard Dumbledore's concerned voice from the door. Harry's head jerked up, and his gut clenched painfully in dread. _How long had he been there?_

"No, Professor," answered Harry quickly; bowing his head so Dumbledore couldn't see that he was dishonest. Dumbledore sighed and conjured a purple armchair so he could sit beside Harry.

"You're early," said Harry, and straightened up a little.

"So are you," said Dumbledore nodded, the twinkling back in his eyes.

"I have that list," said Harry, and handed it over to Dumbledore, who read it with an amused expression on his face. Harry looked over Dumbledore shoulder at the list, and wondered what he was thinking about it.

Confundus charm

Freezing charm

Burning charm

Binding charm

Tracking charm

Message spell

Apparating

Here was the Place Harry had stopped the first time, and he felt his face redden as he looked down the rest of the list:

Absorbing energy curse

Punching spell

Cutting/Gashing curse

Portkey spell

Knee-reversal hex

Privacy shield

The shield Voldemort used in MoM

The shield you used on my birthday

Become an Animagus

Occlumency and Legilimency.

When Dumbledore had finished, he turned to face Harry with a very serious expression on his face.

"You do realize that some of this is Dark Arts, Harry?"

Harry looked down at his hands. "Yes, sir."

"You do realise that some of this is _very_ advanced magic?"

Harry looked up again at this, almost defiantly. "Yes, sir."

"Do you really want to be an animagus?"

"Yes. Sir."

"Very well, then," said Dumbledore, clapping his hands together. "I can't promise that we can cover all of it, but let's see what we can do."

Harry nodded, excited. "Great!"

They, at least Dumbledore, decided they should start at the top of the list and continue down after Harry could do them. They started with the Confundus charm, a Confusion charm, which wasn't really so difficult to do, as Harry had feared. After ten minutes Harry had managed it successfully. Next they started with a simple Freezing charm_, Peskipiksi Pesternomi_, which wasn't so effective, but could be used anyway. Harry realised the charm was good for everyday-life, but not in a duel. They tried the more advanced one too, but after a while Harry wanted to move on to the Burning charm.

Again they started on the easiest one, _Flagrate,_ which Harry had some experience from already, since he had seen Hermione cast them to mark the doors in Minister Of Magic before the term ended. After that they used another Burning charm, _Incendio_. Harry had used that charm before, but this time they practised on the flame too not only be a little flame, but a small bomb with fire. Harry was amused, he didn't even know it was possible.

They practiced the spells in one hour, and then Dumbledore asked Harry if he wanted some rest.

"Absolutely not, Professor!" Harry grinned up at him, "This is fun!"

Dumbledore chuckled.

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Whoa! Not a cliffer for once, eh? Remember to review, or else you might not be so lucky the next time. wink


	10. The Snake and the Egg

A.N: The story _might_ change to Horror/Angst later in the story... Just so you know! Look at my yahoo group **HP**(underline)**CotP** for a picture of this chapter.

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Ch10:** THE SNAKE AND THE EGG**

They continued on to the Binding charm. That one wasn't so easy, Harry quickly figured out. One thing was to conjure the ropes, but there was a completely different thing to tie the ropes around an object. Dumbledore instructed Harry in how he was supposed the make circles with his wand and say '_Incarcero_', but Harry didn't manage it as fast as he would like to. It was like something was holding him back.

"Oh, _come on! _Incarcero!" Harry huffed and made circular movement on the chair they were practising on. Rope sprang from his wand and wrapped itself around the chair. For a moment there actually seemed like he had made it, but then the ropes loosened up and fell on the floor and disappeared. Harry moaned.

"Patience, Harry!" Dumbledore commanded.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry said and tried again with no greater success. Both Dumbledore and Harry sighed at the same time.

"I think this is enough for today," Dumbledore said.

"No!" Harry begged. "Please, let me do it first!"

"Very well."

Harry took a deep breath and collected himself. He _was_ going to do it this time! He started to do the circular moves with his wand and shouted:

"_Incarcero!"_ The ropes once again sprung from his wand and around the chair. This time it stayed put for about ten seconds. Harry smiled; at least he was doing _some_ progress. He turned to the Headmaster. "Okay, _now_ I feel comfortable to take a rest! Oh! Uhm –thank you for helping me, professor. Sorry if I was rude..."

"My pleasure," Dumbledore nodded pleasantly and left with an encouraging twinkle in his eyes in Harry's direction.

-

Harry, however, only rested in ten minutes before deciding to try again. He _wanted_ to manage it better; he wasn't going to give up. _He has powers Voldemort has not... Right! _Harry thought sarcastically to himself._ Voldemort wouldn't have any problem conjuring some stupid ropes around a chair!_

It took one more half an hour before he finally felt like he was doing it right. The ropes could cling on to the chair for two minutes now. Finally, deciding he had enough for the day, he went up to take a shower.

On his way up he walked past Mrs Weasley, who seemed shocked, Hermione who looked up at him oddly, and Ron, who didn't seem to notice him. Harry frowned. He had to smell really bad.

"We are going to Diagon Alley soon, do you want to come? And why are you all sweaty?" Mrs Weasley asked, and Ron finally looked up. Harry carefully avoided his eyes.

"I've been practising," Harry answered. "I guess I can come, if I'm allowed to take a shower first. But what about Parvati?"

Hermione, who had raised an eyebrow that Harry had been practising, frowned. Harry sent her a reassuring smile.

"Lupin asked me to take care of her."

"She's asleep," Mrs Weasley said, answering Harry's question. Harry nodded, and went up to take the quick shower.

-

When Harry was done and came downstairs, Molly came and grabbed his arm gently.

"There you are!" She said and guided him to the fireplace, where the others already were lined up.

It didn't take long before they were walking in a group in the unusually quiet street of Diagon Alley.

"Why is everything so quiet?" Ron asked incredulously. It was all Harry could do to not roll his eyes.

"Honestly Ron, do you really think people want to draw attention to themselves now as they know Voldemort is back?" Hermione snapped, and Ron actually kept his mouth shut rest of the time after that.

They got their school supplies, new robes, and (in secret,) a gift for Hermione as quickly as they could. Harry also got many stares, but it wasn't so bad as it could be.

After they were done shopping the things they needed they went down to _Weasley Wizard Wheezes,_ Fred and George new joke shop. The twins were delighted to have their family over for a visit, and, especially Harry. They said it was good public relations.

Harry browsed and bought a lot. He had a feeling they would need some laughs in the following year. He actually felt a little better in the shop, like the real world only existed outside the wall of the shop.

"We got to go, Harry," Hermione said from the door to draw Harry's attention. Harry huffed and followed Hermione and the rest out of the door. Fred and George waived cheerfully after them.

Ginny came up on Harry's left side.

"Hi," she said, blushing slightly.

"Hi Ginny," Harry said, but couldn't help to look around him all the time in case some Death Eaters were approaching. The tense atmosphere in Diagon Alley made him feel more alert for each step he took.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked, grabbing his upper arm. Harry startled, and Ginny quickly withdraw her hand as if she were burned.

"Auch!" she said, massaging her hand. "What did you do that for?"

"Did what?" Harry asked in return.

"You burned me!" She exclaimed. They Weasleys and Hermione stopped dead in their tracks, and Harry suddenly felt like he had been caught spying.

"I did not!" Harry denied.

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"You did!"

Harry sighed. "In that case: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"That's okay," Ginny said quietly, but she kept a good distance to Harry after that.

"Just trying to stay alert, that's all," Harry mumbled. Mrs Weasley didn't seem to know what she could say to that, and kept quiet.

-

They didn't stay long in Diagon Alley. Even though Diagon Alley had a lot of guards and security arrangements, Death Eaters could still attack, especially if they knew Harry Potter was there.

Harry didn't waste a minute when they had flooed back to Grimmauld Place 12. He ran straight to the library, and began searching for a book about Occlumency. After ten minutes he found a book that looked like could contain any information. The cover was dull brown, and Golden letters with the text: '_A Path To The Mind'_ shone up at him. Harry suspected that also this book contained Dark Arts, but there weren't exactly many other books about Occlumency he could choose from. He sat down in an armchair and had just opened the book to read it when Hermione came in. Her eyes widened at the sight of Harry, but then she smiled and came over. Harry put away the book and greeted her.

"What are you reading?" she asked curiously, and cocked her head in a very cute way.

"A book about Occlumency... 'A Path To The Mind'" Harry explained.

"Oh!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed. "Can I read it with you?"

"Sure," Harry said, moving to the floor so both of them could read at the same time. Hermione settled down beside Harry, and Harry felt a wave of gratitude towards her for being his friend. She seemed to notice and gave him a quick, warm smile, before Harry opened the book again so they could start to read.

-

The book was very informative. It explained everything from how to empty your mind to enter an others. I.e. the fact that meditating had helped a lot of wizard, and how candles in a circle could help you relax and get more aware of yourself and your thoughts. It also explained that to just empty your mind wasn't enough. You also had to get rid of _all_ emotions, or else it would be very easy for an intruder to manipulate him- or herself in. Several times Harry found himself frowning. If _only_ Snape would have bothered to tell him some of this, then perhaps it wouldn't have been so difficult!

"Do you want to try?" Hermione asked suddenly, and Harry startled.

"Huh?"

"The candle-thing?" Hermione asked again, and sat up.

"I dunno..." Harry said, he couldn't help but feel a bit stupid of the thought. "Do we have any candles?" he asked, not wanting to sound like a coward.

"I think so, down in the kitchen. Should I get some?"

Harry hesitated; he didn't really feel up to it. _What if somebody walked in on them? That would be_ so _embarrassing..._

Hermione scowled at him. "What's the point of reading that book if you doesn't want to try anything? You-"

"All right, all right, get the candles then!" Harry snapped, and Hermione disappeared. Harry felt bad about snapping at her, so he quickly apologised when she came up again with the candles. She just smirked at him and began to arrange the candles.

Harry still didn't felt good of the idea.

"Okay, all set," Hermione said and lit them. They both moved inside the ring and sat on the opposite side of each other, holding hands. Hermiones' hands, Harry noticed, seemed to be a bit damp. They both tried to relax and empty their minds.

To empty his head was one ting, Harry noticed, but there was something else to get rid of the feeling that where soaring through his veins. He felt very uneasy and self-conscious, and at the same time he felt warm shot from his fingers to his shoulders, reminding him of how he felt after casting the Avada Kedavra. _No,_ he thought, _this is not the time to think about it. Empty yourself now..._

Harry regained his composure, and after a while he felt more comfortable. Hermione seemed to be utterly relaxed, to Harry's irritation.

He sighed heavily, only focusing on a black wall and nothing else.

-

After a while Harry lost track of time, actually, he wasn't aware of anything anymore, the blackness was overwhelming. Harry was certain that not even Snape or Dumbledore could force themselves into his mind right then. His head felt oddly disconnected with his body, and it had begun to throb slightly, as if he was getting a headache.

Satisfied, Harry decided he could end it, but to snap out of it wasn't so easy as he would have liked it to be. It was like he was swimming to the surface from a very deep ocean. Suddenly, he felt someone shaking his shoulders, and he inhaled sharply, and opened his eyes. Ron was standing over him with a very annoyed expression. The candles had gone out.

"What are you doing?" Ron asked, looking from Harry to Hermione and back at Harry again.

"Practising Occlumency," Harry answered truthfully, carefully keeping any resentment he felt for Ron at the moment out from his voice.

"Really?" Ron asked, arching an eyebrow, as he didn't quite believe him. "Funny, I didn't see you do anything like this last year. It looks more like you're having a ritual or something!"

Harry looked over to Hermione, who now had her eyes open, staring intently at him. Harry was suddenly aware of that he still held her hands, but stubbornly he held on to them. If Ron didn't like it then it was Ron's problem, not Harry's.

"Right then," Ron said, clearly trying to draw attention to himself. "Eh, Hermione?" Ron asked when he saw Hermione looking at him. "Can we talk?"

Hermione hesitated, but then nodded slowly. "Sure." She gave Harry an 'I'm sorry' look and followed Ron out. Harry sighed as the loneliness washed over him again. He had a feeling that Ron was trying to steal Hermione from him, and he didn't like it.

Harry really wished he could have someone to talk to, even a snake could do right now. If he only could conjure- Harry suddenly stopped his train of thoughts. He _could_ actually conjure a snake; he had seen Draco Malfoy do it in his second year. Harry stood up, pointed the wand at the floor in front of him and shouted "_Serpensortia!"_

A big, golden snake shot from his wand and landed with a hiss in front of him. Harry's breath caught in his throat.

"_Can you hear me?"_ Harry asked in Parselmouth. The snake turned its head and looked at Harry with bright, emerald eyes that could match Harry's own.

"_Yesss_," the snake hissed.

"_Hi," _Harry said, not really knowing what else to say. The snake only glared at him and took its tongue in and out to smell him.

"_Do you have a name?" _Harry asked politely, and lay down beside her. He felt totally safe with the snake.

"_Name? No, I have not."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I do not belong here,"_ the snake answered.

Harry said nothing.

"_What isss troubling you, human?_" The snake asked.

Harry rubbed his forehead. "_It is my-"_ Harry tried to say 'friend,' but there didn't seem to be a word for that in Parselmouth. "_My –brother,"_ Harry tried, and continued: "_He is jealous in something both he and I have, but he want it for himself." _

"_I sssee," _the snake said. _"Doesss he ssshowsss fangsss?"_

"_Kind of. He- tries to keep me away."_

"_What 'thing' are we talking about?"_

"_A –female," _Harry was a little embarrassed of the word, but there didn't seem to be a word for 'girl' either.

"_Do you want thisss female?"_

Harry felt himself go red. "_I do not know,"_ he confessed.

"_Isss ssshe worth fighting for?" _

"_I think so,"_ Harry answered, _"but I can risk losing my –brother -in the process."_

"_What about an other female?"_ The snake asked.

"_I do not know,"_ Harry said again and sighed.

"_You are frussstrated," _The snake said matter-of-factly.

"_Yes."_

"_I need to go sssoon."_

"_Why?"_ Harry asked; he didn't want the snake to go.

"_Asss I sssaid, I do not belong to thisss world."_

"_Can I summon you again?"_

"_Yesss, but I would not remember anything of thisss." _

Harry felt even sadder. The snake seemed to notice.

"_I can give you something of mine. Ssso you have someone to talk to that would not leave."_

"_You can?"_

"_Yesss. You ssseem worthy. Not everyone can talk our language."_

Harry smiled. "_Thank you, but what exactly is it?"_

"_An egg. Our sssort can only give away one egg, so you have to take good care of it. Keep it warm, and feed my baby when ssshe isss born." _

"_Yes, of course!" _Harry's heart hammered wildly in his chest.

The great, golden snake studied him for a moment. Then she began to coil around herself, much faster than Harry would have thought were possible for a snake her size. She span faster and faster until all Harry could she was a whirl with fire, and some small sparkles... and then she was gone. All that remained was a golden egg with the size of a chicken egg.

Harry carefully crawled over to it, and took the cool, smooth egg up in his hand. It was simply perfect.

He remembered what the snake said about keeping it warm, and he wondered how he could do that. He couldn't simply take it in a cauldron over the fireplace, like Hagrid had done with the Dragon Egg. He wondered if Hermione would come back, but it didn't seem like she would. Harry wondered if she was worth fighting for. If he did, he would probably lose Ron's friendship, and it wasn't even certain if Hermione even liked him that way, or even if _he _liked her that way, and if both of them did, it wasn't even certain that they could work it out.

But on the other hand, he didn't like the thought of Ron having her either.

Harry thought back in how it had been in forth grade, when he and Ron had argued because Ron refused to believe that Harry hadn't put his name in the Goblet. It had been awful, and he was glad he had Ron back. But still, he couldn't help but feeling a bit hurt of the memory that Ron didn't believe him. That Ron actually thought Harry was just seeking more attention to himself by risking his life _again._

Harry sighed heavily and put the egg in his pocket. At least there it wouldn't get cold.

-

Harry didn't see Hermione before the next morning, when he came down for breakfast. She looked very sad and tired, and wouldn't meet his eyes. Harry wondered what Ron had said to her and felt a flash of anger that threatened to boil over. It was so close to the surface those days...

Almost instantly he felt a sharp tug in his right arm, and he jumped in surprise. Nobody seemed to notice, but Harry froze in his spot and felt very uneasy. The feeling ended as soon as it had came, and Harry shook his head for a moment. Maybe he had just slept in a bad position or something?

Parvati came down for breakfast, but she didn't eat anything. Harry felt bad for her, and he wondered how it would have been like for him if he had lost his parents now, instead of when he was one year old, when he didn't understand much. He guessed it would have been terrible, but on the other hand he wouldn't have to live with the Dursleys. Harry shivered. _If only Sirius was alive..._

-

After the breakfast Harry went for a run, the egg in his hand all the time so he wouldn't lose it. He actually missed boxing a bit because it felt so good to just punch the energy out, but there was hardly anything he could do about it now. After he was done he went up to the library, so he could study more in the Occlumency book. On the way he ran into Ron.

Both of them stopped immediately, and shared an uncomfortable silence.

"What have I done, Ron?" Harry finally asked, glaring daggers with Ron.

"Huh? Nothing –_mate_," Ron said and tried to get past Harry. Harry pushed him back.

"Tell me!" Harry demanded, getting impatient.

"What have Hermione told you?" Ron asked, red on the ears. Harry thought back.

"That you wanted to date her," Harry answered truthfully.

"She did, did she? Was it before or after the article in Daily Prophet?

"What article?" Harry asked, but when Ron gave him a look he remembered. "Oh, _that_ article? Right..."

"What did you do, anyway?" Ron asked. "Did you _kiss?_" Now it was Harry's turn to go red.

"Uh, -no?"

"You _did!"_ Ron exclaimed. "How _could_ you?"

Harry didn't answer, but instead he said: "Hey, Ron, we agreed that there couldn't be anything more between us! I don't wanna lose you!"

Ron shot him a murderous look and left. This time Harry didn't try to stop him.

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Out of curiosity... Who do _you_ want Harry to get together with? It's probably not going to have any effect in the plot, but it would be interesting to know what kind of shippers that reads my story... :)


	11. Back to Hogwarts

**A.N:** Thanks to everyone that have reviewed; it looks like most of you want Hermione to get with Harry! I'm still holding on to my original plan, but I'll keep that in mind.

Remember Rowling owns it all. -Always!

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Ch11:** GOING BACK**

After Ron had left Harry had a big knot in his stomach. In a doleful mood he walked to the library, where he originally were going. He was startled by the sound of someone crying.

Hermione.

Carefully he walked towards her, his heart melting at the sight of her. She was sitting in an armchair; her legs hoisted up to her chin, and her arms protectively around herself.

"'mione?" He asked softly, and settled down beside her. "What's wrong?"

Hermione didn't answer, she just buried her face deeper down between her knees.

"Is it Ron?" Harry asked, knowing the answer.

Hermione nodded.

"He has asked you to stay away from me, hasn't he?" Harry asked, getting more and more angry from every second.

Hermione hesitated for a moment, and then nodded again. Harry didn't say anything more, he just grabbed '_A Path To The Mind'_ and left.

While he walked towards his room, he took the egg up from his pocket. He didn't know exactly why the egg and the snake within were so appealing to him, except from the fact that he needed someone to talk to.

"Hatch soon," he told the egg, and put it carefully back in his pocket.

-

-

The final days before the term started approached quickly. Every day Harry keept up with his morning run, and every other day his lesson with Dumbledore. That was the only times in the day he actually had some kind of fun, and that was saying something.

The rest of the time went to reading and sleeping. If Hermione hadn't been so depressed that she actually couldn't study very much, (which _definitely _was saying something!) Harry could have given her a run for the money.

Harry often kept Parvati with company, but he wasn't making any special progress with her. He had gotten some small conversations with her from time to time, and she actually had started eating a bit after Harry told her that her family wouldn't have wanted her to suffer, and by doing that to herself she didn't repay them much. That, if anything, seemed to work a bit. However, except from that, he could just as well have been alone, because she wasn't doing much else.

Ginny seemed to be avoiding Harry after the encounter in Diagon Alley. Harry was getting really angry with her; he hadn't meant to hurt her, and she should know that. But, of course, maybe she just was supporting her brother, like the rest of the Weasleys –except Molly, and perhaps Arthur, was.

Harry and Dumbledore had just finished the Tracking charm and were now due to start on the Message Spell. The Message Spell was a spell Harry had found in the book he had gotten from Tonks to his birthday, and could be very useful. The only problem was that it was very advanced magic, and was done in a different way than Harry had practised before. You had to think of the message you wanted to send, and then say '_anunciar' _for it to work. Harry had gotten some golden sky out from his wand, but that was about it. Dumbledore had been very pleased with Harry's quick progress in the Binding and Tracking charm, and Harry felt like he should do this just as quickly. It was expected from him, and he expected it from himself.

Harry didn't know if he really wanted to go back to Hogwarts that year. He didn't look forward to be the middle of attention again, and he didn't look forward to all the noise and problems that always found him in one way or another. And how could he keep practise with his morning run and his lessons with Dumbledore when he was there, and everybody, including him, would be very busy?

Hedwig hooted from his bed, and flew over to where Harry was sitting in front of the enchanted window.

"Hi girl," Harry said and stroke absentmindedly over her feathers. She stood perfectly still, as if she understood that Harry needed her to just bee there for him.

-

Harry didn't come down to lunch that day, nor did he show up to dinner. He was hungry, but he didn't feel much comfortable sitting together with Ron and many other people when they just kept scowling at him when they thought he didn't notice.

Harry felt a pang of jealousy. The Weasleys was the family he had always wanted. He family where they supported each other no matter what, a family you could turn to. It didn't matter that they were poor. The last couple of years Harry had almost felt like a part of that family whenever he came to visit, but now it was obvious that he could never be a part of them. The only reason they had been friendly towards him in the first place, was because he was the Boy Who Lived, and they felt sorry for him.

Harry's jealousy quickly turned to anger when he thought of it. How could he have been so blind? So naïve?

Harry was suddenly aware of that his arm was tickling. He glanced down at it, but it looked perfectly normal. _Why shouldn't it be?_ He wondered.

-

-

One day before the term started Harry couldn't stand to be alone or with Parvati anymore, and he went to look for Hermione.

She wasn't particular hard to find, she lay stretched out on a couch in the library, asleep, with a book over her stomach.

Harry bent over her and took away the book, and Hermione's eyes fluttered open.

"Harry!" She exclaimed, but Harry took a hand over her mouth, silencing her.

"Hermione, we need to talk, I don't care what Ron says."

Hermione nodded and sat up, allowing Harry to talk. Harry sighed, not exactly knowing how to begin.

"Hermione, you-"Harry paused for a moment while he tried to find another way to explain what he had on mind. When he didn't find one, he swallowed hard, and said: "You're really special to me. I don't think I can ever tell you how much you mean to me, but... I want you to be happy. I thought you would be happy with Ron, but everybody can see that you aren't."

Harry looked up at her and was about to continue, but when he saw that her eyes filled with tears, the words escaped him.

Hermione sniffed and tried to brush the tears away. It didn't work all that well though, because it kept coming new ones replacing where the old ones had been.

"I just don't know what to do!" She suddenly cried out, "I mean- I think I _might _like Ron, but... I'm not sure –if... if... I just wish –I... just some more time!" Suddenly Hermione got an angry look behind her eyes, and her voice grew steadier. "But Ron he... I don't know... It's like he sees me as a competition or something! I just don't get it! I don't know what to do!"

Harry thought for a minute, and then he said slowly, but with difficulty: "I think you should give him some time. But don't make him do anything with you that you don't –er- want to. Whatever makes you happy."

"Thanks Harry," Hermione said, looking down.

"But-" Harry said, a bit more firmly, "I don't want him to come between us. I need you." -_A lot,_ Harry added for himself.

"Thank you, that means a lot," Hermione said and managed a weak smile, before she lay her head down on the couch again in frustration, "How did everything get so bloody complicated?"

"That's Ron's line," Harry joked, and Hermione laughed.

"Yeah, I know. But how are you doing? I haven't seen you around much lately."

"Yeah, well, I'm not that popular these days."

"I've noticed," Hermione said softly, and gave him a tight embrace, which Harry returned.

-

-

Harry had hoped that things with Ron would improve before they want to the Hogwarts express, but not much had changed when Harry said goodbye to the Weasleys. Lupin and Tonks would keep them with company, or rather, safety assurance, and Harry, Hermione, Ginny and a reluctant Ron had to find an apartment that were big enough for all of them. Parvati joined them, but she didn't seem to be there with spirit.

They practically had to sit on each other's lap, but it didn't take long before Lupin and Tonks took turns in patrolling the corridors, and Hermione and Ron had to go to the Prefect meeting. Harry sighed with relief when Ginny could move down from his lap. She had a very pointy bottom, and he was beginning to loose the feeling in his left leg.

Harry used a lot of time just staring outside the window. Sometimes Tonks or Lupin, depending on who were there with him, tried to get him, Ginny or Parvati to talk, but to no success.

After half an hour Draco, Crabbe and Goyle came to see them as usual.

"Nothing better to do, Malfoy?" Harry said, rolling his eyes. Draco seemed to pay them a visit every year.

Draco eyed him for a moment, and then he smirked. "What do you need a old _teacher_ for, Potter? Do you want to get better grades or something? You will need it..."

"Probably," Harry said, with a completely cool voice. Malfoy was not going to get to him this time.

"You don't have much time, you know," Malfoy said, his tone dropping with every word.

"How come?" Harry asked, uninterested. Ginny looked up, with an unreadable expression.

"You should know, _Potter,_ that I _hear_ things, even though Father is in prison _at the moment..."_

"Oh yeah?" Harry asked, but suddenly Lupin stood up.

"What, _exactly,_ have you heard, Mr Malfoy?"he asked, in a tone that could match Mc Gonagall's when she caught someone duelling in the halls.

"Who are you to ask, _werewolf?_ I didn't think you actually made a professor this year, there is too many people around."

If Draco's words had stung Lupin, he gave no sign of it. Harry, however, felt his temper start to run through his veins.

"Stuff it, would you?" He snarled, and Draco cocked his head.

"Just remember I warned you, Potty," Draco smirked, and left. Harry sighed and stared out of the window again, like Parvati had done all the time.

-

Ron and Hermione joined them ten minutes after, Ron more acid looking than ever. However, when Harry glanced over at him, Ron looked away, instead of glaring hatefully at him, like he had used to.

Harry wondered what Hermione had told him, and gave her a confused look. She gave a small smile in return, however, she seemed to be in a sad mood too.

"Malfoy came over," Ginny said, starting a conversation.

"When hasn't he?" Ron asked boringly. "What did the Ferret want this time?"

Ginny explained.

"Well, that was a new one," Ron said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Hermione looked uncertain.

"But what if he has a point? What Voldemort or somebody else has made some new plans this year, to get to Harry?"

"Hermione, they're always after him," Ron said, and Harry agreed.

"Nevertheless, you should be extra careful this year, Harry," Lupin said matter-of-factly, glancing at Harry. Ginny seemed to shrink deeper down in her seat.

"I'm always careful!" Harry said, but nobody believed him. "Decides," he continued, "I'm not the one who finds trouble, it's the trouble that finds me!"

Nobody seemed to want to argue with him on that matter.

Harry took his hand in his pocket, gripping around the egg like he had done so many times already, wondering if he should tell anybody about it.

He decided not to.

-

Soon they were outside on the platform, waving at the beaming Hagrid as they walked towards the carriages pulled by Thestrals. Harry unwillingly shuddered at the sight of them. _They made him remember-_

"Harry!" somebody yelled behind him, and Harry turned around to see who it was.

Cho.

Harry had expected his stomach to do a weird lurch, but felt nothing.

"Hi Cho," Harry answered.

"Can I talk to you?" Cho asked, studying him pleadingly.

"Er... sure," Harry said, and took a step to follow her, but Tonks grabbed his arm.

"Are you sure this is safe, Harry?" Tonks asked. "I can come just in case-"

"I can take care of myself. Don't worry, I'll be close by," Harry snapped, and Tonks realised him.

Normally, Harry would rather face a Hungarian Horntail than be alone with Cho, but now it was different.

"Over here," Cho said and took his right hand, pulling him towards an empty carriage.  
Harry arched an eyebrow; he had expected this to be quick. For the first time that evening he began to be nervous. _Sure she didn't want them to get back together?_

Without thinking Harry stopped abruptly in front of the Thestral that was pulling their wagon, and stroke it carefully with his left hand, the one Cho wasn't holding. The Thestral turned it's head and stared at him with blank, empty eyes. Harry bit his lip in order to not do anything emotional, and took a step back.

"Sorry about that," he said to Cho, who interestedly had watched the scene with slightly round eyes. Sighing silently Harry followed her into the wagon, and closed the door. Shortly after they began to roll forward.

Harry turned to face her. "So, what did you want to say?"

Cho suddenly looked very nervous, and began to twin her fingers. "Uh, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened last year. I wasn't ready for a relationship, and I was emotional all over the place... I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Harry reassured her. "I'm the one who should apologize, I wasn't exactly sensitive."

Cho smiled. "I guess we were both messing it up then."

"Yeah," Harry chuckled, and they both grew silent for a while.

"Do you- do you think that we could make it better -if we tried again?" Cho asked silently, startling Harry out of his thoughts.

"What about Roger?" Harry asked, without thinking.

"Oh... That didn't work," Cho said quickly, and then blushed. "He didn't like that I just kept talking about you."

Harry did his very best not to gape at her. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be... I don't think that we could've worked it out anyway." She paused. "So... er... do you?"

Harry studied her for a moment. She was still beautiful, with her long, smooth, black hair and deer-eyes, but he couldn't imagine himself being with her anymore.

"I don't think so," Harry finally answered, and hung his head in dishonour. "I'm sorry, but a lot of thing has happened the last months. I just don't think it would be the same."

"Oh, I see, that's okay," Cho said, also looking down. "But can I ask you one thing though? It's kind of rude... Actually, there are two things I'd like to ask-"

"Just ask Cho."

"Er, okay... Is it because of Hermione? I saw The Daily Prophet-"

"No," Harry interrupted.

"Okay- er- did you ever like me? For real, I mean?"

"Yeah, since our first match in third grade," Harry said, and now it was his turn to blush.

"Oh..." Cho said; her eyes round with surprise. "Really?"

"Really."

"Wow..." Cho said in astonishment, and seemed to cheer up a bit.

"Friends?" Harry asked.

"Friends."

-

The rest of the ride went well, and Harry actually found himself enjoying her company now as they had cleared things up.

He was glad he had been honest with her.

Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Parvati had taken another compartment, and were waiting for them when they got out.

"Sure you have enough girls with you, Ron?" Harry teased without thinking.

Ron turned deep red and was about to answer, then obviously remembered he was supposed to be mad at him, because no sound came out, and he avoided Harry's look. Cho used that moment to say goodbye, and went over to her friends.

"So, what happened between you and Cho?" Ginny asked, in a fake, cheery tone.

"Nothing," Harry answered honestly.

"Right," Ron snorted. Hermione and Parvati just looked down on the ground, saying nothing.

"I'm serious!" Harry said. "I told her I was not interested anymore!"

"Oh," Ginny said, and blushed slightly. "Sorry."

Harry smiled. "No bother. Shall we go then?"

-

Hogwarts hadn't yet loosed its charm, and Harry felt warm at the feeling of finally being back. It was a weird thought that in two years he wouldn't go back. Not as a student anyway.

Harry didn't really pay any attention to the Sorting or to Dumbledore's tale about the return of Voldemort, and soon they were actually eating and talking, even Harry.

Hermione didn't seem so cheerful though, and that began to worry Harry after a while. She only answered 'yes' or 'no' questions, and didn't even say something when Seamus brought up that the House Elves still knew how to cook, or when Neville mentioned for the tenth time that he had sheared a compartment with Luna, and everybody began to tease him.

Harry glanced over at Parvati beside him, and, sure enough, she wasn't eating anything, nor was she talking or laughing. Even Lavender, Parvati's best friend, seemed oddly withdrawn, and didn't try to talk to her.

"You got to eat something," Harry said firmly, and pushed the plate towards her. Parvati shuddered and hesitantly put some food into her mouth, the fork shivering.

"That's my girl," Harry said happily, and turned his attention again to what Ron was saying about the Chudley Cannons.

-

When they walked to the Common room Hermione still hadn't cheered up, and Harry was both more annoyed and concerned about her than ever. Just as Ron, Parvati and Ginny disappeared behind the Fat Lady, (the password was 'phoenix') Harry almost held Hermione back to ask her what was wrong, but decided to drop it in the last second.

Maybe she would get better in the morning.

Hermione glanced uncertain at him for a moment, as if she sensed what Harry had been thinking. Harry smiled innocently at her, and they went in.

The Gryffindor common room looked exactly like Harry had remembered it, and he sighed with pure comfort. He kicked himself mentally when he remembered that he hadn't wanted to go back a couple of days ago in the first place. _What was he even thinking?_ This was where he belonged. This was the place he could call home.

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I hope this chapter wasn't too dull, but it has to be like this, or else...(do I really need to finish this sentence?)

Please review!


	12. McClaggan

**Author's **(silly?) **Note**: Nothing of this is mine, neither is McClaggan actually. (Look in Rowling's official site if in doubt)

I also want to thank my wonderful reviewers... I really treasure it!

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Ch12:** McCLAGGAN**

When Harry went to bed that night, his head was swirling madly with thoughts, of everything that had happened to him the last years. Of all that he had lost, and of all things he had experienced. He felt guilty, because he hadn't thought so much about Sirius lately.

Harry wished he could turn the time back to the end of third year. If he just could've captured Wormtail, none of this would've happen. Nobody would be dead, and Voldemort would still be in hiding somewhere... waiting. More dead than alive, but still gone.

Harry knew now that the decision he had made in the Shrieking Shack was the most important decision he had made so far, and he had messed it up badly.

Harry turned around and somehow drifted off to sleep. He had forgotten all about Occlumency.

-

_They were standing in a dark room. Around them there was high, grey walls without any windows. Only a small lamp in the roof lightened the room up. Harry could see a cage against one of the walls, behind Wormtail, who were on his knees._

"_Is it all set, my Lord?" Pettigrew asked, with a thin, squeaky voice._

"_Soon Pettigrew. We still need more time."_

"_How long, Master?"_

"_Not long, patience, Pettigrew. Now, do you know _exactly _what to do?"_

"_Yes, my Lord."_

_Harry laughed. "That old, Muggle-loving fool won't know what hit him! The plan is _perfect

"_Yes, my Lord."_

"_Now, go someplace until I need you," Harry dismissed and waved his hand. Wormtail left the room so fast that he just as well could've apparated._

_Harry turned around, his coat swirling around him, and faced a mirror, which stood beside a large chair. Harry's reflection showed him a pair of red, evil eyes in an almost white skull, with two slits as nostrils. Some inner part of Harry twisted. _

"_Yes, Potter." He sneered, "That's right. Soon."_

_-_

Harry opened his eyes with a start. Quickly he turned around in the bed and vomited on the floor.

"That's disgusting." Ron said from the bed beside him. Harry was about to answer when his scar suddenly gave a jolt of pain trough him.

"Arg! Stop it!" Harry moaned, both hands over his forehead now.

"Stop what?"

"Not _you!" _Harry gasped. "_Him!"_

"Oh," Ron said, and was silent.

Harry grabbed his wand and vanished the vomit with an '_Evanesco,'_ then he rolled back in his bed and stared up in the ceiling.

"I _hate_ this!" Harry blurted out after a while, but then he heard snoring beside him. Ron had felled asleep again.

-

-

When Harry got up from bed that morning, he felt like he hadn't slept at all. His head was heavy, and he felt oddly disorientated. Harry cursed himself for not practising Occlumency.

Hermione, who was waiting for Harry and Ron to come down, frowned when she saw Harry.

"What have you-"she began, but Harry interrupted.

"Don't ask," he said, but saw Ron gave Hermione a 'I'll tell you later' look out of the corner of his eye. He could have cared less though. He was much more interested in figuring out what his dream, or rather, vision, meant.

"What classes are you taking this year?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Runes, Arithmancy, Defence, Charms, Transfiguration and Potions."

"What, you don't take 'Care Of Magical Creatures' this year?" Harry asked, perplexed. Hermione hung her head.

"No. I would need a Time Turner again if I did, and I don't think I'm up to that again."

"Oh," Harry said. "What about you, Ron?"

"I'm taking Defence, Charms and Care Of Magical Creatures," Ron answered, without looking at him.

"Why don't you take Potion? Or _Transfiguration?_" Hermione asked, stealing Harry's words out of his mouth. "I thought you wanted to be an Auror!"

Ron shrugged. "Nah, after what happened in the... er... Ministry of Magic last year, I figured that I wanted something more than chasing bad guys and be a slave for the Ministry."

Harry struggled hard to keep a normal face; it felt like he had stepped down in a hole. He remembered all to well what had happened last year, but not that it had affected Ron so much. And, again, Harry was the one to blame.

"I'm sorry," Harry said and hung his head. Suddenly he didn't want to be around them anymore, he wanted to be alone.

He slowed down and hoped that Hermione or Ron wouldn't notice and just continue along. Hermione, however, did notice, and wouldn't let Harry do such a thing.

"Come _on,_ Harry!" She said and dragged his arm. "What's going on? Tell us!"

"He saw something from You-Know-Who again," Ron explained. A moment Harry was afraid that Ron would mention the vomiting, but he didn't. Harry gave him a look.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "What kind of sight? A vision?"

"Yeah, kind off," Harry said. "He's up to something."

"Shocker!" Ron said sarcastically, but when Hermione gave him a look, he cleared his throat and asked: "What did you see?"

"Er... We was standing in some kind off dark room, without windows... Uhm, Wormtail was there, standing in front of some cage. He and I- er- Voldemort were talking. I don't remember exactly what they said, but they said something about a plan they've been working on, and that it was ready soon... Oh!" Harry added, "it got something to do with Dumbledore!"

Hermione's eyes widened. "Odd," she said, "It always use to be you."

"Yeah!" Ron voted in. "Maybe they're gonna use Harry to _get_ to Dumbledore or something?"

"Could be," Harry said. "I wouldn't be surprised. It's always about me, isn't it?" Harry couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but Ron and Hermione seemed to understand.

"I don't think they would be able to get to you, Harry. You are very well protected."

They reached the Great Hall for breakfast, and Ginny waved them over.

"Hey you three!" She said, "The classes begin soon! Why are you so late?"

Ron explained, and Ginny's reaction was quite similar to Hermione's.

"You're sure that one was real?" she asked, twinning her hair between her fingers. "It wasn't fake, like last time?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "It seemed to be real enough. But Voldemort knew I was there, he talked to me."

Ron choked his drink, and Hermione and Ginny gasped.

"You didn't tell us _that!"_ Hermione exclaimed. Harry smiled apolitically.

"I didn't think it was important," Harry said.

"What did he say?" Ginny asked, before Ron could. She had gone very pale, Harry noticed, and her freckles stood out more clearly than usual.

"Er... he said..." Harry had to think for a moment before he remembered. "He said: 'That's right, Potter. Soon.'"

Nobody said anything for a long time, but suddenly Ginny exclaimed: "The time! We're late!"

_That_ was true. The classes started five minutes ago, and they were the only students left in the Great Hall.

Hermione cried out and jolted up from the seat. "Oh my God! You're right! We got to hurry! Oh _no!_ The first day and _all!"_

Luckily, Ron and Harry's first lesson was 'Care of Magical Creatures,' and Hagrid wasn't exactly very severe. Hermione, however, had Arithmancy, her favourite subject. Harry honestly didn't think Hermione would get in trouble if she was late one or another day, she was the best student in the class.

Harry and Ron ran outside to where Hagrid kept his lesson as fast as they could, and made it only ten minutes late. However, the class hadn't even settled down yet, and most of the students were chatting loudly with each other.

Harry spotted Parvati, and went over to her, Ron following closely behind him.

"Come on!" Harry urged, and they sat down exactly when Hagrid clapped his hands together, signalising that the class had begun.

"Ello, everyone!" he said and beamed. "How are you doin' eh?"

Nobody answered. Harry suspected that at least half of them only took this class because it's easy to get good grades in.

"Had a good summer?" Hagrid tried again.

This time there was some 'yes' and some 'no,' but most of the class were silent, like Harry, Ron and Parvati was.

"Right then!" Hagrid said, "Today we're studyin' a very special creature. They're called Demiguises. Can anybody tell us sometin' abou' 'em?"

Nobody answered this time either. Harry suspected that without Hermione the classes would be like that.

"Er... right," Hagrid said, and looked a bit uncomfortable before he collected himself again. Harry shifted boringly on the ground.

"Demiguises are some very interestin' creature indeed, they 'ave the ability to turn invisible. They enjoy spy on people and stealin' their sweets. They can remind you of a monkey the way they look. The Demiguises is usually white, and their fur is often used in invisibility cloaks. So, any questions?" Hagrid asked, and beamed when nobody seemed to have any. Then he clasped his hands enthusiastically together, and said: "Come on then, follow me!"

All the pupils got up, stretching their legs, but stopped when they saw that Hagrid was heading towards the Forbidden forest. Ron gave Harry a worried look, but Harry ignored him. He didn't care much, but he didn't like the thought of meeting Aragog, the Centaurs, or Grawp for that matter, too soon.

However, when they were just in front of the first trees, Hagrid turned left and guided them towards a small paddock instead. The class sighed with relief.

Harry peeked curiously over the fence, but didn't see anything. Confused, he turned with raised eyebrows at Hagrid, waiting for an explanation.

"Where is it, Hagrid?" Harry asked, when Hagrid gave no further signs of given them an explanation.

"Righ' there," Hagrid said, and clasped an oversized hand on Harry's shoulder. However, this time Harry didn't find it _that_ hard to stay on his feet. "In the paddock," Hagrid finished. Harry looked again, but still saw nothing. Getting more impatient, he turned, once again about to say something, but Hagrid came before him.

"The Demiguises, like I said, 'ave the power to turn invisible. That's why you don't see 'em, Arry."

"Oh," Harry said, and blushed when he realized that the whole class had been watching him with highly amused looks.

"Does anybody know what we can do to see them?" Hagrid said, continuing the lesson.

Harry thought hard, but couldn't find any solution to the problem. Once again, he found himself wondering what Hermione would've said. Ron appeared to be thinking the same thing; he kept looking around him, as if he had to make sure that Hermione wouldn't suddenly appear and answer the question.

Everybody, like Harry, just shook their heads again, and were watching Hagrid expectantly, some a little frightened.

"You _ask_ of course'!" Hagrid exclaimed, as if this should be obvious. Some of the students snickered under their breaths. "Ah, Ron!" Why don't you try?"

"Huh?" Ron said, his head snapping up. "Oh, right..." He cleared his throat soundly, and asked: "Er... Can you show yourself?"

For a moment nothing happened, and Harry was sure that it hadn't worked. But then, out of thin air, a white, weird, but elegant looking monkey appeared. However, it wasn't a monkey, but a Demiguise. Everyone gasped, even Parvati, who, as usual, had been quiet the whole time.

"Wicked!" Ron said, and the Demiguise turned it's head and looking at him, then at Harry. Suddenly Harry felt a weird jump of recognition. _Had he seen that creature before?_

He stared intently at it for a long time, and was mystified how the creature's eyes were twinkling, as if to tease him. _Hey!_ Harry thought. _I've seen that twinkling before!_

Harry shook his head, disbelievingly. It _couldn't_ be Dumbledore... _Or could it?_

Harry looked again, and the Demiguise stared back at him, as if willing Harry to see. Suddenly Harry remembered something Dumbledore had said, years ago... _I don't need an invisibility cloak to turn myself invisible. Demiguises could turn themselves invisible... _

"Can Demiguises see through invisibility cloaks?" Harry asked excitedly.

"O' course!" Hagrid said, his smile widening. Harry grinned back, and turned to the creature again.

_Dumbledore?_ He mouthed silently, and the creature nodded slightly in return. Harry couldn't help it, and fell into a hysteric laugher, holding his stomach as he gasped for breath. Everyone in the class stared at him stupidly, but Harry didn't care. _So Dumbledore was an Animagus! And a _monkey_ no less! _

Harry couldn't help but think that it suited Dumbledore, and the thought made him laugh even harder.

-

-

Next class was Defence Against The Dark Arts. Ron, Parvati and Harry met Hermione outside the classroom before the class began, and she looked vaguely at them. She, too, was worried about who the next Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher was going to be that year. Lupin seemed to be the only teacher they had that actually had wanted them to _learn _something, without putting them in a life or death situation.

Ron told Hermione about their lesson with Hagrid.

"It was really interesting!" Ron explained, waving his arms. "You should've been there!"

"I'm sure it was, Ron," Hermione said. Harry suddenly realized she looked very tired, and her hair was all bushy again. He wondered what was wrong.

"We had about Demiguises!" Ron continued. "And Hagrid actually seemed to _know_ what he was talking about!"

Hermione frowned. "I've read about those..."

"Do you know Dumbledore's one?" Harry added in. _That _got him theirs attention, even from Parvati.

Ron whirled around at him. "How do you know? Why haven't you told us before?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't know until that lesson. I'm telling you, Dumbledore _was_ that creature!"

Hermione, however, didn't seem to like that thought at all. "But I _checked! _In third grade, remember? I should've seen..."

Harry opened his mouth to answer, but suddenly the door to the classroom opened, and people started to go in. Harry noticed that there were many students that had chosen Defence Against The Dark Arts that year.

When they walked in, and saw a small, but powerful looking man in the front.

"Hallo, please take your seats." The man said. "I'm Professor McClaggan."

Everybody seemed to be studying him for a moment, as if they wanted to make sure of that he could be trusted. McClaggan was a strange looking man, Harry decided. He was small, but gracious. He looked like he had been through a lot, but instead of looking tired he had a very powerful and confident look behind his spectacles.

Professor McClaggan slowly turned his head and looked at stared at Harry for a moment; his piercing gaze chilled Harry for some reason. Harry, however, didn't let this affect his appearance, and stared, somewhat expectantly, back.

Harry could easily tell that McClaggan had recognised him the second he had opened the door.

"Sit down," McClaggan commanded, and everybody sat down obediently. Hermione sat quickly down in one of the front desks, and gave Harry and Ron a look that meant they better follow her. Harry tried hard not to scowl at her.

McClaggan cleared his throat and everybody was silent with a heartbeat.

"I see," McClaggan began, "that you are all awfully behind the curriculum. However, somehow many of you managed to get at least Exceed Expectations. Whatever you did last year," –Harry could swore that he saw McClaggan's eyes flicker towards where Harry was sitting for a second,- "should be continued. Anyway, this year we are not wasting _any_ time. We have a war in front of us, and I dare say that you will need everything you could learn. It could be a matter of life or death. So, _pair up in groups with four._ Quick!"

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Parvati ended, naturally, up in the same group, and Harry was surprised to see how _aware _Parvati looked, like she actually wanted to learn something.

Draco winked at Harry from the other end of the classroom, and Harry frowned. He had to remember to watch his back for Malfoy this year.

"Today," McClaggan continued when he saw that everybody had paired up, "we are working on a curse called 'Impedimenta'. Can anybody tell the class what the curse is good for?"

Harry's shoulders sank in disappointment. He had hoped they would be learning something new. Nearly two thirds of the class raised their hands, and Harry was pleased to tell that nearly all of them had belonged to the DA last year. He couldn't help but smile, and Hermione met his gaze and grinned back at him, she had noticed too. To Harry's surprise his stomach did a weird lurch, almost like it had when he and Hermione had kissed outside the '_Partner At Hand'. _

_But why?_ Harry wondered; _he didn't feel the same way for her that he had with Cho?_

"Yes?" McClaggan said, and looked at Ron. Harry turned his attention away from Hermione, a bit scared of himself. Ron gulped.

"Er... you slow down a attacker?"

"Quite right," McClaggan said, and started to tell them more of what the Impediment course could do and in what situations you should use them. "Who has used it before?"

Just half the students that had raised their hands on the last question raised their hands on this one. Harry, however, raised his hand up, almost lazily.

"Ah, mister Potter..." McClaggan said slyly, drawing Harry's attention. "Why don't you come up here and show us?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said, on guard now. He didn't trust McClaggan, and he had a strong feeling that him showing the Impediment curse wasn't all McClaggan wanted from him.

Harry nervously went up in front of the class, and pointed his wand at McClaggan.

McClaggan smirked teasingly. "Let's see how good young mister Potter here can do, he hasn't survived Voldemort a number of times if he isn't good for _something,_ right?"

Harry shot McClaggan an angry look, heat flushing up in his face. He instantly felt a new jerk in his arm, but there was no time to think about that now...

"_Impedimenta!"_ Harry shouted, and a jet of red light shot from his wand. However, McClaggan immediately put up a shield, and the curse went straight back at Harry. Harry had barely time to jump to the side to dodge it.

Harry hesitated. _Was he supposed to duel?_

McClaggan seemed to notice Harry's hesitation, and quickly disarmed him with a '_Expelliarmus.' _

"_First_ rule in duelling," McClaggan lectured, "is to _not lose attention!"_

It was a good thing Harry didn't have his wand that very moment; he was so angry that he could curse McClaggan into the next year, with _whatever_ curse that had to be... It didn't matter if it had to be an Unforgivable, he just wanted...

Suddenly his scar and arm jerked violently at the same time, and Harry yelped. _No, no, no... _Harry thought, as it went up for him, like somebody had just hit his head with something. He had only felt the jerk in his arm when he was _angry..._ When he –almost- was capable of using _one of the three..._ Harry remembered something he had read in '_All About The Unforgiveables':_ _The effects on this could be compared to Muggle drugs, which can also make you addict to the feeling of killing... _

Harry felt like he could throw up again, and he was the first one out of the classroom when the class was dismissed.

"Hey, Potter!" Draco Malfoy said, catching up with him, Ron and Hermione right behind him. "What's up with you? Are you angry because everyone saw how _miserable _you did in duellingand how pathetic you really are? Are you-"

Harry turned around so fast that Draco almost tripped over in surprise.

"_CRU-"_ Harry started, but stopped himself just in time. He stared back and forth from Draco, Hermione and Ron's alarmed eyes for a moment, before he turned around again and ran as fast as he could into the Forbidden forest.

Tears stung behind his eyes as he ran, and for the first time he wondered what he was turning into.

_¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ _

Please review!


	13. The Threat

Hey people! Sorry about the delay, it's been really busy lately. However, this chapter is dedicated to my best friend in the whole world, 'cause it's her birthday today! (11 nov) CONGRATS SWEETHEART!

So- if any of you see a sweet, Norwegian girl in Virginia, say hi from me!

By the way, there's a picture from this chapter, and you can find it at my yahoo group page.

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Ch13: **THE THREAT**

He kept running as fast as he could until he was in the middle of the forest, ignoring Hermione's calls after him. It was a weird thing, the forest was so full of trees everywhere, but where he had stopped, there was a little clearing. At some point Harry had been afraid than he had run into Grawp, but luckily he managed to dodge the giant.

Now that Harry had stopped running, he noticed how cold it really was. The sun, soon to go down, offered little warm, and sent a ghostly look over the place. Harry shuddered violently; as he tried not to think too much of what had just happened.

Words from 'All About The Unforgivables' kept spinning around his mind, like it was glued on a carousel with large letters:

'_When the caster put so much emotion in the curse as he or she would have to do for the curse to work properly, it is not without a prize. Not only would the caster risk a life-sentence in Azkaban, the Wizard Prison guarded by Dementors, but the caster's soul would also be affected. _The soul would be forever marked,_ depending on how **much** the caster enjoyed it...'_

Harry felt like hitting something, anything...

'_The feeling of power is addict able, and the caster would in most cases feel strongly tempted to use an Unforgivable in the future. If recently used, it would have an effect on Dark Detectors,-'_

Suddenly Harry heard a _crack_ behind, like the sound of a stick being broken... Immediately he had his wand out, pointing at where the sound came from.

"Harry?"

The voice was familiar to him, and with a jolt he realized it was Hermione's. He quickly lowered his wand. "Hermione?"

"Yeah..." Hermione panted, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, but when you just-"

"It's okay, 'Mione," Harry reassured her, not really knowing if he was happy or disappointed that she followed him. "How did you find me?"

"I used a Tracking charm..." Hermione said, and stepped closer to him, reaching out for his hand. Harry suddenly felt nervous, and a new chill went down his spine.

"Harry..." Hermione said. "What happened?"

Harry looked down, wondering what he should say. He decided to settle for the truth. If she didn't like it, she could just go and leave him alone... "I wanted to curse Malfoy. With the Cruciatus."

"Harry, that's-"

"-An Unforgivable, I know. But I –er- have studied it a bit over the summer, because you know, that Prophecy thing?"

Hermione nodded hesitantly, looking dead serious.

"And Voldemort," Harry continued, "has –er- you know... given me visions... and when he does, it feels like I'm him... I do the same things as him... And then..."

Harry stopped; a huge ball had jumped up in his throat, making it hard to talk.

"Go on," Hermione prodded.

"Right... So, as I was saying, one night I forgot to put my wand away. I got a new vision, of Voldemort killing the Patils', and when he used the Killing curse, -I –I used it too. That's why there's a hole in the wall in my bedroom. Then, I lost my temper at Mrs Black, and-"

"Hang on!" Hermione said, and held up a hand. Her eyes were as huge as Harry had ever seen them, and she closed them for a moment, as if trying to get the control over the situation.

"Are you saying _that you_ _used_ _The Killing curse ON MRS BLACK?!"_

"Yeah."

"_Harry!"_

"I'm sorry, 'Mione, I didn't mean too... it just happened... however, since then I've been feeling... urm... tempted to use it again. _Not_ because I really want to, but because of all the... power you use when you cast it. It's, er... certain after-affects, you could say."

Harry stopped and waited for Hermione to say something.

"You hate me now, don't you?" Harry finally asked when she didn't.

"What- of course not!" Hermione gaped at him. "Harry, you're my best friend, and I couldn't dream-"

"But you're dating Ron!" Harry said, almost accusingly. Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do!" Harry said stubbornly.

"No, I'm _not!_ I've never said that!

Now it was Harry's turn to lose his voice. "But, but... you, I saw- you were-!"

Hermione sighed. "I never dated Ron, nor do I want to... anymore anyway... it's not going to work, it could just ruin our friendship. It's already a little fragile at times..."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Harry said, even though he wasn't sorry at all.

Hermione frowned slightly, as if she sensed this. "Harry," she said, "I want you to know that you can tell me everything."

"I know. I haven't told the Prophecy to anybody but you."

Hermione smiled, and took his other hand too.

"I don't want to die..." Harry confessed. "But there's worse things than death. People living in torture and pain, friendless, alone... _that's _worse than death. Voldemort doesn't know, he-"Harry stopped then, because Hermione eyes suddenly flowed over with tears, and she flung herself over Harry, hugging him desperately. Harry was so caught by the surprise that they both were knocked down to the ground.

Harry couldn't help but laugh a little, but suddenly his mouth was covered with Hermione's lips, and he closed his eyes.

At first, the kiss was slow and hesitant, but Harry took his hand on her back and pushed her to him, deepening it.

The kiss seemed to sharpen his senses. He could _feel_ how the wind, no longer cold, glided gently over the high grass, he could _hear_ the leaves on the trees, soon to be falling down. He felt stronger, as if Hermione gave some of her energy to him.

Yet, he felt something he couldn't remember ever feeling before, and he suspected it was something much more than friendship...

It felt so unreal, that when they broke off, Harry just stared at her, unblinking. Hermione breathed hard, but a smile played in the corner of her mouth. Harry slowly grinned up at her, not wanting to ruin the moment. However, he wasn't sure anything could.

He knew that if he ended up alone, friendless and in pain, he would remember this, and he also knew that it would comfort him.

He felt cold again when he recalled that if Voldemort knew what had just happened, he would try to hurt Hermione more than ever. Harry knew he could never live with that.

"Hermione," he said softly, and she looked up at him, her eyes full of complete trust.

"What?" she asked.

"If Voldemort ever gets you... give him the Prophecy. I don't care, I can't lose you."

Hermione hesitated, but finally nodded. "Alright, but then you have to promise me something... If Voldemort ever get me, _and _kill me... Promise me that you won't blame yourself and do something stupid."

"You know I can't promise _that!_" Harry cried out, horrified.

"Then you got no deal, Potter," Hermione said smugly and leaned closer to him again, their noses almost touching.

"I'll do my best," Harry whispered. "Please?"

Hermione nodded, and Harry pressed her to him again, so they lay beside each other, listening to the wind, nature and each other's breathing.

-

They lay there for a very long time. It had been late afternoon when they got there, and now the night was creeping in on them, and stars appeared on the sky. Harry looked up, and saw the sky was almost clear for clouds now, making the stars shine brighter than he ever could remember they had done before. He guess it had something to do with them being in the middle of the forest.

There was one particular star that caught his attention, and he remembered something from Astronomi...

"Sirius," Harry said aloud, and Hermione followed his look up at the sky.

"Yeah," she said, "maybe he's looking?"

Harry thought that was unlikely, but instead of disagreeing, he said: "I hope he's happy... -wherever he is."

"Right now I think he would be laughing at us," Hermione said softly, and they both laughed. Harry suddenly realized that this was the first time he thought about Sirius, without feeling sad or angry.

-

-

The next morning Harry woke up again from nightmares of Voldemort killing families, but he didn't care much for once. His head didn't seem to have any room for that now, it was buzzing with images of him and Hermione...

Harry still didn't have a clue about what was going on between them, and he was afraid that he would make the wrong decision somehow, whatever that would be. Harry's stomach clenched painfully when he suddenly realised that Hermione might look at him as her boyfriend. He wasn't completely sure if he wanted that with her. One part of him wanted to keep her as a friend, but the other part of him wouldn't mind kissing her again...

He and Hermione had stayed in the forest for a long time last night, and when they came back they used the rest of the evening sitting in the armchairs in front of the fire, Ron had already went to bed.

It was a wonder they hadn't met anything dangerous in the forest.

Harry quickly got dressed and went down for breakfast. In the great hall he immediately spotted Ron and Hermione, and sat down between them.

He was very aware Hermione, especially when her hand brushed softly against his.

Hermione was studying her timetable, and Harry did the same. Yesterday they had had three hours with Care Of Magical Creatures, and then three hours with Defence, but today they had two hours Transfiguration, two hours with Charms and two hours with Potions.

Harry glanced over at Ron and saw he had a huge grin over his face.

"Hey!" Ron said, "I only got _two hours_ with lessons today! Can you believe that! Hah, I _knew_ it was a good idea to take few classes this year!"

Hermione scowled. "Honestly Ron, that's such a waste! What are you going to _do_ with all the extra time?"

Ron grinned even wider, and putted up a fake, wondering look. "Let's see, what do you do on a ordinary weekend?"

"Don't you want to do _anything _with your life, Ron?" Hermione shook her head, exasperated. "You are going to end up like a poor guy without a job!"

"Hey!" Ron said, and they started their normal bickering. Harry groaned and put his head between his hands, blocking their voices out.

Their arguing continued while the owls delivered their post, and a paper landed in front of Hermione.

"_You're so annoying!"_ Harry heard Ron say, but suddenly he noticed that nearly the whole Great Hall were quiet, too quiet.

"What's going on?" Harry asked Hermione.

"I'll tell what's going on!" Hermione said, looking hurt, "Ron, he-"

"No," Harry interrupted. "I mean –why is everything so quiet?"

The whole hall was quiet now, and what was worse was that everybody was looking at Harry...

Harry looked desperately over at Ginny, who looked at him as if he had just announced that he was going to join Voldemort and were going to kill her.

"What?" Harry snapped, and Ginny gave him Hermione's paper with trembling hands. Harry, now on guard, took it, and looked at the front page. Hermione and gasped, and he soon knew why...

Huge, black, front letters, spelling: '_**YOU-KNOW-WHO'S THREATENING THE BOY WHO LIVED'**_and beneath there's was a picture of a wall, with the words, '_**I'LL GET YOU AT HALLOWEEN POTTER' **_written with blood.

Harry felt his insides disappear, but was determent to not let it show, too aware of the fact that everybody were looking at him, waiting for his reaction...

The whole thing reminded him faintly of what had happened his second year, but only as a distant memory of something that had happened long ago. This was something else...

Harry forced a weak laugh, but Hermione grabbed his hand, her nails digging into his flesh. Ron was oddly quiet.

"I've dreamed this..." Harry suddenly realised. "I just didn't thought of it... They used the blood of one of the children they killed. Muggle children I think..."

Hermione suddenly cried out, and ran out from the great hall before Harry could stop her. Harry felt sick.

"I better go after her," Harry said to Ron, who nodded.

"I'll just sit here, if you don't mind."

Harry nodded, and got up from his seat and out of the Hall, with everybody staring at him, including the Slytherins.

Immediately when he got past the doors and out of sight, he broke off into a run, hoping he would catch Hermione before she went too far out of reach.

He found her in the common room, sitting in the coach, crying. Harry quickly sat down beside her and stroked her hair.

"Please don't cry, please don't cry," Harry begged, he couldn't stand it when she did. Hermione sniffed and calmed down a little.

"It's so _unfair,_ you know?" Hermione said after a while, when she had calmed down enough to speak. "You've been through _so much_ already, and it's not like you wouldn't get enough trouble in the future... And it's not just that! I don't want to loose you! And, if there's anyone who have the right to hide and cry like an idiot, it's you, _-not me!""_

"You won't lose me," Harry reassured her. "-And you're not an idiot. Hey, it's not like he hasn't threatened me before... He's always been after me!"

Hermione nodded her head, slowly. "But this is different somehow... It looks like he really means it and thought this through... Oh Harry!" she suddenly exclaimed, and clasped her hand in front of her mouth. "Do you think this could've something to do with your dream? Maybe Ron's right after all?"

"Could be," Harry said, it made sense to him. "And Malfoy's warning... I should talk to him."

"Yeah, just be careful," Hermione said, and looked at her watch. "We better go to class... Or we'll be late again."

Harry would have proposed to her that they could just skip it, but he didn't think it would be a good idea to press their luck any further at the moment.

"Yeah," he said reluctantly, and they both got up. Harry found the courage to take Hermione's hand, and together they went down to McGonagall's classroom.

They met up with Parvati, who got a weird look over her face when she saw them. "So it _is _true..." Harry heard her mutter to herself, and Harry smiled. It looked like she was getting back to her old self.

Hermione, however, went stiff at her words, and Harry suddenly realised what Parvati might have _meant._

McGonagall choose that moment to open the door, and the students went in.

Harry ended up on the front seats _again_ –thanks to Hermione –between her and Parvati.

McGonagall stepped up in the front of the class, sending Harry uneasy looks. She actually looked upset... The very thought of seeing an upset McGonagall made Harry even more nervous for some reason, he very seldom saw her like that.

"This year," McGonagall started, "is going to be tougher than it has been so far. This year, it's crucial that you pay attention, because many of the spells we are going to learn are very difficult. This is one of the most advanced NEWT's classes Hogwarts has to offer... Except perhaps Arithmancy.-"Hermione straightened her back a little "-So if you don't think you can manage this class, get out now, and you still have a chance taking another one."

McGonagall waited a few seconds before she continued, as if daring the students to get out.

"The first couple of weeks we will repeat what we have learned so far, and later we'll work on human transfiguration spells."

Now it was Harry's turn to straighten his back. Would they be told what Animagus form they would have? What would he be, a stag like his father? Harry doubted he would be a Demiguise, like Dumbledore, but if so, he would be teased to no end.

Harry's thoughts went back to what had been in _The Daily Prophet_ that morning. What if Voldemort succeeded this time? Harry would have no chance against him...

Some part of Harry stirred, and he felt sick. So far he haven't given it much though, because, as he had said to Hermione, Voldemort had threatened him before. But what if it _was_ a real, waterproof plan this time? Could he really take the risk?

Hermione nudged him.

"Huh?" Harry said, and realised everyone was staring at him. "What?"

"It would be wise to pay attention Potter," McGonagall said, but she didn't sound very stern. Harry guessed it was all thanks to _The Prophet._

"A word after class Potter, if you please."

"Yes ma'am," Harry said politely, and the rest of the class he kept his head in his hands, but at least he was paying attention.

-

The class seemed to drag on and on, but finally the bell rang, and everybody got up from their seats. Harry noticed that many were shooting him weird looks, some with pity, and some with excitement, like they expected him to crack under the pressure or something. Harry had an uneasy feeling that he might, if they continued like that, as well as the teachers.

McGonagall waited patiently until everybody had gone out of the classroom, including Hermione, and closed the door.

"Harry," she said, and Harry widened his eyes at the sound of his front name. "Have you read The Daily Prophet this morning?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"How are you feeling?" McGonagall asked, and Harry couldn't help but to think that this was very out of character of her.

"Fine, I guess. Is it real, I mean? They're not just saying it to –you know –make a trap?"

McGonagall seemed to be considering this for a moment, but then she shook her head.

"We have every reasons to believe this is real, and besides, we can not take the chance of loosing you. You are important for the Wizarding society, and if you disappeared, it would cause panic."

Harry looked down, he was nothing but a pawn "I guess so."

"Do you want to speak with Albus?"

"Albus?" Harry wondered, and then realised she was talking about Dumbledore. "Rather not, if you don't mind. Can I go now? We got Charms, and I don't want to be late..."

"One more thing," McGonagall said, and moved behind her desk. "I would be honoured if you wanted to be Quidditch captain this year, your ban is lifted, of course."

Harry's first reaction was to shout 'yes', his stomach turning over excitedly. He was on the verge to, but then the good feeling disappeared, like water between his hands. He didn't have the time. This year, at least until Halloween, he would have to work harder than he ever had done in his entire life. And what if Voldemort actually succeeded in capturing him? Harry realised that the team would be better off without him...

"I don't think I can play at all this year, professor," Harry said, looking down. It was a very difficult thing to say.

"Nonsense," McGonagall waved off, "you are not going to do that to yourself, I do not allow it."

"But, professor, if Vol-"

"_If,_" McGonagall interrupted before Harry had the chance to finish the name, "he get you, we will deal with it then. You can not put your life aside just because of some stupid threat."

Harry hesitated. He didn't _want_ to quit Quidditch, but there was absolutely out-of-question being a captain, no matter how much he wanted it. "Alright, but I can't be a captain. Besides the time issue, Ron can twice or more about Quidditch than I, and, well... He would be the best for the role, -and I'm not saying that just because we're friends."

McGonagall seemed to be studying him for a moment, and then nodded. "I will consider it, I dare say that you have a point."

Harry nodded back, but felt a bit sad nevertheless. It would have been fun to be a captain...

He took one hand in his pocket, gripping around the egg that he still carried around wherever he went. It seemed to give him some kind of comfort he couldn't quite explain. "I need to go," Harry told McGonagall. "Thanks for the offer, I'm glad you asked me."

She gave him one of her rear smiles. "Be careful," she said, and Harry turned and walked quickly to charms.

-

Hermione had been waiting for him outside the classroom, and wanted to know what the meeting had been about at once.

"She was wondering how I was doing... And asked if I wanted to be Quidditch captain."

Hermione squealed, and gave him a chest-breaking hug. "Congratulations! I_ knew_ you would make it!" She let go off him and blushed. "You would be a wonderful captain."

"Maybe I would," Harry said. "But I turned the offer down."

"_What?!"_

Harry sighed. "Do you really think I would have the time? With Voldemort and everything? I got to work harder than I've ever done before!"

Hermione gave him an odd look. "Yeah, I suppose..."

"Hi!" Ron greeted them. "Ready for charms? I feel so relaxed and refreshed!"

"You _could've_ used your time with studying, you know!" Hermione said with a huff.

"Nah, why bother? I'll pass anyway with the easy subjects I'm taking," Ron said, and Harry rolled his eyes. Hermione scowled.

"_Ronald Weasley-!"_ Harry quickly toned them out, as they went on with their old bickering. Suddenly he spotted Draco down the hall, and sighed.

"I better go and talk to the Ferret boy."

Hermione gave up her bickering with Ron, and turned to give Harry a new hug and a peek on his cheek.

"Be careful, and don't let him get to you."

"Don't worry, he won't," Harry promised, and went after the Slytherin.

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Special thanks to Kittens Have Claws and Spcebaby, it's really cool that you have been with me for so long, and thanks for all the reviews!


	14. Draco's Deal

Hey. A little faster update this time, eh?

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Ch14: **DRACO'S DEAL**

Harry didn't have to run far to catch up with Draco Malfoy, but what was surprising Harry the most was that Draco was alone, -without his two goons. Harry smirked.

"Where are your buddies?"

Draco glared back. "Like you care, Potter. You only hang around that Weasel and Mudblood girl."

Harry scowled, his temper already up in the surface. "_Don't call her that!"_

Draco actually smiled. "So, got the hotties for her?"

"Like I would tell you!" hissed Harry.

"Then I won't talk to you," Malfoy smirked, and Harry suddenly realised that this wasn't going too well.

"Wait," he said, "what do you know about The Dark Lords threat?"

Draco suddenly looked at Harry like he had never seen him before, realisation shining through his grey eyes. For a moment Harry thought he wasn't going to say anything, but then Draco said; "and what would I get if I tell you?"

Harry stared; he hadn't considered that. "I dunno. Er -what do you want?"

He couldn't believe he was bargaining with Malfoy.

"I want to join the DA. That's what you called it, right?"

"_What?"_ exclaimed Harry, "but –we haven't decided if we're going to start it again!"

"You better then," Malfoy smirked.

Harry shook his head; there was no way he could decide that now. "I have to think about it," he promised instead.

"Don't think too long," said Draco and left.

Harry walked dumbly back to the Charms classroom, just in time when Flitwick opened the door. Hermione urged at him.

"What did he say? Did he actually tell you something?"

Harry shook his head again; he was tired and worn-out, he had no energy to deal with things like that now. "No, he didn't tell me... And he won't until I let him join the DA."

Both Hermione and Ron's jaws dropped. Their reactions were quite similar to Harry's- "_WHAT?"_ they both exclaimed at the same time, and Flitwick hushed at them.

"Yeah, I know," said Harry gloomily, and, perhaps out of pure habit, settled for a seat in the front, with Hermione and Ron following suit.

-

He was really lucky to have such good friends, he knew that. He wouldn't even have managed first year without them. However, something was changing. That something was Harry.

Harry didn't need anyone to tell him that he had changed the last year. Ever since Cedric died everything had been different. And he knew, that Cedric, Sirius and everybody else that were killed by Voldemort in Harry's dreams were only the first ones in a long list of people that Harry had to watch die, and –there was no way around it –Harry himself had to kill someone on the way.

Harry could feel the pressure on his shoulders heavily, and he barely kept attention through Charms.

Flitwick told them a lot about how they could use Charms to defend themselves, and more than once he referred to Harry. If Harry had bothered he would've flush brightly, but he didn't. Instead he kept thinking about more important matters; the threat from Voldemort and his new feelings for Hermione.

Yes, he had realised that his feelings for Hermione had changed too. She had changed from being a little girl with bushy hair and large front teeth to a beautiful, young woman.

He couldn't tell exactly how and when it had started, but now he could barely keep his eyes from her.

Hermione's attention, however, was mostly directed towards the class, almost stubbornly, and Harry gave up trying to get her attention and looking forward to the class instead. Ron sat beside him, and Harry wouldn't let him get the wrong idea, at least not so soon.

Flitwick gave a little demonstration and turned half visible. Everyone in the class let out a gas of surprise, except Harry, Ron and Hermione, who had done it before.

Soon the class was to try the new charm, and the Trio tapped their wand over their heads and felt the cold, wetting experience over their head as they, as Flitwick, turned half visible.

Flitwick beamed and awarder Gryffindor thirty point; ten to each of them. Nobody else in the class managed to get the charm right.

-

After Charms they got Potions, which Harry dreaded the most. He was afraid that Snape would be worse than ever, and, sure enough, Snape wasted no time in telling Harry that he would get no special treatment, no matter how soon the Dark Lord wanted him.

Harry, however, felt a bit relived by this, if Snape had changed behaviour because of Voldemort's threat, then Harry would feel much more alarmed by the fact than he already was.

The class was divided in groups with three or four, Harry and Hermione, strangely, were on the same groups, along with Blaise and another Slytherin girl Harry did not know.

Harry quickly figured out that Potions would be much more difficult, and Snape hinted more than once that _someone_ didn't deserve the spot, because _normally_ he only took in people with an 'Outstanding' in OWLs.

-

After the class Harry had decided; he knew there was no way that they could let Malfoy into DA, but yet they really needed the information. However, Harry didn't felt he had the right to take that decision alone, so he wanted to collect the DA and ask them what to do.

Harry activated the coin he still carried around, and through the dinner he got many curious people asking him if it was true that the DA were indeed going to start again.

"Of course," said Harry patiently to everybody that asked, and Hermione kept by his side and beamed the whole time. Suddenly Harry felt a couple of slender arm around his shoulder, and, convinced it was Hermione, he hugged her back and twirled her around, only to discover that it wasn't Hermione after all, but Cho.

"Hi," said Harry and blushed slightly. He could practically _feel_ Hermione scowl beside him.

"Hi," answered Cho, with a look mixed of puzzlement and sadness over her face. "I read the Daily Prophet," she said sadly, and Harry sighed.

"Yeah, well, that's some of the things we're going to discuss in the DA meeting tonight," Harry said, trying to look calm. Cho, however, was nowhere near calm, and gave Harry a new hug, tears dripping from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Harry," she whispered, and traced a finger up and down his spine. Harry shuddered and broke off the hug, holding her safely on arm- lengths away. He didn't felt too comfortable around her.

"It's okay," he said, looking at her sternly. "Voldemort has threatened me before, I just have to watch my back..."

Harry seemed to use that excuse a lot lately.

Cho nodded, gave his hand a squeeze, and went back to the Ravenclaw table. Harry frowned slightly before turning to Hermione, who still had a scowl on her face.

Harry gave her a small smile, before trying to take her hand. However, Hermione took her hand away and gave him a threatening look.

"What was _that_ all about?" she asked.

"What? Cho?" asked Harry, puzzled. _Was Hermione jealous or something?_ "Hey, don't worry, you're the one I like," said Harry hastily, and, luckily, Hermione let him take her hand again in approval.

"Can you prove it?" asked Hermione suddenly, her voice almost teasingly, and Harry froze. He could tell she was testing him.

"_What? _Here? _Now_?"

Hermione chuckled before putting her arms around his neck. "Yeah," she said, "if we're going to be a couple people would find out anyway..."

Harry swallowed hard, trying to find some courage to do what she asked him to. However, that was not an easy thing, every time they had kissed it had always been impulsive, and in private. _Just kiss her!_ His mind yelled at him, and he bent down, their lips touching briefly before pulling apart again.

"Sure you can do better than that, Potter," said Hermione mockingly, and Harry bent down again, to whisper something in her ear:

"Meet me in the room of requirement a little early, would you?"

Hermione giggled, and, both flushing brightly, went over to the Gryffindor table.

Suddenly the whole table broke into applause, and soon nearly the whole hall joined in, as well as the teachers that were present. Harry blushed even brighter, and wished nothing more but to run and hide somewhere, anywhere else.

Hermione, however, dragged him stubbornly the rest of the way to the Gryffindor table, and sat down beside him.

Suddenly, without warning, Harry could feel something, or rather _someone, _pulling his mind. It didn't hurt, but it left Harry quite puzzled still. _Voldemort!_ Harry suddenly realized, and blocked his mind with all his might; he would not let Voldemort ruin this.

Harry let out a sight of relief when he felt the connection subside. Luckily it didn't seem like anybody had noticed his change of expression.

Alarmed, Harry looked over at where Ron used to sit, but Ron was gone. Harry swore under his breath.

"Where's Ron?" asked Harry, and Ginny turned her head.

"I don't know. He hasn't showed up yet," she said, with a strange, empty voice. Harry felt even more uncomfortable.

"Shit..." cursed Harry and got up, "I need to find him!"

Harry dreaded the reaction he might get from Ron, after all, Ron had a hard time getting on good terms with Harry again after the last time.

Without having anything to eat, Harry escaped the great hall and the stares in it with quick steps. There was no way to avoid it; he had to talk to Ron before someone else told him what had just occurred.

Harry continued to swear under his breath as he hurried towards the Gryffindor common room, praying that Ron was still there. Harry doubted that, however, because it was not common for Ron to be late for a meal. Unless-

Harry was just running past the _Transfiguration classroom_ when he heard something that made him trip and fall hard on the floor.

"Oh Ronald!"

Harry, not daring to believe his own ears, slowly got up to his feet, and peeked inside the classroom. There, on the teacher's desk, no other than Ron Weasley and Luna Lovegood sat _snogging._

Harry let out a cry of surprise before he could collect himself. _This was certainly not what he had expected Ron to do anytime soon!_

Ron looked up, his eyes huge, and then blushed a very, deep shade of red.

Luna giggled and poked Ron in his chest, making Ron blush even more, if that was even possible.

"_Ron_!" Harry finally cried out, after some embarrassing moments in silence.

"Uh..."

"How long?" was all Harry managed to ask.

"Er..." said Ron, passing Luna uneasy looks. "Right now?"

Harry goggled. "_What?"_

Ron, however, looked down with a smile playing around his lips, no longer blushing. "Yeah, and we'd like to continue if you don't mind..."

Harry, shaking his head flabbergasted, left them alone and made his way back to Hermione, feeling revealed and a bit scared at the same time.

-

Hermione did indeed meet him in the room of requirement a bit early. Harry felt his throat go dry, and Hermione was biting her bottom lip nervously. Harry knew only too well what he had meant when he had told Hermione to meet him a bit early, but now as the present had caught up with him, it seemed like his courage had left him at the same time.

"Hi," he croaked out, feeling as pitiful as Snape used every opportunity he had to tell him he was.

Hermione smiled. "It's just me. No impostor, no Death Eater in disguise. Relax!"

Harry grinned back. Trust Hermione to know exactly what he was thinking. And she was right, even though Harry looked at her _a bit_ more different than he had a year ago; she was still the girl he had known for five years. He shouldn't feel so nervous.

They sat down on a couple of pillows beside each other, saying nothing, only looking at each other and holding hands.

"You know," said Harry after some while when he felt one of them should say something, "I'm absolutely clueless about what this boyfriend and girlfriend includes!"

Hermione laughed softly, and then took her finger on his lips.

"Before we do anything though," she said, "you must promise me to continue with occlumency lessons. I care about you so much, that I would do anything to make sure that you're as prepared as you can be when the... when the time comes."

"All right." Harry agreed without hesitating.

"All right?" asked Hermione, as if she had expected him to protest quite a bit with her before he gave in.

"Yeah. You're right. I should be prepared, and it certainly won't hurt." The truth was, Harry had already agreed with himself to continue with the lessons, in one way or another.

Hermione smiled, and kissed him gently on his cheek. Harry blushed and brushed away some hair of her face.

"You're something special, you know that?" he said drowsily; somehow he didn't have much control over what he was saying anymore.

Hermione giggled. "Oh, thank you Mr Potter, what _have_ I done to owe this pleasure?"

"Being you," said Harry, and kissed her softly. Somehow it wasn't that hard to do anymore - actually it felt rather natural.

-

Seamus, Dean and Ginny interrupted them ten minutes before the DA meeting began. Shortly after even more people joined in: Ron, hand in hand with Luna, Neville, Parvati, obviously friends with Lavender again, Susan Bones with Hannah Abbot, Cho Chang, Katie Bell, Ernie MacMillan, Justin Finch Fletchley, and everyone else that had joined the DA last year, except Marionetta and the ones that had graduated.

Everyone found a pillow to sit on and sat down in a half circle in front of Harry, watching him expectantly.

"Right," said Harry, and tried to appear confident. "I'm sure by now all of you know what stood in The Daily Prophet this morning, right?"

Everyone murmured and nodded in agreement.

"And we'll support you in any way we can, you know that," said Justin.

"Yeah, whatever it takes man," said Dean.

"We won't let you down," whispered Parvati and blushed.

Harry's chest glowed. _They cared._

"It appears-"started Hermione, "that Mr Malfoy knows something about this."

Everybody was looking at Hermione now, their mouths open. Ginny looked extremely angry. Hermione shot Harry a look. "Harry talked to him today," she told the DA.

"Yeah," said Harry, "but he wouldn't tell me anything. _Unless-_"Harry interrupted, because people had started to mutter angrily among themselves, "-he could join the DA."

Silence.

Harry cleared his throat. "That, of course, is out of question."

Some seconds passed without anybody saying anything, but after a while Ginny cleared her throat too, still looking furious. "I think," she started, "that let Malfoy join the DA is a small price to pay compared to loose you."

This seemed to catch everybody's attention. "Yeah." Said Parvati, and soon the whole class murmured their agreement.

Harry didn't know what to say.

"I don't care about the Ferret boy," said Ron and scowled slightly, "but I care about you. –And decides, I wouldn't mind kicking that slime ball's ass sometime, without getting detention."

Harry broke into a grin.

"Thank you, guys. That means a lot to me... I still don't like it though."

"Well, neither do we, clearly," said Zacharias Smith sarcastically.

"So... what's this thing between you and Hermione?" asked Lavender, her eyelashes fluttering towards Harry.

Harry grinned sheepishly. Ron's head snapped up, and stared at him like he had grown an extra head. Hermione looked down, flush creeping up her chin.

Harry arched his eyebrows at Lavender, making her giggle.

"Oh God!" cried Zacharias. "You girls make me _sick!_ Why's Harry so bloody special?"

With the exception of Cho, Parvati and Ginny, the rest of the girls giggled. Harry glared at them, totally bewildered. Hermione nudged him, and Harry realized that everybody was looking at him, as if they expected _him_ to answer.

"_What?"_ he snapped, "just because I've escaped Voldemort-"a wave of shudder went through the group- "a few times, it doesn't make me any different from you guys!" That was a downright lie and Harry knew it; but there was no reason whatsoever for them to know about the Prophecy.

"Gees, stop saying his name already!" said Dean, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah," said Seamus, "there's no reason to say it!"

Harry frowned. "Is there something else you like to discuss, _except_ me and Prophe- I mean the Dark Lord?"

Several of the people in the group gasped, and Harry cursed under his breath. He hadn't meant to say Prophesies; it had just slipped his mind.

Hermione turned around and looked at him searchingly, a worried look etched over her face.

"What did you say?" gasped Susan.

"What?" asked Harry, desperately trying to buy himself some more time.

"You said the Dark Lord!" Susan exclaimed, and Harry sighed in relief.

"Well, yeah, you didn't want me to say Voldemort, so-"

"You've said it before!" said Hermione suddenly. "I don't remember when, but you've said it!"

Harry glared at her angrily. "So...?"

"Only Death Eaters say 'the Dark Lord'," muttered Ginny under her breath, but everybody heard her.

Harry's insides turned to ice. "I'm not a Death Eater! Honestly, _you_ should know!"

"We know," said Ron instantly, "but it's weird, that's all."

Harry felt horribly insulted, but deep down he couldn't help but agree. Since _when_ did he say the Dark Lord instead of You-Know-Who?

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Please review people! That's not too much to ask is it? ...


	15. The Boggart

Hi people! Sorry about the delay, but, as mentioned at my bio page, I didn't want to upload the chapter before I got a Beta... -And now I got one!! **Thank you so much, AmberEyes!**

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Ch15: **THE BOGGART **

"Show us your arm!" said Zacharias suddenly.

Harry jolted back on his feet. "_Why?"_ he demanded, not believing what he had heard.

"Show us your arm," Zacharias repeated, "just to be sure."

Harry looked helplessly at the other DA members, but they provided no help at this point.

"You got nothing to worry about," Hermione said quietly, looking up at him.

Gritting his teeth, Harry started to take of his jumper, so everybody could see that he had no stupid Dark Mark. Harry could practically feel all the girls in the room looking at him, and that left him quite uncomfortable. Some of the girls started to giggle, and Harry, deciding that enough should be enough, took the jumper back on.

He didn't sit down again, however, he was too angry. Too angry to notice that one of the shelves shook slightly, making a small book fall down on the floor. Harry could, however, feel his arm throbbing again, and gritted his teeth. He had to calm down; luckily nobody had noticed anything odd.

Growling to himself and his pathetic attempts to calm down, Harry began to pace back and forth on the floor.

"What do you want for your birthday? An other book?" Ron asked Hermione, with a mocking tone. Hermione scowled, but poked his arm teasingly as if to pretend that it didn't offend her. That seemed so out of character for Harry that he was able to stop his pacing for a moment.

"What about some condoms?" Dean Thomas asked, and rolled over in laughter.

Harry stopped. "_What?!"_

"Honestly!" Hermione said, with a furious glare on Dean, "_condoms_ for heavens sake! There's plenty of other ways-"

"What do you need condoms for?" Ron asked, and, everybody that had lived long enough in he muggle world to know what it was used for, started to laugh. Ron looked at them questionably, he had probably never heard of muggle preventions. "What?" he asked again.

Nobody bothered to answer him, however, and for that Harry was glad. However, Harry had gotten a new thing to worry about? _What in the name of Merlin was he going to give to Hermione on her birthday?_

-

-

The following night ended with a new nightmare. This time Harry saw Cedric, Sirius, Hermione, Ron and his parents tied up against a wall, and Harry had to decide which one he wanted to live the most.

Harry woke up before he had made a decision.

Even though it was an ordinary nightmare, Harry still felt exhausted when he got up from bed, as if he hadn't really slept at all.

It was going to be a long Wednesday... _One day closer to Halloween,_ Harry thought for himself and shook his head, self-pity. He had plenty of time to wade in it later.

-

After a rather quick breakfast the trio walked to the first class that day; Defence Against The Dark Arts. Harry wasn't really looking too much forward to it, he had made a complete fool of himself the last time, and he had a feeling that he would do the same again, even though they didn't learn anything new to him.

McClaggan greeted them with a curt nod as they walked into the classroom and found their seats. The bright light in the classroom stung Harry's eyes.

"Morning," McClaggan greeted, in a way that made most of the people in the class on guard, "today we are going to have a little…. Ah, shall we say, _interesting_ lesson…" McClaggan tapped a closet beside him, and it shook slightly. "A boggart! Yes-" he said before anybody could moan their displeasure, "I am aware of that you studied boggart your third year here. However, that is the point in this, and we are not going to practise the counter curse."

McClaggan went over to his desk and grabbed a list over the students with rather large hands. "Mr Longbottom!" he cried, "what is your biggest fear?"

Neville blushed with embarrassment, but spoke loudly and clear: "Professor Snape, sir."

McClaggan raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. "And that is the form your boggart take when you face it?" he asked.

Neville nodded.

McClaggans eyes studied the list once more. "Ms Granger?"

Hermione's head snapped up. "Yes! Uh- my form took McGonagall's shape in our third year, telling me that I failed!"

"Indeed," McClaggan interrupted dryly, and continued to ask the rest of the class what form their boggart would take. He saved Harry until the end.

"Mr Potter?"

"Dementor, sir," Harry said warily. McClaggan smirked.

"All right," he said, "I _assume-_ because I am not going to tell you if you do not- that you are qualified enough and remember the incantation for getting rid of a boggart. However, we are not going to use that today."

Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged some uncertain glances at each other. _What were they going to do then?_

"Do any of you think that your Boggart is going to be different?" McClaggan asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

Some of the people in the class raised their hands hesitantly, Harry, however, did not. He was still afraid of Dementors, that was one thing that hadn't changed the last time he checked.

McClaggan ordered them all to stand up in a line. Harry was the fourth to go, and was already preparing himself to gather his happiest memories, to not faint in front of the whole class. McClaggan insisted firmly that Ron should be the first to go, so Ron had no choice but to follow his orders.

With a flick of his wand McClaggan opened the closet, and a huge spider came out. Ron raised his wand, ready to defend himself, but McClaggan held up a hand as if telling Ron to just let it be. McClaggan counted to ten, then yelled "_NEXT!"_

Lavender's boggart was a dark haired boy, telling her that he wanted to break up. Lavender cried out, and Harry snorted silently to himself.

Hermione was next, but her boggart wasn't McGonagall telling her that she had failed… No, the image that appeared was a dead Harry. Then a dead Ron. Then her parents... Harry shivered at the sight of their mangled bodies. Hermione's eyes swelled with tears, and Harry was left with a desperate need to comfort her. Harry didn't even recognise that it was his turn until McClaggan shouted "NEXT!"

Harry furiously tried to find his happy memory again, he had completely forgotten about it when he saw Hermione's boggart.

Harry braced himself for the feeling of cold the Dementor was sure to provide, however, the boggart wasn't a Dementor anymore. It was Voldemort.

The effect of Harry boggart was instant: the people in the classroom panicked and ran away as fast as they could in every direction. Harry, however, was frozen to his spot, unable to move.

"I kill everybody you love, Harry," Voldemort's cold, evil voice clang through the room. Something in Harry _clicked, _and he lost his head completely.

"STUPEFY! EXPELLIARMUS! IMPEDIMENTA! _INCENDIO!"_

A huge ball of fire, larger than Harry had ever conjured -even with his lessons with Dumbledore, shot from Harry's wand, and exploded at the boggart with such force that Harry was thrown backwards. An ear-splitting screech filled the room, making the few people that were left drop their wands, so they could hold over their ears instead. For a moment Harry could swear that he saw Voldemort's snake, Nagini again, but as the scream subsided, so did the fog and the snake. Harry opened his eyes, and everything came into focus.

The boggart was gone.

Hermione instantly jumped to his side and pulled him into the most bone-crushing hug Harry had ever received, even from Hagrid.

"You're alright, you're alright! I was _so scared… _For a second I thought- oh Harry!" Hermione sobbed on his shoulder. Harry patted her shaking back weakly.

"Yeah, I'm okay… Nothing to worry about. It was just a stupid boggart." Harry tried to comfort her as well as himself. Ron limped over to them.

"Bloody hell!" he groaned, rubbing his leg. "_That_ was a nasty boggart!"

Harry rolled his eyes mentally, "Yeah, I've noticed..."

"_Everyone!"_ McClaggan barked. "Come back here! The class is not over yet!"

The students that were close enough to hear him came back hesitantly, holding their wands so hard that their knuckles whitened.

"Who is next?" McClaggan asked, as if nothing had happened.

Nobody dared to answer.

McClaggan sighed angrily, and turned to the closet. The _open_ closet. The boggart was nowhere in sight.

"Mr Potter!" McClaggan barked, "GET UP!"

Alarmed, Harry got up from the floor he was sitting on, and Hermione followed, holding Harry's hand so hard that he was starting to feel numb.

"Yes, professor?" Harry asked, and held his breath for the explosion he knew was coming. Somehow McClaggan reminded him slightly of Vernon, or even Mad-Eye Moody.

"Stay after class."

Harry nodded and mumbled "yes, professor," before sitting down again, on a chair this time. Harry gritted his teeth. Not because Hermione was still holding his hand so hard that he couldn't feel it much anymore, but because this was the second time in the second lesson that he had made a fool of himself. Harry suddenly wondered if Defence was his strong subject after all.

After McClaggan had listed of whom was still present in the class, (not very many), they continued on taking notes from the Stupefy curse. Everyone except from Ron, Harry and Hermione, that was. Harry –because he knew enough of it already, having studied it in fourth grade before the Triwizard tournament, Ron –because he was too lazy, and Hermione, -because she was too busy clinging on Harry's arm.

Harry doubted he would ever get the feeling in his hand back.

The class ended rather quickly for a change, but Harry and Hermione remained on their seats as everybody else got up.

"Uh, see you later, guys," Ron said and got off, eager to get out of the classroom. Harry turned his attention forward again, where McClaggan was looking intently at him.

No wait –he was looking at Hermione.

"Whatever you have to say, she can hear it too," said Harry quickly. Hermione shot him a grateful look, and loosened her grip on him a little. A little sigh of relief escaped him.

McClaggan raised an eyebrow at Harry, but he didn't seem to complain.

"I do not think that is wise, Mr _Potter,_" he said, not moving at all.

Harry shifted, but said nothing.

"Alright," McClaggan paused for a moment, before saying: "That was a very bad performance on a simple boggart-"

Harry bowed his head in embarrassment half wishing Hermione had left. "I know," he mumbled.

"-But understandable. Speak up!" McClaggan barked.

"Yes!" said Harry loudly. Hermione shot him a glare.

"-Professor." he added, and Hermione gave him a small smile.

"Anyway, the boggart was not what I wanted to talk to you about," McClaggan said.

Harry stared dumbly at him; he had expected some kind of rant. "What then, professor?"

"About Voldemort, and his threat."

"Oh," Harry said and frowned. _Great._ He almost preferred McClaggan to rant, so he didn't have to think about what might be approaching.

"Dumbledore and I were talking yesterday, and we both agreed on that you should need more practise than you get in class."

Now Harry was listening. "Really?"

"Yes. Every day, precisely six o'clock in the evening. If you are interested, that is."

"_Every day,_ sir?" Harry asked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. McClaggan gave him a sharp look.

"Yes. E-v-e-r-y d-a-y."

Hermione's grip on Harry tightened again. Harry could feel her hair in his neck, tickling him.

"Alright," Harry answered, and McClaggan nodded.

Harry couldn't help but wonder how he would have time for everything else he had to do: homework, quidditch practise, the DA, _Hermione..._ Harry was even gladder that he hadn't taken the job as a quidditch captain on top of it now.

"Meet me tomorrow," McClaggan said.

Harry agreed, and they were dismissed. Harry rose slowly from his seat with Hermione, who still held on to his hand, just not as hard as before. As soon as they were out from the classroom, Hermione squealed.

"I can't believe it! He's going to tutor you _daily!_ I'm SO jealous!"

Harry grinned. "Watch out then, I'm going to give you a run for your money soon!"

Hermione poked him playfully. "I'm still jealous."

Harry frowned when he remembered why he had to be tutored. "Don't be," he said.

Hermione said nothing, realizing what Harry was just thinking.

-

Transfiguration was okay, they still took notes, but on the bright side McGonagall promised them that they were going to begin with transfiguring animals into other creatures the next lesson, before trying on each other. Then they were going to see which one of the students that had the ability to become an animagus.

The students didn't keep much attention, no matter how interesting the subject was. They were still shaken up from what had happened in their Defence Against the Dark Arts class, some students was still hiding somewhere.

Harry could hardly blame them, but he got a bit annoyed about how fast the rumours were spread, most of the school already knew what had happened, treating him like a was made of fragile glass more than ever before.

-

When Harry and Hermione got back to the Common room, Harry got a surprise that he wouldn't forget easily; Mrs and Mr Weasley were waiting for _him_. Harry's jaw dropped, but before he had the chance to say anything Mrs Weasley had captured him into a hug.

"My dear, dear, dear," Mrs Weasley chocked out, close to tears. Harry blushed.

"Whoa- Mrs Weasley! What's the matter?"

"_What's the matter?"_ Mrs Weasley cried, ignoring the fact that Harry had called her by her surname. "WHAT'S THE MATTER? What- haven't you _heard?_ Oh, I'm going to kill that old-"

"I've heard about the threat alright... How could I not?" Harry mumbled, realizing why they had came to see him in the first place.

It seemed to take Mrs Weasley a while to take in what Harry had just said. "You've _heard?"_ she asked incredulously.

"Yeah, from where everybody else did,_ The Daily Prophet._" Hermione piped out, exactly the same time that Ron and Ginny got through the Portrait of the Fat Lady. They stopped dead in their tracks, eyes widening.

"Mum?_ Dad?_ What are you doing here?" Ron asked, looking from Molly and Arthur and back to Molly. Molly gave Ron a stern glare.

"To ask how Harry's feeling, of course!"

Harry stifled a groan. No matter how much he liked the feeling that somebody cared, he wanted to go and hide somewhere... It felt like he had stepped into Ron's territory somehow. Ron's ears were red, from what Harry could only suspect to be anger, or worse, _jealousy._

Harry steeled himself for Ron's outburst, but, strangely, Ron said nothing. Without giving them a second glance Ron disappeared up to the boys' dormitory, leaving them alone. Harry almost preferred a rant.

Ginny didn't seem to know what to say, and after some seconds in silence she settled down in a chair in front of the fire, picking up some of the hats that Hermione had knitted, and looked at it if it was the most interesting thing in the whole world.

Mrs Weasley turned her attention back to Harry, but before she could say anything Harry spoke up.

"Don't worry, I'm alright. Really, I'll manage. Professor McClaggan even offered to give me extra lessons in Defence. Thank you for coming here though, it means a lot to me, more than you can even imagine. But I think you should talk to Ron and Ginny too, after all, your _their_ mother," Harry said emptily, _not mine, mine's dead,_ "-I'll just go for a walk or something," Harry finished and turned to leave.

"You're a part of this family too," he heard Mrs Weasley call after him, and Harry shot her a grateful look. Nonetheless, he left the common room and the people in it.

After walking in the halls aimlessly for a while he decided to go out. He felt bad for the way he had treated Mrs Weasley, after all, she only cared about him...

_But they're not my family,_ Harry reminded himself sadly, as he walked down towards the lake, and sat down exactly at the same spot he had sat down right before the summer started, after Sirius had died.

Harry's throat tightened, he really wished Sirius wasn't gone, but there's was no way around the fact that he would never see his Godfather again.

Some part of him wanted to hate Ron for ruining the chance to feel that he belonged to a family, but for some reason he couldn't. He couldn't blame Ron for feeling that Harry had everything that Ron himself had ever wanted.

"_But I didn't want any of it!"_ Harry said angrily, and tossed a stone into the lake. "_I don't want it!_ I don't need to have a bloody maniac after me, thanks to a damned Prophecy!" He never wanted the same wizard to kill his parents just because of him._ Hermione's right..._ Harry thought to himself. _When wasn't she? _The prophecy was just like a curse: if the prophecy hadn't been created, none of the horrible things would've happened to him... He would have a normal life.

Oh, what wouldn't he give just to be normal...

Somebody yelling interrupted Harry's train of thought. Harry turned his head, and saw Lavender storming back to the castle with a furious looking Parvati staring after her. Parvati seemed to sense that Harry was looking at her, and started to walk towards him swiftly. She sat down beside him, and for a long time they just sat there, without saying anything.

"What happened?" Harry finally asked.

"With Lav and me?"

Harry nodded.

"Well..." Parvati shifted slightly, "she didn't like how I've changed this term."

"What?" Harry asked, certain that he had heard her wrong. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Lavender, Parvati's best friend through the whole school be mad at her, when her whole family had died a short time ago? Surely Lavender couldn't ask Parvati to stay the same after such a thing?

Parvati shook her head. "We've fought so much this last days... She doesn't understand..."

"What really happened, Parvati?" Harry asked before Parvati would burst into tears. "Where were you when it happened?"

It took some time for Parvati to start talking. "I was there alright... The whole time. I hid under the bed with Padma when I heard dad call up that they'd found us. The horrible female Death Eater reached under the bed and grabbed her, but obviously she didn't see me... And I didn't dare to move! I was so scared... So pathetic!"

"You're not pathetic," Harry said, in something he hoped was a comforting tone.

Parvati sniffed and looked up at him briefly, before looking down again. "Yes, I am," she insisted, "look at _you,_ you're so brave, so smart and... just good."

Harry shook his head. "No, I'm not... brave. I just do what I have to do, and too dumb to find easier solutions. There's a bunch of people that have died because of me," Harry said bitterly.

Parvati didn't argue, and for that Harry was grateful. Some part of Harry would always blame himself, no matter how many times people told him he was not responsible.

-

-

Harry avoided the Weasley's the rest of the day. Instead he used a lot of time thinking about what he should give to Hermione on her birthday. He didn't find any solution, however, and in frustration he wrote a letter to Lupin and asked him for help.

Hedwig was delighted to have some work to do, and flew off immediately.

Harry watched her until she was completely out of sight before heading back to the common room, praying that Ron had already went to bed.

¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨

No big cliffie this time, but don't worry, you'll get plenty of that! (yeah, I can be pretty evil)

Don't worry about that Parvati thing; just because she and Harry talks doesn't mean that Harry would get together with her instead and break up with Hermione! ;)

I think there's three or four chapters left before Halloween, however, I can't make any promises, because a lot's have to happen before that point. (Okay, maybe not _that_ many chapters, but still, there's stuff that I feel should be there for the story to make sense.)

Also –if you wanna flame me, go ahead. I know I asked you not to, but I've changed my mind. ,

Cheers!


	16. Dealing With Things

Ch16: **WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW**

Harry heard yelling far away from the common room.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," said the Fat Lady with a huff. "Honestly, you'd believe that _I_ got the nice bunch, but nooo-"

"_Please, _let me in already!" said Harry irritably, and hesitated only a moment when she opened the portrait before he went in.

"YOU IDIOT! HOW CAN YOU BE SO DENSE? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HARRY IS HAVING A TOUGH TIME LATELY? HE DOESN'T _HAVE_ ANYBODY THAN US! HOW _COULD_ YOU!"

What Harry saw was Ron and Hermione, yelling their throats out of themselves. Both was equally red in their faces, and both had looks that could petrify anyone that may get in their way. Both had their wands drawn, only moments from hexing each other into oblivion.

At the mention of his name Harry tried to yell at them to stop it, but to no avail; they couldn't hear him.

Except them, there was only a couple of people left, but they were hiding in the corner, as close to the portrait as they dared. Neville was one of them.

"_Harry!"_ he motioned, waving his hand, "_you – should –get –out – of –here, –it's –dangerous! –I'll – come – with – you!_

Shrugging his shoulders Harry joined Neville out, their ears ringing. He wouldn't be surprised if Hermione or Ron for that matter had used the sonorous charm to make their meanings clearer.

Glaring angrily at him, the Fat Lady let them out, but if she said anything Harry couldn't tell –there was still too much noise from the common room.

"SO IT'S TRUE THEN? YOU AND HARRY REALLY _ARE_ HOOKED UP TOGETHER, HUH? WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING _ME_ ABOUT IT?" Ron's voice followed them, and Harry cringed while closing his eyes. He was quite ready for a hole to swallow him now!

"_YOU_!" Hermione's voice followed, "-IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT _YOU_! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO – STOP – BEING – SO - SELFISH, AND GET A GRIP? THIS IS SERIOUS! HARRY NEEDS US – NOW MORE THAN EVER! ESPECIALLY SINCE-"

Harry shook hid head sadly. Their arguing weren't going anywhere, they were both too stubborn, too convinced that they were right.

"Thanks," said Neville, rubbing his head as if he had a headache, something that wasn't all that unbelievable.

"No problem. Just remind me to never get on Hermione's wrong side," joked Harry, but neither of them laughed.

-

Neville had to go to the library to finish up some Herbology work. Harry, however, was in no mood for that, and went up to the North Tower. Just to let the wind blow on his face, and to clear his thoughts.

His life seemed to be more complicated than ever these days; and he knew that without Hermione he would be lost.

-

-

Ron wasn't in the common room when Harry got back later, nor did he see anything of Ginny. Harry was glad; he doubted he could face them right away.

Hermione, however, was to be found, reading a book in on of the armchairs. She looked a bit tired, however, as soon as she spotted him she jumped up, and gave him another one of her bone-crushing hugs.

Harry wrapped his arms around her and breathed in her scent. It was comforting, warm and welcomed, like he just had came home from a long journey. Hermione tilted her head up a bit, and gave him a small kiss on the lips. The feeling of being home increased, and he felt the warmth all the way down to his toes. _How could someone possibly affect me_ _like this?_ Harry wondered, he hadn't even been aware of that someone _could_ feel that way.

"Where's the Weasleys?" he asked her quietly, almost afraid to know the answer.

"They left," Hermione said softly, meaning Molly and Arthur, "and Ginny and Ron is up in their dorms. I wouldn't expect them to be down for a while, at least not Ron."

Harry sighed, he wished it hadn't turned out like this with the Weasleys. He cared about all of them, and wished to be a part of their family, but he didn't like the feeling of intruding either... and now he owed them all an apology, no doubt.

"I'm sure they'll understand," said Hermione soothingly, reading his thoughts. Harry smiled weakly, still holding her close to his chest.

"I hope so..."

"They will," said Hermione with more conviction, "But you have to talk to Ron about this. I've... tried to, er, _talk_ to him, but... and I talked to Ginny briefly too, and she... she understands."

Harry gave Hermione a new kiss to show how grateful he was for her help, but he still noticed her hesitation with slight trepidation.

Harry gave her a final squeeze, and then both of them said goodnight and went up to their own dormitories, Hermione collecting some books first.

Harry sighed heavily as he started to pull off his socks and pants, while looking over to where Ron slept. He couldn't see anything though; because Ron had drawn the curtains shut.

Harry did the same thing, and with a second thought he performed a silencing charm around his bed too, so he couldn't hear Ron's snores, and, more importantly, to not wake anybody up if he had a bad dream or vision again. Harry sincerely hoped that his lessons with McClaggan would be so exhausting that he would sleep too deep to have any nightmares.

Harry rolled over in his bed as he felt sleep come to him, with a poor attempt in blocking his mind.

-

After a couple of hours he woke up yet again from a vision of Voldemort's latest adventure, with a thundering headache.

-

-

Harry stayed in bed until morning. His eyelids were almost too heavy to hold open, and his body was sore all over. He was lucky that nobody from Gringotts bank were there with him, because if they were, Harry would be tempted to give away all his money for a couple of hours more sleep in a heartbeat, or better yet, the whole day.

However, he had potion the first thing in the morning, and, no matter how tired he was, he knew that it would not be a good idea to give Snape another reason to give him detention and 100 points from Gryffindor.

Groaning, Harry got up from bed, and found his way to the bathroom to take a long, cold shower. He couldn't avoid looking at his reflection, however, and what he saw made him groan even louder; he looked horrible. Frowning, he splashed some more cold water on his face, in a feeble attempt to look at least healthy.

When the attempt was unsuccessful, he realised it could only be one thing that would help him.

Harry skipped breakfast and went outside to take a morning run.

-

Making it just on time, Harry sat down in front of his potion desk beside Hermione.

"Where've you been?" she asked, looking over him worriedly. The morning run had helped greatly with the headache, and getting some colour in his face. However, his body felt - if possibly - more heavy for each minute he sat still.

"Running," was all Harry could say, because Snape chose that moment to start the lesson.

"Today," he said silkily, "we'll be working on the Dreamless Sleep potion. The ingredients are listed up on the black board, and you can find further instruction on page 554. Get to work... _Now."_

Harry sighed, but deep down he was really interested in this potion, and wanted to learn it perfectly. He was tired of nightmares... He just hoped that he could keep his eyes open long enough.

-

Two hours later Harry had - for what had to be the first time in his life - managed to brew a_ perfect potion_. He had gotten some help now and then from Hermione, (luckily, or he would fall asleep for certain,) but he was still proud of himself.

His mood wasn't even disturbed when Snape came over, and looked down in his cauldron, and took fifteen points from Gryffindor for 'Hermione helping him.' Harry actually took that as a compliment; because that meant his potion truly was perfect.

Only Hermione didn't look too happy about this, and kept muttering angrily to herself.

However, when she saw him looking at her, her expression softened, and gave him an encouraging smile instead, flush creeping up her chin.

Harry turned his attention to the potion again, wondering how he could keep some of it without Snape noticing.

"What's the matter?" whispered Hermione, frowning.

"I need it," Harry whispered back, "it will help me sleep."

With a nod Hermione went down in her rucksack, and took out a water bottle.

"Here," she said, and helping him in collecting it when Snape wasn't looking. When the class was over she used _Evanesco_ to get rid of the rest, her water bottle safely hidden in Harry's bag.

-

Charms went okay, and Harry was happy to know that McGonagall kept her word in Transfiguration.

He couldn't help but feeling nervous, however; he really wanted to become an Animagus, and he would be terribly disappointed if he couldn't be one. Because, as McGonagall had used half an hour to explain in their last lesson; not every wizard had that ability. First of all; it took a lot of bravery just to _try_. A transformation could go so horribly wrong if not done correctly, and cause serious damages to the body. Also, lack of bravery was the most normal reason to why so few wizard were one; half-hearted attempts would not lead them anywhere and could make matters worse. 'If the wizard was not one hundred percent sure that he or she wanted to change, it was usually _then_ the alteration would go wrong. Not to mention that it demanded a whole lot of energy and magical abilities to even have the chance.

That's what Harry was most doubtful about: Energy. He had felt very tired lately, and he suspected (or rather, knew) - that Voldemort was the one to blame... again. _Neither can live while the other survives... _As Voldemort grew stronger, Harry would grow weaker.

Harry didn't like it one bit.

As McGonagall continued the lesson, he saw many of the other students' eyes flick with fear, and he suddenly realised that very few of them, possibly none, had the courage.

Such a pity it was, even McGonagall didn't look way too hopeful.

Harry himself had no doubt about wanting to become one, so _that_ wouldn't be his problem. Uncertainly, he glanced over at Hermione, and wondered if _she_ had the ability. He wished she had, almost more than he wished it for himself. Still, he couldn't help wondering... sure, she was a brilliant witch - and a Gryffindor - but did she really have the energy and magical abilities to be one? She was too afraid to fly on a broomstick... Could this was the same thing?

Harry shook his head. _Of course_ she could do it! She was _Hermione!_ HIS Hermione! She could do anything -as long as she wanted to! He was just being silly.

McGonagall tapped the desk with her wand, to get everybody's attention.

"Now, clean away your desks, and I will bring in some animals we can practise on," she said, and everybody did as she told them.

McGonagall brought back three boxes with grey, fluffy rabbits, and explained how to change the rabbit into a guinea pig, and then the guinea pig into a larger animal; a dog.

Even though they had done similar practises like that before, Harry still found it hard to change one animal into another, without leaving the animal with an extra leg or... something worse.

This time, however, was surprisingly hard to get them to change; like the animal struggled against his magic, making it twice as hard as it should be. Even Hermione seemed to have some troubles with it; but she kept going without getting impatient. Slowly her rabbit started to change, and Harry could see the pride shine through her eyes. Harry turned his attention to his own animal again, and, after five more minutes, his too started to change.

Hermione was the first to change her animal completely, and even made some special colours on her guinea Pig before starting to change it into a dog. Harry tried very hard not to scowl at her, as his own guinea pig still had long ears.

However, Harry was starting to get the hang of it, and he was still one of the first to manage the exercise. McGonagall seemed to be happy with them, and awarded them 10 house points each, and told them that they could continue with changing their animal in any way they wanted the last ten minutes, since most of the class still was stuck on the rabbit or the guinea pig.

Hermione grinned widely, and continued with changing her animal into a bird. Harry just stared at her for a while. _She was so beautiful._

Some part of Harry snorted and wanted to laugh at him; because he had known Hermione for five years, and it was just recently that he had begun to notice her true beauty.

Not wanting to be caught staring; he looked back at his animal and decided to go for a dog. However, he didn't get very far, and soon the time was up and everybody began to rise.

Sighing, but still quite pleased with himself Harry got up with Hermione. McGonagall gave him a small smile on his way out, and said: "You got lot of your father in you, Potter."

Harry's grin faltered. He knew it was meant as a compliment, some kind of comfort, but ever since he saw Snape's memory in the Pensieve, he didn't want to be like his father anymore. Actually, he didn't even want to think about it. Hermione noticed this and frowned.

"What's the matter?" she asked uncertainly, as if she was not sure how to react.

Harry turned to her; deciding if he should tell her or not. She studied him closely, with her big, brown eyes, while she curled some hair between her fingers like she always did when she was wondering about something. Just to see her like that made him smile; she looked so adorable... so soft, so kissable.

"Nothing," Harry mumbled while studied her, "everything's fine. Professor McGonagall only meant it as a compliment anyway."

Hermione looked even more confused by this, and stopped twirling her hair behind her fingers (meaning she gave up trying to understand).

Hermione took Harry's hand in hers as they continued their way to the next class. Harry was very well aware of what had to be everybody looking at them curiously, but Harry was beyond the point of caring. Having Hermione there with him was worth it, and it made him feel light as a feather in the wind.

However, almost as soon as they were outside the classroom, Harry spotted a familiar and not-so-welcomed face; Draco Malfoy. Draco had spotted them too, and a smirk appeared on his pointy ferret face. Stubbornly, Harry held his head high and held on to Hermione as well. He wasn't scared of Malfoy, and he wanted to show it. Malfoy's smirk disappeared from his face when he saw that it didn't bother Harry that he was seen with Hermione, but it didn't stop him from approaching them. "Made a decision yet, Potter?"

"Yes, I have actually," said Harry calmly, but his insides where squirming like mad and twisting with agony with what he was about to say, "and... you can join, and will be considered equal to the other members. As long as you follow the same rules as everybody else that is."

"And what rules may that be?" said Draco, his tone all business like Harry's. Harry was instantly more suspicious against the other boy.

Beside him, Harry heard Hermione suck in her breath; and he knew she felt the same way he did. Decides –to make the matters worse - they didn't _really_ have any rules in the DA. It was more like an unspoken agreement, between friends who trusted each other. So; how to explain this to Malfoy? No, he couldn't explain – there was no way - Malfoy would find a loophole easy as that and make matters worse. Harry had to lie, and the instant he knew that, he smiled to not show his insecurities.

"To not intentionally hurt others in the group, but protect them... follow me as a leader, and... not spread what we are doing around," he made up, and held his breath for Malfoy's answer.

Draco's eyebrows rose, but other than that he didn't show any expression.

"_You,_ as a... leader?"

"Yes," said Harry firmly, "but you are welcome to make suggestions, though."

Malfoy frowned, and for a second Harry thought that he would pull back and call off the deal. At some point Harry even suspected that Draco might suddenly hex him.

However, Draco did none of those things. He only shrugged and said:

"What does to 'DA' stands for anyway? Dummies for Aberration?"

Harry glared at him, but decided to overlook it and not press his luck further. "Defence Association," he said; he doubted that _Dumbledore's Army_ would fall good as a name in Draco's liking. Furthermore; it wasn't exactly _untrue._

Harry was just about to ask Draco to tell them what he knew about the threat, when he felt something shift in his pocket. At first Harry ignored it, but then it shifted _again,_ and with a jolt he realized it had to be the egg, that he still carried around everywhere he went.

"Um, okay, we'll give you a note where to meet us, then you can tell us about the stupid threat, and we'll show you what we do. Now, we have to go to class. We're late! See you later!" said Harry hastily, and dragged Hermione along.

"Harry, what? Hey! Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures is that way! Where are you _going?_"

Harry stopped, he had been moving towards the Gryffindor common room. What was more, he suddenly realized, was that _Hermione didn't know about the egg._

"Er, right," said Harry and scratched his head, and continued walking without Hermione, "I guess I'll see you later then."

He could practically feel Hermione scowl at him.

"Harry, _get back here this instant!_"

Harry turned around, and, sure enough, Hermione _was_ scowling.

"Sorry," said Harry uneasily, and went back to give her a peek on her cheek to ease her up a little, "there's something I need to take care of."

Hermione looked hurt. "What's that? You've been acting weird all morning!"

"Just something..." he started, but thought better of it and showed her the egg. "This."

The egg was moving slightly, it's golden shell reflecting the light and Hermione's big eyes.

"It's hatching," said Harry, excited, "I'm sure it is!"

Hermione looked torn, and kept looking at Harry, the egg, and where she was supposed to go to class. She chewed her bottom lip nervously.

"Where did you get it from?" she asked uncertainly, and looked at her watch again, not able to decide if she should go with Harry or go to class.

"A snake, a golden one..." said Harry cautiously, "in Grimmauld Place, this summer. The snake asked me to take care of it, and... I did. And now it's hatching! Can you believe that!"

"Er, yeah, eggs use to do that," replied Hermione dryly. "But Harry! You don't even know what will come out of the egg!"

Harry frowned and recalled the Snake's words, "she said it was her baby."

Hermione sighed, "it could be _anything!_ It doesn't even have to be a snake! Like a basilisk comes from a chicken egg... but it _can't_ be a Basilisk, 'cause they need to be hatched beneath a toad...and... but it could be something similar though... Oh, darn! Now I am late for class and _everything_!"

"You don't need to come with me!" said Harry, dumbfounded, and the egg twitched a little more violent, "I can take care of myself you know."

Hermione seemed to doubt that, and Harry saw her eyes flare with frustration.

"Fine!" she huffed, "I'll come! Merlin knows what you could have gotten yourself into..."

Harry suppressed a grin; he was glad Hermione would come with him, even though she had to give up a lesson.

"Sure you don't want to go to class, 'Mione?" asked Harry with a glint in his eyes.

"Y-yes," stuttered Hermione, and raised her chin stubbornly, but she didn't fool Harry.

"You could go if you want to," said Harry firmly, he couldn't stand her being miserable for him, and classes were important to her... _More important than me?_ He wondered, _no, that wasn't right- she was coming with him. She cared about him... Yes, and he cared about her. He would have done the same to her if there was a quidditch practise. Wouldn't he? Yes, yes he would..._

"Don't be stupid," said Hermione, disturbing Harry's chain of thoughts, "I said I would come, and I'm late anyway. Just don't push it!"

Harry gave her hand a squeeze, and didn't press the subject any further as they quickly walked to the common room.

-

The egg used it's time; it twitched this way and that, rolling and shivering... but it didn't seem to hatch. Harry was getting impatient, and Hermione frustrated. She mentioned more than once that she should and could've sit through the Arithmancy class after all. After several more minutes with nagging, Harry almost wished she had.

_¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ _

Okay, okay, I know, I used _horribly_ long time to get this done! Can you believe it? Eight weeks! I'm so, so sorry!

However, there's a good reason for that... To make a long story short; I was in the middle of selling my horse. Many people told me they wanted her, but in the last minute they changed their minds/didn't have the money, and I had to start over again. She's sold now, though, last week.

Then, there was Christmas, a lot in school (they always push us hard in the beginning) plus, I had problems deciding what to put in this chapter, and where to end it.

But, here it is. I hope you all enjoyed it!

See in my bio page if you wonder when my next update will be, but it won' take that long. I got some free time to write now!

Thanks to my beta AmberEyes, and Holimontski, Gigi, Spcebaby, Phoenix and Spyder, and finally Katana-Babe for reviewing the last chapter! It means a lot!

A question though, to you and everybody: would you like Harry to actually GET captured on Halloween? I have made a lot of plans... ;) grins

Cheers!


	17. Out of the Egg

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me...

Ch17: **OUT OF THE EGG**

It took about two hours before the egg made progress. The clock ticked steadily towards five PM and the sun was beginning to get low in the sky; casting long shadows in the Gryffindor common room and the two teenagers in it.

Harry and Hermione watched in fascination as the small, golden egg started to break, struggling to get the pieces off. Harry helped it carefully, taking off one tiny piece after the other.

Soon, there was a hole big enough for what was on the inside to come out. Hermione took Harry's hand and held it gently and shivered a little when she saw a tiny, delicate snake take its head out of the egg. The snake had the same colors as the egg, but it also had some black paintings on it's back. _It was beautiful_, Harry realized when the snake got out, looking around carefully with big, black eyes.

The snake seemed to consider its surroundings, as though looking for something. Suddenly, its eyes caught Harry's and Harry was filled with the strangest feeling. He felt as though the snake looked into his very soul.

Hermione whimpered softly like she was in pain and hid her face behind Harry's shoulder.

Harry, however, could not take his look away from the snake's and it did not seem as though the snake was planning to look away either.

Harry wondered briefly if he should try to speak Parseltongue, but his voice seemed to be abnormally dry and his tongue would not form the words he wanted.

The snake hissed and took out its own tongue; smelling him, and Harry suddenly felt a strong urge to do the same, but _that_ would not help him the slightest. It was hard to resist though.

He shook his head, finally able to break the contact.

"_Do you not like me?" _The snake hissed, sounding strangely hurt and Harry felt himself being pulled towards its soothing voice.

"_Yes,"_ he mumbled back in Parseltongue, feeling drowsy. He almost did not notice Hermione when she rested one hand at his chin and kissed his neck, but when he did he nearly jumped out off his seat. Hermione fell on top of him.

"Hermione?" he asked, confused. He could not help but smile at her when she opened her eyes and muttered a soft "oh!" She tried to get off him, but he would not let go of her that fast and kissed her forehead instead. She smiled back.

In the mean time the snake was curling up his leg, but Harry did not notice until its tiny body settled down between. Hermione tensed slightly; not sure if she could trust the snake.

"_I am Akin. And you are my Guardian,"_ the small snake stated. Somehow he didn't need to know what sex the snake was, he just knew it was a male.

"Harry?" said Hermione uncertainly.

"What?" asked Harry, feeling dazed.

"The clock... dinner's over, we gotta hurry..."

"Hurry where?"

"The lesson remember! With Professor McClaggan! Oh, what he must say if we're late..."

"Oh," said Harry and got to his feet.

"_Take me with you,"_ the snake said and stretched its small body towards Harry. Harry reached Akin his arm.

"Come on," said Hermione, pulling the sleeve of his sweater and then the three of them went to McClaggan's classroom in a hurry.

-

-

Every year the DADA teacher decorated their room differently. However, what struck Harry as odd when he full of anticipation stepped into McClaggan's private study was that the room was not personal _at all._ It looked as he was leaving any minute or had just arrived without having the time to unpack.

There were no pictures on the walls. The shelves were completely empty except for a couple of books in one of the ends. The desk contained a suitcase, an inkbottle and a quill. Nothing else. This was so shocking for Harry that he barely noticed that McClaggan had appeared beside him.

Harry's eyes flickered towards the suitcase and a jolt of recognition shot through his body so hard that he gasped and his knees got shaky.

The suitcase had seven locks, like the one the fake Moody had back in his fourth year.

It was a '_Sorcerer's Trunk._'

"_Sir?_" asked Harry and turned towards the Professor. Akin, who had curled himself around Harry's wrist, hissed softly.

"What is it, Mr. Potter?" asked McClaggan.

"That – that's a sorcerer's trunk!"

"Quite right."

"But-!"

"But _what_ Potter? Get a grip," said McClaggan, annoyed. Hermione had half risen from her seat in the back of the room, but remained where she was.

Harry shut his mouth. Just because Barty Crouch Junior had been a bad guy did not mean that McClaggan was evil as well, even though they had the same trunks. Yet, it left Harry with an uncomfortable feeling.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" asked McClaggan impatiently and the door opened. Dumbledore and Remus stepped in. Harry gaped.

"_Remus?"_

"Hello Harry," said Lupin warmly and gave Harry a soft pat on the shoulder. "Good to see you."

"Good to see you too, but what are you doing here?" asked Harry, perplexed.

"We're going to help you in your training today," said Lupin and Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily.

"Oh," said Harry.

"Lets get started then, shall we?" said McClaggan and all of them went to the DADA classroom. "What can the boy do?"

Dumbledore flicked his wand and the desks and the chairs moved out of the way.

Harry wished he could do that...

For the next ten minutes Dumbledore – with a few comments from Harry – told them how far Harry had progressed under his tutoring that summer as well as his previous years at school.

"Excellent, excellent..." murmured McClaggan to himself from time to time, but Harry didn't think anyone was supposed to hear him.

"...there is no doubt that Harry is very powerful," finished Dumbledore with pride. Harry felt his face go warm; it was a great compliment from a wizard like that.

"And he produced a corporeal Patronus in his third year!" Lupin shot in.

McClaggan said nothing to that, but there was something in his eyes that Harry could not figure out. Was it surprise? Was he pleased? Angry?

"You wanted to learn the Tracking charm next, am I correct?" asked McClaggan, raising an eyebrow. Harry nodded. Akin, still around Harry's wrist, shifted a bit.

"Alright, then..."

-

-

Two hours later, Harry had mastered the Tracking charm and had also learned a new spell. The second one was a 'Message spell,' that made it possible for him to send thoughts to anyone that was less than half a kilometer away. It reminded Harry slightly of how Dumbledore had used his Pensive; he had to point his wand at his head and think a thought, and when done correctly a silvery thread would attach to the tip of the wand.

Then, Harry would have to say '_Pensamiento Para'_ –and the person's full name to make 'the thread' go to the correct person. On the way the thread would part: the longer distance - the more the thread would drift apart until it became a cloud so thin that the slightest breath of wind could wisp it away.

However, the spell was not that hard to do as long as he could collect his thoughts. The only problem Harry could see so far was that it demanded a lot of energy if he wanted the spell to go over a long distance.

"So," said Lupin lowly so the girl who were watching from the corner could not hear, and brushed a fringe away from his eyes. "Have you figured out a gift for Hermione yet?"

Harry sighed. September had passed fast and now there were only a little over a week until her birthday and Harry had still not found a present for her. And with the beautiful watch she had given him and the fact that they were together now (together!) he felt that he should give her something special. Dear Merlin!

"No, I haven't," Harry finally answered, but then he suddenly remembered something. "Did you get my owl?"

Lupin smiled. "Yes, I did and I have a suggestion."

Harry felt a rush of anxiousness through his veins. "What?"

"The gift Sirius gave you, remember?"

"What? Hermione doesn't like motorcycles!"

"You have the bike?" asked Lupin, suddenly looking at Harry with a very interested impression.

"Yes?"

"Have you used it?"

Harry nodded. "That's how I arrived at Grimmauld Place... it's really cool." Harry looked over at Dumbledore. "You didn't tell him?"

The old wizard shook his head. "I am afraid not. That was your secret to tell."

Harry had an impression that the secret about the Motorcycle was not the only secret Dumbledore was talking about.

"Don't worry," said Lupin kindly, studying Harry's face closely, "I don't mind. I just wanted to know if you enjoyed it, that's all. Your father did, certainly."

"He did?" asked Harry, only mildly interested. "What about my mum?"

Lupin scratched the back of his head. "Well... she wasn't quite _that_ fond of it. She thought it was a stupid kind of show-off, and too dangerous besides."

Harry snorted.

"Anyway-" continued Lupin quietly, sensing Harry's change of mood, "we've gone a little off topic. About that gift... I meant the mirror Sirius gave you during the Christmas Holidays. You still have that one right?"

Harry bowed his head in shame; it felt as though he had betrayed Sirius and his respect for him when he broke that mirror. _ Why couldn't he get over it? _

"It broke," whispered Harry, just loud enough for them to hear. Dumbledore and McClaggan pretended not to listen, however, and Hermione had left.

"Oh," said Lupin, looking thoughtful for a moment. "I guess that can be fixed. But Harry..."

Harry looked up, meeting his eyes. "Yes?"

"Did it broke before... or after... you know..."

"After," said Harry, confused.

"Did you see... yourself?" asked Lupin, his voice just as low as Harry's had been, only with a tiny tingle of hope.

"Yes... yes I did. I tried to call him but it didn't work."

Lupin's slightly hopeful expression disappeared and he looked sad again. "That only proves it, I guess," he said huskily and sat down on the floor. Harry sat down with him.

"How come? It didn't work..."

"Yes it did," said Lupin with a sigh. "The mirror, you see Harry, is charmed to show the view of where the other mirror is, allowing the two owners to see each other. However, when one or both of the owners die, the charm is broken."

"Oh," Harry said, almost dizzy. What else could he say? _Darn it?_

So there really was no hope to see Sirius then... they did not need a body to know that he had died.

Some minutes passed in silence, both of them deep in thoughts.

Harry tried very hard not to think about Sirius. Instead he tried to think of the mirror and if he should give it to Hermione or not. It would be a perfect gift, really... but was _he _ready for it? Could he pass on Sirius' mirror to anyone else without regretting it?

"_If anyone deserves it, she does. She loves you,"_ said Akin, reading his thoughts.

"What?" asked Harry, startled, but since he had been thinking of Hermione he had not spoken in Parseltongue.

Lupin looked up. "Sorry, did you say anything?"

"No, no, it was nothing," said Harry and got up. Dumbledore and McClaggan finished talking – as if on cue – and went over to him.

"I think this is enough for today," said Dumbledore, but Harry saw that McClaggan did not think much of that idea. Harry suddenly wondered – with a weird kind of excitement – how the lesson would have been if McClaggan had controlled everything from the start. Would Dumbledore and Remus be there next time?

"I just want to try it one more time," said Harry, and he could've _sworn_ he saw McClaggan smile slightly.

Closing his eyes, Harry tried to focus his thoughts. Picturing himself and Hermione in the Room of Requirement, kissing like they had done the other night, he held the wand tip firmly to his head before taking it away again. He glanced at the silvery thread only for a moment, before he said "_Pensamiento Para Hermione Jane Granger!"_

His thought was gone with the blink of an eye.

"Very good Harry," said Lupin with a grin. "Do we want to know what the thought was?"

Harry blushed and had to bit the insides of his cheeks to not grin like an idiot. "I don't think so!"

Dumbledore chuckled. McClaggan, on the other hand, merely rolled his eyes, huffing: "_Teenagers!_"

-

-

"_HARRY!"_ said a very agitated Hermione, and rushed over to where Harry was when he entered to common room. "_Did you just use the Message spell? _Oh, can you teach me how to do it? Can you? Can you teach me now? No wait-!" Hermione interrupted herself, _"teach us it in the DA!_ That way we can communicate without the coins..." Hermione paused, realizing that she had been babbling, then grinned. Before Harry had the time to realize that she was up to something she leapt into his arms and hugged him hard. "And by the way," she whispered softly into his ear, "I like your thought..."

Harry's heart leapt at her obvious flirting and when he looked into her eyes he saw that they were sparkling brightly with pride. If someone had told him, just then, that she had stolen all the stars in the sky he probably would have believed them.


	18. Hermione's Birthday Present

**The disclaimer I forget sometimes: **I don't own Harry Potter. It would be fun, but I'm not making any money in this either. That's that.

And thank you Amber Eyes!

_¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ _

Ch18: **HERMIONE'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT**

So hold me when I'm here  
Right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared  
And love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am  
And everything in me  
Wants to be the one  
You wanted me to be  
I'll never let you down  
Even if I could  
I'd give up everything  
If only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here  
Right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared  
You won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone

Love me when I'm gone...

(-When I'm gone, 3 Doors Down)

Harry used a lot of the next nights to dream about Hermione. It was incredible how good it felt to dream about her instead of getting visions that Voldemort planted in his mind.

However, what had made Harry a bit uncomfortable at first, was that his dreams had taken a drastic turn. They were no longer so innocent, now, in his dreams, he and Hermione would go much further than they had ever done before. He felt like a freaking pervert, but who was he to stop it really?

At least, now he had one more reason to put silencing charms around his bed. He could only imagine how embarrassing it would be for the both of them if he was caught moaning and gasping in his sleep, while calling Hermione's name.

Harry spent more time in his bed the morning of Hermione's birthday than usual, before he got up to take a cold shower. He wanted to wake up a bit more before he went down to breakfast.

Oh, the lessons with McClaggan was exhausting! The lessons could go on for three or four hours straight with intensive training, and every time he looked like he had been in a battle for days. He had cuts and bruises everywhere, his muscles was sore and stiff, and honestly, it got old. However, he knew it was crucial to learn, and Harry wouldn't have it any other way. Somehow, the pain made him feel like he was _doing _something, and that was the important thing at the moment. He hated to go around doing nothing these days.

And McClaggan made Harry be on constant vigilance too, at least most of the time. Every time McClaggan spotted Harry in the halls, he would fire curses at him. The moral was easy: if Harry failed and didn't manage to watch himself, McClaggan would push Harry even further the next lesson.

Harry only wished he could fight back; for even though McClaggan did it all the time, Harry was still not allowed to practise magic in the halls. He could only thank Merlin for quidditch reflexes!

However, it was a different story with transfiguration. The lesson where they were tested for which animal they were most likely to become had ended in complete disaster!

Harry shivered from the memory and quickly took a comb to flatten his hair. He had actually changed his mind about becoming one now.

/_Flashback/_

"_All right Ms Patil, you're the next," McGonagall's curt voice echoed through the classroom. The student were standing in a line against the wall, as each one were tested. So far only a couple of people had gotten clear results._

_Parvati stepped forward nervously, and McGonagall began to take her measurements with her wand. It took a while, but as McGonagall kept doing her business, Parvati's shadow slowly started to change form._

_It was funny to see each ones shadow change form. It looked absurd even, sense your shadow was always something that you carried around. However, Harry guessed he shouldn't been surprised; there was still many things he didn't knew about the wizarding world. _

_Parvati had kept her eyes closed the whole time, but when she opened her eyes and saw what her form was, she grinned widely. Her shadow had formed to something that looked like a small, delicate bird._

_Harry was very happy for her, and could only hope that he would have the same luck._

_McGonagall moved to Lavender next, but was unsuccessful. Apparently Lavender didn't have the power, and her shadow didn't change one bit. Harry was surprised though, because if he wasn't much mistaken (which would be weird because of Lavender's smile) she had no desire to become an Animagus herself. _

_With a nod of understanding McGonagall moved on to the next person – Neville. Harry had expected to see Neville's shadow changing, but was disappointed to see that it only changed halfway. So far it didn't look anything but some kind of large mammal... Apparently Neville missed the last bit._

_Hermione was the next one, and after that it was Harry's turn. Harry held his breath; it was now or never of her. Somehow he knew that if it showed that Hermione didn't have the ability, then she would think it was all for the best and stop everyone else from becoming one. Becides, it would be difficult for him to do it without her, nor did he want to._

_Harry carefully watched Hermione's shadow as McGonagall tested her. No change... No change! Harry was about to lounge at McGonagall when Hermione's shadow suddenly crouched down and began to change. The change was slow, and if Harry didn't know better then he would've thought that Hermione forced it to change. He didn't care though, as long as it continued changing._

_When the shadow stopped changing everybody, including Harry, held their breath to see what form it had. It looked like a huge, oversized cat, although it was hard to tell. "Congratulations Ms Granger," said McGonagall, and gave Hermione one of her rare smiles. "You have the ability."_

_Hermione's smile brightened Harry's day, at least for one more minute until McGonagall began testing him. Harry closed his eyes, and focused on the magic inside him, like they were supposed to. _

_The silence in the room was almost dizzying, and Harry opened his left eye to see what they saw. His heart leapt in his throat. His shadow was changing!_

_At the moment the shadow looked a lot like Parvati's shadow, although much bigger and not completely formed. Harry began to grin widely, however, without warning the shadow began to change back like it had changed it's mind!_

_The hell?_

_He watched silently as his shadow melted together to a ball, before it began to stretch. And stretch. Then it stretched some more. Harry was horrified when he saw what it was. It was..._

"_A snake!" said Lavender with a gasp, and she was right. Everyone saw it and it was no doubt in the world._

_Harry's animagus form was a snake. A large one!_

_/End flashback/_

Harry gritted his teeth as he gave up combing his hair. Akin, who usually stayed in his backpack or in his dormitory while Harry attended to classes, had been delighted at the news, and wanted him to begin practise right away. Harry refused though. He didn't want to be a snake, it was too Slytherin!

The whole school knew now, and not surprisingly people had began to shy him again. It was weird to see small first years escape from him though.

Harry sighed, it was no use to stay away from them. It wasn't his fault after all, was it?

Putting on some dry clothes he went down to breakfast. What greeted him was not the cheerful mood he had been hoping for, but grim faces and low whispering. For once it didn't even to seem to be about him.

"What've happened?" Harry asked, as he sat down beside Hermione.

"Oh, it's awful!" said Hermione sorrowful, shaking her head. "It's been another attack. A big one."

"Yeah," said Seamus, "fifty muggles and twenty-two wizards killed."

"Dementors?" asked Harry, feeling sick.

"And Death Eaters," added Ron. Harry noted that the boy didn't have so much appetite as he used to.

"Didn't you dream it?" whispered Hermione, bending her head close to his, exposing a very smooth-looking neck and an _adorable _earlobe.

Harry shook his head, desperately trying to hide the blush he felt creeping up his chin. _How inappropriate!_ He scolded himself.

"Let's check the names!" said Dean urgently, and the others nodded. However, before they could do that, they were disturbed by a rasp bird voice.

Harry turned his head sharply, and heard many others in the hall gasp.

There was an absolute and total silence as they watched the black, ugly raven fly ungracefully around the hall, looking and searching...

It searched the hall a couple of rounds, and the air was so tick with tension that someone could have cut it with a knife. Harry thought it looked like an ordinary raven at first, but as it made it's way towards the Gryffindor table –because it did, unmistakably - he saw that the raven wasn't like any other ravens he had seen before. This was so ugly it looked like the Death itself, like a Thestral did, only in bird form. The raven made a turn and flew towards Ginny and Dean. Dean looked puzzled, but Ginny looked more terrified than she had been in the Department of Mysteries. Whatever it was it was not good, and one of them was about to pay.

It settled in front of Dean, sticking out it's foot, that had a black letter with red band fastened to it. Ginny let out a choked sob of relief, her eyes full of tears, and so – surprisingly - did Ron. Harry couldn't ever remember seeing the two Weasleys in a state like this.

_What was going on?_

Dean looked shaky as he unfastened the letter, and, even though it was hard to tell, Harry could have sworn he saw him pale considerately. Dean began to read the letter slowly, the Great Hall silent and waiting. When he, however, reached the end of the letter, he frowned and began to read it all over again. And again. And again.

Somehow McGonagall had managed to get to their table without anyone noticing, and placed a wrinkled hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Come Mr Thomas, let's go to my office, shall we?"

It took some time before Dean gave any response, and Harry felt bad for him. Whatever had happened must've been terrible, and somehow it wasn't hard to imagine what it could be.

It took some moments before Harry could take his eyes from the spot where Dean had just sat, to where Dumbledore was speaking in the front of the hall.

"...and that is why we have decided that all classes are cancelled until noon. My condolences to everybody who knew someone involved in the attack. This is a difficult time, and it is important that we stand together and support each other. Thank you."

That meant they still had Defence Against Dark Arts, Harry thought, and felt guilty for looking forward to it. He looked at the raven again and suppressed a shiver; it was to most ugly bird he had ever seen. It's feathers were dull and messy, and it's feet had claws that reminded him of a spider. However, it was it's eyes that made it look most horrid, they were yellow, black and empty, and were staring right at Harry, as if saying: '_I will see you again soon...'_

He didn't need anyone to tell him what that Raven was. It was death; someone in Dean's family had died.

Suppressing a new shiver, Harry gently took the daily prophet from Dean's seat. He was just about to read it when Hermione took one hand over his gently.

"Don't," she said softly. "He'll tell us when he's ready."

"But..." Harry protested. "Everybody else's going to read about it!"

"That'll be their choice," said Hermione firmly, "becides, they might not know what they're looking for."

Harry shrugged, and looked over at Ron, who was staring at Hermione angrily, and looked like as if he struggled to find something to say to her but then thinking better of it.

"What a way to celebrate your birthday, huh?" said Harry apolitically, and stroked her chin. "What do you say to go out for a bit? We have a free period after all."

"I'd love to," said Hermione, and blushed prettily. Ron scoffed.

They both knew that in times like that they needed to hold on to the good moments, and Harry had planned this carefully. It was just a little sooner than he had expected.

They linked arms all the way down to the entrance of the school, nodding politely to McGonagall and even to Filch when they passed each other on the way.

Harry opened the large, wooden door, and was greeted by a high and warm sun.

Still holding hands with Hermione, he guided her to a nearby bench and sat down. Somehow this reminded him of when they were outside the restaurant, only this time nothing was going to ruin the moment.

Harry reached his hand down in his pockets, and fished up a small, wrapped present and enlarged it. Smiling, he gave the gift to Hermione, praying that she would like it. He didn't know how to respond if she didn't.

Carefully, she took the gift from Harry's hands. She used some moments to feel around the edges, before she opened it with such tenderness that he wished she could do the same to him. When she had unwrapped the present, it fell down in her lap, and she gasped loudly. She turned to Harry with hot tears in her eyes.

"Is this..?"

"Yes," said Harry, and took her hand in his. "It's a two-ways mirror. That way - as long as we carries it - we can talk to each other whenever and wherever we are. I have one, that belonged to my dad. Sirius gave it to me last Christmas, but I never got myself to use it or even open it. Actually," Harry admitted, feeling the well-known shame wash over him, "I never even opened it until the day we left Hogwarts for the summer. This one-" said Harry, nodding to the mirror Hermione had in her hands, "-belonged to Sirius. I can't think of anyone I would rather share it with than you."

"Oh, Harry," said Hermione, her tears flowing freely down her cheeks now. "It's wonderful! You have no idea how much this means to me."

Harry smiled, and brushed some of her hot tears away with the palm of his hand, before both of them got up from the bench. They both shivered a little, and couldn't help but laugh.

"You're so wonderful," Hermione said, and leaned in to kiss him lightly on the lips. Harry pulled her closer, smiling to himself. The kiss was tender and passionate, and spoke more than words could ever hope to achieve.

However, when he was about to deepen the kiss, Hermione pulled away:

"If you want more... you'll have to catch me first!" she said with a wink, then took off. Her hair hang as a curtain of curls behind her, and the mirror she had in one hand reflected the light from the sun. Harry was yet again struck with her beauty.

He merely stared after her for some moments, blessing his luck, before recovering. _She wanted it **that** way?_

Grinning, he started to run after her, catching up the distance fast without even being short of breath. All the mornings he had used to run through the summer must had done him good.

Hermione, however, was faster than she appeared to be, and she reached the lake before he did. When Harry finally caught up with her, he grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a well-deserved kiss.

This time Hermione deepened the kiss herself, and he felt her chest rising and falling dramatically for being short of breath under him. Harry stroked the back of her hair gently, his other hand resting around her waist. He was oblivious to anything except the beautiful girl in front of him and the hot sun on his face.

Hermione rested a finger on his cheek, and broke off the kiss slowly, smiling with mischief. Harry, afraid hat she would run off again, kept a firmly grip on her arm, but she just kept smiling up at him, and then started to _undress._

Harry stared at her with wide eyes, his mind racing furiously, slightly panicking. _What was she doing? Did she expect him to-?_

Hermione stepped out of her pants, and took of her Hogwarts robe and the top underneath, so that the only thing that was left on her was black underwear. The sun glowed on her already tanned skin, and Harry couldn't take his eyes of her.

He gulped; surely she wasn't about to do just what he was thinking?

"Come," whispered Hermione, and guided him towards the lake. Realization dawned for him, she wanted _a bath._ He almost laughed of his own stupidness, but some part of him (that he didn't really want to give much thought to at the moment) was more than a little disappointed.

Nervous, he started to step out of his own clothes as Hermione started to step into the water. Luckily he had on reasonable boxers for once, that were blissfully _wide._

Undressed and safe, he decided to have a little fun. Without warning he started to run towards her, splashing water everywhere.

"_Harry!"_ shrieked Hermione, but Harry grabbed her waist and leapt deeper into the water with her, so they had to swim.

Harry, suddenly aware of that he wasn't a terribly good swimmer, took a better hold of Hermione.

She, however, decided it was time for revenge and ducked under the water to tickle him. It was torture! Laughing, he pulled her up and used a moment to study her features.

She looked, if possibly, more beautiful than ever. Her hair, no longer wearing any resembles of being bushy because of the water, hang in dark tendrils down her back, and there were small water drops on her eyelashes.

Harry, unable to resist, kissed her softly, and allowed them to just float weightless in the water. Hermione wrapped her legs around Harry as they kissed, and the feeling of her against him so tightly as she was now, made the feeling he had had for a while to increase.

However, who was he to say it was love? He had never truly experienced it before, that he could remember anyway, so how could he know that what he was feeling was more than teenage hormones?

He remembered Voldemort's, or rather the Boggart's words '_I'll kill everybody you love, Harry...'_ all too well. It didn't matter if the words was from a boggart or not, it was still true. However, just as much as he couldn't allow himself to believe that what he felt was love, he couldn't let Hermione go. He wanted her, he needed her, and he never wanted to leave her or hurt her in any way. He cared for her more than he had ever cared for anyone before. It was scary, but also comforting in a weird sort of way.

"Hermione," Harry moaned, and Hermione smiled against his lips.

"Yeah?"  
"Don't leave me."

Hermione paused for a moment before answering. "I won't. I'll always be there for you."

That wasn't completely the answer Harry wanted, but he could settle with it. At least for now. Their relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend was still fairly new, and it would be stupid of him to expect her to give him promises of undying love. She was there now... That was all that mattered at the moment.

-

For the next few hours Harry felt as he was walking on a cloud, everything seemed so perfect, the threat from Voldemort seemed ages away, and his Animagus form being a snake didn't even bother him much. That was not to last, however.

When Harry, Hermione, Parvati and Ron went to their DADA class that day around noon, Harry was in for another nasty surprise.

It started as it always did. They read a text in their defence book for twenty minutes, then McClaggan would speak for another twenty, and then the rest of the period would be practical. It was what McClaggan had to show them while he was speaking that messed up Harry's day, and loudly too.

McClaggan had told them about discovering dark arts, and had used a sneakoscope as an example. However, when McClaggan had held it up high for the class to see, the detector started to spin and screech loudly. Harry could almost feel it stare at him, and somehow he knew that the detector reacted to _him. _

He had no idea what to do as McClaggan stepped closer to him step by step, looking around the class, but he felt just as bad as he had in his second year when he had been framed for attacking and petrifying several people. This time, however, Harry had no excuse: he knew there was a reason for it to react. Oh yes, there hadn't passed much time since Harry had used Dark Arts, even though it was not on purpose. Becides, he realized, his link with Voldemort had grown stronger. Harry remember with dismay something from the '_All About The Unforgiveables'_ book he had read over the summer:

'_When the caster put so much emotion in the curse as he or she would have to do for the curse to work properly, it is not without a prize. Not only would the caster risk a life-sentence in Azkaban, the Wizard Prison guarded by Dementors, but the caster's soul would also be affected. _The soul would be forever marked_, depending on how **much** the caster enjoyed it._

_The feeling of power is addict able, and the caster would in most cases feel strongly tempted to use an Unforgivable in the future. If recently used, it would have an effect on Dark Detectors,-'_

Harry's head started to spin. He remembered stopping at that exact sentence, and tossing the book across the room in frustration. Now, as McClaggan only had a few steps left, he deeply regretted that. _What was he going to do now?_

_¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ ¨ _

Okay, not a big cliffie, but at least it was one. I can't lose my image, and the chapter was long enough, so I had to end it here. Sorry! (However, I'll have more reason to apology later in the story. Did I say later? Er... I meant in a few chapters! Enjoy the good times! winks)

So, how did I manage? The Harry/Hermione fluff I mean. You'll get more of that, but I'm more the Action/Angst/Adventure person. , That's my element.

I must say that I'm amazed. Several of you actually took pity on me and left me a note! (Anybody who knows how to see how many people that visits? Is that even possible here?) Feel free to drop suggestions, point out mistakes and so on. It helps, really.

Did you notice the small song in the beginning of this chapter? You'll get more of that too, probably.

On to you who reviewed! (if you don't see your name on the list you forgot to review)

Holimontski: Thanks for the review! Akin is not that important, but he's funny to have around.

MortyM: Yes, I only got four reviews for chapter 16. Depressing really, but at least you remembered! Thank you for the nice comment!

Kaylee: Thank you, I thought so too!

Bukama Stealth: Yes, he do, we just don't see it. And Hermione's action was on purpose, to be explained later... coughAkincough!

Fhippogriff: Wow, that was a lot of good comments! blush Very nice of you to review more than the last chapter. As pointed out in Fiction Alley there's a reason for the story to come in chapters, with a review button. The break is definitely over, as I'm sure you've discovered when you read this... :)

Sadie Angel: I can't see you there, but thanks anyway, it means a lot!

TuRn: Hehe, thanks! You're right, I can't! What to do now, what to do... By the way –congratulations! Your review is number 100! ten extra points to you

Meg, LaNaHwAnNa: Tanks for reviewing, I'll update asap. Did you see my new story here?

_One last note: If you don't want to see review-comments in the end of the chapters let me know. I'm just checking it out, sense it seems to be the only easy way to respond to you wonderful guys who review. Take care! _


	19. Training for Life

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**A/N: **This chapter was rather hard for me to write, since Halloween is right around the corner (next chapter is called The Final Countdown, and then there's Halloween) and I had to pick up many loose ends and include things that's been put out. It took some time, yes, but this chapter is the longest yet – in fact it's 70 per cent longer than normal. Over 5100 words:) As for the reviews... I do not know what to feel about three, but it is better than the result from chapter seventeen. I suppose after reading HBP you are looking for something else and decided not to be "delusional." Or whatever. I still get a lot of hits so it is hard to tell.

Cheers!

- .

Ch19: **TRAINING FOR LIFE**

There was nothing Harry could do really. He was screwed; and when McClaggan reached him it could not be more obvious that Harry was the one causing the horrible sound on the sneakoscope. Utterly in lack for other things to say when McClaggan asked why he answered: "Voldemort," and held his breath.

"How so?" asked McClaggan disbelievingly, his eyebrows raised, while everybody except Harry and Hermione flinched. Suddenly Harry's arm jerked slightly, and to his horror the Sneakoscope shrieked even louder.

"Scar," he said quickly, in what he hoped was a more confident tone and stare. "Connection..."

McClaggan glared back and Harry instantly got suspicious that the weird professor attempted Occlumency on him and steeled himself against being intruded. Nothing came, however. Perhaps the professor just knew how to glare?

After a while McClaggan nodded and continued the lesson. However, Harry did not miss some of the looks the other students in the class passed between each other or the whispers that followed him the rest of the day.

-

-

Despise the rumors nobody questioned him about the incident with the Sneakoscope, not even Hermione. Deciding to lay low for a while he kept himself as anonym as possible the rest of the week. Hermione meant he was being ridiculous, but he didn't care. It was just for a while anyway.

Quidditch practice was held, but Harry felt only be vaguely optimistic about the new members. McGonagall had indeed made Ron a captain and that had worked great so far. The red-headed boy knew a whole lot about Quidditch band techniques. Inwardly Harry knew Ron needed something to be occupied with when he and Hermione was training or doing something else together, something that happened often during the days.

In Transfiguration they had used each lesson entirely on Animagi, but these lessons left Harry in a bad mood because he still did not like his form. Hermione, and surprisingly enough Akin, had helped Harry in Occlumency and he became better and better at it. Dumbledore had suggested that Harry could try again with Snape, but Harry refused. He felt that practicing with the Not –So – Nice or Clean Professor would only make things more difficult for him again and he did not want to ruin the little progress he had so far.

The last day of September came with wind and rain – to all the castle inhabitants dismay. The majority of them had planned to do the schoolwork outside before the summer ended, but those plans had to be put on hold.

That day, Harry (with Akin around his wrist), Hermione and Ron were waiting for Draco in an unused classroom. Neither of them wanted the Slytherin to join the DA since his motivation probably was to spy on them and report to his father's friends, but there was clearly no change in the threat and all of them knew that they had little choice than to do what the Slytherin Prince wanted. Even Ron had stopped arguing against it, but only because he knew what was on stake. Harry highly doubted they would ever be friends though.

The door to the classroom went up abruptly and in came Draco Malfoy, looking extremely pleased with himself. He was alone, but he had his wand drawn and prepared to use it. Hermione shot Harry an uncertain glance and Ron straightened his back a little and scowled.

"Let's begin," said Harry warily. Draco found a chair and sat down on it with grace, as though it was a throne rather than a normal, wooden classroom chair. Harry continued: "We're here to discuss your involvement with the DA. We have decided that you can join, seen that you give us all and any information about the threat and – of course – follow the same rules as everybody else."

The Slytherin rolled his eyes.

"Right," said Harry stiffly, a little put out. "I guess this place is as good as any. Do tell."

"Well," said Draco, smirking, "I do not know a whole lot, but I have overheard some things... Therefore I know for a fact that you are going to be taken." (Hermione tensed up) "They are not really hiding their gloating, you see. In the end of the summer, we had company for dinner. Many of the Dark Lord's inner circle of course, but I am not telling you who that is... Anyway, that night they were all in a really good mood. They kept bragging on how the Dark Lord's plan was perfect and there was simply no way he would not get you by the end of the day."

A heavy silence followed and all of them showed different reactions. Harry felt nervous and anxious to know more, Ron seemed furious and barely in control of himself, Hermione looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown and Draco seemed to be enjoying himself.

"What more do you know?" asked Harry. His voice dry.

"Not much more, except that Bellatrix was mentioned. From what I heard I believe she will pick you up herself."

"_Pick me up?"_ asked Harry incredulously, his blood suddenly boiling with anger at the mention of the mad woman who had killed Sirius. "You're saying that she's just going to - STROLL IN - and take me! _Just like that!_ No. No, no, no! _Definitely not!_ It's not going to happen!"

"Sorry to break it for you," said Draco sarcastically and snorted, "but you probably will be. They were quite sure of themselves."

Harry spluttered.

"How?" Hermione spoke up and gave a warning glare to Ron who was sitting at the edge of the chair, ready to attack any moment.

"I do not know _that_. Do you really think they tell me everything!"

"What will she do, you know, to get me?" asked Harry, trying to ignore the insult to Hermione and focus on the task they had in front if them instead.

"She is going to be dirty. I reckon you should expect the worst, she is not entirely... sane."

A new silence.

"When is the next meeting?" asked Draco when he saw that the news had begun to sink in a little bit.

"Hang on," said Harry suddenly, his brow furrowing. He had to be one hundred percent sure he had not mistaken anything... "You're saying that no matter what I do, what _anyone_ does, they'll win? Isn't that a little... arrogant? I mean – there's bound to some sort of protection around here! There'll be teachers and Aurors around, and then there's Dumbledore. Bella escaped when Dumbledore came to our rescue last year. I do not –"

"Bella?" Draco interrupted, looking highly amused. "_Bella?"_

Harry did not even bother to blush. "Yes, whatever! Anyway, as I was saying, I don't think anyone will take this lightly. They won't just let Bellatrix into the castle. Not to sound precocious or anything, but I am after all the Boy Who Lived."

"That's true," said Ron, speaking for the first time that meeting.

Draco snorted again and sounded a little more impatient. "I do not know the details. I only know that they have been celebrating and bragging and plotting ever since two weeks before the school started and I got tired of it already after one day. They say that their plan is 'waterproof.'"

"Waterproof..." Harry echoed, and let the sound of it remain in his mouth. He did not like the taste one bit. It felt as though he had already lost the fight.

Hermione turned to him and Harry felt guilty when he saw fresh tears drip from her eyes like a broken crane. "I w-won't let them Harry, I won't!" she said, each word charged with such compassion and love that Harry almost got tears in his eyes as well, "I'll- I'll tail you everywhere, I doesn't matter where, I'll hide you if I have t-to! There's no way I'm going to l-let them take you! We w-will figure o-out something, I promise!"

Draco rolled his eyes at this, but Harry ignored him. He felt so grateful for having a girl like Hermione in his life that nothing else mattered.

Luckily it was still a month until Halloween. Just to have it confirmed Harry asked: "It's on Halloween, right?"

"Yes, I believe it is. Although you can never know; Death Eaters are not exactly known for being trustful."

Harry was only half aware of Akins's soft hissing from his wrist and Hermione's attempts to calm him and Ron at the same time. What if the Death Eaters succeeded? What would he do then? He shot a glance at his two best friends. He could not imagine being somewhere unknown without them. What would Hermione do? Would she move on and be together with someone else? Just the thought made Harry's heart clench painfully and he felt sick. _No, she wouldn't do that, she wouldn't..._ however, should he not wish her to be happy? She would not be happy if she stayed loyal to someone dead and Harry knew that the chance for him dying was more than likely.

That only succeeded in making him feel guilty as well. Was he really that selfish?

Draco did not have any more information and Harry realized that it had to be the first time he had seen a Slytherin keep his word. They quickly arranged the time and date for the next DA meeting; two weeks before the Gryffindor/Slytherin match. They did not give the Slytherin a coin, however. They, as well as the rest of the DA members, had agreed that they would wait before doing something like that and keep quiet about it.

Everything in order, they got up and went out of the classroom. Harry was just about to take Hermione's hand when he felt something prick in the back of his neck and he got a rather uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Get down!" he ordered quickly, taking his arms around Hermione in a swift motion and dived to the ground. His arms cushioned the fall, but she was still taken by surprise.

"Harry, what-?" she asked, but when she looked around she muttered a soft "oh," instead. Both Draco and Ron had been knocked out cold, not able to react fast enough. Harry rolled to his feet, and faced McClaggan, who smirked.

"Not bad, Potter. I see your reflexes have gotten better."

"Thanks Professor," said Harry, although still weary. The Professor loved to take him by surprise, especially after the Sneakoscope incident.

"Headmaster's office, now," the professor ordered and Harry was taken aback against his will. What had he done wrong now? He had not even used magic in the corridor!

"What?"

"The Headmaster wish to speak with you."

"Oh, okay. Can Hermione come?"

McClaggan shook his head negative. "No, not this time. Let's go, Potter."

"What about-" Harry started, thinking about Ron and to some very small extent, Draco.

"Nah, just leave them there, they deserve nothing less. This way they will be more vigilant next time."

Harry shot Hermione an apoplectic look, but she mouthed a 'don't worry' to him and turned to the motionless students on the ground, no doubt to wake them as soon as Harry and the professor was out of sight.

Harry dutifully followed McClaggan the way to Dumbledore's office, wondering what this was all about. He would not be surprised if it had something to do with the Threat though, the way they had been looking at him lately.

On the way they passed the old, ragged Mr. Filch, who was patting his cat Mrs. Norris.

"You almost caught the hairy beast, didn't you girl?" he asked and Harry was somewhat disgustedly reminded of Mrs. Figg. "Nothing to be ashamed of, I still love you. You'll catch it some other time, I'm sure."

Harry failed in suppressing a shiver. He had always known that the caretaker was weird, but this took the icing of the cake! He could not believe the Mr. Filch talked about catching students with his cat like that! Why Dumbledore insisted on having a man like that in the castle was beyond Harry.

McClaggan followed him the whole way up and Harry was surprised to see not only Dumbledore, but also McGonagall, Snape, Tonks, Moody and Remus there as well

"What's-" asked Harry, perplexed.

"Sit down Harry," said Dumbledore, and pushed his Half-Moon Spectacles higher up on his nose. Harry complied. "As I am sure you have noticed, tomorrow is the first of October and only 31 days until Halloween. Because of that, we feel that increasing your safety is necessary."

Harry suppressed a sigh, he had expected this and he knew he could not complain. For all he knew the "increased safety" could save his life...

"That's where we come in," said Tonks proudly, interrupting (without knowing) Dumbledore. "For three weeks, one of us will follow you around to all times. Then, the last week, at least two of us will watch over you at the same time."

"All of you?" asked Harry uncertainly, looking at Snape who shot him an unpleasant look in return.

"Even I, to some extent," said Dumbledore, either not noticing or caring that Harry and Snape did not like each other any better than they had before. "Alas, I need to keep up with my Headmaster duties at the same time so I will only make an appearance if there is a problem." Harry nodded. "What if I don't get caught, though? Maybe they're just trying to scare us?" Fat chance.

"The first three days we'll keep the same protection as we did the last days before Halloween. With other words; at least one of us will follow you around, perhaps two. If you are still here then we will have a new meeting. Any objections?"

Harry suddenly had a feeling that there was something important he needed to say, something dead important, that needed to be taken care of immediately. But what was it? The meeting with Malfoy? No, that could not be it, there had to be something else... oh, if only he could remember!

He was suddenly aware of that everyone were looking at him, waiting for an answer and he felt a little uncomfortable.

"Oh, no. Thank you."

"No problem," said Remus and winked. "I suppose the gift to Hermione went well?"  
Harry blushed. "Yes Remus, it did."

"How about we chat up a bit in my old office?"

"That'll be nice," said Harry, after an approving look from McClaggan who had the office at the moment. Snape and McGonagall; seeing that there were nothing left to discuss, left the office without any other words. Lupin got up to follow Harry out.

"Nice to see you again, Harry!" said Tonks enthusiastically, almost knocking some of Dumbledore's fragile instruments over. "I'll watch over you after R.J is done."

'R.J?' Harry wondered, but then realized that she meant Remus, who had 'John' as a middle name. He laughed. "Thanks Tonks."

"Constant Vigilance, Potter!" added Moody as they closed the door.

Someone never changed.

-

-

Chatting up with Remus was a pleasant experience. Harry realized that there were little he actually knew about the Werewolf. One thing was for sure though; Remus really had been one of his father's best friends. Apparently, his father and Remus got friends in their second year when Remus had helped Sirius and James out of a tight spot. At that time Remus had been friends with Peter, so when Sirius and James got friends with Remus they got friends with the traitor too.

Harry still found it hard to talk about Sirius, but it was easier than it had been a month ago. It felt comforting to talk about his Godfather with Remus, because he knew how Harry felt better than anyone else. Hermione was very understanding and comforting and all, but she had not really lost anybody she had been close too. She still had her parents, she had not known Cedric and Harry suspected she never really got to know Sirius either. Not that Harry wanted her to lose someone close to her of course, far from it.

Harry introduced Akin to Remus and Remus was greatly surprised. After some thoroughly inspection though the older man came to the conclusion that Akin was not an ordinary snake, however, why the Werewolf could not put his finger on. Harry asked Akin about it, but the snake just snickered and refused to answer.  
"Impossible to get a straight answer from him," Harry half – joked to Remus.

"He is a snake though... it's a reason the Slytherin house has a snake for mascot, you know," Remus half-joked back and they both laughed. It was not very funny, but it felt good to laugh nonetheless. Especially in that time they were living in.

"Oh Harry, be careful, would you?" asked Remus suddenly, worry written in his eyes. Harry squirmed under his gaze.

"Of course..."

"I mean really careful," said Remus, looking at him intently without blinking. "Don't play the hero as you tend to-"

Harry got angry at once. "I'm not trying to-"

"I know Harry, and I also know that helping others is a part of your nature. We all love you for it. I love you for it!"

Harry did not know what to say so he said nothing, but somewhere in his mind he registered what Remus had just said. Someone loved him, and that was not exactly a thing he had heard a lot in his life.

He did not feel angry anymore, only defeated. He did have a thing for saving people...

"Do you promise?" asked Lupin, not wanting to drop the topic.

"Yes," said Harry, "but you need to promise the same thing too."

Remus looked at him curiously and Harry quickly added: "Sirius died because Voldemort knew he meant a lot to me. I would not be surprised if he went after you next. I – I don't want to lose you too."

"Oh Harry," said Remus and gave Harry a gentle hug. "I'll be careful... and I'll always be there for you. Just remember that people die in war. It's just the way it is. Hopefully Voldemort is vanquished soon."

Harry's stomach dropped painfully as he remembered the Prophecy. Remus apparently did not know.

"Remus?" he said, with a strangled voice. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Is there anything wrong?"

Harry forced a laugh. "Yeah, that's one way to put it..."

"Fire ahead then," said Remus and sat down, resting his head in his hands and looking at Harry with great concentration. Harry drew a huge breath and began to tell Remus Lupin all about the Prophecy.

-

So far Harry had only told Hermione about it, and telling the former Professor about the Prophecy had helped a lot. Still, Harry noticed that when he told people about it, he felt a bigger pressure on him to end it all soon. Especially when he knew that he was the only one who could do something about the attacks that still came regularly.

The next week was tough for Harry. Always having a teacher or an Auror around was like a constant reminder of Voldemort and Halloween. Besides, he could never do anything but sleeping and go to the toilet by himself. They followed him everywhere; when he had classes they would stand in the back, when he went to the meals or to the common room they always kept themselves close by, when he ate they stood by the end of the table... the only exception was Snape, who naturally kept himself as far away as possible without breaking his promise to Dumbledore. He was the only one who would let Harry breathe and have some freedom. Tonks, however, had great fun changing to a blue eyed bimbo and flirting with him every time other people were around, receiving the end of many stares.

Harry could also tell that Hermione took great annoyance of this as she too followed him everywhere with a slight frown and was constantly on the edge. Whether or not that was because of Tonks or because of her promise the week before he could not tell, nor did he ask. He was worried though, because her normal perfect performance in class had gone down a notch, and it would be a lie to say that she did not care.

-

-

The October the 7th Harry had a new appointment with McClaggan as usual, and Hermione and Akin were with him. However, as soon as they stepped into the office Harry realized that the DADA professor had something special in mind, since all the lights were out.

He was not wrong.

"This time we are practicing 'Training Technique.' Technique is extremely important in a duel, and could mean the difference between life and death." McClaggan let the news sink into him a bit before continuing.

"Now, Ms. Granger, this time I do not wont you to be on my side as usual, but on Harry's." Harry frowned in confusion. "However," said McClaggan, looking at Hermione with a smirk, "I do not want you to do any magic, so give Harry your wand."

"But-!" said Hermione, her eyes wide-open. "I need my wand to defend-!"

"Harry is going to defend you, my lady."

Hermione opened her mouth and closed it again and shot Harry an incredulous look. "_You're _going to defend _me?"_

"Apparently," Harry snapped back, not liking her tone although he could understand why she was nervous. He was in fact nervous himself. He could not move as freely as normal when he had to protect others.

The classroom was still dark and Hermione hesitantly gave her wand to him, letting him pocket it away safely.

"Let's begin," said McClaggan and bowed shortly. However, before Harry could do the same McClaggan had already started the duel with a stunner, that was not directed to Harry but to Hermione, who barely managed to dodge it.

"_Harry!"_ she hissed.

"Sorry!"

"FOCUS POTTER! Do not let your attention wander!" shouted McClaggan and shot a new stunner, towards Harry this time.

"Protego!"

"DON'T STEP ON YOUR HEELS!"

"I'm not!" said Harry, but McClaggan did not hear him because he had already fired another curse towards him. Not seeing what it was Harry had no choice but to dodge.

"ATTENTION!"

Harry made sure he had Hermione behind him most of the time, where he could protect her to some extent at least, but it was not easy because then he could not dodge so much as he would have liked.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" he shouted and McClaggan reflected it with a Protego. Harry reflected it back and the disarming spell hit the wall to McClaggan's left.

"_Incarcero_!" shouted McClaggan and Harry was ready to reflect the binding spell, but in the last second the professor pointed his wand a little to the side instead and the spell captured Hermione.

"Finite!" said Harry quickly before McClaggan could do something else, and the roped disappeared. Luckily the spell was not too strong.

Hermione shot him a look and nodded towards the professor, as though telling him to pay attention. Right then McClaggan fired another spell:

"AVIS!" he shouted, and Harry suddenly had to deal with a herd of attacking, small birds with sharp beaks.

"IMPEDIMENTA!" shouted Harry and they fell to the ground. However, he knew that was only temporary. "Hermione!" he called, not sure about what to do next.

"_Burn them_!" she shouted, and Harry did:

"_Incendio!"_

McClaggan, however, had a nice opportunity to plan his next attack:

"_Conjuntivio! Petrificus totalis! ACCIO MS. HERMIONE GRANGER!"_

"_Protego! Protego!_ Pro – what?" Harry was caught completely off guard and to his surprise Hermione shot out from behind him – knocking him over in the process – and straight to McClaggan's waiting grasp. Angry, the professor pushed her away again and she landed roughly on the floor.

"Had I been a bad guy right now, a Death Eater for instance," he said, glaring ugly, "then she would have been dead by now. Do not let _anything_ catch you off guard! And do not forget to have your legs further apart AND YOUR HEELS UP FROM THE FLOOR!"

Harry swallowed with difficulty and ran over to Hermione, who now was in a sitting position.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" he asked and lifted her up gently by the shoulders. She nodded her head and smiled, although a little shaken.

"Yeah. He's right though; I wouldn't have much of a shot without a wand."

"Don't say that," he said, a little offended even though he did not have the right to, "There's nothing you can't do and you know it!"

"You're sweet," she said, and Harry half – wondered if that was good thing since he was a boy, "I know you won't let anything happen to me if you can prevent it."

Meanwhile McClaggan was tapping his foot. "Done soon? If you keep going like that then we'll soon have one more person to take care of."

"What do you mean?" asked Harry, confused, but Hermione – who obviously had caught the joke – gasped:

"_Professor!" _

McClaggan barked a laugh. "Just kidding, just kidding... now, where were we? Ah, yes, fighting technique.

"Potter, you need to attack more, even though you have one to defend besides yourself. When you do nothing but defend you will not have the upper hand because you would let the opponent decide how to play the game. Trust me – you do not want that to happen! He or she will tire you out and it gives the attacker an advantage to plot other things to take your guard down. I have yet to hear about a duel where one who only defended him – or herself won. This should be obvious by now and you better do your best to learn. We both know that you will fight for your life sooner or later."

Harry took this information to heart and nodded, but he still did not get the joke and that was bothering him. "Yes professor."

They continued the lesson with powerful cutting and punching spells, which Harry was getting better and better at. McClaggan also promised that next lesson he would take Harry and Hermione out to teach them how to Apparate. (Hermione had turned seventeen and Harry was a special case. Ron, poor guy, had to wait.) Harry looked forward to take the license and did not feel very nervous about it. He was afraid that something would go wrong of course, but the fact that he had done it a couple of times before with an accident comforted him. The professor also told Harry that it was best to get it over with as soon as possible. If they were lucky Harry would be able to do it until Halloween and then he had a new potential way to escape.

They also had a new duel and this time Hermione paired up with McClaggan and was allowed to use a wand again, much to her delight. Harry knew he could beat her in a duel, but when she and McClaggan paired up against him he could only last for about five minutes. It was not bad, but Harry knew he should be able to do better.

In the end Harry was nothing short of exhausted and was ashamed to admit so when he saw that McClaggan had hardly broken out a sweat.

"Stop whining and go and get yourself a shower then, for Merlin's sake," was the comment he got back, but he shrugged the remark off.

Hermione looked tired too, though she had a much easier time than he had. She did not want to hold his hand on the way out though.

"Don't," she said, "I know you mean well and all, but I'm so stressed out right now. We have that huge potion assignment tomorrow and a three foot essay on how to register as an Animagus, and we haven't even started!"

Harry looked wide-eyed at her, but realized it was his fault. They had practice together every day, did all their homework together when they had the time and Hermione had even more classes than he had. They did not have so much homework as they had had the last OWL year, but with the DA, the lessons with McClaggan, the threat from Voldemort, Occlumency and not to mention the normal classes, Harry also had Quidditch practice and Hermione prefect duties. Homework had simply been put aside for more important things. Harry dreaded Halloween, but at the same time he looked forward to it (as long as he did not get taken of course) because then he could use his time on other things than prepare for a fight that would later decide his life.

Harry handed Akin over to Hermione, she had became quite fond of the little one. Secretly, Harry knew Akin considered them – in a weird, and slightly perverse way – as his parents, probably since they were the first thing he had seen in the world. Harry wondered how well Akin knew them, when the snake was even capable to help him with Occlumency. Harry could not forget what Lupin had said; just looking at how Hermione would defend Akin made him wonder how much of it really was a coincidence.

Walking as far away from McClaggan as they were allowed, Harry whispered to Hermione:

"What was the joke about anyway?"

Hermione flushed deeply. "Why, Mr. Potter, has no one ever told you about 'the Birds and the Bees?'"

Harry gaped at her. "_What?"_

Hermione gave him a stern look. "Be quiet, he's right behind us. He's going to tease us forever if he hear us talking about it! Unless you want 'the talk?'"

Harry shook his head violently and they did not say anything more until they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady where McClaggan bid good bye to them. Tonks was waiting inside.

"Wotcher, Harry!"

Harry and Hermione, however, did not acknowledge her this time. With a deep sigh they sat down on the couch in front of the fire to finish their homework.

- .


	20. The Final Countdown

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me... except, perhaps, a small part of the plot.

**A/N: **Something wicked this way comes... oh, I should mention that only I've been correcting this chapter and it's more than a little late by now... but I wanted to post this chapter before I went to bed. (Remember, I live in Norway!). This chapter is longer than normal too, about 60 per cent, though you may wonder what normal is by now... tell me what you think! It means a lot! Also, if you have a question I'll answer them at my yahoo group. Take a look!

* * *

Ch20: **THE FINAL COUNTDOWN**

We're leaving together

But still it's farewell

And maybe we'll come back

To earth, who can tell

I guess there is no one to blame

We're leaving ground

Will things ever be the same again?

It's the final countdown…

(– The Final Countdown –Europe)

A week later, Harry had a hard time finding sleep. He was starting to feel anxious, and was afraid to sleep after just witnessing another vision from Voldemort the last night.

He didn't want to have them anymore.

By the window Akin was sleeping peacefully and Harry smiled. He felt very committed to that snake... ironic as it was.

Just as he thought it, Akin opened his eyes and gazed at him.

"_Hi,"_ said Harry in Parseltongue. _"Did I wake you?"_

"_No,"_ said Akin, still gazing at him. _"Do you have sssomething on your mind? You ssseem troubled."_

Harry grinned more widely. _"Your mother said something like that once."_

Akin paused. _"Mother? When?"_

"_The night I got you."_

"_I sssee. I wish I could have ssseen her, but I care a lot about you and your human. Ssshe isss like a mother to me."_

"_Yes," _said Harry, bathing in the memory of Hermione. _"She is the most wonderful person I know."_

Silence.

"_Do you think she will leave me?"_ asked Harry suddenly, feeling a little anxious. He had gotten the feeling lately and it was scaring him.

"_We sssnakes usssually do not have lifelong partnersss... We have one for mating ssseasssonsss, and then we move on. But it ssseemsss different from you humansss."_

Harry laughed softly. _"Yes, it is a bit different... but there is some people who do as you. Change females I mean." _

Akin seemed amused, but then he dropped his head slightly. _"Show me my mother?"_

Harry nodded and thought back to the time in Grimmauld Place where he had called the golden serpent. He thought back to how she had looked, how her eyes had been green like his and how the scales on its skin reflected the light. He wished he could remember his own mother like that... everybody seemed to keep him away from learning anything about his parents.

He had became so much better in Occlumency that he could focus on two things at once now. Of course, Hermione was the only human person he had tried it with, so he had no idea how his so-called Occlumency would work with an experienced Legilimens.

Akin seemed to drink from his memory a little, before he pulled back and was quiet. Harry let him alone with his thoughts, and before long he finally felt sleep coming to him. This time he took extra care in protecting his mind, praying that it was enough to keep Voldemort out for at least one night.

* * *

Harry felt very tired the next morning, but happy nonetheless since he had actually gotten through the rest of the whole night without any visions or disturbing and daring dreams about Hermione...

When he got down he was surprised to see Dean and Seamus looking tired as well. Dean was, naturally, still upset about his family avoided Harry's eyes, but it didn't explain Seamus' appearance.

Harry shook his head and decided to ignore it; he had morning classes and wanted to eat a little before he did anything else.

However, as he waited impatiently for Hermione to show up, Seamus approached him:

"Harry? We need to talk to you."

Harry raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more as he followed him and sat down in an empty armchair.

"It's about that snake of yours," said Seamus and licked his lips. Harry was immediately suspicious.  
"What about him?"

"We don't want him there, it's creepy."

"Yeah, too much Slytherin, I say," Dean quoted in.

Harry scowled. "But he can't leave, he has nowhere else to go!"

"Technically, we could _make _him go," said Seamus, who had obviously thought it through well. "You already own an owl and you're only allowed to have one pet at Hogwarts. We can just drop him outside the Slytherin common room where he belongs."

"You wouldn't!" said Harry, horrified that he might lose his new friend that he had promised to take care of.

"Not yet, but we could... at least consider it, we don't want to be around that thing."

"He's not dangerous!"

"He will be when he get older."

"Not if I tell him not to!" said Harry, outraged and barely keeping control over himself.

"You better, or we'll take this case to McGonagall."

"What about me?" said someone from the corner and Harry whirled around and faced no other than McGonagall in person. _She had to be his guard for the morning,_ he realized with more than a little bitterness. _How much had she heard?_

Seamus didn't look surprised though. "Hi there professor. We were just talking about what we will cover the next Transfiguration lesson... we're really looking forward to it."

McGonagall looked pleased. "Ready for breakfast, Harry?"

"Just waiting for Hermione, professor," mumbled Harry grudgingly. A second later his bushy haired girlfriend came down the stairs, looking quite muffled and distressed.

"I'm so sorry, Harry!"

"Whatever for?" asked Harry, she wasn't that late.

"For keeping you waiting when I promised to be by your side always! Oh, maybe we should've slept in the same – oh, hi professor," said Hermione, finally noticing McGonagall and blushed deep red. "Sorry, didn't see you there."

"That's quite alright, Ms. Granger. Let's go then."

At breakfast they (McGonagall went up to get her own breakfast) met Neville, Parvati and Ron, who were happily filling their stomachs with pancakes.

"Know what 'Arry?" said Ron between a mouth-full, smirking a little. "You and Hermione are supposed to meet with McClaggan and Moody in the Forbidden Forest this evening after classes. Good luck!"

"Wait-!" questioned Harry. "Moody AND McClaggan at the same time? Merlin help us!"

Even Hermione looked a bit nervous. "At least there's two of them. The chance that both of them being on the Dark Side is less likely that way."

"I think we should be more concerned of one or both of them giving us a heart attack... they're quite unpredictable," mumbled Harry so only Hermione could hear, receiving a playful smack on the hand for his comment.

Suddenly Ron dropped his head to the table with a clunk. "It's Care of Magical Creatures again today! Two hours! I swear – it's almost as boring as History of Magic when we actually have a peaceful animal that won't try to kill us."

"Seriously?" asked Harry, feeling protective of his Giant-friend.

"No... but you can't say it's fun... everybody have seen a bloody Phoenix before anyway!"

"I haven't," said Parvati pointedly, and Ron shut his mouth.

They quickly shoved down the rest of the food and left the table, heading for the lesson with Hagrid.

* * *

The lesson was quite uneventful, and Harry couldn't help to agree with Ron to some extent. As predicted (though Ron may have heard it from someone else) they indeed had about Phoenixes and Harry was even asked to talk about some of his "adventures," that he only did because he didn't want Hagrid to feel betrayed. Luckily Harry had mind enough to bring Akin with him, and Harry could safely watch his baby snake looking for bugs to eat. When he had to entertain the class he had Akin around his wrist for support.

Next class was Potion, and with Hermione's help Harry managed to brew an acceptable potion, though he knew that Snape would find a reason to grade it bad no matter what he did.

Finally they ended the day with two hours Charms, but the days was far from over. They still had Apparition left, and both of them didn't know if they should feel excited or scared. McClaggan was bad enough, but with Moody they had no idea of what could happen.

* * *

They met right outside the Forbidden Forest, and the adults arranged it so Hermione and Harry went in the middle, McClaggan in the front and Moody in the back. All of them had their wands up, but the way up to their Apparition point went fine. Harry and Hermione were both surprised to see that their practicing point was at the same spot they had finally gotten together... after the not so subtle confrontation between Harry and Draco.

Harry shot Hermione a smile and squeezed her hand which she squeezed back, though she looked a little tense.

"Let's get started, shall we?" suggested McClaggan, and arranged them so they were standing on the opposite side of each other. "Now, I want both of you to take a round around this clearing, and get to know your area. Ignore each other."

Harry sighed and did as he was told, keeping a half eye on Hermione who did the same thing as he. He took great care to notice the details, every bush and every stone, though he doubted he would remember it all or how much use it would be.

When both of them had walked the distance and were standing where they had started (Harry with Moody and Hermione with McClaggan) they waited for the next instruction.

"Good, now I suggest we make a little game out of this."

"_Game?_" asked Hermione, arching her eyebrows.

"Yes. I want both of you to race. Pretend you have Death Eaters in your heels if you have to. What we want to accomplish is _accidental _Apparition. Have any of you done that before?"

Hermione shook her head, but Harry answered: "Yes, three times or so."

"Interesting," Alastor Moody mumbled and McClaggan nodded.

"Indeed. Ready?" (The teens nodded) "Set... _go!_"

Harry broke into a run and felt a little joy to get some of his ever-lasting nervousness out of his body. He reached the end in no time; the clearing wasn't particular long. Hermione reached her end a little after Harry did.

Moody grinned. "Looks like they need a little "push," what do you say Brian?"

McClaggan grinned back, his eyes glittering wickedly. "Kids, get over here."

On guard, the Teenagers did as they were told.

"Now _we_ are going to chase you," said Moody, "however, we want both of you two stay inside this clearing." To prove his meaning, McClaggan performed a spell that framed the clearing with blue flames. Harry was slightly reminded of his confrontation with Quirrel in his first year, and didn't like it. The matter that the two professors _could _be working for Voldemort didn't make matters less alarming.

"We are going to use whatever curse or hex we want to... except the Unforgivables of course," said McClaggan with a slightly sarcastic voice, that sounded a little wicked. A little gust of wind blew on his face, what made him look even more unpredictable.

_Great, _thought Harry, and felt Hermione sneak on of her arms around his waist.

"Ready?" asked Moody, and Harry wanted nothing more than to say no, "Set..." Harry held his breath and stiffened his muscles, "_go!"_

On the signal Harry span around, grabbing Hermione's hand and sprinted towards to other side, changing directions often so they would be a harder subject to catch.

"Harry, wait!" panted Hermione, and jumped when some of the ground beside them exploded by a _Reducto _curse. "They're using _that _spell?" she questioned, and speeded up.

However, the two adults didn't make it easy for them. While Moody had fired curses McClaggan had apparated somewhere to their left, and started to fire curses from there.

Harry and Hermione had no choice but to turn right, but suddenly Moody apparated in front of them, scaring both of them so much that Harry felt his feet left the ground. For a moment everything went black and he felt a little wind press against his face, and he realized that he had made it... he had apparated. A second later he appeared right next to the spot where they had begun, however, somehow he was still holding Hermione's hand, who had squeezed her eyes shut and where whimpering quietly.

"Hermione! Are you alright? You're not – you're whole, aren't you?" Harry looked her over worriedly, but couldn't see anything wrong. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh..." she said, clearly confused herself, "that felt funny. Scary and strange, but a little comforting too. I wonder..." Two _pops _were heard on front of them.

"Which one of you Apparated?" asked Moody.

"Me," said Harry, wondering if they had to be chased more.

"Curious," said McClaggan, "you're way in front of us boy, taking someone with you and still manage to appear whole. Can you do it by will?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know..."

"Give it a go then!" urged Moody, looking a little excited that made his face look even more wrinkled and damaged. Harry did as he was told and started to focus... it was harder to do it by will though, and he had to seriously concentrate on the feeling he had just felt and where he wanted to go.

Minutes passed and still he didn't manage it. The more time that went the more exasperated he became. Finally he stumped his foot angrily and jumped into the air, and felt a whoosh of joy when he felt himself appear on the other side. _He had made it! _

However, he couldn't see and he felt much colder now, as he felt the cold air on his skin. Skin!

With horror he realized he had left his glasses and clothes behind. He was standing naked!

"Turn around!" he yelled, and quickly summoned his equipment. "_Turn!"_

He quickly dressed and walked the way back, blushing furiously all the way. Hermione blushed like crazy as well when she saw him, and closed and opened her mouth several times before deciding to say nothing at all and stare into the ground.

However, McClaggan seemed to bristle with laugher and Moody looked highly amused.

"You're lucky we are somewhere private, Mr. Potter." Harry nodded. "Your turn, Ms. Granger."

"_Me?" _squeaked Hermione, looking like she wanted to hide somewhere or sink in the ground. "D-do I have to?"

"Yes," was the curt answer she got, and she had no choice but comply. However, since she had not been the one to Apparate she had to be chased around again.

Harry sat down on the ground and patently waited for the practice to end, feeling that it might take a while.

* * *

A while it took indeed. Hermione had to be chased around for twenty minutes before they made any progress, and she had to take two Pepper-Up potions so she wouldn't tire herself out. Harry felt bad for her, but there was nothing he could do.

Harry had gotten some more training as well, while McClaggan practiced with Hermione Moody went over to him, trying to get him to Apparate again. This time he managed to keep his clothes on, though his glasses were left behind once again. They practiced until he had gotten it right, and was comforted by Moody when the Almost-Professor said that Apparating by will was much harder than to Apparate by accident, and only a few wizard grasped the technique as fast as Harry did.

After the practice they went back to the castle, where they met up with McGonagall.

"Have you corrected our latest test yet, professor?" asked Hermione, looking a little nervous, though Harry couldn't understand why she had the reason to be.

"Yes, I have... I'm sorry Ms. Granger, though it is a wonderful accomplishment you only managed to answer 91 per cent of the answers correctly. However, there is nothing to be ashamed of, you're still the best in class."

"What about me, professor?" asked Harry, wanting to get the attention away from Hermione when he saw how upset she was.

"87 per cent, Potter, not bad at all." The Professor looked at both of them pointedly and they started to walk the rest of the way. Sometimes Harry heard Hermione mutter; "I can't believe this, I can't believe this..." over and over, but he didn't know what to do about it, so he let it be. He was sure she'd do her usual best the next test.

* * *

Ron had used a lot of time with Luna and surprisingly Lavender, and seemed pleased with it, at least for the time being. He also used a little time with Neville, whose confidence had grown immensely, especially with his new wand and the knowledge that he had helped _the _Harry Potter against a bunch of Death Eaters, while still being alive to tell the tale...

Harry had finally began to manage Occlumency properly and could now successfully block his mind for Akin, Hermione and probably even Snape. He didn't know about Dumbledore yet, but he had the feeling that he could do that too before long. He practiced Occlumency every night and the visions from Voldemort stopped completely, much to Harry's delight. He couldn't stop his scar from hurting from time to time, but it was a far cry from what he had expected to manage by then. Now he could stand up in the mornings and actually feel rested, and that alone helped him a bunch. The lesson with McClaggan followed as they usually did every day, but now both of them were more impatient than ever. If Harry didn't manage one thing before an hour they would just move on to the next spell or curse and practice some more on them instead. They had little time to lose.

* * *

The next DA lesson, the 20th of October, everybody – especially Harry – felt tense, and that resulted in the hardest lesson yet. Harry pressed all of them so hard that many of the girls started to cry in exasperation, and he was short-tempered and snappy to everyone he saw. Nobody - except Malfoy – complained though, they understood the pressure he was under. Hermione looked like she had a lot to say to him, but she kept quiet almost whole the time, following Harry silently while biting her lip. Even "their time" together - as they've grown accustomed to call it - felt tense, despise all of their attempts to not think about Halloween.

That day, however, was a day Harry had not been looking forward to. At noon, instead of classes; he, Ron, Dumbledore, and Hermione were to take a Portkey to Diagon Alley. There they were due to meet Tonks and Remus and go to the Wizarding bank Gringotts to take care of Harry's Will.

Yes Will, they couldn't avoid it. Harry was the last one in the Potter line as far as anyone knew, and if they did nothing the money would probably go to the Dursleys. The whole Wizarding world that had some kind of communication to the rest of the world, especially Harry himself, knew that the Dursley didn't deserve that amount of money and would probably waste them away. That thought was the only thing that in the end finally convinced Harry to accept it.

At the bank they met an old Goblin named Dippelhook, who led them to a privet room. The room was quite fancy; with a large, dark and polished table in the middle, over a red and fluffy carpet, that would spit out small, harmless flames from time to time. All around them Harry saw bookshelves with file after file, and he wondered if all Wills were kept there. He voiced his question, but Dippelhook assured him that the files he saw was only copies, and that the real ones were kept in the appropriate vaults where they belonged.

Once that was settled, all of them sat down by the table.

"Okay, let's begin this," said Dippelhook and took a quill out from his pocket. Then he summoned a box from one of the shelves and opened it. "The Will of Harry James Potter."

As he said that Hermione shuddered violently and a little sob escaped her. Harry placed a hand on her back to show his support, and he felt the delicate bones in her back rise and fall silently as she tried so stifle her sobs.

"Now, now, Ms. Granger, this is merely a formality," Dumbledore tried to assure her, but he looked sad as well and his eyes didn't have the usual spark in them. Ron glanced over at them from the other side of the table, opened his mouth and then closed it again. Harry shot him a questioning look (he welcomed every chance he had to be distracted), but the Weasley just shrugged as if to say it was nothing.

"Can you, Harry James Potter, confirm that you are the one you say you are, and came here willingly?" Dippelhook continued.

"Yes," said Harry hoarsely.

"A drop of your blood, please," the Goblin commanded and Harry gave Dumbledore his hand. The old man took out his wand a softly muttered a spell that made a little cut in his palm, and a few red drops fell to the paper.

The rest of the procedure was pretty easy. The Goblin asked what Harry would like to give to whom and how much. It was decided that Lupin, Ron and Hermione would split his money, Ron would take his Firebolt, Hermione his part of Grimmauld Place, books and other personal items, and Remus would take the Motorcycle from Sirius. Remus instantly promised that if the worst would happen they could ride the bike anytime they wanted, and at that point Hermione could take no more and started to cry for real this time, and didn't stop until they were out of the bank and back in safety at Hogwarts.

* * *

The remaining days of the months went away much more quickly than Harry preferred. The day before Halloween he was nothing but a nervous wreck, despite all the watch he constantly had around him. His protection increased from one to two, and the only time in the day he could be for himself was when he slept or went to the bathroom, but even then they were never far away.

His training with McClaggan stopped, because he couldn't concentrate and was instantly watching over his shoulder.

The day passed, and before he knew it there was only half an hour before midnight. He and Hermione shared the couch in the Common Room together; their bodies so close together that one could hardly tell them apart.

"I just wish I knew what they were planning," mumbled Harry, turning his head slightly towards Hermione and kissed her softly on the lips; enjoying how his body would heat up by the taste of her. He knew he loved her now; and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

"Harry..." she said, clutching his shirt fiercely as they kissed. "Please..." Harry nodded softly, and sank deeper down on the couch and pushed her to him, his hands pressed hard against her back. Sometimes he could feel her tense and tremble slightly, but then he would kiss her harder, more desperately, and the reality would avoid them a little longer. He didn't feel totally at ease though because of their guards (that pretended not to notice), but it was worth it. He had became so familiar with them that he didn't care much anymore.

"Harry..." Hermione tried again, panting a little bit. "Have you-?"

"No, I don't want to think about it, not now, just-"

"That's not what I meant... have you checked-?"

"Checked what?"

"The – the Marauders' Map?"

"Why would I-? _Oh!_"Harry broke off the kiss and stared at her. Then he grinned widely at her and said: "You truly _are _the most brilliant witch EVER! Simply brilliant! As soon as someone that's not meant to be here enters the ground we'll see them!"

Hermione sat up. "Go and find it! Midnight is barely ten minutes away now."

Harry grinned at her again, gave her a quick hug and jolted up the stairs to his Dormitory.

He was so excited that he almost missed the right door in, but as soon as he found the right spot he started to go trough his things. _If only he could remember where he had hid it! _

Grumbling to himself, he emptied his school bag and continued searching. However, the map was no where in sight.

Where _was _it! Surely he hadn't left it somewhere? No, that couldn't be the case, he was always careful to not leave it behind...

Getting desperate, Harry turned his whole trunk on the head and sorted through all the things he owned. Still no map.

"How odd..." he said to himself, "it's gone..."

Suddenly it went up to him what it could mean. Had somebody stolen it because... they _wanted_ him to be taken? Feeling his stomach turn over, Harry quickly found his wand and said: "ACCIO MAP! ACCIO MAP!"

Why he hadn't thought about using that charm before was beyond him... it did no good, however, the map didn't come.

Now furious and scared, Harry bolted back down to stairs, stopping only a couple of feet before the couch where Hermione was waiting for him.

"The map is gone!"

She looked up, and when she met his eyes her eyes widened in fear. "Gone? Are you... are you sure?"

"Yes!" said Harry, feeling the panic rise in him and fill every inch of his body. "It's not there! I've looked-"

"Sure you haven't just... misplaced it somewhere?" asked Hermione worriedly, biting her lip and rose from the couch. She took a couple of hesitant steps forward, not completely sure if Harry needed comfort or space to rant.

"_Yes! _Merlin, Hermione, what do we do now? How could someone take it like that?"

"We'll think if something..." said Hermione, but suddenly Harry realized something and abruptly turned around so he could get a complete view of the room, searching for some red.

"Only WE know about the map, 'Mione!" he said. "We and Ron! Ron may have it! But where is he?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know... I haven't seen him today."

Then, the clock struck midnight. Halloween had began.

* * *

**Poll: **Shorter chapters and quicker updates or keep it the way it is now? 


	21. Halloween

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**Note: **Most of you wanted shorter chapters and quicker updates so that is what you are going to get. This chapter is almost as long as the last one, but the next will be shorter. Thank you for your comments, at the end of this month I will respond to them all on my yahoo group.

* * *

Ch21: **HALLOWEEN**

Brown leafed vertigo, where skeletal life is known

I remember Halloween

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles, I remember Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

(Halloween by AFI.)

Harry turned over in his bed, and felt his arm connect with something smooth and warm. Not thinking too much about it, he snuggled closer to the source, laying still until he had to brush away something in his face that tickled him. Only then did he become aware of the heavy weight that lay across his chest. Startled, he realized that the arm belonged to someone and he opened his eyes quickly, frozen in place. He then recognized the sleeping beauty beside him; her brown hair like a fountain over the pillow, her eyes closed with dark, soft lashes around them. She had a slight pouting expression on her face as she slept, and Harry couldn't keep a happy grin from spreading across his face.

Still half asleep, he stroked a hand over her cheek, her hair, her shoulders, and marveled yet again how he could be so lucky to have a girl like her in his life... oh, he loved her so! She was everything he could ask for in the world.

Snuggling himself even closer, he tried to keep that thought in mind so he didn't had to think about what was going on in the outside world. He returned his attention to Hermione and studied her for several minutes, almost without blinking. Eventually she mumbled something in her sleep, and her eyes opened softly.

"Hi there," she said sleepily and gave him a crooked grin, before she proceeded with rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," said Harry, truthfully, amazing himself. "I can get used to this you know."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Don't expect it to become a habit, Mr. Potter," she murmured, and her eyes shut themselves again.

Harry studied her a little while longer to see if she woke up again, but when she didn't he realized that he couldn't avoid the reality any longer. Getting up, he showered and dressed quickly. He didn't want his guards (three of them now) to worry and come looking for him. He had a sneaking suspicion that Hermione would be highly embarrassed if they did.

After he was properly dressed, he went over to the window and looked out. The sun was shining and the sea glittered brightly. Harry shook his head in disbelief; how could a day be so shiny and happy when there was a great chance that he wouldn't live to see the end of it? A lump formed in his throat when he realized what that would mean... he had thought about it with fear of course, but now he had so much more to lose. He no longer had the desire to end everything just to see his parents and Godfather again.

Now, dying would not only mean to be parted with his friends, but his love too. The thought of never seeing Hermione again was too frightening for him to even think about...

Clenching his fist, he knew that whatever it took he would never let Voldemort get his hands on her.

Bending over her, he gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Wake up, Pretty."

"I'm awake... just a minute," was the vague response he got, and he shook her shoulder gently.

"Breakfast. We need to go before someone begin to search for us."

"Alright, alright, I'm up..." said Hermione and slowly made her way out of the bed. Harry smiled faintly and walked to the other side of the room, giving her the privacy she needed to get dressed. He had, however, the opportunity to look in Ron's bed. The bed was empty, but had obviously been slept in. That meant Ron had been there some time during the night and slept a couple of hours before getting up again.

Harry made a mental note to search the redhead down as soon as possible.

* * *

Breakfast was a quiet affair. At first the whole student body seemed to be as nervous as Harry was, but in the end they gave in to the beautiful day and what had to be the last, sunny day of the year and decided to enjoy it as much as they could. Harry noted with relief that Ron was there, but was disappointed to learn that the boy had no idea where the Marauders map was.

"Sure you haven't borrowed it? You've been away a lot lately," asked Harry again, looking at Ron desperately.

"Yes, of course I am! And it's not like you and Hermione want me around much." Ron sat back on the bench grumpily.

"That's not true, Ron," said Hermione quietly, staring down at her plate. "We've just had a lot to deal with."

Ron sighed. "Yeah, I know. I think we'll all be happy when this day is over."

"Yeah," said Harry, _if he was still there. _They ate their breakfast quickly, and then the three of them (with three more bodyguards trailing behind: Snape, Tonks and Dedalus Diggle) went to the Owlery to send a note to Hagrid, asking him to come and see them in the Gryffindor common room. Harry wasn't allowed outside, but he wanted to talk to his friend and he didn't know any other way to make that happen than asking the half-Giant by Owl post. He felt guilty for not coming to see him more often.

Hagrid came right away; delighted that Harry wanted to talk to him, but also very worried.

"He's good protected, Hagrid," said Hermione in an attempt to calm to man down, as Harry was drowning in a crushing embrace from him. "I think you should let Harry breathe now!"

"Sorry," said Hagrid and sniffed. "I know yeh're a big boy, 'Arry."

Harry just nodded, red in the face and trouble breathing. He would never compare Hermione's hugs to be bone-crushing again.

"Do yeh still have that pendant?"

"The Birthday present you gave me?" asked Harry, puzzled. He still had it, but whatever for?

"It is a portkey," explained Hagrid like that should be the clearest thing in the world, calmer now. "Just say 'Norbert' and it'll activate an' take yeh ter Hogwarts."

"Thanks, Hagrid," said Harry gratefully, but rolled his eyes mentally at the activate word.

Hagrid stayed with them until lunch. They couldn't ask him about Grawp because of Harry's protectors, but they still had a lot to talk about. Hermione seemed much more at ease with the man now as she didn't took his classes and didn't need to worry about them or his teaching abilities.

Eventually Hagrid left to talk to Dumbledore, and the common room quieted down. The trio, McGonagall (who had switched with Snape), Tonks and Dedalus Diggle were the only ones left, as the rest of the Gryffindors were either somewhere around in the castle or playing outside in the sun. Harry couldn't help but envy them a little, but he knew the price was too high.

They stayed in the Gryffindor tower for several hours. The sky darkened, and people began to come inside again. Ron and Harry had played a couple of rounds with chess, and then he, Ron, Hermione, Parvati and Neville joined together for some Exploding Snap. It was hard for Harry to concentrate, however, and he didn't win once. It didn't help that his protectors were breathing down his neck, not allowing him to forget about the Threat for one second. It didn't seem to matter to them that he was inside a password protected tower in the safest castle in Britain. Still, Harry remembered that Voldemort had been able to break into Gringotts and then he didn't even have a body of his own and was pretty weak.

_So why wasn't something happening?_

He glanced at Hermione briefly and shot her a weak smile that she didn't return because she was lost in her own thoughts and didn't notice.

Suddenly they heard screams from outside and Harry jolted up from his seat, his heart already galloping so fast that he thought it might burst from his chest. He knew a real scream when he heard one, and that scream definitely was.

McGonagall was already by the window, covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh my..."

These words seemed to bring everyone else out of their frozen state and momentarily there was a race to the nearest window. Harry was one of the first to get there since he was already up and what he saw made him grit his teeth in anger. _How dared she!_

In the middle of the ground he saw no other than Bellatrix Lestrange, holding a sobbing, little girl harshly by the hair while pointing a wand at her threateningly. Harry faintly recognized the girl as a first year, but he didn't remember her name. He could also see some more children running towards the castle, probably the girl's friends. He could hear they scream for help.

Harry didn't have to be a genius to understand what the Death Eater wanted, and he also knew that she would get it.

"Harry, _no." _Harry turned his head and gazed into Hermione's wide, frightened eyes. "You're not going."

Suddenly, a magically heightened voice rang through the whole school. If people weren't by a window by then they certainly were on their way to one now. The message was clear:

"GIVE ME POTTER, OR ELSE THIS GIRL DIES!"

Harry felt his heartbeats race up to his throat, making it hard to breath. He felt Hermione gripping his shoulders hard from behind.

"Don't you dare go!"

Shaking slightly, but still surprisingly calm inside he turned to face her, memorizing how beautiful she looked at that moment; her face and eyes were so full of concern for him, she had her hair loosely around her shoulders, framing her face and reflecting the light from the window. She looked into his eyes and paled when she saw that he had already made his decision... he was going.

Harry cupped her face with the palm of his hand, wanting more than ever to say to her that he loved her... but that wouldn't be fair. He loved her too much; he wanted her to be able to go on with her life without him if necessary. Besides, he added inside himself, he could get away with the portkey.

She leaned her face into his hand, tears streaming down her face.

"Don't go... don't do this to me, to us... you're not ready to take down the Dark Lord yet... please..."

"I have to..."

"No!" she cried harder now, her voice more desperate, "you don't have to! You can't- you'll lose-!"

"Ms. Granger is right, Harry," said McGonagall softly. "You have to stay."

Harry turned his attention from Hermione, looking at the professor seriously. "Professor-! That girl – she has nothing to do with this! If I let her stay in the hands of that awful woman then she'll die! That means yet another person have to die for me and that girl doesn't even have a choice! That's not fair and I'm not sure if I can live with it."

"Life isn't fair," said Ron, unhelpfully.

"I can't stand doing nothing!" argued Harry. "Besides, I'll have that portkey Hagrid talked about. Bella doesn't know that. I can just activate it as soon as the girl is in safety."

McGonagall seemed to consider this. "That's true. Do you have it?"

"Yes, it's in my room... accio pendant!" he said, and soon the pendant was in his hand safely. He quickly fastened it around his neck, comforted by its heavy weight.

"You're not letting him GO, professor!" asked Hermione, horrified. "You _can't! _It's your _job-!_"

"It's our best shot, Ms. Granger," said the professor, a defeated edge in her voice. "Only Harry can save this girl, and he has the chance to get away again. We can't ignore that."

Harry swallowed hard. He knew that his protectors would do everything in their power to protect him, but he also knew that if he really wanted to go then they couldn't stop him. He took a hesitant step backwards. His gaze never left Hermione's. "I'm sorry," he said and turned, beginning to go out of the Common room.

Hermione quickly followed him, trying in vain to hold him back as they walked towards the entrance, where several more pupils and teachers were already lined up.

"NO! Don't go!"

"I WANT THE BOY NOW! _Crucio!_" Another voice zoomed through the air, followed by a set of screams. The little girl was being tortured. Oh, how Harry hated that woman!

When he reached the front doors he saw Dumbledore and McClaggan. When they saw him their eyes widened in surprise and then both of them blocked the front doors together. Dumbledore laid a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Are you sure about what you are doing?"

Harry nodded. "I have a portkey. I can use it as soon as the girl is safe."

"Be careful," said Dumbledore, with a proud glint in his eyes.

"Good luck, Mr. Potter," said McClaggan. "Show her what you got."

Harry nodded again, stepping outside the castle doors. The sun, low on the horizon, was orange and warm, but couldn't chase away the increasing coldness Harry felt inside or Hermione's desperate pleads behind him, still trying to prevent him from going.

"If you go I'll never forgive you!" she finally called after him, and this time Harry stopped. Did she mean it? He looked over his shoulder briefly and saw her looking at him, a determent glint in her eyes. His breath caught in his throat and his head swam slightly as he realized that she did mean it, every word. Her words felt like a stab in the heart and he knew that if she couldn't forgive him then he had nothing to live for, because he was nothing without her...

Yet he had to save that girl. _It is our choices that show what we truly are. _Sometimes Harry wondered if he was too much of a saint for his own good... _was he doing a mistake?_

Closing his eyes briefly to gather some courage, he began to cross the path between the Bitch and his home. His arm was itching again, begging him to kill or at least torture her for what he was worth. Suddenly he found it very hard to resist to do just that and he remembered all too well what had happened the last time he saw her.

"Let her go, Bellatrix," he said, his voice no longer harsh or wavering as he had to force himself away from the temptation instead of being scared. Hermione's words didn't help the matter. "I'm here now."

Bellatrix smiled ruefully, and with a push she no longer held the girl. The girl scrambled shakily to her feet and ran quickly towards Susan Bones who hugged her tightly, not looking back once.

Bellatrix kept her eyes fixed on him, daring him to move more than one inch towards his wand. However, as they kept looking at each other a plan was forming in Harry's mind. It was a crazy, desperate plan, but it might work...

Finally she closed the rest of the distance between them and confidentially grabbed his arm, holding him hard, reaching for something in her pocket... however, Harry was not to let himself being captured that easily without a fight. He raised his other hand quickly, hitting her with all his force and hatred across her face.

The impact burned his fist and she cried out, staggering a little. She lost the grip on his hand. Then she turned to him, looking furious and mad, raising her wand to attack him back... however, he was already all over her again, kicking, scratching and hitting her for all he was worth. He knew he wasn't much of a fighter, but he also knew that he couldn't allow her to get a good aim at him. His fist hit her in the center of her face and he managed to kick her in her knee, making her howl out in pain.

"This is for Neville!" he yelled, hitting her again, before kicking her in the tummy. Furious tears were running down his face now, but he did not take any notice of them. "This is for SIRIUS!" Bellatrix fell down to her knees. "AND THIS IS FOR ME!" he said, rising his foot and kicked her so hard in the shoulder that he fell backwards himself while the dark haired woman fell down to the ground, unmoving.

He stared at her for a moment, not able to believe what he had just done. She wasn't dead, was she?

But obviously she wasn't, because with a grunt she rolled over and looked at him with a pair of mad eyes that seemed a little unfocused, spitting out blood. "You'll pay for this, Potter." Harry said nothing, trying to calculate if he should reach for his wand or run for it. However, Bellatrix took the choice for him when she found what she had been looking for in her pocket and disappeared. It took Harry a while before he managed to react and when he did he had trouble believing it.

He blinked, but was soon laying flat on the ground laughing desperately; a laugh made of stress and relief rather than fun and joy.

"Harry!" someone said, and when he turned his head he saw the person he wanted to see the most. He didn't fail to notice Ron a little behind her either, red in the face. Getting up, he managed to get his laughing under control just in time before Hermione flung herself over him, squeezing him tightly and sobbing as though her life depended over it. Then her lips found his and she kissed him hard.

Harry was a little surprised at first, but began to kiss her back just as fiercely. After a moment she broke of, glaring at him and then smacking his face hard.

"Ouch!" he said, but the numbing feeling he had in his cheek was nothing compared to the look she gave him now.  
"I can't believe you left!" she hissed, before drying her tears with the palm of her hand. "I mean, it was an amazing thing you did, saving that girl... I bet she'll be forever grateful. But you can't keep doing it!"

He stared at her. "What?"

"Don't you see?" she exclaimed. "It's way too predictable! They know what buttons to push, and you fall into their traps time after time!"

Harry didn't know what to say. He knew she was right, but how could she expect him to not do anything?

"Mate," said Ron, his face red and his hair in a disarray. Harry smiled at him and gave him a brotherly hug that the Weasley returned.

"Ron," he said.

"Don't do that again."

Harry just smiled helplessly, but as he did that Hermione turned on her heel and ran towards the castle. "You reckon I should go after her?"

"Yeah," said Ron, looking down at his shoes, clearly embarrassed to show emotions like that in front of the whole school. Harry turned red as well; he had completely forgotten about them. He peered after where Hermione had went longingly.

"I hope she'll forgive me."

Ron looked doubtful. "I dunno mate, she looked quite pissed off."

Harry gave the Weasley a dry smile and began to make his way back to the castle, doing his best to ignore the people who tried to ask him questions, whisper and even touch him like that would give them some kind of glory.

He didn't feel glorious at all.

* * *

The Halloween feast was huge, delicious and magical as always, but Harry couldn't enjoy it as much as he would've liked to. The adrenaline in his body was still pulsing through his veins and the kept replaying the fight over and over in his mind. He smiled a little when he thought about what The Dark Lord would or could do with Bella. He didn't take failure easily and Harry almost wished he could see it.

He had kept waiting for his scar to burn, but it never did. When he thought about it his scar hadn't hurt him at all since he began to master Occlumency properly. Akin was wrapped around his wrist, telling Harry what kind of food from the feast that he would like to have taste on. Harry gladly gave it to him; snakes didn't need to be fed often, but he wanted his little friend to get as strong as possible.

Though the feast was huge and he felt as though half of the weight on his shoulders had been lifted, he couldn't help but feeling there was something important he had forgotten.

Cautiously he glanced over at Hermione again, who was resolute in avoiding his eyes.Once he asked her to pass him the juice, but even then she didn't look at him and just passed him the can quietly. He suppressed a sigh. He knew he had to talk to her, but he didn't look forward to it...

* * *

"Hermione, we need to talk."

"Can't it wait till morning? I'm pretty tired right now."

"No, it can't wait," said Harry, blocking her way to the portrait outside the common room she was trying to get in to. "Please 'Mione."

"Don't call me that!" she hissed. "Let me get inside!"

"Look at me," said Harry. "I need to talk to you. Do you really want to go to sleep like this?"

Hermione said nothing to that, but a flush in her cheeks told him that she was about to lose her temper or start to cry. She was biting her lip and twisting her hands at the same time.

"What is it?"

"I-" she started, "I think we should take a break."

Harry stared at her. His attempts to stop her from getting inside were forgotten as he lost his breath completely. "Why?"

"There's lot of things. There's my grades for one, they've been getting worse this year. You heard what professor McGonagall said and Transfiguration is supposed to be a strong subject for me. I'm doing worse in other classes too and it's getting too much. I can't go on like this, even Ron has noticed that.

"I also need to get a little distance from you, Harry. We've been moving things pretty fast in our relationship and the more I'm with you the more I'm afraid of losing you. And when you just left today... I know you had your reasons but so had that Bellatrix woman... it felt like you were ready to throw all we had out of a window just because of that 'saving people thing' and that scares me. I need more time for myself."

Harry was silent, trying to figure out something to say. Somehow he felt that he was watching himself from the side and everything seemed surreal. "We don't need to be together all the time. It was just up until now, with Voldemort's threat and everything."

"No, Harry. Maybe we can start over in a while, but we both need some time to think and sort things through."

"So you're breaking up with me," concluded Harry numbly.

Tears welled up in her eyes. "Yes, I wanted it to work out too, more than anything... but the time wasn't right. I'm really sorry."

Strangely enough Harry felt anger blossom inside him. He knew better then to lash out on her though, so he turned and left, making her way to the Fat Lady deserted.

After all, silence could often be the best revenge and then he didn't have to apologize afterwards for something he said or did.

Harry's feet carried him automatically to the Room of the Requirement and the room provided him a lot of breakable objects and some portraits of Hermione.

He used them well.

* * *

Harry went to bed that night half an hour before midnight, feeling numb and cold. If someone had told him a day before that he would still be at Hogwarts after Halloween and feel worse, he doubted he would've believed them. But he did. What did he have to live for?

Harry sighed and pressed his hands tightly over his eyes. The curtains around his bed gave him some comfort, but not enough to make him feel better. He glanced over at his nightstand were Akin slept and where he had the mirror that Sirius had given him, and that Hermione had the other part of. He wanted nothing more than to talk to her; to tell her that he loved her and plead with her until she said it back... however, she was probably still angry at him, he realized, and he would have better chance to succeed if he waited until morning.

A morning that seemed far away.

Closing the curtain completely shut so he couldn't see the mirror, he felt his scar prickle evilly in anticipation. _What was the Dark Lord planning now? _Harry wondered. _There was no way Voldemort could be pleased about the event as it turned out. His most loyal Death Eater, beating the muggle way by a kid._

Harry smiled for a second, but it didn't made him feel better. On the contrary, the dark ball that he had felt in his stomach all day seemed to be _increasing, _strangely enough.

He pondered over that for a moment, thankful for any excuse he had to avoid thinking about Hermione. Eventually he felt sleep pressing in on him and he was just about to let it all go when he heard a soft _crack, _like the sound of someone stepping on a unstable floor plank.

Harry gritted his teeth in annoyance, but laid still. The feeling of something that was not right was all around him now and refused to go away.

Nervously he found his wand that he always kept beside his pillow and putted on his glasses. Nothing happened, however, and the minutes went by in silence.

_This is ridiculous, _he thought to himself, glancing at the silver watch he had gotten in his birthday present from Hermione. He hadn't added more names on it; it still had the names; Hermione, Ron, Ginny and himself there. The thought of Hermione almost prevented him from seeing what their names were on, but when he did he gasped: All of the names except himself were at 'school,' his, however, was at 'danger.' But how could that be? Halloween had passed and Voldemort was... feeling evil, Harry realized. The Dark Lord was waiting for something.

What was more, however, was that Halloween wasn't over. It was still fifteen minutes left.

Feeling his blood run cold, Harry sat stock still. He suddenly had a great need to see his protectors. He startled when someone turning over in bed.

Telling himself to breath and relax, he realized that the watch probably had him on danger since it was still Halloween and the threat still counted. He also realized that for Voldemort having another plan to capture him on the safest place on earth was unlikely. Maybe the Lord counted on him falling asleep and lure him out by giving him another vision like he had the night Sirius died? Well, he wouldn't let him this time.

Sighing, Harry laid himself down on the bed again instead of his sitting position and felt himself relax immediately.

Tomorrow was a new day.

However, just as Harry was about to close his eyes again someone ripped the curtains open. Before he had the time to react a silver hand reached out and gripped his right wrist tightly, and Harry stared up into the eyes of the one who had betrayed his parents, the one responsible for bringing Voldemort back to life.

"NO!" shouted Harry and began to trash, trying with all his might to hit the wizard that held him tightly. The silver hand was hard and strong and wouldn't let go of him, however. It didn't even budge from Harry's attempts to free himself.

"NO!" he shouted again, "RON!"

"Go back to sleep, Harry..." mumbled Ron sleepily, turning over.

Pettigrew was reaching for something in his pocket and Harry panicked. _He wouldn't let this happen! He couldn't!_

In one last, futile attempthe fired off a stunner, but his wand was in the same hand as the one Pettigrew held him in and the spell hit the roof. It did, however, wake the other boys up completely.

He didn't have time to see their stunned expressions though, as he felt a jerk behind his navel that told him a portkey had been activated.


	22. Voldemort's Plan

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**A/N:** Sadly, I have to inform you that I am not going to stay home all summer. Today I'll be going to Oxford to study drama and I'll be gone for three weeks... I doubt I'll get the chance to write there. However, I'll update very soon after that because I already have a lot on the next chapter written. Hopefully you'll continue reading (and reviewing) this even after reading Half Blood Prince. I'm beginning to see the end of this story now. Until then...

* * *

Ch22: **VOLDEMORT'S PLAN **

Did you say everything you could?

Did the things that you thought you would?

Did it ever occur to you that this could be your final day?

(Did You by Hoobastank)

Harry's scream was cut short when he felt himself land on fast ground. The next moment a flash of red light was shot at him and he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness against his will.

When he woke up again he found himself in a cage. He didn't have his wand. A quick look confirmed that he didn't have his clock or pendant on either. His hands and feet were tied up. He realized someone had put a stunner on him and searched him afterwards.

Trying to control his fear and bitterness Harry looked up and what he saw startled him. The room was dark without any windows, only lit by a small lamp in the middle of the roof. Outside the cage he saw grey, high walls and before the wall right in front of him he saw a large chair and a mirror. Strangely enough Harry instantly knew he had seen the place before in a dream. When he thought closer about it he remembered the dream had been about Voldemort and Wormtail discussing a plan... he hadn't known what they had meant back then, but when he had talked about it to Ron and Hermione afterwards they thought it had something to do with Dumbledore.

A door opened and in came a lump wizard with silver hand that Harry recognized all too well. He gave the man a sharp glare, but didn't receive any in return. Wormtail seemed to avoid his eyes and walked almost sideways to him.

"You owe me your life!" hissed Harry with contempt, trying to suppress the desperate tears he felt behind his eyes. Peter looked up briefly before looking away again, shuddering. "Rat," said Harry and kicked one of the jars. "Let me out!"

"Can't do that," the rat person said. "You've no idea what he can do... the means he has... the way he can-"

"I think I do! We share a _connection_ remember? I've seen a lot of what he can do! So don't give me that shit! You're going to be really _sorry _about this and even if I die I'll make sure to come back and haunt you the rest of your pitiful life!"

Wormtail paled, believing that Harry would do just that. Harry, however, had no plans to do such thing; if he died then he wanted to go on. No more the Boy Who Lived. Thanks, but no thanks.

Wormtail didn't say much else as he opened the cage and banished the ropes around Harry's feet and hands. Then he dragged Harry up and out of the cage and walked firmly towards the only other door in the room. For every step Harry felt a growing sense of dread. Whatever that door led to it could not be good.

His suspicions were soon confirmed. Inside the next room Wormtail dragged him into he saw a bunch of dark clothed Death Eaters, but no one of them had their masks on. Voldemort had to be really sure that he couldn't escape, Harry thought, while trying to look brave by keeping his eyes above the ground and stare the murderers in the eye. He would have feel much better if he had his wand though, he felt naked without it.

When they reached the middle of the room they halted. Wormtail took great care to keep his hold on him.

Then they waited.

Harry searched among the faces of Death Eaters; hoping to see a way out of the situation, but they had created a complete circle around him. He saw Bella give him a reproachful look and he returned it the best he could. If he hadn't been so darn scared he would've felt comfort in seeing that her face was all bruised up.

His eyes traveled further and he gave a start when he saw Severus Snape among them. Harry almost called out to him, but the Potion professor shook his head very slightly – unnoticed by everyone else – and Harry understood...

Suddenly he the whole group tensed and he did so himself automatically. Tearing his gaze from Snape quickly he looked straight forward again only to see the man who had haunted his dreams since he learned about the magical world.

Voldemort.

_This is not happening, this is not happening!_ He thought wildly, desperately hoping it was all a bad dream, but to no avail. The red-eyed monster in front of him was very real and very dangerous.

"Ah, Potter. We meet again."

Harry trembled at the cold voice, but said nothing. For a long time they just stared at each other, the silence heavy as a cold blanket in the room. His upper arm was beginning to feel numb from where Pettigrew held him and that numbness spread to his whole body. All the while he couldn't help but think that this is it... he'd die, he'd never see Hermione or anybody else again... he'd die in the companies of Death Eaters...

"Welcome, Death Eaters, my followers. I have the pleasure to inform you that this day will change everything so far in our history.

"Just like I said I would, young Harry was brought here tonight and this time there is absolutely no way for him to escape. I have him exactly where I want him. You may ask; why Halloween and how did I do it? The whole thing was quite simple: we counted on Harry's Gryffindor side – the part that wants to help people at all cost. However, I knew better than to count on that alone so I had a backup plan. That is where my faithful servant Pettigrew comes in,–" (Pettigrew straightened up proudly) "–it does good to have a rat Animagus does it not? Already before the plan was made public I had him inside Hogwarts, using the passage under Honeydukes. If a dog can then a rat can too, certainly. As a rat Pettigrew went to the Slytherin common room where miss Parkinson took care of him until a week before today. Then he went to the Gryffindor common room. Tell us how you managed to stay hidden, Peter."

Wormtail gulped and nodded. "Yes, Master, of course Master. I waited outside the entrance of the common room until a group of fourth years came by and revealed the password. I came back late at night under a Disillusionment charm and the Fat Lady was only too happy to let me in even though she couldn't see me clearly. I went up to the boys' dormitory and stole the Marauders Map – that's a map that shows every being inside the castle. I should know; I've made it after all – and went back to the dungeons and burned it. The remaining days I kept myself close to Harry and when Bellatrix failed in capturing him I knew that it was my turn. I waited until he was asleep and then I brought him here with the portkey you provided me, Master."

"Very good Peter. You will be rewarded."

"Thank you, Master... you are very kind, Master," said Pettigrew and bowed. Harry scowled in disgust. Some part of him hadn't realized the seriousness in the situation yet and he was still shocked that the rat had burned the Marauders Map. _His map... _however, when Voldemort turned his attention to him he quickly forgot all about the piece of parchment.

"When it comes to why I simply wanted to humor myself, since it was Halloween I killed James and Lily Potter and little Harry here thwarted my plans for the first time. What do you think of the plan now, Harry? Do you like it? I certainly do... I must say that I am thrilled to have you here with us today. You won't answer me? That is very rude, looks like I have to teach you some manners." Harry's eyes widened. The thought of being put under the Cruciatus curse wasn't something he liked the thought of. Voldemort chuckled. "No, I won't curse you... yet. What I want from you is so much more than to hear you scream. I want to hear the Prophecy, Harry."

"I don't know it," said Harry instantly.

"Yes, you do. I can tell," Voldemort stepped a little closer and Harry swore inwardly. He had put up his Occlumency shell too late. "Now, be a good boy and tell me."

Harry shook his head. "No."

"You know what will happen if you refuse?" questioned Voldemort softly, pointing his wand at Harry's chest. Harry tried to take a step back but Wormtail held him in place, not allowing him to go anywhere. Stubbornly he looked the wicked wizard in the eyes and spat. The spit didn't hit him, but was enough to enrage Voldemort.

"_Crucio!"_

The pain was just as bad as the last time Harry had felt it on his body. The reality seemed to disappear as the only thing existing was the pain, a pain so intense that he wished he was dead so everything could end... however, the curse lifted off him a second later and Harry found himself hanging from Wormtail's outstretched, claw-like hand; gasping for air. He could hear Bellatrix laugh somewhere in the distance.

"You did not like that, did you?" asked Voldemort, peering at him closely with crimson eyes.

"It doesn't matter what you do to me," said Harry harshly, acting braver than he felt. "I won't say anything."

"Stupid Gryffindor," said Voldemort. "It is no use hiding things from me. I will find out eventually."

Harry stared defiantly at him, but then the Dark Lord began to close the last distance between them and Harry reached a whole new level of nervousness. He stood there; shaking, defenseless, cold and absolutely terrified as the wizard walked towards him with quick, intimidating steps. However, no matter how much Harry wanted to scream and run away, he couldn't move from the spot. Hell, he couldn't even breathe!

When Voldemort was an arm length away, he stopped and studied Harry closely. Harry quickly pulled up his mental defenses again, feeling that the Dark Lord was trying to enter his mind...

"Why are you struggling against me so?" said Voldemort, and laughed softly at Harry's expression. "You know we are one... we share dreams, power, even blood...would that make us blood brothers, hm?" Harry shuddered, he didn't want to think about it, he didn't...

"We are linked," continued Voldemort, "through this scar."

Harry opened his eyes abruptly and saw to his horror that Voldemort's bony, white finger was pointing at his forehead...

He could hear the silence around them. No one, not even Voldemort seemed to be breathing, and they were standing really close now...

His stomach had long since dropped to the ground and he could do nothing as Voldemort closed the last distance between his finger and the scar...

As soon as the finger touched Harry drew a sharp breath. He felt his heart race upwards – as though trying to jump over him – and the most funny feeling shot through his veins... he could feel everything Voldemort could and he was sure Voldemort could feel everything he could as well... he didn't like what he felt inside the dark wizard, but on the other side he couldn't dislike it either... it was such a feeling of power and confidence that it took his breath away.

"See Harry?" said Voldemort, "we are connected... and always would be... you are me and I am you..."

The feeling of power didn't leave and Harry didn't feel like he had control over himself anymore. Without meaning to he nodded, as though confirming what the Dark Lord had just said about them being one.

"All because of the curse of the Prophecy... that is what it is; a curse and it cursed us both. You have heard the Prophecy, have you not?" continued Voldemort, and again Harry nodded.

"Yeah..."

"Would you like to tell it to me?"

"Yeah –er..." Somewhere, in the back of Harry's mind, he was suddenly aware of what was going on again and with a jolt he realized that Voldemort was no longer holding the connection. He blinked. "No..."

"It's very rude to say 'no' to me, Harry," warned Voldemort and grabbed Harry's upper arms. Again Harry felt a funny feeling shot through him, but it didn't overwhelm him as it had when Voldemort had touched his scar.

The Dark Lord didn't give up. "You aregoing to tell me. Now..."

Harry shook his head violently. "No, no..."

"_Yes you are!" _hissed Voldemort and before Harry could do anything (not that he could if he had tried) the Dark Lord touched his scar again. "_Now..."_

For a moment Harry welcomed the powerful feeling; it felt so nice not being so weak and scared... but as soon as he opened his mouth he regretted it for what came out of it was: "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches..."

"Skip that," ordered Voldemort, and Harry could feel both of their hearts racing up in excitement.

"the Dark Lord will mark him as a equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must – must..."

With a terrible struggle, Harry somehow managed to bend his knees, which led to the connection being broken again. He fell to the floor, hitting it hard, and for a moment the world span and he was afraid that he might faint...

With a flick of his wand Voldemort irritably raised Harry up from the floor and grabbed him once again. This time, however, when Harry felt the bony finger on his skull he knew that there was nothing he could do to prevent the dark wizard from knowing. He had already opened his mouth to continue before being told.

"...and either must die at the hand of the other, because neither can live while the other survives. The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

The whole room was silent. Voldemort removed his finger slowly, still holding Harry's arm with his other hand while Harry was sobbing quietly, not able to stop. The fact that he had most probably ruined the world did not escape him.

"I figured it had to be something like that," muttered Voldemort quietly, surprising everyone. "I suspected though that it could contain something else and I was not wrong... do you not understand, my dear friends? Harry and I have to defeat each other, but no one else can kill us before we do so. If I am not mistaking both of us are immortal until that time... _Either must die at the hand of the other. _Curiously, the Prophecy also states that neither can live while the other survives, I did not count on that. Does that make Harry weaker when I get stronger, I wonder?"

No one spoke. Harry had gotten his sobbing under control as he was more busy trying to figure out what Voldemort would do now as he knew the Prophecy. The said wizard suddenly broke out into an evil grin after a moment in silence.

"Think about it, Harry... the possibilities that have opened for us! As long as no one of us kill the other then nobody can destroy us. Immortality - what I have sought for so long! Now, the question is, what to do with you to ensure that you would no longer be a threat to me without killing you?"

Harry opened his mouth and closed it again. He had been certain that the Dark Lord intended to kill him as soon as he was done speaking.

"I could, of course, torture you into insanity," said Voldemort and Harry paled further. Being like Neville's parents was worse than death. "However, I will be merciful and give you a choice: I will spare you if you join me and take the Dark Mark."

"Never!"

"I would think about it closely if I were you before answering that, Harry. Think about what we can accomplish together... two of the strongest wizards in the world? Nobody would stand a chance and we would rule everything! With you we would get many others to our side... what about your Mudblood girlfriend? Normally I would not even consider one of her blood as worthy, but she seems to be a quite clever young girl and she can be quite an asset... tell me, Harry... is she still a virgin?"

Harry narrowed his eyes, anger burning in his veins. "That's none of your business."

Voldemort laughed like Harry had said something entertaining. "You do not need to worry about that. Even though she could be a great asset to us she is still a Mudblood after all. Have I ever lied to you?"

Harry didn't know what to say to that, but he knew the Dark Wizard had a point. As long as he had lived everybody had been lying to him: The Dursleys lied about his heritage to hurt him and his friends at Hogwarts had lied to protect him. The Headmaster didn't lie, but he didn't tell the whole truth either and Harry had difficulties with trusting him. However, no matter how many times people had lied to him there was still no reason to join the Death Eaters and murder innocent people. That was not what his mother, father and Sirius had sacrificed themselves for.

"I won't join you," he finally said, knowing very well that this could be the last thing he ever said. However, if Voldemort was right then other wizards like Dumbledore could kill the evil one if Harry died, and therefore it wouldn't be such a great loss to the world. He was already doomed after all: it was a lose-lose situation.

Voldemort looked surprised. "Pity. You would have been a great heir. Pettigrew – break one of his fingers."

Harry had to bit his lip hard to not scream when Wormtail grabbed his little finger with his free hand and bended it roughly backwards. A sickening crack muffled the sound of Harry's gasp.

"Want me to stop, Harry? All you have to say is 'I will...'"

Harry didn't answer. He couldn't give in, he couldn't...

"Wormtail, again," ordered Voldemort and Pettigrew grabbed the ring finger and did the same thing as he had done to the last. This time it hurt more and Harry couldn't stop a moan from escaping his throat. He knew that if it hadn't been for the fact that Wormtail had held his wrist for so long that it had gotten numb it would have felt much worse than it did. He didn't give up though - even when they had broken every finger on his right hand and his head was ringing loudly from all the pain. He had screamed loudly when they had broken the three last ones and the thumb had been the worst.

"Boy, you are one stubborn kid," said Voldemort, "looks like we have to do something more... _Petrificus totalis..._"

If Harry had hoped that he would feel less pain while being in a full body bind he was sorely disappointed. On the contrary it felt worse because Wormtail had let go of his wrist and his right arm was now on the same level as the ground. He could feel the blood flowing to the damaged area and the pain increased even more. However, Voldemort bended down and traced his dark red wand down Harry's arm, muttering something that made it come so much more blood to his hand that Harry felt his eyes water before the pain grew so intense that he fainted.

He was roughly woken up again, but only managed to stay awake for four or five more minutes before he fainted again from something he couldn't remember.

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**A/N:** The dream Harry refers to is written back in chapter 12 (McClaggan) if you want to check it out. Now, how many of you enjoyed the torture scene? 


	23. Crucio on the Memory

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me... sadly. If it did then I would have made Harry's love life a bit different.

Thanks to my beta Annick. Please review, it means a lot. For review responses for the last month please visit my yahoo group.

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Ch23: **CRUCIO ON THE MEMORY**

Don't cry from fear, you know that

I don't cry the rain, no not a tear, you know that

Before you leave

When you go

I think you oughta know

Don't cry for pain

(Ana Johnson – Don't Cry For Pain)

Next time he woke up he found himself in the same cell as before. The pain made it hard to breathe and he could not move his swollen hand so he no choice but to lay still. All of his muscles were sore stiff and his throat was dry too. All in all he felt like a herd of hippogriffs had run over him and another dozen blast ended skrewts had stung him.

He tried to remember how he had gotten in that situation, but his mind was curiously fogged and made it difficult to focus. _What had happened to him?_

He suddenly became aware of that he was not alone in the room and he had to suppress the urge to hide in the corner. He raised his head slowly and tried to rise, but immediately he felt sick and coughed up blood. He sat up with a grunt, something that alerted the other dark clothed wizard in the room. Harry looked up into the dark eyes and recognized them as Snape's and instantly he felt a wave of relief through him.

"Professor," he croaked, but his voice was barely above a whisper. "Professor..." he tried again, but it did not sound much better.

"Yes, Potter, it is me and we are alone... for now. I apologize, but I can not get you out of here."

"Why?" pleaded Harry, rocking a little back and forth, nursing his bad hand. "Please..."

The professor sighed, a hint of sadness in his eyes that Harry had never seen before. "I would if I could, you got to believe that. However, there is an anti-apparition and portkey spell over this place, nor do I know exactly where 'here' is. I got here by my mark. Here, take this... it is a pain killer and a pepper up potion. It will help you a little."

Harry nodded slowly and took the to vials of potion that were handed to him through the jars and downed them quickly with shaking hands. It helped his thirsty throat a bit too, he realized as the liquid went down. Soon he felt the pain in his body dim to a more tolerable level. His voice sounded slightly better. "Thank you, professor."

"I do what I can, Potter."

"What happened after they broke my fingers?" Harry was afraid to hear the answer.

"They cruciated you, Potter. Four of them at the same time for several minutes until you stopped responding. I am quite surprised you remember anything from this place."

Harry nodded and rested his chin on his knees, not able to say anything. He only felt a little comfort by having Snape there.

"I'm sorry," he finally said and Snape looked at him with a curious expression. "For revealing the Prophecy. I honestly didn't mean to, it just... I didn't know, I couldn't stop it... you know, I haven't even told Ron about it. I didn't know if I could and I was afraid, I suppose. I didn't want him to look at me any differently and I wanted to have a normal friendship. That's all I ever wanted... to be normal, with a normal family and a normal home and normal friends. I know you don't believe me, but I never wanted to be the bloody Boy Who Lived."

Snape looked annoyed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to tell them all that I am sorry for how things turned out. I need you to tell them that I don't blame them and that it's my fault; that they must continue fighting and not give up hoping. Tell the Weasleys that I'm very grateful for what they did to me, allowing me into their family and all. And you must tell Hermione that I'm sorry for whatever I did to her that was wrong."

"Anything else?" asked Snape, sounding surprisingly patient and Harry couldn't help but smile a little at the irony.

"Yes, I need you to tell her to take care of Hedwig and Akin."

"Akin?"

"Yeah, it's my snake."

"You have a snake?"

Harry nodded and they had a few more moments in silence.

"I will take care of it, Potter," said Snape, gazing at him with black eyes. "However, I need to tell them you are awake now, we can not avoid it any further."

"Do you have to?" asked Harry instantly, even though he knew it was no use. He felt his stomach twist painfully with dread.

"Yes, or the Dark Lord will know and have me killed. I will try to figure a way out for you. Be strong."

Harry sighed and wished he had a time turner so he could avoid the reality for a little longer. He didn't know how much more he could take.

The door to the room Harry's cage was in opened again almost instantly and he closed his eyes. He could hear steps closing in on him and he could hear someone opening the door to his cage. Suddenly someone grabbed his hand – the bad one – and pulled him out of the cage. Harry whimpered in pain.

"Get up," a cool voice said to him after he had been pushed roughly to the floor. Harry did as he was told – not wanting to lay down anyway – and saw that his 'bringer' had been Lucius Malfoy. Harry could not remember the Prophet saying anything about Lucius being rescued, but the part of him that was not terrified was pleased to see that the Malfoy did not look in top shape. Voldemort was in the room too, looking very pleased with himself.

"Changed your mind yet, boy?"

Harry pulled up what was left of his mental defenses. "No. I stand by my decision."

"Well, then. Lucius, grab his healthy hand."

Harry's eyes widened. "Please no..."

"Incarcero," said Voldemort mercilessly while Lucius grabbed Harry's left hand. Instantly Harry's body got wrapped in ropes so tight that he could hardly breathe. Somehow, he remembered himself practicing that spell, and he had thought that 'Voldemort wouldn't have any problem conjuring some stupid ropes around a chair!' How right he had been. He could never reach Voldemort's magic level, much less defeat him.

His attention was returned to the present when Voldemort snapped his fingers and a dark clothed man appeared by the crimson eyed man's side. Severus Snape.

"Hold him down, Severus."

Snape nodded curtly and pinned Harry down to the ground. Harry's eyes widened even more when he felt the weight of the Potion's masterstraddled across his chest and he felt as though the ropes were all that separated them. That thought made him panic even more. Harry wanted nothing more than to ask for mercy, but the dark look from the person on his chest told him to stay quiet.

In the mean time Lucius had summoned a stone and immobilized Harry's hand so he had to keep his fingers outstretched. He began to understand what they were about to do, but there was nothing he could do to stop them as they raised the large stone high up in the air before slamming it down to Harry's right hand with full force.

The pain was unbearable and Harry screamed until he did not have any voice left. It felt as though someone had wrapped a burning plate of metal around his hand and pulled out all of his entrails in the process. Unfortunately they were not finished, and while they were at it they crushed Harry's knee as well, making Harry pass out.

When Harry came around again he only got a few seconds to blink before a red Crucio hit him, and though the ropes were gone the potion master was still on top of him.

Two minutes after that he was shaking on the ground, coughing up more blood then before as he had bitten himself badly. He could already feel his mind fogging again.

_Think of something, _he thought to himself, _don't let yourself end up as Neville's parents... _He tried to think back at his days at Hogwarts, but another round of Crucio – two at the same – interrupted him and held him busy for the next five minutes. He wished he was dead.

When the curse lifted he did not have any breath left. His throat was sealed shut and his lungs did not seem capable of drawing air. His face was blue and he was shaking uncontrollably.

"Had enough yet, Potter? Want me to stop?"

Harry nodded desperately and somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if he had agreed to something that he shouldn't had agreed on. He curled to a little ball, trying to shield himself from the world. What was the world really? He wished he could move his leg.

"Have you decided to join me? Be as powerful as I?"

Harry looked up, wondering what the man was talking about. _Join him with what? Power? How could he ever feel powerful? _"My head hurts," he muttered, his attention already wandering elsewhere, and tried to cover his head only to find out that his hands were not working.

"It does, does it not? Therefore you must join me so I can take the pain away."

Harry took away his hand and glared at the man suspiciously. Something was not right about that question and he had a bad feeling about it. "How?"

"Quite simple, Harry. With a flick of this wand and a potion and then the pain will be history."

_Wand... potion... _the words sounded familiar. Harry frowned, trying to remember. It had something to do with a big castle, he knew that much. Hogwarts? Yes, that was it. Funny name, he thought. Hog warts. A hog with warts. Whatever a hog meant.

"Look like we overdid it a little, Lucius," the crimson eyed man said to an other man that Harry only vaguely recognized. "He is already losing it. Go and find Severus again."

When the other man left Voldemort kneeled down in front of Harry, regarding him closely with pitiless eyes. Slowly the man reached out a bony finger and touched Harry's forehead.

Harry was surprised by what he felt. His own pain dimmed and a wonderful, powerful feeling shot through him. He could feel his mind being searched, but he didn't do anything to stop it. On the contrary he felt it rather interesting as he suddenly remembered that he had won a prize in class when he was nine years old for a nice drawing. However, he also remembered that the man had killed his parents, and then he remembered a red-haired boy and bushy haired girl with rather large front teeth. The memory of the girl warmed him in a much better way than the other man could and he felt his heart flutter and warm his body.

Suddenly he felt that his scar explode in pain and he cried out. The finger left his scar and he knew without looking that the mean man had felt pain as well.

However, a new feeling was growing in Harry's chest. The feeling of pure hatred towards the man who was now panting beside him. His mind oddly blank, the only thing he knew was that the man was the reason for his misery and did not deserve to live.

Harry struggled to his feet (something that was not easy) and leaped onto the man's back, kicking, hitting and scratching like a wildcat, ignoring his own pain that made his eyes swell with tears. "_I hate you!" _hissed Harry with a voice that was barely recognizable. "I HATE YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

It was shock more than anything that kept the man from shrugging him off right away, but Harry was soon panting on the floor again with two unfamiliar, strong hands holding him firmly in place from behind and a pair of crimson eyes staring maliciously at him at the front. He knew he was in serious trouble, but what happened after that moment he never knew.

-

Harry was standing still on the hard stone floor, looking up with emotionless eyes at the group of people that were surrounded around him. His injuries were healed and for the last three weeks he had not been crucioned. However, those weeks were the only time of his life that he could recall. All he knew was that if his Lord wanted him to do something then he better do it, or he would regret it.

He had gotten some training and time to recover the last two weeks. True, he had to learn everything from the start, from magic to theory, but most of the things fit naturally with him. Somehow he felt that he had known some of the things before he got to where he was now, but it was hard to tell. He remembered though, the special, satisfying feeling after he had cast two of the 'Most Powerful Curses' that he was told were unforgivable to many of those with weak soul. It felt as though his body had been longing for it for a long time. It also felt good to him to hear someone else being tortured and not himself. It gave him a feeling of power and confidence. When he held a wand in his hand then he had all the power in the world.

Harry wondered how killing someone would feel like. He had practiced the spell, but he had yet to try in on a person.

The Death Eaters had been surprised over Harry's 'talent' in the Powerful Curses and told him he was a natural. Even the Dark Lord had told him so, and promised Harry that with some training he had the potential of an Heir.

However, first he had to take the mark. He did not really like the thought of having that mark on his arm because it worked as an evidence for the Light wizards, but it was a small price to pay. Besides, no one could hurt him when he got as powerful as the Dark Lord.

He took a deep breath: this was it... this was the moment he had been waiting for...

He opened his eyes and saw the Dark Lord himself enter the room. The room quieted down instantly and Harry could hear his heart pounding in his ears. It was easy enough to recognize his power even though Harry had only seen him a couple of times during practice.

The man stood in front of Harry, regarding him closely for any doubts even though he felt none. Then the Lord opened his mouth: "Do you understand why we are here today?"

"Yes, my lord," answered Harry. If anyone who knew the old Harry and listened to his voice now they would not have recognized it. Snape was not present.

"Are you willing to take my mark and mark yourself as one of my followers?"

"It will be a honor, my Lord."

"Step forward, my boy."

Harry did so, aware that everyone was looking at him. He kneeled in front of his Lord's black coat and bowed deeply, showing his respect. "From this moment and until the day I die I will belong to you, my Lord. Nothing can keep me from wanting and succeeding in doing my duties and my duties are what you tell me."

"Excellent. Now roll up your left sleeve."

Again Harry did as he had been told. He rolled the sleeve up and traced his finger softly over his pale, clean skin. He was faintly surprised to see a long, ugly scar there that was older then the other scars he had over his body. Memorizing how innocent the skin looked, he looked up at the man in front of him and nodded. He was ready.

His skin would no longer be innocent. The Dark Lord lifted his wand and pointed it at Harry's upper arm, beginning to chant a long and complex spell. Harry could feel it happening; a little sting at first, then the sting got bigger and bigger until it got so bad that it felt as though his skin was burned off. He managed to stay quiet, however, that pain was nothing compared to what he had been through earlier.

His dark eyes that barely had a few spots of green left in them widened slightly in relief when the pain subsided to a more tolerable level. Looking at his upper arm now he saw a red, angry tattoo of a skull with a snake coiling out of its mouth.

"Thank you, my Lord," he whispered.


	24. Bending Boundaries

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**A/N: **If you want to check for news you can look at my bio page. I write it all up there. Also, if you want to read review responses for the last month you can visit my yahoo group: HPCotP. Thanks for all the reviews! They made me write half this chapter at once. I love to hear what you think and they mean a lot.

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Ch24: **BENDING BOUNDARIES**

I crawled out from the pain of yesterday  
I crawled to you and  
I said all the things that you said to say  
Have I said enough?  
Do you like it yeah yeah

(Our Lady Peace – Do You Like It)

The Death Eaters kept Harry busy for the next few weeks at the Stone Edge. He had a lot to learn after all, as he did not remember anything from his past life. All he knew was how to cast the Three Most Powerful curses.

He learned all kind of things; how to move without a sound and make himself invisible. How to slash someone's throat without uttering a word. How to disappear from one place and reappear in an other. How to create a large, green skull like his Dark Mark on the sky. How to immobilize the enemy and how to confuse them. He also learned how to respond to the Dark Mark on his arm, that turned darker every day. Sometimes, when Harry undressed he could had sworn he smelled burned flesh, something that almost freaked him out in the beginning. He did not ask about tit of course, as he figured it had to be normal.

Fifteen days after he "gained membership" among the Death Eaters he got the opportunity to try the Killing curse on a person for the first time. The person chosen was a middle aged, fat man with a large mustache, a balding head and a big nose. Harry was told that the man had tried to expose Voldemort's location by feeding a Death Eater with Veritasaterum. The man needed to be killed, but was not important enough for Voldemort to do so himself.

Harry was led into a small, dark lit room with gloomy walls and no windows. The foolish man was waiting for him there, stuck to a chair with his hand bound behind his back. Harry turned to his mentor, Peter Pettigrew, who gave him an encouraging nod. He had always shown special interest in Harry. Harry turned his attention forward again and asked lazily: "Do you know why you are here?"

"Y – yes," the man stuttered, terrified, "but I do not regret it! Someone will avenge me and then you will pay! You scum deserve to rot in hell for what you have done! Kill me if you want, but I would have done the same thing over again!"

"Is that so?" asked Harry, refusing to let the words unnerve him. Weakness was something that he had been taught not to associate himself with. "What about your wife and children? Would they miss you, perhaps? Or do you want us to put them out of their misery as well?"

The man paled. "You would not – !"

"Oh, but we can."

"Please no..."

"Good work, Harry," said Pettigrew, "now you can kill him."

Harry sighed silently, the time had come. He raised his wand, but noted with shock that his hands were quivering... his eyes locked with the man's and he saw the horror there... _this is wrong,_ a voice inside his head told him, _the man does not deserve to die, this is wrong_!

Harry licked his dry lips nervously, there was no time to think about that now. The man was going to die anyway and Harry did not want to put himself on that list.

"I am going to kill you now," he said quietly and surprisingly the man nodded and closed his eyes.

Harry closed his eyes too, briefly, because he had to summon all his hate and all his need to make the man pay for what he had done, something that was more difficult to do than earlier for some reason. "Avada Kedavra."

The man's body went limp. Harry never knew his name.

-

Harry had expected to feel relieved after his performance, but he did not. Surely, his mind had enjoyed it the taste of power and he felt a new type of calm in his body, but his gut still told him he had done a mistake and it was bothering him. He felt as though he had been parted in two: the part of him that had the Dark Mark longed for power and another part of him felt anxious and scared. Hell, just the fact that he felt scared scared him!

The man's face followed Harry everywhere. Even though the man was dead Harry often thought he saw him around; either under a fat Death Eater's robe or in the mirror behind him or even in his teacup. Harry often relived the scene he had just experienced in his dreams, only then he would be the one sitting on the chair. However, he was always spared and ironically that bothered him a great deal too.

Every day Harry managed a new spell he felt the Dark Lord's interest in him growing. The wizard often watched Harry practice with different Death Eaters, something that always resulted in the Death Eaters pushing Harry harder towards his limits. Sometimes Harry only had a couple of hours per day free to do what he wanted and relax, and more than once did he had to take a Strengthening potion to keep up as well as a Muscle builder from time to time.

What Harry did not understand though, was why the Dark Lord hesitated in letting him come along on a raid. He had not even been allowed outside the building! Had he not proved himself enough? Harry did not ask about it though. He had seen what happened to those who dared to question the Dark Lord.

Harry did not really know how long he had been in that place. It could have been weeks, months or even a year. The building he lived in was the only world he knew and the Death Eaters were the only creatures he knew.

Except, that was, a certain large snake that Harry found after a training session.

He was not afraid of the serpent. Instead he laid down on the floor and peered at the Dark Lord's pet closely. He felt convinced that the snake would not hurt him.

"_Hi," _said Harry. He did not notice that he did not speak English.

The serpent looked puzzled for a moment. "_Hello, human."_

"_What is your name?" _asked Harry.

"_Nagini. Do you not recognizzze me?"_

"_Should I?"_

"_Dependsss on if my Massster wantsss you to."_

"_Why?"_

"_He holdsss all the power in hisss hand. He controlsss everything, even my body sometimes," _replied the serpent.

"_He can do that?" _asked Harry perplexed, but eager to learn how to do it.

"_Yesss, but it hurtsss. I do not like it. He doesss weird thingsss."_

"_Like what?"_

"_I can not exssplain it properly. It issss like he usssesss me to get into other headsss, like yoursss."_

"_Me?" _asked Harry, a seed of uneasiness planted in his gut.

"_Yesss. That isss the reassson I asssked if you recognizzzed me."_

"_No, I do not... sorry." _Harry figured it would be a good idea to change subject. "_How old are you?"_

"_Thirty seven Seasons old."_

"_I do not know my age," _said Harry, feeling a little sad. _"But I must be around seventeen of eighteen since our Lord decided I was good enough to join him."_

Nagini said nothing, because her attention was suddenly distracted of something from the door behind him. Harry turned around and spotted the Dark Lord by the door.

His heart leapt and he slowly got to his feet. He hoped he had not done anything wrong.

"_What happened here?" _asked the older man, looking at the Serpent.

"_Nothing my Lord," _replied Harry and bowed. "Nagini and I were just talking." He noticed that the last part sounded different somehow when he voiced it and to his surprise he saw the Dark Lord's eyes widen, as though it was unexpected.

"So it is true? You talk snake language?" He did not sound angry, but strangely eager.

"Snake language? Yeah, I can speak to snakes if that is what you meant, my Lord."

"Really?" the crimson eyed man inquired. "Curious, very curious indeed."

"How so, my Lord?" said Harry and bowed again. For some reason he avoided eye contact.

"It is a very uncommon gift. It is a honor to have it."

"Thank you, my Lord," breathed Harry, not sure what else to say to this.

"Follow me."

Harry blinked, but resisted the urge to ask why and quickly followed the retreating figure. They walked out of the room soundlessly with quick, long steps, their breath the only thing audible. On their way they passed a couple of Death Eaters that Harry did not really know, but he kept his head up proudly and was pleasantly surprised to see that they were a bit afraid of him. They were not exactly brilliant and he could easily beat them both if he had to.

They entered a large, heavy looking and green door and Harry found himself in a comfortable room containing a large couch and a throne with a large carpet underneath. Harry was told to sit and he did, noticing that they were not alone in the room. The Dark Lord snapped his fingers and a black haired woman stepped forth, her eyes shallow and her lips thin. Harry frowned slightly; he did not like to woman too much.

"Bella," the Dark Lord said softly, lifting her chin up with two fingers. "You look awful."

"Yes, my Lord. I am sorry, my Lord."

The pale Lord smirked and forced her face to look towards Harry. "You better pull yourself together. This is a big day for the young man over there."

Harry's eyes widened slightly, but he quickly covered his shock and excitement with a carefully constructed mask. Bellatrix's black eyes narrowed slightly, a sneer forming on her lips that she failed miserably to hide. The Dark Lord ignored them and continued:

"If he passes this test today he will be my Heir for certain. He fills all the requirements, there is nothing more I could possibly want from one. I will meet with you then. For now you are dismissed."

The woman nodded quickly and fled the room. The Dark Lord turned his attention back to Harry, who stiffened slightly. Both of them knew what was on stake. Succeed or die. Heir or no Heir. The image of the man Harry had killed flashed through his head for a brief second, reminding him of what he had done. He suppressed it quickly and stood. The Dark Lord snapped his fingers again, calling a house elf that brought them an tattered, old boot and some black clothes that Harry quickly put on. He was also given a white mask he recognized.

Obediently he rested his fingers on the soft leather, waiting.

"One, two, three..." the room disappeared in a swirl of colors and the next second Harry knew he found himself in an empty alley, darkness surrounding the small brick houses on each side of the road.

He took in his surroundings. He had never been outside before that moment and the cold and fresh air felt like needles against his skin. His teeth clattered for a second before he pulled himself together. There was no time to investigate or focus on other things than his task.

When the Lord saw that he was ready he began to walk swiftly towards a house further down the road, Harry closely behind. In the distance they could hear the faint roar of traffic, but Harry did not what the sound was. He had not heard anything like that when he had stayed in the Stone Edge.

The halted in front of a small, blue door. By the bell Harry read John and Lucia Smith.

"Squibs," said the Dark Lord quietly and Harry nodded. He had been told what that was: Children of magical parents who could not do magic themselves, but pretended they had the same rights as the rest of the Wizarding population. "What I want you to do is to torture them a bit before killing them. Originality will be rewarded. Pretend that I am not here."

"Yes, my Lord," said Harry and bowed shortly before turning to the door again. _He had to kill again... _shaking his head he quickly thought _Alohomora _and the door swung open with a small, complaining sound.

The house was rather small. Harry could see a staircase to the left and to the right he saw a couple of doors. A quick look confirmed they led to a kitchen and a bathroom. Seeing that there were no one there they quickly went up the stairs.

Harry tried not to think about what he had to do too much. The more he thought about it the more he wanted to get away. No, his life first and then others, that was that. He straightened up a little and quickened his steps. He wanted to do this quickly and get it over with.

He was surprised to see a small living room at the top of the stairs, with many different, warm colors. Back in the Stone Edge he had rarely seen other colors than grey, black and green. Lost in thoughts he elbowed a vase and it went to the floor and broke. He jumped and swore inwardly, feeling the Dark Lord's glare at him. He knew he had to act quickly, so he took a chance and broke another vase with a wave of his wand. He had to make it look like he had done it on purpose. When he heard nothing he bombed the wall in front of him, making stone, paint and pictures fly everywhere.

That woke the inhabitants of the house.

"Honey, what's going on?" asked a female voice from the room to Harry's left.

"I don't know Lucia, stay there and I'll check it out..."

Harry readied himself. The moment the door in front of him opened he fired a strong cutting curse. The man in the doorway yelped and jumped back, drenching the place in blood. Harry was faintly surprised himself when he saw that the hand he had hit had been cut off. The man went into a shocked state and slid down to the floor, holding his stumped hand tightly, whimpering. Suddenly he opened his mouth to scream, but Harry had already silenced him.

Harry knew he had to play this carefully so he opened the door to his left with a soft _Alohomora. _A middle – aged woman peeked out of the door, but saw her husband before she saw Harry and the Dark Lord and rushed to him.

"Oh my God! John!" she breathed and kneeled in front of him, not knowing what to do.

"Hello," said Harry, removing his mask and the woman wheeled around, her eyes bulging. Obviously she had lived long enough in the Wizarding world to know who were standing in front of her.

"You... and _you!" _she whispered, the color draining from her face so quickly that Harry thought she might faint. "You're supposed to-! It cannot be!"

"Crucio," said Harry and the woman instantly collapsed to the floor, shaking and twisting and screaming in pain. The man had stopped whimpering and could only stare at the scene in front of him. He had yet to register what was happening to his wife. Harry ended the curse. "A little slow, are we?" he asked the man, but got no response. He remembered that he had silenced the man so he quickly ended the curse with a silent _Finite Incantatum. _

The man called John shook his head slowly and pinched his arm.

"You are not dreaming," said Harry quietly, tempted to close his eyes and pretend he was somewhere else or dreaming as well.

"Please... she's pregnant! We've tried to have a baby ever since we met each other more than twenty years ago! Have mercy!"

_Pregnant... he had to kill three._

Harry felt nauseous, but there was nothing he could do. He had to kill them.

To making a good show for the Dark Lord he tortured the couple for several minutes with a Cruciatus Curse that could have been stronger, but still worked. He also sent a Gashing charm at the woman's stomach so that blood began to pour out, surely killing the baby in the process. Harry ignored the slight stab he felt in his heart and killed off the woman quickly and turned to the man, only to find him unconscious because of the shock and the blood loss. Trembling Harry steeled himself and killed the man completely. His task was done.

Now the only question was if he had done it well enough.


	25. Blood and Diagon Alley

**A/N: **So you want an explanation to Harry's behavior? I'll give it to you: Ever since he got to Voldemort's little hide out Harry got tortured in every way possible. His wounds were just as much physical as emotional. The Cruciatus curse wasn't helping and the DE used the curse so much that only a little more would turn Harry into a vegetable/Neville's parents. He was suffering immensely and after a while his body reacted by forgetting so he could heal better. However, suddenly the situation changed and he was accepted. Because he didn't remember anything and didn't know a thing about moral anymore he naturally embraced the opportunity to escape more pain and prove himself worth _something._ As for why this happened it is all a part of the plot, which has been planned since the beginning. Please don't tell me you haven't been warned in the earlier chapters, because you have – ever since the first chapter when Harry wanted to curse his past classmates. He has the potential, but he still won't be _completely_ dark. This is probably the darkest you will see him... for a while. (wink;)

* * *

Ch25: **BLOOD AND DIAGON ALLEY**

After they had put the Dark Mark over the house they quickly portkeyed away. They ended up in the same room as they had left, though this time they were completely alone. Harry swallowed nervously, withdrawing his hand from the portkey. He knew that only the Dark Lord was able to make portkey in and out from the place and only from that room. The Dark Lord was obviously waiting for Harry's opinion because he was tapping his foot slightly and twirling the wand between his fingers. Harry cleared his throat.

"I don't think it went too bad, my Lord. I could have done better, but it takes some time to get to used to. Each time I kill someone I feel something inside of me and I don't know what to make of it."

"You did not brake that vase on purpose," the Dark wizard stated and Harry shook his head, lowering his eyes.

"No, my Lord."

"You were not especially original."

"No, my Lord."

"You know what I demand from my Heir."

"I think so, my Lord."

"Yes or no?"

"Yes, my Lord," said Harry quickly.

"Good. Do you regret the killing?"

Harry quickly suppressed the guilty thoughts. "No, my Lord. It just feels weird."

The Dark Lord regarded him closely. After a minute he finally seemed convinced that Harry was telling the truth. "That is quite normal," he said. "Your soul is not used to it yet. It will get easier after a few more kills. Can you feel the urge now?"

"The urge to kill, my Lord?" asked Harry and the man nodded. Harry closed his eyes and searched within himself. What did he feel really? He was a mess inside, especially in his head and he still felt torn like his soul had been parted to several pieces... however, he after a while he realized that the piece of him that enjoyed the power from killing had grown slightly bigger. Opening his eyes, Harry finally answered: "Yes, my Lord."

The Crimson eyed man smirked. "Then I believe you are ready. Even if you change your mind later the killing will always be a part of you. I know you practiced the Three Most Powerful curses before you came here and that makes it easier."

Harry's ear perked up with the mention of his past, but again something held him back for asking about it. He decided to ask about it after he had gotten a more secure rank within the Death Eaters. He bowed to show his respect.

"Now, there is a few other things I want to inform you about." The Dark Lord snapped his fingers. "Bella!"

Bellatrix LeStrange came running through the door and bowed in front of him. "You called, my Lord?"

"Yes. I want you to be young Harry's wife as soon as possible."

Both Harry and Bellatrix gasped at the same time. "What? My Lord-!"

"You have proved yourself to be quite valuable in this war, Bella. You are the only woman who has been loyal to me from the start. This will be your reward."

Bellatrix stood gaping like a goldfish for several seconds before stuttering: "What about Rudolphus? I'm already married to him!"

The Dark Lord sneered. "He will be dealt with as soon as possible. It will not be a problem. Now, it is time to give you something, Harry... I believe you are ready. Follow me. Bellatrix – stay here."

Puzzled and slightly nervous Harry followed the Dark Lord into a new room he had not noticed before. Immediately as they entered the room a horrible stank washed over them, making Harry almost double over and gag. He controlled himself, however, and he was glad because the Dark Lord's eyes were full of glee, as though expecting Harry to like the smell.

"What is this?" asked Harry instead, studying an enormous, black cauldron on a bench. Moving closer Harry peered over the edge and saw a light green, almost transparent liquid. He quickly moved away from the stank and returned to the Dark Lord's side.

"This," said the Dark Lord, "is one of my newest project. We still miss a few, crucial ingredients though."

"Oh," said Harry, "who is brewing this?"

The Dark Lord's eyes darkened dangerously and Harry almost took a step back. "A Wizard from Russia is. The other we had was... incapable."

"How?"

"He was a traitor. He will be killed of course."

"Oh," said Harry again, but this time a new thought had entered his mind. Did he really have a choice? Could he turn away from the Dark Lord if he wanted and escape? Could it be another destiny for him out there? He would have to hide of course...

_No_, he stopped himself. There was nothing outside the Stone Edge that he knew of. The other Death Eaters had taken care of him when he was hurt and helped him up to his feet. He had to show his gratitude; he owed them his life. He'd never bow for another master. He was loyal. He was better than this other... potion master. Yes... he'd stay true. He had to be true. "What do you want me to do?"

The dangerous look flew from the crimson eyed man and the glee returned. "Why, I want you to add your blood in it... then I want you to drink it. Smells good, does it not?"

Harry nodded, even though it smelled anything but. He had a feeling he'd regret it if he told the truth.

"This potion is very complex. It has been brewed for three months. Every week I have added my own blood in it. Now it is almost complete. However, I could not give it to you before, because your soul was not dark enough. You did not know the pleasure of controlling another humans life. Yet, you already had some experience with the Three Most Powerful Curses and that made the whole process easier. You see, Harry, the Dark Arts affect the soul of the caster. For every spell it turns darker and for every spell you get more power. This potion can only be drunk by one who has experienced this. Had your soul been light it would be most... unfortunate. It would not be pleasant for either of us. It could kill you actually – all the effects are not known."

"Erm," stuttered Harry, trying to look away from the potion. "What is its purpose?"

"For every cup you drink you will be more like me. There is three in total. However, I still need your blood or the shock will be too big for your body. Give me your arm."

Harry ignored the alarm bells that went off in his mind and did as he was told. The Dark Lord took his arm and led him over to the cauldron. Harry gulped nervously as the man took out his red wand and pointed it a little below Harry's elbow. Suddenly Harry felt his skin be ripped off in a cutting spell that went far to deep and he gasped. Dark, red blood poured down his fingers and fell into the cauldron, making the potion hiss maliciously.

Harry bit back a whimper and gripped the edge of the cauldron tightly. He soon felt lightheaded and dark spots danced in front of his eyes.

_Stop... please stop..._

However, the Dark Lord held Harry's arm firmly over the edge. The blood flowed so fast... Harry felt nauseous and wanted to get away. He wanted to get away from _everything_... why was the world spinning?

**-**

Harry woke up in a start, not knowing where he was. Someone was standing over him.

"Drink," a voice ordered and Harry felt a cool goblet at his lips. He gulped the metallic – tasting content down, not yet registering what was happening. Another goblet was placed to his lips, one that smelled horrible...

Harry tried to turn his head away, but strong hands grabbed each side of his face and forced the content of the goblet down. The burning liquid went down his throat and down to his stomach and he immediately felt ill again. He started to cough, his eyes watering. Someone or something held his arms down and then the _real _agony began.

The only thing that Harry could compare the potion with was the Cruciatus curse. Even though the curse itself was worse the potion was not far beyond. It started bad and then it got worse; the burning turned into something that was eating him inside – out and it wouldn't _stop. _Then a hard, stabbing pain ripped through him and he cried out, trying to move something, _anything _that was his, but he could not move anything. The pain got worse and worse, until it suddenly stopped and another emotion filled him: Darkness and bitterness. It felt as though all joy had been sucked out of him and nothing mattered anymore, nothing except power. He did not want to feel weak again.

Tiredness washed over him and he fell back to sleep, dreaming about a girl he had forgotten and that he would still not remember the next morning when he woke.

-

The next few days Harry himself could barely restrain himself from cursing Bellatrix or anyone that crossed his path. He felt as though his body has become addicted to the curses and he could not stop thinking about using them. Sometimes he even played with mice and spiders to get some of the energy out. However, something else inside him had awoken: The urge to run away.

Harry was ashamed of this, but he couldn't help wondering what else he could experience. He was tired of being inside the Stone Edge and he was tired to always be commanded by someone else. Never mind that he was going to be a Heir, he wanted to be his own master.

Luckily for him, however, the Death Eaters were planning a raid to Diagon Alley and Harry was invited to come along. He accepted instantly and soon he was getting his cloak and mask. Together, Harry and fifteen other Death Eaters began to walk out of the building so they could portkey to a place named Knockturn Alley.

Harry had never really figured the way out of the Stone Edge so he kept close attention to where they went. Right, right, left, right... Their footsteps echoed in the hall and Harry saw several portraits of old wizards, all of them with the same past name: Slytherin.

Eventually they reached the two large, green doors with silver snake handles. A dark forest and a river met them on the other side, though the air smelled like rotting corpses. The followed the river for about then minutes, then a wizard named Lucius Malfoy pulled up a piece of something that could only be human skin and those who could took a corner of the skin and the rest took a good grab on the wizards that held it. When all of them were ready Lucius whispered "_activate" _and they were wisped away.

-

Harry could not remember ever being in Diagon Alley before, so he when they ran up from Knockturn Alley and appeared in the middle of the crowdie street and people started to scream he could only stare in wonder. However, someone running into his elbow woke him from his trance and he started to look around for victims.

Not much to his left he saw an old lady with a little girl in her hand, running as fast as the girl's little feet could carry them. Harry quickly cast a stunner after them that missed them with inches, but did not hunt them down. For some reason he did not find it much fun to torture little kids.

A fellow Death Eater grabbed him right where he had his Dark Mark and he winced, but followed anyway. He was led further down the alley to a large, white building called Gringotts. They turned left there and hurried down the street, then inside a small door to their left. They banged the door open and Harry saw they were inside a Apothecary. Only three people were inside, and Dolohov – the Death Eater that was with Harry – quickly killed one of them and waited for Harry to kill another. Harry knew they had orders to not leave him out of sight and let him practice. He was just about to raise his hand again when something from outside the building disturbed him, just enough for the owner of the store to cry "Revaldo!" and Harry's mask left his face. He blinked for a moment, surprised, before coming to senses and blasting the roof above the owners head. The roof collapsed and the man went with it.

Harry quickly turned to the only person who was still alive, the customer. However, when his eyes met hers she gasped in recognition, her eyes bulging out of her toad – like face.

"YOU!" she cried in a very girlish tone, but was quickly silenced by Harry's companion.

"Incarcero!" cried Harry, effectively binding the woman.

The woman was one of the ugliest human beings Harry had ever seen. She had short and curly hair, a short neck and a wide, slack mouth. She was dressed in a pink dress with green flowers and had white stockings. Her short wand fell to the floor and she started to drool in fright.

"Who is this?" asked Harry.  
"She is an Ministry employee. It doesn't really matter. Kill her." The answer was curt and reluctant and Harry got a feeling the Death Eater was hiding something from him. It did not matter though, he had a job to do. He quickly killed her – feeling the now familiar rush of satisfaction – and helped with collecting some of the more expensive ingredients. This time the death did not bother him at all and he unconsciously took a look at his hand where _'I must not tell lies' _was written. His lips pulled up in a twisted smile.

Checking that all the ingredients were safely hidden in their pockets they went out of the shop, only to meet the sight of green skulls in the air. Dolohov mock bowed to Harry.

"Want the honor?"

Harry grinned, pointed his wand up in the air and cried "_Morsmorde!" _A skull equal to the others appeared and they quickly began to run away. They were just on their way to Knockturn Alley where they were supposed to portkey away when they ran straight into a red haired boy.

"Hey, watch where you are going!" the young man said, but froze in shock and stared at Harry, who cursed inwardly for forgetting his mask inside the shop. Harry quickly pointed his wand at the red head as menacingly as he could and the boy quickly took a step back. Dolohov appeared at Harry's side.

"Come on, kill him!"

Harry nodded, "Avada-"

"Harry, no! It's me, Percy!"

Harry hesitated by the mention of his name. _How-?_

"Harry, please! I'm sorry for writing that letter to Ron! I didn't mean it, well, I _meant _it, but not anymore, I promise!"

Harry stared at him blankly. "Huh?"

"KILL HIM!" barked Dolohov, but suddenly there were a lot of _pops _and they were surrounded by Aurors.


	26. Bella's Way

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me, like usual. Though that's probably just as well.

* * *

Ch26: **BELLA'S WAY**

I love you

And you're crushing my heart

I need you

Please, take me into your arms

When love and death embrace

(When Love and Death Embrace – H.I.M)

Dolohov instantly grabbed Harry's collar tightly and held him there, for some reason Harry did not know. Harry, uncertain of what to do, kept his wand pointed at a shaking and sobbing Percy.

The Aurors held them at wand point too, but they did not dare to fire because of the other boy. Some of them were whispering and pointing at Harry.

"Keep your wand at the boy," ordered Dolohov dangerously and Harry lifted his hand a little higher. _Now what? _"Move to the right... yes, slowly... we need to get out of here..." then he said to the Aurors, "I'M WARNING YOU! I'LL KILL HIM IF YOU TRY SOMETHING! NOW MOVE ASIDE!" Harry did not know that Dolohov was pointing his wand at_him_

Suddenly Percy whispered quietly and quickly so only Harry could hear: "Harry, listen. I don't know what they did to you, but you got to fight it... I'm really sorry for not believing in you last year. Come on, for my family's sake...please... for Ron. Your best friend, remember?"

Harry hesitated as he felt something in the back of his mind struggling to emerge, but no matter how much he wanted to know what the red haired boy was talking about he couldn't remember. However, Percy's words did bring out a memory of the Cruciatus curse and how bad it had felt and he had to close his eyes for a brief second. He didn't want to remember_ that._

It felt as though he was having a battle inside his head that made his dizzy and that confused him. Dolohov steadied him while slowly guiding him and Percy to the right and out of the crowd.

"When I say now," said the adult Death Eater quietly, "run towards Nockturn Alley. Do you understand?"

"Yes," said Harry obediently, even though running was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment, nor did he really remember exactly where Nockturn Alley was. What the Percy boy had said... it felt important. Harry heard Dolohov whisper a quick _Imperio _at Percy and told the boy to do the same as he. Harry could see by the way the red haired boy was carrying himself that he did not have control over himself anymore and that the curse has worked.

"_Now!" _

Even though Harry had prepared himself he was still startled by the high voice and in the hurry he tripped over his feet. Luckily Dolohov caught him by the elbow and yanked him up and Harry regained his footings. Embarrassed he continued to run with his fellow Death Eater and saw several spells shoot past them.

"Protect us," ordered Dolohov urgently to Percy who immediately turned and started to fire curses. Out of the corner of his eye Harry saw one of the spells bounce back to Percy and the boy fell to the ground, blood sprouting out of a deep gash across his chest. Harry quicklt tore his eyes away and concentrated on where he had to run, still utterly confused with himself ... he was a Death Eater, a proud follower of the Dark Lord and destined to be his Heir, yet he felt the need to turn around and seek refugee in the crowd among the Aurors! _What in the world was wrong with him?_

"Look! It's Harry Potter!"

_Potter? _Harry wondered. _Harry Potter?_ _Was that his name? _He had never heard his whole name before; the Dark Lord had said it did not matter. However, it mattered for Harry.

Losing his concentration for a moment he almost ran the wrong way, but a quick summoning spell from Dolohov brought him back to his senses. From the left he saw someone pointing a wand at Dolohov, but Harry quickly disarmed him. There weren't enough time to kill, he had to concentrate with getting out.

They sprinted the remaining way to Knockturn Alley, the Aurors at their heels. The other Death Eaters had already used the portkey assigned to them to get out, so the adult Death Eater had to do a side-along apparition with Harry, who swayed in exhaustion. Next time he would make sure he had recovered completely of the potion before he did anything as wild as a raid like the one he had just attended.

-

When he got home he was surprised to find Bellatrix waiting for him. She was wearing a white, silk nightgown that barely reached below her bottom, making her pale skin look like snow. She had brushed her dark, long hair and let it hang loosely around her face, making her look mysterious and wicked. The nightgown seemed to be the only thing she was wearing and he could see her Dark Mark on her arm. Harry halted, wondering what to do about the situation. He knew he had to follow the Dark Lord's instructions, but it felt wrong. Very wrong.

"Hello, Harry," she said in a fake singsong voice, moving closer and pressing her body against his. He backed away until he reached the wall behind him, but could not shake her off.

"Erm, hi," he answered, shuddering in disgust and nervousness when she trailed a long, black painted nail down his chest, somehow managed to peel the buttons of his shirt off in the process. He tried to move to the side, but Bellatrix had other plans and placed herself in his way. She tried to take his shirt off, but Harry grabbed her hands, slightly panicking. It had been a long day and he did _not _have the energy to do anything more that night except sleep even if he wanted to.

"What's the matter, Potty?" she asked and he arched his eyebrows in surprise. He thought he had heard Potter.

"Potty?"

Bellatrix seemed to be taken aback for a moment, then she adapted a scared look before she found her mask a second later and looked impassive. "So? I can call you whatever I want."

Harry knew she was lying, but he also knew she would never admit it so he let the subject drop. Instead he said:

"I'm too tired for this now. Surely our Dark Lord can wait one more night?"

She scowled. "You don't know anything, do you? The sooner we get this over with the better it'll be for the both of us."

"I think it'll be better if we wait until I've taken the rest of the potion. It's not like you care about me anyway," said Harry sourly. _Why would anyone care about him? _As far as he knew nobody had.

"Of course not, but I care about me!" said Bellatrix, groaning in frustration. "You'll have to do this sooner or later! Why not now? Don't you find me attractive enough?"

"I know I have to... what?"

"Don't you find me attractive?" she snapped.

Harry stared at her. In all honestly he did not. Never mind that he had a half naked woman in front of him, but that woman was way _too old _and way too pale and way too wicked and crazy for his taste. She was _disgusting. _No, whoever he ended up with he hoped she was a brilliant witch who did not make too much out of herself. He wanted someone he could sleep next to, one who would support him no matter what and one who would sacrifice herself for him if necessary...

Bellatrix seemed to notice his hesitation, because she suddenly threw herself at him, pressing her tongue down his throat and groaning. With a strangled cry he managed to shrug her off.

"What are you doing!"

"What does it look like I'm doing! Merlin – you're hopeless!" with an angry snarl Bellatrix slapped him hard, retrieved her cloak and tramped out of the room like a kid who had been denied candy, yelling: "You've probably never had sex!"

With a sigh Harry let himself slide down to the floor. _What was wrong with him? Why did he act like that? It was only a woman he had met once or twice. Why did he doubt his Master's orders? It was not what he had been taught to do..._

-

Next day he woke up to a white cloud entering his head. He had never seen that spell before, but somehow he knew that it was a Message spell. Shortly after he saw an image of Bellatrix in his head, who said: _"Tell the Dark Lord that we tried if he asks, or he won't be pleased with us. Don't lie though. We will continue after the ritual."_

Sighing loudly, he rolled over in his thin bed, briefly hoping that he would get a better one once he was an official Heir.

-

It was time for Harry to take his second potion and he did not look forward to it. He had a feeling that there was more to the potion than the Dark Lord had admitted and he did not have a good feeling about it.

Harry entered the green lit chamber he was ordered to and sat down on a couch made of snake skin and waited restlessly.

The room itself was weird. The walls, floor and roof were black and against one of the walls by the couch where Harry was sitting there was a large, black table with equally black, hard chairs. On the walls he could see several, green torches that sent a sick glow to the room.

Bellatrix, Pettigrew and a man Harry did not know entered the room; the man holding a goblet with the disgusting potion between his hand. Harry wrinkled his nose, remembering the pain he had felt the last time. He truly had a bad feeling about it. Bellatrix ordered Harry to lie down on the couch and when he did she quickly gave him a stiff kiss on the lips. He had the feeling she only did it because of the other wizard in the room and because of that he could not protest either. Bellatrix stayed by his side, stroking his hair to the side with cold fingers and sharp nails. Yet she spoke with a surprisingly soft tone:

"The potion will be stronger this time."

Harry peered at the dark silhouette in front of him, looking for something that he could not put his fingers on. He gulped and nodded softly.

The silver goblet was placed to his lips and he obediently took a sip that he had the force down. He had to turn his head slightly to not throw it up.

"Come on now, boy," the unknown man said, pressing the goblet to Harry's lips again. Harry took a new sip. "More boy!"

Harry gasped, something that resulted in a lot more of the content to flow down his throat. "Oh shit..." he moaned and turned to retch. However, Bellatrix was quicker and used a spell that forced Harry to keep the content in his stomach down. She gave him a stern, slightly cruel look.

"Looks like you'll need some help..."

The rest of the goblet was soon down in Harry's stomach and they left him alone after an Immobilizing spell.

Harry could feel the potion work through his body and he felt incredibly sick. Dark and red spots were dancing in front of his eyes and a maniac laughter rang in his ears. Harry closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the full effect to come...

And it did. A hot and sharp pain ripped through his body, making him feel like he was getting beaten up by all of the Dark Lord's followers at once. Even in his frozen form spasms waved through his body, making his arms, legs and chest jerk this way and that. It felt as though his insides changed places and tied knots and his heart clenched so painfully that he couldn't even breathe...

He would have screamed if he could, but he had no air to scream with. He could feel the potion spread through his veins, making his skin burn. Then, he began to feel himself go cold and numb. He could no longer see, but he heard voices on the background.

"He's worse this time ...fighting against the potion. What shall we do?"

" ... get the Dark Lord ..."

"I ... not a good idea. ... get mad."

"But Rodolphus ... look at ... _it's killing him!"_

Harry tried to focus on the voices, but even they were fading. _It would be so nice to let it all go,_ he thought. He could no longer feel anything. _It would be so easy..._

"Lord! You're right! ... to do something."

" ... looks like it's ..."

Harry felt himself slipping into unconsciousness and did not hear anything else except a soft, comforting voice in his head that sounded blissfully familiar:

_You're a great wizard, Harry. You really are._

He let it go.


	27. The Boy Who Died

This was such a fun chapter to write you have no idea. At least, _I _had no idea that writing Snape's POV was so entertaining. Thank you for all the reviews! Guess what? It is my eighteenth birthday today! Wohoo!

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

- .

Ch27: **THE BOY WHO DIED**

The morning after Halloween there were no reports of Harry Potter missing. It did, however, have a detailed description of his fight with Bellatrix LeStrange. Of course, that hardly mattered anymore.

Snape had been summoned the evening before and stood calmly in one of the larger chambers in the Dark Lord's hide out, waiting for what undoubtedly had to be an admission that the Threat had failed. He had seen Bellatrix returning to the stone castle bruised and beaten, looking stone sour and in a horrible temper.

Therefore, he was quite surprised to see Peter Pettigrew dragging Harry Potter in, who looked to be struggling against the silver hand with all his might. Only years of practice stopped Snape for gasping out loud in horror.

The boy eventually stopped struggling, realizing that he was trapped and probably needed to save his strength. That was what Snape guessed anyway, he had no clear idea what went through the young wizard's mind at the moment.

Their eyes met and Potter's eyes widened. Snape shook his head ever so slightly and luckily the boy took the hint for once and kept his mouth shut. Snape suddenly spotted the Dark Lord; walking towards the middle of the room. Snape froze. _Had he seen? _

Luckily it did not seem so. The Dark Lord only had eyes for the young, dark haired wizard in front of him. Snape saw the man's red eyes widen with glee and hunger and he had to suppress a shiver. Whatever the Dark Lord had planned for the teenager could not be good.

The Dark Lord held his speech; taking his time and explained a few details. Snape was shocked when he saw how easily the Dark Lord could control Harry through the scar and was equally surprised when he heard the rumored prophecy escape the boy's mouth. The one the Dark Lord had been after for years. Snape did not believe much in prophesies, but he had no problem guessing what it meant. However, the Dark Lord interpreted it slightly different – to the point where he said that as long as he and the Potter boy was alive then no one could kill them – something that could be true, of course, but contradicted Snape's own beliefs.

"Think about it, Harry... the possibilities that have opened for us! As long as no one of us kills the other then nobody can destroy us. Immortality – what I have sought for so long!"

Usually Snape would find joy in seeing the horrified expression on the Potter boy's face when the Dark Lord wondered out loud whether or not he should make Harry like the Longbottom boy's parents, but when the Dark Lord asked if Harry was interested in following him Snape forgot all thoughts about that.

"However, I will be merciful and give you a choice: I will spare you if you join me and take the Dark Mark."

"Never!" said the boy instantly and Snape cursed inwardly.

_Stupid boy... he is practically begging to be tortured. At least he could be a spy if he took the Dark Mark. He could still help the light side, even perhaps more effectively so._

His suspicions were soon confirmed when they began to break the boy's fingers and then put him under the Cruciatus curse. When the boy stopped moving the Dark Lord ordered his Death Eaters to stay in the building and contact no one.

-

The boy needed someone to watch over him and tell the Dark Lord when he woke and Snape volunteered. With some luck he would find a way to rescue the boy.

It took two days before the boy started to show signs of awakening. Snape did not know what to expect. The boy had been tortured for so long by several people that Snape would not be surprised if the boy had lost all his memories already.

The boy stirred a little and his head rose from the floor. Then he coughed and grunted tiredly. With quick, quiet steps Snape kneeled beside the cage.

"Professor. Professor..." the boy was barely audible.

Snape resisted in making a scathing remark and settled on saying: "Yes, Potter, it is me and we are alone... for now. I apologize, but I can not get you out of here."

"Why? Please..." Snape saw that the Potter boy held his hand in an odd angle. He took pity in the boy for once: It had to hurt terribly.

Snape explained as patiently as he could that he did not know anything that could help him. He knew that because he had already tried to portkey away to Hogwarts and apparition did not work either. He gave the boy a pepper up and a pain killer potion that he always carried around in case the Dark Lord got a little rough.

Then Snape told the boy about what had happened after he had gotten his fingers broken and how four Death Eaters had Cruciated him. The boy seemed a little disturbed and rested his chin on his knees. He had a defeated look on his face and began babbling nonsense that made Snape feel uncomfortable. The boy was preparing to die.

"Anything else?" he asked, forcing his voice to appear calm. The boy smiled a smile that looked more like a grimace.

"Yes, I need you to tell her to take care of Hedwig and Akin," said Potter, meaning Hermione.

"Akin?" asked Snape suspiciously.

"Yeah, it's my snake."

Snape was shocked, but hoped he did not show it too much. "You have a snake?"

The boy nodded and got a distant look on his face.

"I will take care of it, Potter," said Snape finally. "However, I need to tell them you are awake now; we can not avoid it any further."

"Do you have to?" asked Potter instantly, looking scared.

"Yes, or the Dark Lord will know and have me killed. I will try to figure a way out for you. Be strong." Snape sighed inwardly and rose to his feet, walking away from the cage and to the small door on the other side of the room. Lucius Malfoy greeted him shortly on the other side.

"He's awake," confirmed Snape and the Malfoy went in, clearly already being ordered what to do. Snape startled when the Dark Lord himself came around the corner. He quickly bowed.

"Morning, my Lord."

The Dark Lord's eyes thinned. "Is he awake, Severus?"

Snape bowed. "Yes, my Lord. He does not look too good."

"Good. Follow me."

Surprised by the orders Snape did as he was told and saw that Malfoy had already dragged Harry out of his cage and to the center of the room.

Voldemort looked very pleased when he saw that Harry was indeed in a bad shape. "Changed your mind yet, boy?"

"No. I stand by my decision," said the Potter boy and Snape closed his eyes angrily. He should have warned the boy against saying anything like that. The boy was clearly not smart enough to figure it out on his own.

"Well, then. Lucius, grab his healthy hand."

The boy's eyes widened. "Please no..."

The Dark Lord merely grunted and muttered _Incarcero, _binding the boy so tightly that he fell to the ground, seemingly unmoving. The Dark Lord snapped his fingers in Snape's direction.

"Hold him down, Severus."

Snape nodded curtly and approached the boy who watched him wearily. Snape pinned the boy to the ground and sat on him, sending him a warning look at the same time. The boy was no doubt in for a tough ride.

Lucius summoned a stone and began to crush Potter's bones. When the boy passed out the Dark Lord said: "You can go now, Severus," only to call him in again twenty minutes later.

"Take him away."

Snape nodded and turned to the boy, only to be greeted by a pair of pale, lifeless green eyes.

_Oh no,_ he thought as he carried the boy carefully back to his cell. _It is too late... they have broken his mind._

-

It had almost gone a week before Snape got a second chance to see Harry. The Potter boy was still in his cage, but his injuries was so bad that the Potion master had to look twice before he recognized him. Honestly he could not believe the boy was still alive.

"Potter?" he whispered, but got no response. "Potter?" he said a little louder. The boy did not seem to know that anyone was speaking to him though and only stared at a spot in front of him.

_Oh Merlin, _Snape thought. He had somehow convinced himself that the boy would get better after a little rest. It was _Potter _after all, the boy always got away with thing. Not this time, however.

When Snape returned to bed that night he knew he had to do something. No matter the cost.

-

Snape kept his promise. He did not need a lot of sleep, so in the early hours the next day he quickly dressed in his normal clothing. With a stroke of luck he had somehow gotten the watch over the boy. It could not be more convenient.

Years of practice with walking quietly to scare the students at Hogwarts had done him good. He made no sound as he walked down to halls leading to Potter and he reached the cell room in no time. He entered quietly and walked over to where Harry lay. The boy had barely moved.  
"I am going to get you out of here," said Snape quietly and quickly silenced the room and put a strong locking charm on the door. "There."

The door to the cage and the lock were made of metal. Of course, Snape did not have the key so he had to improvise. His plan was to melt the lock and then pull the door apart. What he had not counted on, however, was how much time it took; it seemed to take forever before he began to reach the cold core and the metal began to bend. At this point it finally looked like he had the boy's attention, but when Snape looked over he saw that the green eyes he remembered from Lily were dead and empty. He looked very miserable and no doubt wishing for everything to end. Snape tried to shrug off the pity he felt for the young wizard, but he could not quite manage it.

Suddenly he felt the resistance from his wand end and the door opened. The air smelled burned. Snape quickly opened the door and entered carefully.

When Potter saw that someone was inside his cell he inched back and covered against the wall; his arms raised in a pitiful attempt to shield his face. Snape sat down beside him.

"Potter," he said, and figured it would be best if he gave the boy some potion right away. Quickly he pulled up the vials from his cloak and emptied the content down the boy's throat, who did not even try to resist. When Snape was certain that the boy had swallowed he forced the boy's chin up with a finger and stared into the his dead eyes until he finally gained some contact.

"I am going to get you out of here, but you have to trust me. Come on, now..." With little effort he helped the boy up to his feet. However, it was obvious that the boy could not stand on his own with all the broken bones he had. Snape healed him as quickly and the best he could, but he was not perfect. Healing had never been his good subject and he had only taken one course with Madam Pomfrey so he could heel himself after a rough Death Eater meeting if necessary. It was enough at the moment, however, and he did a new attempt to get to boy to his feet.

"But..." the Potter boy protested weakly, looking around anxiously. Snape turned his head to the boy quickly. _The boy spoke! _"The Dark Lord ... he'll notice, he always does ... we have to obey him, or, or ... they'll-"

"Shush. He is not invincible. It will be alright if we just hurry."

"But, he is. Nothing can hurt him, nothing. And you, you ... you are one of _them _aren't you? You're one of his followers. Why would you want to get me out of here? Why? I don't know you and you don't know me. We've never even met. I don't understand."

They had reached the second hall out of the room. Snape knew that the other Death Eaters had to be right around the corner. However, what the boy said made him stop short and he grabbed the boy and shook him. "Never met?" he hissed, shaking a little harder. "Can you honestly say that you don't remember me? _Look at me!_"

The boy had his eyes squeezed shut, but when Snape stopped shaking the boy and let him down to the ground again he slowly opened his eyes with a whimper. As soon as he did he peered at the boy closely and used all his Legilimens skills.

What he saw surprised him beyond words. There was almost nothing to see in the boy's mind. Nothing. No Hogwarts. No Dursleys. No professors. Nothing. Just the Dark Lord and Death Eaters, torture, desperation and the small cage he had been living in. Snape dived further in. It had to be something, _something _that kept the boy sane -

And there it was. A faint, almost unrecognizable memory of a girl. It could not be called a memory, exactly. All Snape could see was the bushy hair and the bossy tone he had heard all too often in his class. Her face seemed to be in some kind of shadow. He also felt some affection that belonged to Potter when they viewed the memory and he smiled a little. The Potter boy still remembered Granger. There was still a little hope if he got the boy out without any mistakes. Thank Merlin.

He disillusioned the boy and himself before he went any further and guided them in the shadows. "Do not say a word," he ordered the boy quietly and sternly. "You will not get a second chance."

The boy nodded, clearly confused and practically leaned all his weight on Snape. Snape did not even bother to be annoyed. The situation was way too dangerous and the boy was extremely weak. They were both risking their lives.

They opened a door and went through quietly. They entered a small corridor with a green carpet on the floor that went all the way and dark walls with pale torches. Snape stopped short.

They were not alone – further down the corridor was Dolohov. Additionally Dolohov was walking towards _them. _

_Damn, _Snape thought and quickly guided Potter backwards and to the corner. The corridor was too small for the three of them to pass each other without noticing. _Damn!_

Snape held his breath and hoped that Potter did the same. If the little brat got them caught he would kill the boy himself. However, right before Dolohov reached them Snape mouthed a quick stunner under his breath and the other Death Eater fell to the ground. Snape quickly stepped over the unmoving figure and dragged the boy with him. He did not have to cancel the Disillusionment charm to know that the boy had very wide eyes; he could feel the wizard's body tense up and hesitate.

_They must have beaten out the last few brain cells the boy had, _Snape mused. _Unless he was more stupid than I originally thought. _"Hurry, boy."

He wished they could hurry more. They were only halfway out of the castle and Dolohov could be found any moment. If that happened they would have little chance to get out. They passed two more Death Eaters on their way, but since those two were Crabbe and Goyle Senior they did not have much problems getting past them. However, the further they went the more hesitant Potter became. At first Snape thought it was because the boy was exhausted and he was probably right about that too, but he began to realize that the boy perhaps did not _really _want to get out or he had simply given up. Snape wondered if the boy would ever be the same. Even though he had loathed the old Potter it was rather annoying to have him the way he was now. The boy had never given up before.

They went right, right, left and then right again. The exit got closer and closer - Snape could practically _feel _the air begin to get fresher – when an alarm went off. Snape knew what that meant: _Close all doors and windows immediately._ Snape also knew that there were always a couple of Death Eaters on guard outside the front doors.

Then they were there; they could see the front door in front of them. However, someone came out from behind them and they could heard their running footsteps catching up with them. Snape did not have time to turn around before he felt blasting spell hit him. The air got knocked out of him and he flew through the air and landed hard on the entrance itself. Stars were dancing in front of his eyes, but he fought it – they were so close, they could not fail now –

The Disillusionment had been taken away and he saw someone grab Harry on each arm. The boy struggled only for a second before his body went limp and he fainted in exhaustion.

_No! _Snape quickly reached for his wand, but it was not there. Faintly he realized that he had held it in his hand all the way and that he had lost it. Sure enough, he spotted his wand at the place he had been hit by the spell. Only forty feet away. Snape started for it, but the Death Eater holding Harry stepped on his wand, took it up and snapped it.

"So, we have a traitor among us, have we?" the young boy who could be no more than twenty questioned and smirked. "Man, you are in trouble. I bet the Dark Lord would like to have a little chat with you himself."

Snape's breath stopped in his throat. _No, he would be killed, he would never stand a chance..._ He could not let that happen.

The Death Eater raised his wand and Snape ran for it. The Death Eater shot a curse after him, but missed. Luckily the kid did not have a good aim. Snape continued down the river, dodging curses all the way.

_Only a little more... _

He could hear a killing curse being shouted. He apparated away only a second before the curse would have hit him.


	28. The Girl Left Behind

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

- .

Ch28: **THE GIRL LEFT BEHIND**

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day

'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees

Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

(Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton.)

When Hermione went to bed that night after the Halloween party she did not know how to feel. In a way she was relieved because she had finally told Harry how she felt. On the other hand she was terribly guilty. When she looked back at their conversation she realized that she had worded herself wrong and that she had sounded way too harsh.

She glanced at the mirror beside her nightstand and looked through it soundlessly. The reflection showed the roof in the boys dormitory, and she felt a little relieved because that meant Harry was okay.

Turning over in bed she expected to fall asleep but she didn't. On the contrary she felt restless, as though waiting for something. She jumped slightly in shock when she heard a startled yell from the dormitory and then a sound of something being knocked over. It had to be another one of Harry's nightmares.

The feelings bottled up inside her. She had felt so terribly scared for Harry the last days that she could not think straight. She had used anything she knew to keep him from going and treasure what the two of them had, but he had still gone and fought the LeStrange woman. She had been so relived that he was alright, but at the same time so angry that he could do that to her, to them. She knew it was selfish, she knew Harry would always do things like that and she knew she couldn't change him. No, her Harry would always be a hero, always the white Knight in a shining armor. Had she overreacted? Had she made a mistake when she told him that they needed a break? Had her Gryffindor courage failed at last? For several days she had felt that things with Harry had gone in the wrong direction. She had gotten insecure of herself, and the thought of being free from any relationship so she could concentrate on school had refused to leave her. However, now as she had actually broken up with him she wished she hadn't. He needed her and she knew she needed him, more than anything. Had she ruined their friendship?

Hermione groaned softly and put her head in her hands. She couldn't believe this. She should be relieved! She'd have time to get more emotionally ready and get her grades up again! Still, did grades mean more than Harry?

Of course not. Harry was the most important person in the world for her and she'd left him. Just as she thought that the clock struck midnight and she felt a chill in her bones. Oh, how she wished to be with him! To lie in his arms instead of her own bed, alone. He was so warm and smelled so good. He'd take care of her, he'd make her feel safe. How would it be like to never kiss him again? How would it be like to hold his hand again, would he reject her if she tried? Could she hug him without ending in an awkward silence?

Hermione sniffed and removed her hands from her face, surprised to find her hands wet and salty. She had been crying!

Angrily she brushed them away and sighed, trying to calm herself, but yet thinking of the times when Harry had done just that. She'd never get any sleep if she carried on like that. She would see him in the morning anyway. She could talk to him more then. Perhaps even say that she was sorry for saying that to him and that she didn't mean it, not really...

Slowly, really slowly she began to realize that she had done the biggest mistake of her life: She wanted to be with him, she didn't want to take a break! She wanted him to hold her again, she wanted to feel his breath down her neck. She also realized that Harry had been right. Halloween was over and she didn't need to protect him all the time. She'd have time to do a lot of school work.

Smiling, she finally felt sleep coming to her. She would talk to Harry tomorrow, and everything would be alright.

If Hermione had paid attention, she would've heard people beginning to gather in the common room, discussing hysterically about the disappearance of Harry Potter.

-

Morning came and Hermione woke early. She was firm on making things alright with Harry again and she wanted to look nice. She paused a moment before pulling her hair into a pony tail. What if he didn't forgive her? Only the thought was enough to send cold chills down her bones.

Putting her chin up bravely she went out from her dorm and down the stairs to the common room where there were unusually many people than it should've been at that hour, most of them looking extremely tired. Her eyes immediately searched for Harry, but she couldn't find him. Instead her eyes stopped at a spot of red and her eyes widened. Ron didn't use to be up so early.

She was about to ask him what was going on when she noticed his expression.

"What's wrong?" she asked instead and Ron looked up at her, ghostly white and shaken.

"He's gone," the red-haired boy whispered.

Hermione stared at him, automatically knowing he had meant Harry. _Had he ran away because of her?_ "What do you mean?"

"They took him, Hermione! While we were sleeping! I saw him just as Wormtail took him away by a portkey!"

Hermione swayed. _No. It couldn't be! _Her knees failed her and she collapsed to the floor, shaking. She felt cold and nauseous all over and some part of her waited for someone to say 'fooled ya!' but it never happened. _They wouldn't joke about something like that._

"No!" she choked, tears flowing down her cheeks furiously. "_No, no, no!"_

She was distinctly aware of someone kneeling beside her, patting and stroking her back as sobs racked her body.

-

A week later there was still no news about Harry or his whereabouts. He had simply disappeared like he had never been there in the first place. For once Hermione was unable to pay attention in classes, actually she couldn't focus on anything. The entire time she was racked with guilt, sorrow and numbness and she didn't have strength to do anything. She moved through the day's activities and all the classes without speaking or doing anything. If someone tried to talk to her she would either ignore them or walk another way.

She always carried a picture of herself and Harry. The picture had been taken without their knowledge, but that was the reason she loved it so much. It had been taken on her birthday, when she had received the gift from Harry on the bench outside, not far from the water. Her picture self beamed with happiness and from time to time the two of them kissed or hugged. That often forced Hermione to tears, but she wouldn't trade it for anything other than the real Harry. Another thing she always had in her pocket was the mirror. The gift from Harry still showed the reflection in the Boy's dormitory and that meant that he was still alive and breathing. Hermione had even went to Lupin and asked if what Harry had said was true and it was, Lupin even added that the spell had been cancelled twice before: first time when James died and the second time when Sirius died. Therefore, Hermione always checked the mirror when she had a spare moment, and every time she saw a reflection that wasn't her face she breathed a sigh of relief.

At least she could still hope.

She had almost forgotten about Akin, but when she remembered him she had rushed up to the dorm and retrieved him and gave him some of the food that she had seen Harry give him. She felt horribly guilty for leaving the little snake behind and from that day on he slept under Hermione's bed.

Hermione had also found a way to vaguely communicate with the snake; by using Occlumency. She was nowhere near the level where she mastered it, but it was enough for her to show Akin some of her thoughts and receive some in return. They had to use pictures though, as she had no way to understand the words. She had also learned that the snake could feel Harry's emotions and could provide her pictures of what he _thought _was going on. However, she couldn't make any sense of them as the images was clouded with confusion.

-

Snape returned to the castle a little more than two weeks after Harry had disappeared. She and Ron were invited up to Dumbledore's office and she was almost crazy with anxiousness. She clung tightly to the picture of Harry and Ron's arm all the way up.

They could hear Dumbledore's grave voice before they entered the office, but not what he said. All she knew was that it was very serious and she didn't look forward to it.

"Please sit down, Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore, but the usual spark in his eyes were missing. Hermione paled.

"Is he dead?" she asked, suspecting the worst. She didn't dare to look in the mirror.

Snape shook his head. Hermione noted with surprise that her potion master seemed more tired and drained than usual. His cloak was filthy and he had an ugly, black burn a little over the hem. However, compared to Harry he was not important in the slightest, she concluded, and listened to what Snape had to say about her former boyfriend: "Not yet, but he is close. He'll count himself lucky if he dies soon. He has not much sanity left either."

"So they used the Cruciatus curse on him?" asked Hermione hoarsely, unable to stop herself. She had felt the Cruciatus once and it was an experience she did not wish to feel twice.

"Not just that, Ms. Granger... I believe he has gotten every bone in his body broken at least once."

Hermione gasped in horror and clapped her hands in front of her mouth, almost crumpling the photo in the process. She felt sick. _It couldn't be true, could it? It had to be one of Snape's exaggerations, right? _

"And you didn't stop him?" growled Ron angrily. Snape gave him a glare.

"No, I could not do that without exposing myself. Who would be here then, telling you about your friend's condition?"

Ron shut his mouth, but the sour expression did not leave his face.

"Did you talk to him at all?" asked Hermione, afraid that Harry was still angry at her.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did. And he told me to tell you a few things."

Hermione held her breath, wondering how many different ways one could say 'I hate you and you betrayed me' on. She clutched the picture a little tighter and held it close to her chest.

"I can show you..." said Snape lazily, and whirled his wand a few times in a pensive that was placed in front of him. An image of Harry inside a cage appeared in front of them and Hermione began to feel the tears press behind her eyes again when she saw the horrible condition Harry was in; with a swollen hand, dark circles under his eyes and a lot of dust and grim on his PJ's. Harry's voice echoed through the room:

"_I'm sorry. For revealing the Prophecy. I honestly didn't mean to, it just ... I didn't know, I couldn't stop it ... you know, I haven't even told Ron about it. I didn't know if I could and I was afraid, I suppose. I didn't want him to look at me any differently, I wanted to have a normal friendship. That's all I ever wanted ... to be normal, with a normal family and a normal home and normal friends. I know you don't believe me but I never wanted to be the bloody Boy Who Lived..."_

Ron's eyes were very wide and Hermione could tell that he was confused, but paid close attention at the same time. Sadly she realized that Ron never thought their friendship was normal and that Ron had always been jealous at Harry. She also knew that without Harry she and Ron would never have been friends either. Already their friendship was crumbling – Harry had been the glue that had held them together.

_Snape from the pensive looked annoyed and glared at the pensive-Harry suspiciously. "Why are you telling me this?"_

"_I want you to tell them all that I am sorry for how things turned out. I need you to tell them that I don't blame them and that it's my fault ... that they must continue fighting and not give up on hope. Tell the Weasleys that I'm very grateful for what they did to me, allowing me into their family and all. And you must tell Hermione that I'm sorry for whatever I did to her that was wrong."_

This time Hermione couldn't stop the tears from falling and she had to hid her face behind her hands in embarrassment. She hated herself more in that moment than she had ever done before in her life.

"_Anything else?" _questioned the pensive-Snape and to Hermione's surprise she saw Harry smile a little.

"_Yes, I need you to tell her to take care of Hedwig and Akin."_

"_Akin?"_

"_Yeah, it's my snake."_

"_You have a snake?"_

The image faded and Hermione became aware of where she was again. She had been so focused on the pensive that the reality seemed like a ton of bricks in her head. Looking at the bowl again she saw more images swirl around in the weird looking liquid. She saw Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort beside Harry, who was in obvious pain as they did something to his hand.

"What's that?" asked Hermione, pointing at the bowl with shaking hands.

"Something that is likely to give you nightmares the rest of your life," said Snape dryly, but Ron had also seen it.

"They are torturing him, aren't they?"

Snape rolled his eyes, while Dumbledore was looking at them sadly – something that did nothing to ease their worries.

"What are they doing?" asked Hermione fearfully.

"They are breaking every finger in his hand," said Snape, sounding only too eager to share this information with them.

"Severus..." warned Dumbledore, but his voice was interrupted by two similar yells of outrage from the two teens. Hermione glanced down at the picture she was holding again. _Why, oh why did this have to happen to him? _Would he even have a chance to survive, and where was he now? Suddenly filled with a cold, chilling doubt she dived into her school bag after the mirror. She pulled it up and quickly looked at the glassy front. A small sob of relief waved through her when she didn't see her own reflection.

However, was that -? No, it couldn't be her own eyes she had seen in that small instant. Impossible. Besides, it was still showing the roof in the dormitory.

"A handy, little tool that mirror, is it not, Ms. Granger?" said Dumbledore, a small twinkle appearing in his eyes at last. Hermione nodded and forced a smile, drying her face with the back of her hand.

"Why aren't you helping him to get out?" asked Ron, glaring. "You've practically been eating dinner with You – Know – Who for more than two weeks and you still haven't been able to get Harry out?"

"I tried," growled Snape, his eyes visibly darkening even though they were black already. "However, it is not a simple feat to get someone out from the most secure place in the Dark Lord's castle! And do you know what?" Snape leaned a little forward. "Your little friend did not seem too eager to get out. He was too frightened, too cowardly! In fact, if I did not knew better I would never believe he was a Gryffindor once."

"BULLSHIT!" roared Ron, leaping from his chair and reaching Snape's seat in an instant. Snape, however, was quicker on his feet and summoned a large book that crashed in the red haired boy's head. Hermione watched in shock and horror as her friend hit the ground, knocked out.

"That was uncalled for, Severus," said Dumbledore with an edge of anger in his tone. "We do not hurt students."

"That was merely self defense, _Albus. _Surely you must know what that is?"

Albus rubbed his temples between his hands and sighed. Hermione bent down by Ron's side and tried to help him back to his chair.

"Is there any way we can get there to help him, Professor?" she asked Snape.

"Unfortunately not. The only way to get there is to use a Dark Mark which I know you do not have or being transported by a portkey that the Dark Lord has made himself. Even if you did get there, you would never survive five minutes."

Hermione knew he was right, but a part of her refused to accept it. There had to be a way she could help Harry. She turned to Dumbledore desperately.

"Isn't there _anything _we can do, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore looked at her sadly. "I am sorry Ms. Granger. For now it looks like we have no choice but to wait."

-

Hermione did wait. She waited a long time. A week went, then another. Still no sign of Harry. If it hadn't been for the mirror they would have declared him dead. She wondered if he still had the watch she had given him and if he ever thought about her.

Maybe there had been something else behind what Snape had said. Maybe he didn't want to leave was because of the way she had treated him. She truly was a horrible person! She was cruel, selfish and mean. She had been lucky to have Harry; he deserved someone better.

The Death Eaters had been quiet for a while, though she had heard about a few attacks on squib families. What worried her though, was that after those attacks the reflection in the mirror changed. She couldn't see her own face, but she couldn't quite see the roof in the dormitory either. She had checked if the mirror was still there and it was, so that wasn't the problem. The more she thought about it the more scared she became. She'd feel cold and a dark knot would appear in her stomach for the rest of the day. Something was happening to Harry and it wasn't good. _If only she knew what it was!_

"Come on Hermione, you got to eat a little."

Hermione turned in her seat and blinked softly. She was sitting in the Great Hall and practically laying in her dinner without noticing it. She frowned. "Why?"

"So there'll still be something left of you when Harry comes back," replied Ron and continued eating. Hermione felt a flash of annoyance. _He dared to talk about Harry as though he was merely out flying on his broom! _With a little growl she rose from her seat.

"Where are you going?" asked Ron, eying her carefully.

"Out. Anywhere but here."

Ron hurriedly stuffed some more food into his mouth. "Just a second! I'll join you!"

Hermione shook her head. "There's no need for that. I can take care of myself."

"No you can't, just look at you! Harry would have wanted you to eat!"

Hermione let out a hoarse sob. "I guess I'll never know that now, huh?"

She jogged out of the Hall and into her Prefect room, where she let herself fall on her bed and lost control of her emotions.

-

Someone woke her half an hour later. Hermione opened an eye tiredly and spotted McGonagall, leaning over her bed. "There is news about Harry," she said.

Hermione felt her tummy do a huge flip-flop and she bolted upright, managing to skull her professor in the nose. Hermione gasped and clapped her hands in front of her mouth, horrified that she had hurt a teacher like that.

"I am _SO _terribly sorry, Professor! I didn't mean to!"

McGonagall rubbed her nose sorely and sniffed. "It will be fine. I do not think it is broken. However, next time you need to be more careful."

Hermione nodded vigorously. "Please tell me about Harry."

"Professor Dumbledore suggested we should go to-"

"I'd rather not go there right now, Professor," interrupted Hermione, her tiredness returning to her. When she thought about it she did not want to leave her bed at all.

"Very well," said McGonagall. "I will tell you. Please do not interrupt me before I am done."

"I won't," promised Hermione, but realized she probably would. "Please."

"Alright," said McGonagall with a sigh. "Harry was spotted yesterday in Diagon Alley. Albus got fire called from George Weasley who worked that day, telling us that Death Eaters were attacking the Alley. Harry was with them."

Hermione gasped and clapped her hands in front of her mouth again, feeling her stomach do a big lurch. The thought of seeing Harry again was overwhelming. "Is he alright? Can I see him?"

"Unfortunately we did not reach the Alley in time and we did not rescue him. I believe he was with an older Death Eater called Dolohov –" (Hermione gasped again in fear) –" and he kept Harry under tight control. They were actually surrounded by Aurors at a point. They got out, however, and it seems like Dolohov had Harry under the Imperious curse."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something and then paused. _Harry was immune to the Imperius curse! _She didn't know what to think. There had to be a logical explanation.

"It can't have been," she muttered, but the Professor heard her.

"What? Care to explain why?" said McGonagall sharply, peering at her through her thin glasses.

Hermione explained. "He's been immune to that curse since fourth year, when the fake Moody tried to curse him in class."

McGonagall gasped. "He tried _Unforgivables _on students!"

"I'm afraid so, Professor. I wondered why at the time too, but it seemed like a useful thing to learn to block."

McGonagall mumbled something under her breath.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing Miss Granger. Now what do you think they could have used on Harry if he was not under the Imperious curse?"

Hermione thought for a while. "It's hard to tell. There's more than one way to control another human being without using the Imperious. Most of them are potions, but they are rarely used because the victim has to take them willingly, as they are very dangerous and foul-tasting. It's nearly impossible to trick someone with it because of that. It doesn't make it more legal though, and it's guaranteed to put someone behind the bars in Azkaban for good."

"Very good, Miss Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor. It is believable that Harry could be affected by one of those."

"Yes, it is," said Hermione, frowning. "What I don't get though, is how he could've taken it without dying. Most potions like that requires a tainted soul to succeed."

"Though not everyone?" questioned McGonagall, concerned. Hermione found it a bit strange that she told her Professor something that the old and clever lady didn't know already.

"No, not everyone," answered Hermione, studying her shoes.

"I'll inform Albus about it," promised McGonagall. "In the mean time, take care of that brilliant mirror of yours, would you?"

Hermione nodded and waved goodbye to her Professor, before she let herself sit down on the floor against the high stone wall. She had every intention on keeping watch over the mirror.

She took her hand into her bag and felt the cold of the now very familiar handle. She pulled the mirror out of the bag and studied the backside for a moment before turning it over.

What she saw made her wail so high that it made the students run out of their classrooms to investigate, and teachers to come out with their wand at the ready. They found Hermione clutching the mirror tightly with white hands and a picture of Harry beside her. When they saw the reflection in the mirror they could see Hermione's panicked face looking back at them.

The spell was broken.


	29. The Discovery

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

- .

Ch29: **THE DISCOVERY**

We want more than this world's got to offer

We want more than the wars of our fathers

And everything inside screams for second life yeah

We were meant to live for so much more

Have we lost ourselves?

(Meant to Live by Switchfoot)

If Harry had ever known that this potion would affect him that way he would never have taken it willingly. Everything he knew seemed to shut down and he instinctually knew that his heart had stopped at some point.

He had honestly thought he would never wake up again; that he had taken his last breath and would wake up in another place. Perhaps as a different person. However – with a burst of pain – he could feel air entering his sore lungs. He gasped, nearly giving himself a coughing fit. He had to use several minutes to get used to his own breathing again, and he had to constantly remind himself to take one forced breath after the other. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking. His eyelids were heavy and dry, making them hard to part. Everything was happening in slow motion.

Harry had the mind to move his limbs; fingers, toes and neck to see if he was paralyzed. He was not, but something within him had changed. Not only did he feel as though he had been revived from the dead, something different had taken residence inside him. Something dark, that seemed to grip around his brain and refusing to let go.

The darkness was unlike anything he had ever felt. It rooted deep within him and tried to get control. It left his mind strangely blanker than before, like he was slightly drunk, but his body was raging with anger, bitterness and adrenalin. He felt as though he could do anything and somehow he also knew that the trouble with killing someone had disappeared. In fact, he felt it hard to resist hurting somebody at the very moment. Too bad the rest of him felt dead tired. His body craved it and he wanted it! He wanted to feel the rush of power!

As soon as he thought that though, he remembered the potion again. This was not _him_ speaking, this was the potion. It had to be right? One could not change so drastically overnight just like that?

_No, _he thought; he recognized it now. He had felt this way before, only not so demanding and not so powerful. He had felt this way after using one of the Three Most Powerful curses from time to time. He had just been too scared of himself to recognize it.

He frowned as he felt something struggling to emerge in his mind, like the day in Diagon Alley. He paused his train of thoughts and searched deeper. Then, what he had thought was impossible for him happened: He saw memories of his former life; memories he had forgotten.

He remembered himself shouting _Avada Kedavra_ at a portrait of an old, vile woman. He remembered himself waking up after blasting a hole in the wall in front of him. He remembered himself shouting _Crucio _at a woman that looked like just like Bellatrix. That did not make much sense though, unless she had a twin or someone used Polyjuice to look like her.

Harry gasped as an other, different memory hit him. He remembered faintly sitting on a fence, holding a girl in his arms and then suddenly pushing her to the ground as a green curse flew over their heads.

_What in the world?_

Harry did not understand. _Why was he remembering this? Why now?_

The feelings were also crashing into him like waves. He felt anger and hate, shock and anxiousness. Anxiousness for the person – whoever she was – he had been sitting with.

He had always considered himself a Death Eater and those memories proved that he had been able to use the Three Most Powerful Curses for quite some time. That had to mean he was on the right track right? That he had not done something he would not have done, had things been different?

Harry could feel suspicion gnawing in his mind and he stiffly sat up in his bed, alerting Bellatrix who was in the room with him. Harry's eyes widened when he saw that he had indeed tried to curse her with the Cruciatus, and as she had not changed much he realized it could not have been too long ago either. How silly of him to even consider it – of course she did not have a twin!

"Everything alright, Harry?" she asked, though he could not detect any real concern in her voice and her eyes were hard.

"Yeah – yes," he quickly corrected himself and rubbed his forehead. "Just really tired, that is all."

Bellatrix scowled slightly and left the room, probably to find the Dark Lord and tell him about Harry's condition.

Harry sighed and laid back in his bed again, letting himself sink deeper into his pillow. He did not want to get up; he was dead tired and his limbs were so sore he felt like they were on fire.

The door opened a moment later, though instead of the Dark Lord Bellatrix had brought in a very feminine, male doctor. The doctor bent down by Harry's bed, lightened his wand with a tiny _lumus,_ and opened Harry's eyelids wider so he could see how Harry's pupils worked. Harry twisted away, but the doctor ignored him and took a few other tests with his wand, not saying a word. Harry wondered where his own wand was, as the urge to curse someone was stronger than ever and the doctor annoyed him immensely.

"GET OFF!" growled Harry, fueled by something he did not know. The doctor yelped back and glared at him, then at his left hands who had an ugly, black burn on it. He adapted a scared look and took a few steps away.

"Forget it! I'm not doing this; he's obviously strong enough to manage things himself. The deal's off – you're own your own!"

Bellatrix stopped him on the way out, her wand stretched out towards him. Her eyes glinted dangerously. "You are not backing out of this!"

"Yes, I am," said the man, and crossed his arms in front of his chest while tapping his foot impatiently. He dared a small glance at Harry, who glared back and flexed his fingers.

"A little rest and small doses of exercise every day for a couple of weeks should be enough for him to recover fully. Now let me go."

The dangerous look had not disappeared from Bellatrix's look, but she lowered her wand and took a few, tentative steps towards the doctor. Once she stood close enough in front of him she engulfed him in a loose hug, and the doctor patted her uncomfortably on her back. Bellatrix winked at Harry and whispered – just loud enough for the three of them to hear – a few words that would end the man's life:

"Thank you so much for your help, Doctor. I may just feel like _Avada Kedavra _you!"

The curse hit the man in the stomach before he had any chance to react and he went limp in Bellatrix's arms. With a small grunt she pushed him sideways to the ground before turning to Harry.

"You enjoyed that, did you not?" she asked, and batted her eyelashes at him. He suddenly saw that she had his wand in her pocket. "Does it turn you on?"

Harry brushed a few hair locks from his face. "Give me my wand, Bella. I wanted to do that myself."

"Certainly."

Harry snatched his wand out from her fingers as soon as she got close enough and held it tightly. He enjoyed the way his blood seemed to heat up. It was as though the soreness from his muscles eased a bit as well.

_Curious, _a male voice said in the back of Harry's head._ It is very curious indeed, that you should be destined for this wand when its brother – why, its brother gave you that scar. _

Harry looked around to make sure it was just a memory. Seeing no one he turned to Bellatrix who stood by the door, peering at him.

"Now, you are going to stay in bed until we tell you not to," said Bellatrix sternly, turning to go. Harry's mouth dropped open.

"But I am feeling so much better! I bet I could do lots of things, maybe even a raid!"

"_Petrificus totalis!_ Now you are going to listen to me, young man! I can not marry you if you lay six feet under, and you _died_ just a few hours ago! Heart attack is not something to joke about, despite being a wizard! Be grateful we managed to restart your heart almost right away, or you would have been dead or brain damaged by now!"

As Harry was petrified in every possible way he could not do anything, but he wished he could hex her mouth off for being so rude to him.

"Now I am going to see the Dark Lord and talk about important stuff that is of none of your concern and you better stay where you are!" She walked out of the door, but right before she closed it she stopped herself and said, almost in afterthought: "Not that you have much of a choice. He he." Then she closed the door roughly behind her. Harry heard her steps echo in the hall behind the door that separated them.

He lay there for a while, unmoving and fuming. However, he still held his wand and the tip of it pointed towards his leg. Perhaps he could...?

_Ennervate!_ He thought. The tip of his wand glowed for a second, but nothing else happened. _ENNERVATE! _He screamed inside his head at last – rage boiling in his veins – and this time he felt the spell as a small bomb in his leg. A second later he felt the spell Bellatrix had cast on him lift and he could move again. However, he now had pain in his leg _and _his heart raced a little faster than it should be. He did not need another heart stop thank you very much.

Dismissing the thought as unnecessary to worry about at the moment, he swung his feet down to the ground and tried to stand up with a shaking body. He felt a little dizzy, but other than that not too bad. He walked unsteadily to the door, opened it and went through. The hall was empty and that suited him well. He did not like the thought of being in the dark about something, especially when _he _was the Heir. He would be damned if Bellatrix knew more than him!_ He was the Heir, not that woman!_

He knew the way to where the Dark Lord was by heart and had no problems getting there. However, for some reason he felt strangely hesitant. A strange sense of foreboding came upon him, and the strange, new blackness in his mind pulsed.

He stopped just outside the door to the Dark Lord's private chamber. Luck was with him, because the room was normally sound proof, but this time Bellatrix had forgotten to close the door properly. Harry could therefore hear most of what was being said.

"Always, always. Thank you, My Lord, you are merciful. It is not much left now until we gain complete control over him."

"How was he after he woke up, Bella?"

"Weak, but that is unsurprising. He got annoyed when he did not get to curse the doctor himself."

Harry had to lean against the wall to support himself when he realized they were talking about him.

"Excellent. Did he say anything about how he felt?"

"Just that he was tired, my Lord. I did not want to raise suspicion by asking too much about it."

"I see. He should feel the effects by now. After all, just one more and he will be totally under my control. He will do everything I want without question."

Harry frowned in confusion. _He was a loyal servant! _The Dark Lord already had full control over him.

"May I ask something, My Lord?" came Bellatrix's nervous tone. Harry understood her hesitation, it could be dangerous to ask the Dark Lord about something. One wrong question and they could be tortured or killed.

"Yes?"

"Would the potion still be necessary had the boy not been able to throw off the Imperious curse?"

The Dark Lord did not answer right away, and Harry was afraid to breathe. He knew he was _really_ testing his luck; the Dark Lord knew just about anything that was going on and if he found Harry spying on him the consequences would be most ... disastrous. Harry closed his eyes in shame and prepared to leave, but he could not do that as long as they were this quiet.

"The Imperious curse could easily be reversed, Bella, if someone were suspicious. And they would be, since he is their 'Hero' after all. No, better to be sure with the potion. After he has taken the last dose he would not have a mind of his own anymore, and would be completely under my control until the day I die - something that can not happen as he is the only one who can kill me!"

Laughter.

Harry did not know what to think, but he knew he had heard enough. As the laughter continued to leak from the room he made his way back to where he had woken up.

He did not see much of what was going on around him. Nothing felt real anymore; it felt as though there were two of him and that he was his other self and watching from the side, mocking the lost boy who walked there.

He pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other the rest of the way.

He was numb and cold when he finally got back. He crawled up in his bed, longing to get some warmth from the blanket there.

What he had just heard could not mean what he thought it meant. No way. _Impossible._

Still, the logical part that was left in his mind told him there was a possibility. He could only remember, what, two months of his life? That was nothing compared to his age. He could have been anyone, even the Dark Lord's greatest enemy. Harry shrugged. No, that was a little farfetched. The Lord wanted him for a reason. He would never want an enemy as an Heir and would certainly not help Harry recover from his severe injuries. Yet, Harry concluded, he could not have been a Death Eater all his life either, because then it would not have been necessary for him to take the mark.

Harry shifted position in bed and thought about the other things he had just learned.

The Dark Lord wanted to control him with the potion. As far as Harry understood it, that potion would take away Harry's ability to think for himself. He would be a puppet, controlled to do other people's bidding. Just the mere thought made his blood boil, and red and gold sparks flew from his wand. Harry gritted his teeth. He did not know what to do about it, but he knew one thing: He did not like the thought of being completely controlled; like a robot waiting for instructions. Though if he was not mistaken that was just what he would become if he took the last dose of the potion. He did not like it one bit. He had to do _something._

Harry felt his anger flare as the bitterness welled up in him. With a cry of anger he smashed the wall in front of him with a killing curse.

That was not enough for him, however. He needed to feel the thrill of killing; to feel the adrenalin pump in his veins as the life of the victim got sucked out of its body. He jumped down from the bed and began pacing around the room impatiently. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was a bad idea for him to go out of the room, because the was a telltale sign that Harry could have heard what the Dark Lord and Bellatrix were talking about. Harry did not know if he wanted that to happen.

He blasted another killing curse from his wand, then another, before he finally could feel himself calming again. He should definitely find a way to avoid taking the rest of the potion. Maybe if he insisted on taking it on his own, without them watching him? _No,_ he interrupted himself, _they would never allow him that._ Not when it was so important to their Dark Lord. Perhaps running away was the only option? Harry did not like the thought of running - that was the coward's way out. Still, however, he'd favor being a coward rather than a mindless robot any day.

Harry spun around when the door to his room slammed open, revealing Bellatrix. She did not look surprised by the black burns that Harry had created in the room, but he could detect a small smirk in the corner of her mouth.

"Harry," she purred, "The Dark Lord would like to see you right away. The last part of the potion is ready."


	30. The Decision

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**Note: **Even though I have gotten a few beta offers, this chapter is not corrected by anyone but me. However, this chapter can't wait forever so I decided to post it. I'm tired, and I'm taking my driver's license exam tomorrow, so forgive me if I overlooked something. I really am trying.

Thanks to BlackPhoenix for being reviewer number 200. (And yes, I can understand German. You're probably right about the rating.)

Oh, Egypt was great by the way. We stayed in Hurghada, and I took the scuba diving license there. Really cool. Merry Christmas!

- .

Ch30:** THE DECISION**

I change my mind

I change my life I want to leave it all behind

'Cause I don't have a mind of my own

I am influenced by everything that I see

And I can't help it now

Everything in my life just thinks for me

**(Mind of My Own by Strung Out.)**

"So soon?" asked Harry, his voice very unlike the one he was used to. He swallowed a large lump that had created itself in his throat. "I just took a damn dose! It practically killed me, I won't wake up again if I have to take another one so soon! How can you possibly expect me to?"

Bellatrix quickly whipped out her wand, her eyes blazing. Harry had already drawn his. They both held each other at wand point, silently daring the other to take the first move. Harry stood still; refusing to even blink. Just a moment without absolute attention could be enough for him to lose, and that was the last thing he needed. He sneered.

"I am in no mood for games, Bella! Leave me the hell alone."

"Do you have any idea of what I can do with this thing?" asked Bellatrix smoothly, looking swiftly at her wand. With a flick of her left hand – that almost startled Harry into firing a spell – she whipped her hair over her shoulder. "I have learned a few fun things. Tell me, Harry, how you would feel to lose all your clothes in an instant? In front of the Dark Lord, perhaps? Or what would you feel to wet yourself in a particularly important session? It would not be pleasant, would it? So – tell me again – do you really want to mess with me?"

"I know a few tricks as well," Harry only half-lied, eying her coldly.

Bellatrix grunted and surprisingly she slowly lowered her wand. "Whatever. Go on then. Our Lord will not appreciate us being late."

Harry almost crumpled in fear. Stealing a quick glance around him in search for a way out, he turned to her and looked at her pleadingly. "I really do not want to. Can we not wait a little longer, a day perhaps? I still feel weak, and ... uhm ... I really think it is a bad idea."

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "Come on. We will make sure you do not die this time."

_Sure she would,_ he thought dryly to himself, more than a little bitter.

"Come on!"urged Bellatrix, "You _know_ that if our Lord wants you to come immediately, then you must."

Suddenly Harry realized exactly what she meant. He could feel a part of him wanting to go, as though his instincts were somehow connected to the Dark Lord's. It scared him, because the urge to follow the Dark Lord's bidding was so strong and powerful that it took his breath away.

_Oh no. _

Harry knew he did not have much choice. Even though he had his wand he could never hope to escape or win a fight over Bellatrix. She had decades of more experience than him, and even if he did escape she could easily inform the Dark Lord, and he would seal the castle before Harry had the chance to get halfway out. It was a lose – lose situation.

He silently followed. It was a strange feeling; he was scared out of his skin to reach the Dark Lord's chamber, but an other part of him wanted to go. Harry wondered how it would be after he had taken the last dose. Would he still be able to think, to do something on his own when he did not have any direct orders? Or would he just sit somewhere, staring blankly at nothing until the Dark Lord needed him?

Time seemed to be teasing him, because they were inside the chamber almost before Harry could see it. Suddenly Harry was bowing in front of the Dark Lord, who peered down at him with those creepy, crimson eyes of his.

Harry felt as though the ground had been kicked beneath him; he was that scared. The fear – that he had almost lacked earlier because of his pure respect – was now so big it seemed like the air itself was shivering. Would his life end here? He did not know what he preferred; living another's life or not living at all.

The Dark Lord could feel his anxiety as well, no doubt. The man was a master at that stuff.

Harry's eyes fell on the potion besides his Lord. He could smell the terrible stench clearly, and its content made him sneeze. He could feel his eyes watering, not from crying, but from the effect the potion had on him. Harry knew then that if he took the potion it would be the last thing he ever did, and suddenly dying did not seem like a bad option after all.

Harry did not want to live the way he had for the last weeks anymore. He wanted something else, something more than what the Dark Lord and the Stone Edge had to offer. He did not want to answer for anyone; he wanted to be his own master. A master of his own body, his own life. His own blood.

How fast things could change! Only the day before he had had everything a man could dream of: power, protection, health, a woman, and belonging to something great. Not just that – he had been the Heir of the most powerful wizard the world had seen in a long time as well. He could still be the Heir in a way, but he would not be _himself _anymore so it was not the same. How could it be? This had turned completely different from what he had hoped and expected.

Harry knew that the decision he took now was very likely the last one he would ever make. However, he wanted to make the right one. Not for everyone else, but for himself.

He wanted to die with pride, not of cowardice.

Suddenly, Harry thought he remembered being at a dark grave yard, surrounded by Death Eaters and the Dark Lord in the middle. He saw himself moving in slow motion and appearing directly in front of the Lord, and then they both raised their wands at each other, shouting something...

_The Hell?_

Harry shook his head in order to clear it and the image faded from his mind. The potion had to make him imagine things. He could not afford to let his attention wander.

The Dark Lord seemed pleased, but on edge. Something had obviously happened and Harry guessed it had something to do with what he had overheard earlier that day. He knew that if the last dose of potion was all he needed to be under the Lord's control, then it was no wonder the man was on edge.

"Boy."

"My Lord," answered Harry carefully.

"Our goal is just beyond our reach. Something great is waiting for you, my Heir, and you are going to make us proud. Are you Death Eater enough to take the last part of the potion?"

"My Lord," said Harry again, and bowed one more time, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "The second dose was only an inch from killing me completely. I have to question the timing, my Lord. If I take this again so soon it is unlikely I will wake up again."

"YOU DARETO QUESTION OUR LORD!" shrieked Bellatrix, horrified. Harry could detect a small glimmer of annoyance beyond the man's red eyes and knew that the time was running away from him. The Dark Lord did not want to wait, and he was going to make Harry pay for it.

"You are going to be just fine, boy," said the Dark Lord dangerously. "It should not be so hard for you to trust us when we assure you that we are not going to let it happen. You are, after all, an important asset of our group."

"Thank you, my Lord," said Harry hesitantly. "But I still think it is best if we wait a little longer before –"

"_Crucio!"_

The pain was breath taking, terrible and unbearable. For every second he was under it he felt as though something inside of him was breaking. Whether or not that was his body, will or his mind he could not tell. All he knew was the pain, a pain that made every drop of his blood boil and seemed to fill every particle of his being. Yet, at the same time it felt as though he was falling into something black and cold. He instinctually knew he had to keep himself out of it, no matter the cost. It was like another person inside him helped him through.

Then, the pain was gone and Harry found himself on the floor. He could scarcely breathe. The usually faint, blue lines in his hands were now standing out like neon lights.

There was something only too familiar with this...

Harry used a few minutes to collect himself, but in the reality he was not paying attention to what he was doing. He knew something like this had happened before. Several times - maybe even at the end of the Dark Lord's wand. When though? Could it possibly be the reason he had lost his memories in the first place?

Harry's head swam. If it was because of the torture or of the direction his thoughts led him he did not know. The possibility that he had been _fooled _into this was almost too much, and made him want to kick, scream and curse. He wanted to hurt everyone in sight. Badly. He did not notice the red and gold sparks that shot out of his wand.

"Get up," the Dark Lord commanded, and Harry immediately complied without really thinking about it. "I assume you are done playing games? I want you to take the rest of the potion, Harry."

Harry took a deep breath, and exhaled. He counted to ten. However, his voice still shook when he said what was going to change everything he knew: "I do not dare to, My Lord. I honestly fear for my life. At this moment it is not worth the risk. You will have to wait."

Bellatrix gasped. No one ever said that the Dark Lord would have to wait for something without being punished!

The crimson eyed man sneered. "Very well." Suddenly a beam came out of his wand. Harry moved too late and the unknown curse hit him in the chest. A second later he was laying on the floor again, completely unable to move. They had summoned his wand from him. His eyes stared up at the roof, and he felt a cold shiver down his back. What if they forced him the potion? He would never be able to stop them...

However, that did not seem to be what they had in mind. To strong Death Eaters – probably Crabbe and Goyle Senior – came, and picked Harry up as though he weighted little more than a doll, and walked out with him. They seemed to take extra care to bump Harry against hard objects on their way. Harry did not know for certain if it was planned or not, but he was thrown into a small cage – the same as the one he had woken up in all those weeks ago, exhausted beyond imagination and without memories. The death eaters and the Dark Lord had been kind to him then ... they had given him food and helped him recover.

Obviously he was no longer on the Dark Lord's good side.

When he was inside the cage the spell was lifted from him, but he lay still nevertheless. A huge feeling of hopelessness and loneliness washed over him, making him sad and depressed. He could not remember feeling so unworthy and lost before. His only allies had turned against him and no one could help him. He also had a raging war inside his head, and on top of that he had betrayed his Lord, something that he had swore to never do in his lifetime. He had even taken the Dark Mark to prove it.

He had really messed things up.

He did not know how long he was there, as the room had no windows and no one came to check on him. Harry barely moved at all. No longer did he have any hope that things were going to work out for him. He was doomed and he had been it from the start.

-

Harry woke up later by a scratching sound somewhere near his cage. Harry rose slowly from the cold stone he was laying on, feeling as though he had bruises all over his body, which he probably had. When he stacked himself on his feet he felt a wave of nausea come over him and he lost his balance. Back on the floor he let his cold hands cover his temples on both sides in an attempt to still the spinning world around him.

His attention returned to the present when he heard the mysterioussound again, and he peered out of the cage. At first he saw nothing, but soon he saw something move not too far away from the bars of his cage.

A rat ... curiously, one of its paws seemed to reflect the light as though it had a foot that was made of metal or silver ... he had seen that rat before!

"Hey, Wormtail!" he called out, and smirked slightly when he saw the rat jump several feet up in the air of surprise. The rat quickly transformed into a human and moved slowly towards Harry's cage. He was obviously not meant to be there.

"M – master Harry!" said Pettigrew shakily when he finally reached Harry. "You – you remember! You remember everything don't you? Oh no, no, no ... what will the Lord say? And now you probably want me to repay your life debt too! Well, guess what? It's not going to happen!"

"Life debt? What are you talking about?" asked Harry suspiciously. "Hang on ... you owe me one, you say?"

The rat man paled. "I – I thought you knew! You recognized me! I have never transfigurated in your presence since you lost ... er..."

"You haven't?"

"I really should go now, Master Harry," said Pettigrew, looking panicked. However, an idea was forming in Harry's mind and he realized that it could be his only chance.

"No!" He hissed, "Stay! Tell me about this life debt."

"Merciful Harry, you really need to rest right some more, we could talk about this another day when –"

"_Now, _Pettigrew. I do not have other days!"

"Oh well, it was nothing really, just a coincidence and you decided to protect me against some people. Nothing important at all."

Harry sighed, knowing that he probably would not get any more answers from the rat Animagus. "Whatever. I want you to repay that debt now. I want you to open the door and get me out of here. I need my wand first though."

"W-what?" stammered Pettigrew, "You expect me to be able to do something like that? Impossible! The Dark Lord will surely notice – he notices everything!"

Harry rolled his eyes, in an attempt to hide his increasing anxiousness. "You can be a rat right? I bet you can do it just fine. I need you to do this. If not I'll be as good as dead and then it will be your fault. You do not want _that,_ do you?"

The small man was practically pulling out the last remaining hairs on his head at this point. Both knew that if you owed someone a life debt and you let them die on purpose, then you would die with them. Harry had learned that in one of his many lessons with Dolohov, who had told him that several times to highlight the importance of loyalty and protection among the Death Eaters and especially to the Dark Lord.

"N – No..."

"Then go," ordered Harry, and urged the man away. Pettigrew promptly changed back into the rat and scurried away, terrified. Harry hoped he would see the man again, but he dared not to think too much about it.

To wait, however ... wait for a life, wait for death, not knowing what the outcome would be ... was unbearable. He wished he was an Animagus himself. He had a feeling that he had tried to become one before, or at least thought about it, but it did not help him much. He did not even know the animal he would become, and he had to know that before he made an attempt.

A snake would be a good form, though ... then he could just slide between the bars. It would not be out of place and it would fit his personality as well.

Harry sighed and leaned his back against the cell wall, stretching his legs out so the sole of his shoes just touched the bars.

It was a very small cage.

The minutes ticked past slowly, like years. It already seemed like an eternity since Pettigrew had disappeared. Harry was not sure how loyal the rat was, either to him or to the Dark Lord. However, in this case the rat would have to choose between his life and a betrayal against his Lord. At least he had a some chance to survive if he helped Harry.

Harry wished he could sleep, but he was too cold and too nervous to even think straight. His thoughts went back and forth like waves against a shore, and he could not really grasp them. Maybe he simply wasn't thinking at something special at all.

Suddenly, after waiting for a long time, he became aware of a small, black shadow in the corner of the room close to where the door was. On a second look he realized it was Pettigrew, and that he had a wand in his rat mouth.

Only it wasn't _his _wand. It belonged to the Dark Lord.

Harry gasped, and still had his mouth open when Pettigrew changed back to human form. Obviously the man had not seen _which _wand he had, because he gave Harry the scary looking thing casually and without taking a second look at it. Instead he was looking at Harry expectantly, as though waiting for something.

Harry stared at the cream white wand like it was hurting him. However, the sensation he got from it was anything than hurt...

It felt like a taste of power, like the one he would get after using one of the Three Most Powerful curses. Like having someone at his mercy. Like being in control. Harry loved it instantly. "Thank you, Pettigrew," he said. "Maybe I'll have a chance to get out now."

"So the life debt is off then?" the older man said with round eyes, looking very nervous.

Harry looked up. "No. I do not want you to blab to the Lord. If you manage to keep your mouth shut until I am out of reach then it is alright." He was not going to let this opportunity run from him. He would need it.

He turned to the so – called – lock on his cage. It looked like the original one had been burnt off at some point, and replaced with a new one. He could do the same, but it would take too much time and he needed all the time he could get.

"Turn me into a small animal and change me back when I am through the bars," ordered Harry Pettigrew. Harry did not like the thought of trading his safety to a man that would do anything to save his own skin, but he did not have much of a choice.

Pettigrew pointed his wand at Harry with a shaking hand, and muttered something under his breath. The floor under Harry suddenly seemed to race up to him, and he had to close his eyes in anticipation of being hit. However, when he was only a few inches from the ground the air stilled, and he found himself on all four. All four, brown haired paws. Harry turned his head and saw a big, bushy tail behind him. It was the strangest thing.

The rat had turned him into a squirrel!

However, Harry knew that this was not the time to argue, so he quickly snatched the wand that lay beside him and took a few trying steps forward. It was hard, but it worked, and soon he was out and back in human form.

"Thank you," said Harry again, more sincerely. "I have to hurry now. The Dark Lord can find out that his wand is missing anytime and then it will be too late."

The man paled drastically. "_His _wand! I thought it was yours! It was dark! I had to pick one!"

"Bye Wormtail."

"Wait! We have to change it back! When the Dark Lord sees he will kill me for sure! He will know it was me!"

"Then run with me," suggested Harry, secretly hoping the rat would turn the offer down. The man shook his head.

"Oh no, no ... what to do, what to do?"

"Well, I'm leaving now. Bye." Harry did not wait for the rat to make up his mind. Instead he quickly cast a disillusionment charm on himself and ran out of the door.

It was the only chance he had.


	31. Escape

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Thanks to Anna Rose for correcting this chapter!

Ch31: **ESCAPE**

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you can not hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder

And we'll run for our lives…

**(Run by Snow Patrol.)**

Everything was happening too fast in Harry's opinion. He could not believe what he was trying to do, even as he did it. It was crazy and insane, and nothing could guarantee his death more. On top of that, Harry was not in a very good shape himself; he had been told to rest by the doctor for a reason. He did not even have his own wand – he had the Dark Lord's! Of all the unfortunate things that had happened to him, this was the drop that made the goblet spill. If he had not asked for death before, he certainly did now.

The hall in front of him looked deserted, so he kept running until he came to a large, green door. He did not bother to slow down and sneak his way in, because if someone was in there then they would surely react the same way anyway. Besides, he would have surprise at his advantage.

He burst in and came into a small living room with a large table that took all the space and created a slightly claustrophobic feeling. Crabbe and Goyle Senior, who until then had been eating wholeheartedly, looked up with dumb surprise written over their faces.

"_Obliviate," _said Harry quickly, two times in a row. "You have seen no one the last twenty minutes."

Harry would have killed them since he did not like them anyway, but it was too early to cast suspicion over himself. Instead he checked that his disillusionment charm was still working and jolted into the next room, which was fortunately empty.

Harry was grateful that he had gotten a lot of training while he had been staying in this little mansion. If he had not, then he would have been far worse off then he was now. Hopefully he would be able to keep the speed up until if or when he got out of the building.

However, Harry began to feel tired when he was just a little over halfway out and was forced to slow down to walk. He was in real trouble, but his body simply refused to allow him to run more. The wand in Harry's hand vibrated softly, sending shivers down his spine. It longed to be used and it longed for power, but most of all it longed for its master.

Harry was beginning to get near the exit now. He had remembered the way from the time he had came along to the raid in Diagon Alley. Right, right, left, right... As last time, Harry saw portraits of the Slytherin family, snoring in their frames. Harry took extra care in walking carefully past them, as he knew the portraits would tell the Dark Lord if they saw or heard anything suspicious. Harry just hoped that everyone had yet to be informed of his absence.

… A floorplank creaked. Harry halted and held his breath.

"Who's there?" a portrait with long, grey beard asked. "_Who's there?_ Come forth!"

Harry closed his eyes bitterly. What if the portrait saw him despite of the Disillusionment charm? Harry did not move a muscle for several minutes as the portrait kept its eyes open and continued to peer around the hall. However, eventually the portrait sighed and closed its eyes once again, presumably to go back to sleep.

Harry let out a shaky breath and moved forward slowly.

"HAH! I knew it! HALT STRANGER!"

Of course, Harry did anything but that. As a wave of adrenalin kicked through his veins he began to run again, away from the portrait's wail, which now had several others to join it. Only twenty seconds later alarm bells rang through the castle, and Harry realized that the Dark Lord knew he had disappeared. He could not remember being more scared than what he was at that moment.

Hadn't something like this happened before?

The thought confused Harry, but he did not have time to think more closely about it as he rounded a corner and saw the large, green front doors ahead of him at the end of the hall.

However, someone had gotten to the door before him. McKnair's powerful body blocked the way, his wand stretched out before him.

"Stop right there, _Potter." _

Harry almost did; no one ever called him that. Actually, they had seemed to be careful to not mention it at all, and if they got into the subject then they would quickly find a way to avoid it. Not anymore though.

Harry knew he would only get one chance. He was a trained wizard, but the wizard in front of him had decades of more experience. Harry continued to run towards the front doors, his eyes never leaving the older wizard.

_Just a little more, now…_

Suddenly Harry jumped two steps to the left. Because of the Disillusionment charm, Harry's movement was enough for McKnair to blink. Then Harry made a forward roll and landed with the Lord's wand in front of him. The words "_Avada Kedavra_" left his mouth, and a second later McKnair's body fell to the floor.

Breathing hard, Harry pulled roughly on the snake-formed door handles, but they would not open. Harry soon discovered why- McKnair's body blocked the way.

With a disgusted grunt, Harry kicked the body out of the way, taking care to avoid the still-opened eyes and pressed himself out of the small opening he had made through the door. The familiar rush of a kill made Harry feel more alive than what he had felt in a long time, but the stench of rotting corpses outside effectively ended that sensation and almost made him retch.

_Go back,_ something inside him ordered. Harry hesitated until he realized the sudden urges probably had something to do with the potion. The more he thought about it the surer he got, because the urge inside him to follow the order got stronger and stronger. It made him dizzy, but deep inside he knew he could not do it … he had killed a Death Eater, and he had disobeyed the Dark Lord. If Harry knew one thing, it was that the Lord was not very forgiving.

"_You may be my Lord, but I refuse to let you control me!"_ Harry screamed out, clenching his fists. _"I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU!"_

His scar erupted in a pain so strong that the world around him disappeared. Harry knew that he had to get outside the Apparition bounds if he was going to make it, but the pain was so consuming…

_Help someone …please!_ Harry closed his eyes in agony and felt unconsciousness luring in the corner of his mind. Somehow he was laying on the ground. However, just as he was about to give in to the blackness, he remembered something. A small sentence, but with great meaning to him:_ You're a great wizard, Harry. _

Somehow, he knew that the voice had helped him survive before and that it was important to him. However, who would say something like that to him, with such trust and tenderness? The Death Eaters would certainly never do that, not even if they wanted something. No, the one who had said that to him was a girl, a very important one. Could it be someone from his former life? But then again, everyone who could have known the old him had abandoned him a long time ago, and he had ended up at the Dark Lord's mercy. It didn't make any sense.

Harry calmed himself with a few, trying breaths. The pain in his scar had subsided. After laying still for a few more seconds he became aware of what was going on around him again, including _voices, _not too far away.

Not good. Harry quickly got up to his feet and looked back at the entrance. He couldn't see anyone, but he knew they were not far away and that there were enough to take him out without a problem.

_What was he wasting the time for? _

"_Colloportus_!" shouted Harry, pointing the Dark Lord's wand wildly at the door. Luckily it worked and the door closed. It wasn't much, but it could buy him some extra seconds. Not knowing what else to do as the Apparition point was so far away, Harry ran to the nearby river. He jumped in, but instantly regretted it. The river was cold, disgusting and filthy, and it was filled with rotten corpses. This had to be the place where they dumped those who where killed.

It wasn't before then that Harry realized he was not a good swimmer. Actually, he did not know how to swim at all. Spluttering, Harry felt a flash of panic and reached out to the edge of the river before performing the Bubblehead charm on himself. What if his scar hurt again? If he fainted where he was it would be unnecessary for the Death Eaters to do anything with his body. However, he knew he could not afford to get up again, not as the other death eaters could be out of the Stone Edge already. Harry slowly and quietly moved his way down towards the Apparition point. He had to move away several rotten corpses and objects on his way so he could get through.

He began to feel numb from cold and exhaustion. He could not really feel his legs anymore, except when they hit something he would rather not think about under the surface. Maybe he would be better off with the Death Eaters after all? He shook his head at his own idiocy. No, he could take same more … just a little bit more and then it all would be over.

Hanging onto that thought and the edge of the river (was it even a river? It looked more like a canal), he made his way as far down as he could until it was impossible to continue. Wood, corpses and other stuff blocked his way. He could either swim under or get up from the water.

He still had the bubble head charm over his mouth that provided him with fresh air, but the sight became too much and he retched into the bubble. He was definitely getting up!

Harry slowly and gingerly lifted himself up from the chilly water and crawled up to the sloppy mud on the ground. He could see Death Eaters there, peering after a trace of him, but most of them seemed to have lost interest and looked like they would rather go back inside. Still, all they needed to do was to turn their heads, and then they would surely see him.

Cancelling the Bubble Head charm and cleaning himself free from the stench with a soundless order, he crouched down and got ready to sprint.

_One, two... _jolting to his feet, he ran like he had never ran before. His wet boots made squishing sounds every time he moved his feet. He didn't turn to see the Death Eater's reaction, but he heard several yells of outrage and soon they began to fire spells over his head.

It was not too far to the Apparition boarder now, and Harry was sure he could make it unless he got hit by a curse. However, now as he had gotten this far another problem surfaced: Where could he Apparate to? He had only been two places outside the Stone Edge, and he needed a place where he could melt into a crowd.

_Knockturn Alley then, _he decided, just as he felt a sleeping spell hit his foot. The effect was immediate and he had to use the other leg to support himself as the other one lost its strength.

Harry ignored his sleeping leg as he was just by the boarder, and he abruptly closed his eyes, focusing on his Apparition point. A second later he felt the world spin and his body left the Stone Edge.

-

Knockturn Alley had been quite empty the last few weeks, more than what Diagon Alley had ever been. One could still see people taking care of their shops and going out and looking for costumers, but they had little company and several shops had been closed as the owners went bankrupt. If one ever saw someone, their steps would be quick and with a clear destination. The reason was simple: the Ministry of Magic had opened their eyes to all the dark magic that had been going on in the small village. In an effort to stop the illegal trading and gain popularity among the people at the same time, Aurors had began to set up traps for anyone unfortunate enough not to see them.

Therefore, it was quite unusual to see a dark clothed, wet young man appear in the middle of the street, only to fall over as his left leg failed beneath him.

"_Finite_," muttered Harry to himself, and his leg slowly returned to normal. The exhaustion was finally catching up with him and he desperately wanted a place to sleep. He could see a few shop owners staring at him from their windows. He knew he couldn't stay.

Shakily, Harry got up to his feet again. He needed to find a way out of this hole. He didn't know if his fellow death eaters had a way to trace Apparition, but he didn't want to wait around to find out.

Harry only knew one direction, and that was towards Diagon Alley. He felt apprehensive to go there; after all, the last time he had been there he had killed and scared a lot of people. They would hardly welcome him. That thought made Harry feel even more alone. He would never fit in anywhere. His world existed of a weak group and a powerful group, and he had betrayed both of them. He was a wanted criminal. If only he knew where to hide.

"Excuse me," said Harry as he nudged an elderly woman in the chest, not really meaning it, but not careful enough to avoid it. The woman didn't turn, however, and just continued down the street from where he had came from.

"So much for being polite," muttered Harry under his breath.

He found the way up to Diagon Alley. The place had regained its popularity since Harry's last visit. He guessed it had something to do with the heightened security, because he could see Aurors patrolling the streets everywhere. It probably made the citizens feel safe.

Harry felt a pang of jealousy and felt a weird urge to sit down and cry. Everything was a mess and he did not know what to do. He had tried so hard to fit in, to belong somewhere, to please those around him … all for nothing. If only he could start over!

"Can I help you?" a voice said to his left, startling Harry. He hadn't realized that he had stopped his walk.

"N – no," said Harry, his voice quivering a little. "No thank you."

"Merlin! You're freezing! Come here, and I'll give you something warm to drink."

"I said I am fine!" said Harry firmly, turning to look at the face to the one who had intruded his thoughts. What he saw was an old, balding man with a cloth in his hands. The man stared at him for a few seconds, before he blinked and asked:

"Mr. Potter?"

Harry opened his mouth in shock. The man knew who he was! He must've heard what had happened, and now he wanted to put Harry behind bars!

"_Hush!"_ said Harry desperately, looking around wildly.

"Don't fret, young man," said the man with a kind smile. "We can hide you in a room and call the Aurors, and then they'll take care of you-"

"_No!" _Harry knew he could not afford to stay where he was anymore. He had not gotten this far only to be captured. Turning abruptly, Harry dashed down the street. He had no idea where to go, but he did not care. He just wanted to get away. He should not have gone through Diagon Alley at all. What had he been thinking?

His running attracted a lot of attention, but with a stroke of luck he found what had to be the exit. It looked like a huge brick wall that had been rearranged to the side to let people through. It was just wide enough to let him pass, and as soon as he had gotten through, the wall closed behind him. There was only one way to go now, and that was through a small-looking bar.

When he walked in, the talking stopped and all eyes turned to look at him. Harry clung tightly to his wand just in case he needed it as he hurried through the pub, not stopping until he was out and had several blocks behind him. He knew he had reached muggle London, but he had no intention to let his guard down and believe he was safe.

Finding a deserted corner, he closed his eyes and Apparated again.

He appeared in the only other place he had been besides the Stone Edge, Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley; the small road with brick houses on each side, where he had killed the couple Lucia and John Smith, who had been expecting a baby. He glanced carefully at the house of crime and saw a "For Sale" sign in the front. Harry turned from the sight and walked quickly in the opposite way.

He ended up in a nearby park where he found a small bench to sit on. He could see the sun going down in the horizon. He felt so tired and exhausted that he wanted nothing more than to lay down on the bench and sleep, but he knew he couldn't do that.

It was not before then that he noticed how cold it really was. He did not know the time of year, but it had to be in the middle of the winter because even though there was little snow outside; the ground, trees and the bench he was sitting on were covered in frost, and the wind went right through Harry's little clothing. He had been warm while he had been running, but now as he was sitting still he noticed that his shirt and pants were beginning to get stiff with cold and his hair had stripes of ice in it.

Harry performed a slight drying and heating charm on himself from the Dark Lord's wand, but it had to be done extremely subtle because of all the muggles around who could see him. Harry's heart did a slight jump when he realized that he _may _not be old enough to do magic out in the open. Maybe the Department of Underage Magic would see –

No. Either he was old enough, or the ban had been lifted off of him sometime. They would have discovered his magic before had the ban still been in place. He did not have count on all the times he had used magic the last few months, but it was quite a lot.

The heating charm was not enough to keep him warm though, and his fingers slowly started to get a faint, blue look over them. His could no longer feel his toes, as his boots were even more reluctant to dry than his clothes and were therefore ice cold and wet from the river. He knew that he should take them off and that if he stayed still any longer then he would freeze to death, but he was too tired to move.

He almost did not care anymore. Maybe sleeping for a while on the bench would be the most merciful thing he could do to himself. His eyes began to drop…

"Excuse me, Sir, are you alright?"

"Yes," said Harry tiredly, looking at the stranger's feet and realized that they belonged to a small child. "I am fine, just a little sleepy..."

"You can't sleep there, you'll freeze and get a cold! My mum says so. Where do you live?"

"I ... do not know exactly," said Harry after a pregnant pause. "But I am sure I will find out..."

"Nathalie!" said another voice, which belonged to an older woman. "What are you doing? You cannot talk to strangers!"

"But mum! Can't you see he's freezing?"

The woman sighed. "He is a beggar! Oh, very well. Here is a couple of cents for you, boy," she said, and she threw a few coins at a perplexed Harry. "Now, let's go, honey. And tuck your scarf more tightly around your neck."

"Okay mum..." the girl said, and the two of them began to walk away.

Harry frowned at the few coins on the ground before him. _She truly believed he was a beggar! The nerve of that woman! _"HEY!" he called after them. "I AM NOT A FREAKING BEGGAR!"

Despite of his words, Harry bent down and picked up the coins, putting them in his pocket. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He would need it.

Taking a deep breath, he got up and started walking.

-

He walked for several hours. He never stopped. He knew that if he did, he would not be able to continue. He no longer had any clear idea of where he was or where he was going. The houses, the people and the traffic seemed to melt together as a wet painting. He began to think that anything was better than being where he was now, and he began to look into the windows longingly. It would be so nice to be inside in the warm...

The world around him seemed even more surreal to him, and the road he was walking on seemed longer and more never-ending. He had to stop several times to steady himself. He was not going to make it!

Swallowing his pride, he turned abruptly and went up to a dark door and knocked. Harry had to hold onto the railing convulsively to stay on his feet. After what seemed like an eternity the door opened.

"Hi," said Harry, and he collapsed.

What he did not know was that the day after his escape from the Dark Lord's clutches, his face would be decorating the front pages in all of the Wizarding papers across Britain:

_The Boy–Who–Lived Lives Again. _


	32. Annie Highwater

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Thanks to Anna Rose for correcting this chapter! And thanks for the reviews!

As to why I haven't updated the "NEWS" in my bio page it's simply because I can't get in there. I don't know why. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

- .

Ch 32: **ANNIE HIGHWATER**

When the hour is upon us

And our beauty surely gone

No, you will not be forgotten

No, you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended

And our echo starts to fade

No you will not be alone then

And you will not be afraid

No you will not be afraid

**(Now Comes the Night by Rob Thomas)**

The first thing Harry noticed when he opened his eyes was that he was in a completely unfamiliar place. Everything looked very soft, innocent and light. The next thing he noticed was that he felt very warm, and he was cold and sweating at the same time. He groaned and rolled over in the comfortable bed he was sleeping in, trying to shield his eyes from the light. He did not have a wand and he did not have his glasses, nor did he know where he could find them. He figured that he could just as well continue sleeping and a second later he did just that.

The next time Harry awoke he felt much better. He was still weak, but now other things were on his mind. First of all, he needed to use a bathroom and secondly he needed to find a shower. Then he wanted to get something to eat.

Looking around he managed to find his glasses and put them on. The world immediately came into focus and he saw that he was indeed in an unfamiliar bedroom. The walls had a light, warm colour and had a window with thin curtains in the front. Sunlight peaked through a small crack, reminding him of the world outside.

Harry remembered vaguely escaping from the Dark Lord and walking around in the streets, but it was all a little cloudy as though it had happened a long time ago. Maybe it had; he couldn't tell.

Shrugging, his eyes wandered from the window to the other furniture in the room. He had a small table with a lamp, a bookcase and a wardrobe. He couldn't see his wand. An uneasy feeling swept through him.

"Hello?" he called out. A few seconds later he heard someone come up the stairs. A short girl with blonde hair walked in. She looked a little weary, but she didn't look scared of him.

"Oh," she said. "You're awake. About time."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Do you know where I can find a bathroom?"

The girl pointed out the door she had just came in from. "Out there and the first door to the left. Shouldn't be so difficult to find, or do you want me to draw you a map?"

"It will be fine," said Harry, annoyed by the way she talked to him.

After he had done his business and washed his hands, he came back and saw that she had taken the curtains away from the window so that the room bathed in sunlight. Harry had to blink; it was too much light at once. He was used to dark rooms and walls and he liked it that way. However, he knew he was in no position to complain. She looked like she wouldn't hesitate to throw him out if he gave her a reason to do so.

"Where is my wand?"

"Sorry?" said the girl, looking at him as though he was mad. It occurred to him that she might be a Muggle and he instantly felt more uncomfortable. Muggles were below him, but yet she was the one in charge. Besides, he could get in trouble for revealing too much to her. He was actually a little tempted to be thrown back to the street just to escape from the situation he had gotten himself into.

"The ... uhm, stick. It is a toy wand and I promised to keep it," he said lamely, kicking himself mentally for the bad excuse.

"I threw it out. It's probably still outside somewhere."

Harry felt himself go cold. "You did _what?"_

"Sorry," said the girl with a shrug. "I didn't realize it had _emotional _value to you." She seemed to be waiting for something because she kept looking at Harry as though he was meant to say something.

"So …" he tried. "Where am I?"

"In Ealing," she said. "West London."

"When did I get here?"

"Six days ago. You had a very high fever."

Harry nodded, already knowing he had been sick. "What is your name?"

"Annie Highwater," she said, holding her head high. "And I've been dying to know your name."

"I am Harry … Potter, I think. I do not know for sure."

"You have a memory loss?" asked the girl with a skeptical frown. When Harry nodded, she sighed. "That's great. Just what I need! A homeless beggar that doesn't remember where he comes from. Just great!"

"I am not a beggar!" said Harry fiercely. "And I know where I came from, but I can't go back there." Seeing her confused look, he figured that he had to add some more into his explanation. "Look, when I first lost my memory, I did not know where I was. A group of … people took me in. They were violent and harsh though and they wanted me completely under their control. So I ran. If I go back now, they will definitely kill me."

"You don't know that," said Annie, looking annoyed but intrigued at the same time.

Harry sent her a challenging look. "Yes, I do. Trust me, they will. They are the most powerful group in Britain and they do not take betrayal easily."

Annie sat down on the bed and curled her right leg up underneath her, still looking skeptical. "Let's say that what you are saying is true for a moment … how did you 'betray' them? What are you going to do about it?"

Harry stared at her, not used to talking like that. Again he wished for his wand; he'd feel so much stronger and confident with it. If he had it, he could just use the Imperious Curse on her and tell her to let him stay until he knew where to go. He realized he had to do this the hard way; namely gain her trust in one way or the other. He should be able to do that, he was a good manipulator. He licked his lips and looked down to make her think he was more vulnerable than what he really was. "Well, they tried to frame me for murdering a couple of people not too far from here and I would not go along with it."

The girl was silent for a moment, before she gasped and clasped her hands in front of her mouth. "You mean the Smiths? I knew them! I used to watch their dog! They always asked me to take care of it if they were going away for a weekend or two. It died last summer of cancer."

"Yes, I think they were the Smiths," said Harry wearily, praying intensely that she would take his words at face value and not get the idea that he could be lying. Or worse, believing that _he_ had done it. He would be in real trouble if she did.

"Wow…" said the girl, lost in thoughts. "You don't happen to know how they died, do you?"

"No, sorry."

"The police think it was because of the blood loss, but I don't know. I have a feeling there's something more than that."

Harry kept his face and voice as impassive as possible, only letting a small streak of curiosity out. It wasn't a problem for him anymore, he had become a good liar. "Really? Like what?"

"That's just it, isn't it? Nobody knows for sure." Annie suddenly seemed aware of that she was talking to a complete stranger and jolted to her feet. "Dinner's in an hour. Come down whenever you're ready and make yourself useful."

Harry stared after her retreating form. She wasn't _gorgeous, _but there was something about her that he liked. She didn't seem like the type who was afraid to say what was on her mind.

Smiling slightly, Harry went to the wardrobe and found his old clothes in the top drawer. The clothes were clean but not ironed, but he knew he had to live with it. Scooping up the familiar looking clothes in his arms, he found the way to the bathroom to take a shower.

-

When he came down again Annie was preparing something strange in the oven.

"You like pizza don't you? That's all I had left in the freezer."

"Erm, sure," said Harry uncertainly, staring at what looked like cheese and tomatoes. It didn't look like anything he had seen before, but it didn't smell too bad and he wanted to know what it tasted like. Harry went out of the kitchen and into the dining room, where he sat down by the small table and waited.

A few minutes later Annie came out with the smoking pizza on a round plate, wearing something Harry had never seen a human wear before: oven gloves.

He concealed his surprise, but he couldn't help but stare.

"What?" asked Annie, looking down at her cleavage. "Are my breasts falling out or something?"

Harry blushed. "No! I wasn't looking at them, I was looking at your, uhm, gloves."

"Sure," said Annie with more than a little sarcasm in her voice, setting the pizza down at the table. "Help yourself."

"Thanks," said Harry carefully, not daring to look at her again for several minutes.

-

After Harry had wolfed down as much as he could of the pizza, someone knocked on the door.

"I'll get it," said Annie quickly as she left the table. Harry sipped on some water, which he noticed tasted a little funny. It definitely wasn't bottled water.

He waited for several minutes, but Annie didn't return. Curious, but also a little nervous because he was still lacking a wand, he got up too and slowly walked towards the exit.

If the Death Eaters had found him already he had no idea what to do.

The house was still new to him, but it was fairly small so he had no problems finding the right way. Harry couldn't help but think that the whole apartment had to be the size of an average room back in the Stone Edge.

Annie wasn't inside, but he could hear a heated argument right outside the door. Harry inched forward and pressed his ear to the side of the door and listened.

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It's only for a few days!"

"You think I'll believe that? Do you think I'm stupid? I know where this will lead to! I know how you are."

The first voice clearly belonged to Annie, but the second one belonged to a male.

"It wouldn't hurt you to trust me once in a while you know. Just because _you _can be a little 'loose' doesn't mean that I am too," came Annie's voice again.

"Don't change the subject! I don't like you being too close to other guys, especially not living with them. I want you to throw him out today!"

"Or what?"

"You know very well what."

"Luke ... please. He's in no condition to take care of himself yet. I may be a cold person, but I'm not _that _cold."

"I'm warning you, Ann..."

"Dammit! I said I would come to you tomorrow night and I will! Now shut up and go!"

Harry could hear the conversation ending. Faster than he thought he was capable of in his condition, he retreated back quietly to where he had been. He shot her a small smile when she came back, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Done yet?" she asked. "Then put away your dishes. Don't expect me to do it for you."

"All right," said Harry, managing to hold back a frown. He had never cleaned dishes before.

Luckily, Annie took her own dishes before him. She washed them in hot water and soap before drying them with a towel. Then she put the dishes back to where they belonged. Harry smirked to himself as he mimicked her movements.

Despite being a little clumsy it wasn't too hard. He felt oddly pleased with himself. Next time though, he would use his wand and charm the plates clean. He still had some wizard-pride left in him.

Just as he thought that, he felt his mark burn. If he had been two minutes later with cleaning the dishes he would've dropped something, for the pain took him completely by surprise.

At first it started as a little sting, but then the full blow of it hit him and he crumpled to his knees. Every instinct told him to just _push the mark and Apparate, _but he knew he couldn't. He would be killed on the spot. Feeling his eyes water, he slowly rose to his feet again, aware of Annie's look at him.

"Either you're a very good actor, or something's hurting you," she said matter–of–factly. "Go back to bed and I'll call the doctor again."

"That's not necessary–"

"Yes it is. I refuse to be the reason that you get seriously ill. I'd rather be on the safe side. You can either go back to bed or you can leave this house. It's up to you, but you're not staying where you are now."

Harry sent her a sour look but did as he was told and returned to bed. It already felt like a sanctuary to him and right then he just wanted to be alone with his pain. A pain that continued to burn for a whole hour.

-

Having a doctor to see him again reminded Harry very much of the time he had woken up after taking the second dose of the potion. This time, however, he had no wand and there was no Bellatrix nearby. He almost missed her; her wicked nature made her a cool person to be around. She kept him on his toes constantly. She would've known what to do in his situation. She would never have to sink down to the level where she had to wash dishes with a Muggle to not get kicked out to the streets. Of course, she would never be a chicken-shit like him and escape from the Dark Lord either.

The doctor took several tests, but he ended up saying that Harry was simply exhausted and needed more time to recover. ("Tell me, have you been under stress lately?") He also told Harry that he needed to be careful about his blood pressure, because it was quite high.

Harry almost snorted. Raising his head up so he stared the doctor fully into his eyes, he gave him the ugliest glare he could produce. "Yes! I will be careful."

The doctor's confidence staggered a little and he did what looked like a double – take. He cleared his throat. "Then I strongly recommend you to change whatever has you under pressure. If you continue like this then you never know when your heart can't take it any longer and a vein bursts. I would also recommend you to avoid salt as much as possible, especially in food. You must also dress properly when you're outside so the fever won't come back."

"I will keep it in mind," muttered Harry sourly. He didn't know much about high blood pressure, but it didn't sound like a good thing.

"I'd say 'I hope to see you again,' but that wouldn't be very lucky would it?" said the doctor in a feeble attempt to joke. Harry just glared at him. The man should be happy he hadn't ended up like the other doctor who had checked Harry.

When the doctor had left Annie turned to Harry with a stern expression on her face. "Now, that wasn't too bad, was it? No need to be rude though, we _are _doing you a favor."

Harry opened his mouth but had to close it again when he was unable to think of something clever to say.

Annie just rolled her eyes and left the room, leaving Harry alone to his thoughts.

-

Harry stayed in his new room for a long time that evening, only leaving once to go to the bathroom. At some point he also fell asleep in his bed. He had only meant to rest for a while, but the bed was so soft he couldn't resist closing his eyes.

He woke up later by Annie entering his room again, but he stayed still and kept his eyes closed so she wouldn't ask him questions. Only after he knew she had gone to bed herself did he get up. He walked softly down the staircase in the dark, careful not to make any sound. He felt the way down with his hand on the rail.

The whole house was covered in blackness and as Harry already had a bad vision – even with his glasses – he didn't see much. Fortunately, he made it down without any incidents. The dark shadows in the corner of the room played tricks on his mind, making him want to do the whole thing quicker.

After putting on some shoes, he unlocked the front door and crept through it. The frosty winter night felt like needles against his almost naked skin, and he turned back and took one of Annie's jackets. It helped, but he was still freezing as he began to search the ground outside. The wand had to be there somewhere, it just had to, even though it had been a week since his arrival. What would he do if he lost it? He couldn't get himself a new one when he was a wanted man wherever he went.

Pausing, Harry did the only thing he could think of: _"Accio wand." _For a moment he didn't think it had worked, but suddenly the Dark Lord's wand came soaring through the air, right into his hand. He breathed a sigh of relief as the familiar feeling of power returned to him; his whole body shaking with anticipation and excitement. Lifting his hands to the stars in the sky in a moment of inspiration, he grinned widely. For the first time in a very long time, he felt some hope return to him.

-

For the next week he stayed in Annie's little compartment, trying to enjoy life as much as he could and recover. Even though his attempts seemed a little half-hearted at times – something Annie noticed – he resisted the urge to obliviate her. It felt rather nice to have company, even though she continued to be rude to him and make not – so – subtle hints that she could throw him out whenever she wanted to. Harry just smirked, he had come to realize that she enjoyed his company as well, at least compared to that _Luke Joans _guy. Luke Joans was a man that seemed harmless on the outside, but who would turn violent after a few drinks. When Annie had returned the morning after her little night with him, she had a bruise on her chin that she refused to tell where she got it from and was horribly tense. Harry wasn't stupid; he knew right away that Luke had hit her. However, even with that knowledge Harry did nothing to stop her from seeing him. It wasn't his problem what she decided to do with her life and he wasn't planning on staying with her for long anyway.

He had also begun a new hobby that he found entertaining and satisfying. At night, when he felt restless from all the build-up tension in his body, he would open the window and summon a bird. They were good toys to play with, and it wouldn't raise as much suspicion as playing with _humans _did.

The birds always put up a struggle, but after he had summoned them through his window and closed their only ways out, they had pretty much lost the chance of survival. Harry would first make them do funny things under the Imperious Curse, like flying full speed into the wall before tumbling to the ground. There – as the impact seldom injured them severely, just knocked them out – he liked to use the Cruciatus Curse on them, making them thrash and make ear-piercing, desperate sounds from their tiny throats. Then he would kill them with a carefully aimed Avada Kedavra. The Dark Arts had long since made him addicted and he was unable to stop doing them. It was the only thing that would let him sleep at night, instead of laying restless and shaking in his bed. After he was done he would open the window and throw the bird out, before he cleaned whatever mess the bird had inflicted in the room. After that he would remove the silencing charm he always had on the walls before summoning a bird, so Annie wouldn't wake up and come to investigate what was going on. That would most certainly create problems for him and he would have to do something about it.

As it was, that did not happen. Harry got to do it again and again without being discovered, for which he was glad. To his confusion, however, he had mysterious dreams about a girl he couldn't see, but obviously felt something for. It didn't make sense to him.

He could remember a few glances. He and that girl sitting a train, talking about something. He and that girl sitting in front of the fire, the girl stroking a ginger cat across its fur. He and that girl lying in a small meadow in a forest, looking at the stars. He could remember her saying something about the possibility of someone looking down at them. Then he remembered sitting on a fence with her, holding her soft hands. Even though he couldn't make out the outline of her face, he knew that something made her face shift from one colour to the other.

Red, blue, green...

Harry often had trouble sleeping because of that, but also because his mark tended to burn in the later hours of the day and would cause him headaches. He was sure Annie noticed the bags under his eyes and that he had little energy to do much, but she didn't mention it once.

Not that he expected her to.

She did, however, do the strangest thing he could remember someone doing for him:

She rented a DVD for Harry, and they sat on the couch for several hours, not saying a word, but just enjoying each other's presence.

All in all, Harry was glad he had run away. He shuddered to think of what would've happened to him if he hadn't. He knew things were far from over, however. He had a strong feeling that it was just the beginning of something big that would happen very soon. Like it was just the quiet before the storm.

If only he knew what to do about it.


	33. Owl Post

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me. Special thanks to Anna Rose for betaing and keeping me from making a big mistake.

-

Ch 33: **OWL POST**

Only in dreams

We see what it means

Reach out our hands

Hold on to hers

But when we wake

It's all been erased

And so it seems

Only in dreams

**(Only in Dreams by Weezer)**

While Harry was sitting in front of the television with Annie, another girl many miles away was trying to post a letter. She had been very careful with her wording, but the end result had been the same: a desperate plea for Harry to come back to Hogwarts and, more importantly, to her.

The girl had even taken extra care in including a portkey with the letter. She wanted Harry to be able to escape unnoticed from wherever he was as easy as possible. However, as no one knew exactly where Harry was and whether or not he would have a chance in using the portkey himself, they had to make sure it lead to a controlled area. For all they knew a Death Eater would take it. The portkey would therefore take Harry straight to Dumbledore's office, just in case.

Hermione hoped that Harry had managed to stay out of the Death Eaters grasp and that he was still alive. All this time since Halloween she had not been able to do anything but worry. She could stay awake a entire night without a problem. Even books didn't manage to capture her attention for long anymore.

When Harry had disappeared it was as though a part of her had disappeared too. She doubted she could ever go back to the way she was as long as Harry was missing, nor did she want to. She deserved to suffer after the way she had treated him.

However, the part of her that still cared was angry at Harry. Not for being taken by the Death Eaters, but for not coming back to her. The whole world knew he had escaped from Voldemort. She had a hard time believing he just couldn't find a way; he had come to Hogwarts in a flying car in his second year and now he even knew how to Apparate. It shouldn't be that difficult, so something had to be holding him back. Had she really hurt him so much that he didn't want to see her again?

Hermione's stomach made an unpleasant turn. If that was the case ... she doubted she could ever live with herself. Harry was her everything and she had been stupid to believe they needed a break. Looking back, she couldn't believe she had been so upset by McGonagall's words, where the Professor had said that Hermione hadn't done quite as well on her latest tests as she usually did.

"Come on now, Hedwig," coaxed Hermione to the snowy owl on her shoulders. Hedwig's amber eyes defiantly stared back at her. "Why won't you take it? It's for Harry!"

Hedwig flew from her shoulder and to the opposite wall of the room. Hedwig had never rejected Hermione before; actually the owl usually seemed quite fond of her. Hermione couldn't understand this sudden change.

"Please, Hedwig," said Hermione, near tears now. Did this mean Harry was dead after all? Had the reporters from the Daily Prophet made a mistake when they claimed they had seen Harry? She didn't know what to believe, but she knew she couldn't lose him all over again. Not when there was a chance that he could still be alive and that this letter could be all they needed to be reunited. She just couldn't lose Harry.

However, Hedwig was firm in not making it easy for Hermione to fasten the letter and flapped her wings stubbornly.

Hermione almost went frantic. She was now so angry and upset all at once that her face had a startling, deep red colour. "FINE THEN!" she cried, "I'll just give this letter to another owl then shall I?"

The owl blinked and seemed to consider her options. Hermione calmed down slightly.

-

_Harry was back in the Dark Lord's chamber. Harry recognized the room in all its glory, including the potion he had been forced to take in the corner. He was amazed by the fact that the potion no longer smelled so horrid. The sour smell had changed to be more bittersweet, almost tempting. He wondered if it would taste different if he had to take the rest sometime._

_Harry suddenly realized he was pointing his wand at a door quietly, waiting for something. He had other things on his mind at the moment. He couldn't let his attention wander. _

_The something was revealed when the door burst open and three men came in. Two of them were masked and muscular, dragging the third man between them carelessly. Harry recognized the pathetic looking man instantly._

"_Ah, Peter Pettigrew," said Harry, glaring at the man dangerously. He loathed betrayers and this man was the worst sort. The man whimpered and looked away, like he knew just what Harry was thinking. "You are the traitor who helped the boy out!"_

_The two masked guards threw Pettigrew down to the floor. The small form of the man stayed where he was, shaking pathetically. The whimpering soon changed to sobbing. Though, Harry had to admit, the man had a good reason to be afraid._

"_My Lord!" the man tried. "The boy forced me to! He had a life-debt over me, my Master, and I had to comply!"_

_Harry twirled the wand made of holly wood and phoenix feather between his fingers. He sighed. "Wormtail, Wormtail, Wormtail. You really do fit your name, do you not?"_

"_Master..."_

"_You have always been a rat."_

"_Please, Master..."_

"_Pity though, considering you were the one who helped me back to power. However, I have no use for you anymore. I cannot keep cowards here as much as I cannot keep traitors, and you fit the two options perfectly!"_

"_What – what are you gonna do to me?" squeaked Pettigrew, glancing up at Harry with very round, terrified eyes._

"_Why, I shall kill you of course," said Harry. He chuckled softly at the man's reaction. "Goodbye Wormtail. Avada-"_

"_Master – WAIT!"_

"–_Kedavra!" The green light left Harry's wand and hit the small man in the head. Pettigrew died instantly as his life was sucked out of his body with the curse. The silver hand vanished as well, like it was nothing more than a ghost._

-

Harry woke with a start. He lay panting in his bed for a while. His body was itching again, as though he really had used the Killing Curse only moments ago in his dream. His entire body was shaking with excitement and anticipation.

Harry forced his breathing to relax and even out. He really didn't want to get out of his bed and he knew that if he didn't calm down immediately he had to kill even more birds. He also noticed that his scar hurt a bit.

Harry closed his eyes and begged for sleep to come back for him. To his surprise, it did only after a few minutes.

-

Harry was amazed that he had managed to stay with Annie for so long without going crazy. It had been fifteen days since he had stumbled in her arms by accident. They didn't even get along all that great and they constantly snapped at each other. However, since when did Harry get along with anybody? In fact, if it hadn't been for Annie's tough and sometimes rude attitude, they would have gotten along even less. Harry knew where her boundaries lay and as long as he stayed outside of them she would respect his.

The 'movie night' as Annie had called it the night before had gone well and Harry had found himself enjoying it. It was a nice way to get his mind on other things. It wasn't exactly a very wizard-thing to do, but Harry found himself caring less and less. No wizard had found him yet and no one knew where he was. Usually it would just be him and Annie in the little compartment. As long as it stayed that way, he had no rush to find another place to live.

Harry soon discovered that she liked to party. Every Friday and Saturday night, she would leave the house with a bag full of alcoholic drinks and disappear. Harry enjoyed these nights because he could do whatever he wanted, but he couldn't help but feel that he missed out on some fun.

He watched with amusement every time she came home, very drunk but grinning from ear to ear and giggling like a little school girl. She was easy to handle then. However, one time she had been so drunk that Harry had been forced to hold her hair up while she puked over the sink. One night she didn't even come home until the day after. Harry guessed her boyfriend had something to do with that.

Harry stretched his muscles as he walked down the stairs at nine o'clock that morning. There was light in the kitchen and Annie sat by the table as he entered, sipping to her morning coffee.

"Hi," he said, getting a nod in return. He sat down in front of her. It took some time before either of them said anything.

"Sleep well?" she finally asked, setting the cup down at the table.

"Yes, but I had this weird dream," said Harry, thinking back.

"Oh? What about?"

Harry frowned slightly. He knew he couldn't tell her about the part where Pettigrew was killed, so he settled on telling her the other things he had dreamt that night. "That's just it. I can't remember much of it. I think it could be something from my former life though."

"Really?" asked Annie, sounding only mildly interested.

Harry didn't care. He just wanted to talk to someone about it. "I cannot understand it," he said. "I see myself dancing with someone ... everything was perfect. I remember she had her hair in a ponytail, a red top and a black skirt... yet, I cannot remember her face! It does not make any sense! Then I remember following her to someplace. She was very upset. That is where I woke up. I just ... wish I knew what it was all about. It can be important. It felt important."

Annie tapped the rim of the cup with her finger, thinking. "Sure it wasn't just a dream?"

"No," said Harry, already having thought about the possibility. "But I have dreamt of her before. I am beginning to think there is more to it."

"Hum," was all Annie said. She got up from the table, taking the cup with her. "Go make yourself some breakfast. I've already had some."

"Okay," said Harry and followed her into the kitchen. He took out a bowl, a box of corn cereal and some milk. He had quickly taken a liking to the simple and good way to start the day.

-

Later that day, Harry watched Annie as she prepared to go out. She had afternoon classes to attend to five days a week and after she was done there she usually went to her boyfriend. Harry noticed she didn't seem too eager to get going and she almost used an eternity putting on her jacket.

"You know," said Harry, "If you don't like him anymore, you could just break up."

Annie paused, her hands still buttoning on her jacket. She quickly bent down to put on her shoes. "That's none of your business. Even if it were, I wouldn't have time to stay and chat. I only have eight minutes before the bus leaves without me, and I need to hurry."

"Fair enough," said Harry, knowing Muggles depended on other ways of transportation than Wizards did. "Wouldn't it be cool to just _appear _wherever you wanted, whenever you wanted? Just like that?" he asked casually and snapped his fingers.

"Huh?" she looked questionably at him and tucked some blonde hair behind her ear with her fingers. "What are you talking about?"

"Just imagine how it would be like. You would never have to take another bus in your life."

"I s'pose. How do I look?" Annie shrugged and waited for his answer. Harry suddenly had a feeling there was more behind that question than what she made it sound like. She didn't look very different from what she normally did, but her jacket clung nicely to her body and she had a necklace with the letter 'A' around her neck. He decided on something safe.

"You look good. I don't think Luke will have any problems with it."

"Thanks," said Annie after a pregnant pause. "I'll be home by ten. Bye."

Harry watched her leave the house and went to shut the front door. He found himself standing on the same spot for a long time, deep in his thoughts. If he closed his eyes, he could practically see the girl from his dream, coming out from a bathroom. He could practically hear her asking him almost the same question Annie had just done while twirling around, making her brown hair flow around her neck elegantly.

"Beautiful," Harry echoed to himself. He suddenly knew he had to find this girl from his dream. There had to be a reason she would appear in his mind all the time.

If only he could remember her face.

Harry shook his head and forced his thoughts to return to the present. He knew he couldn't dwell with his past. He was still a Death Eater, but he could never return to his master. He would get killed instantly if he refused the potion. He could never offer himself to the weak and light side either, because there he was a wanted criminal. He laughed shortly when he thought what Annie would say if she knew she was keeping a wanted convict in her house.

Harry was glad Annie rarely brought her boyfriend back to her apartment. He knew it wasn't his business, but he didn't like seeing them together. It made him uneasy. Luke Joans never treated her well. Despite the harsh nature Harry was used to with the Death Eaters, he knew she deserved better.

-

After she had left, Harry went up to the room he began to think of as his to relax a little. However, he had only laid there for a couple of minutes when he was interrupted by a knock on the window. He turned his head and his eyes widened in amazement.

An owl? For him?

His heart began racing as he quickly drew his wand. It had to be a trap, it just had to be. He didn't know anyone who would send him an owl without having something to gain from it.

The owl was white and pretty. Harry instinctually knew it was a female. He still hadn't opened his window to let the owl in, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Perhaps doing a quick search over the letter would be a good idea?

His nerves on high alert, Harry opened the window with a spell and the owl flew in before landing on his bed, sticking out its leg and hooting softly. Harry didn't move, but instead raised his wand to do another spell.

First he checked the letter for Dark Arts, but couldn't find anything. He was surprised, however, when he realized it had a hidden portkey in it. Harry gritted his teeth in anger and felt his blood boil.

_Did they really think he was that stupid? _It was an insult to his intelligence!

Deciding it was not too early in the day for a little fun, Harry closed the window again with a _snap. _Then he turned to the owl, who's amber eyes widened in fear. Harry grinned.

"What do you have for me little one?" He raised his wand, deciding what to do first. "Finite Incantatum!" The spell destroyed the portkey with a loud crack that sent the both of them jumping in the air. The owl, however, did not return to the bed but instead to Harry's shoulder, nibbling his ear.

Harry quickly brushed her off with his arms. "Get off Hedwig!" he snapped angrily. Who did this stupid bird think it was anyway? Owls weren't supposed to behave like that. They were supposed to deliver the letter and then fly off again. He would be better off if he killed it.

Harry raised his wand again, trying to decide if he should torture or simply kill it right away. The owl's muscles tensed but the creature didn't move.

"You are not like most birds, are you?" asked Harry, not lowering his wand. By the way the owl glared back with its amber eyes made Harry think that he had said something to offend it.

Only then did he realize he had called the owl by name. The shock made him drop his wand.

"Hedwig, was it?" he breathed. Was it possible? Was he finally starting to remember things?

The owl hooted happily and flew back to his shoulder. Harry noticed how careful she was to not hurt him with her talons. He remembered the owls around the Stone Edge and how they seemed to be trained in how to make it hurt as much as possible.

"Pretty name. Whoever named you must have a good taste." Harry stroked her beak hesitantly. The owl seemed to agree with what he had said because she rubbed her head against Harry's neck.

"Stop that," he told the owl. "Bellatrix would never leave me alone if she saw this. You have no idea how annoying she can be."

Harry suddenly remembered Hedwig had brought a letter with her. Frowning, he freed her leg off the parchment. Other than the portkey he had cancelled, the letter didn't seem to have been tampered with.

Harry returned to his bed and sat down. The owl didn't leave his shoulder. It was like she had decided to never let him off her sight again.

Harry opened the letter and started to read.


	34. A Girl Named Hermione

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Special thanks to Anna Rose!

-

Ch34: **A GIRL NAMED HERMIONE **

The hand that wrote this letter

Sweeps the pillow clean

So rest your head and read a treasured dream

I care for no one else but you

I tear my soul to cease the pain

I think maybe you feel the same

What can we do?

I'm not quite sure what we're supposed to do

So I've been writing just for you

**(Letter to Hermione by David Bowie **– sorry, I couldn't resist!)

_Dear Harry,_

_First of all, I hope you are all right. I can't even begin to imagine what you must have gone through. Snape showed Ron and I a little of ... your situation in a Pensieve and it looked terrible. It breaks my heart to know that what I saw only was a small part of it and that you have suffered for _so_ long with the Death Eaters._

_Everybody told me I had to prepare myself for the fact that I may never see you again. I refused to believe all hope was lost, however. I know you, you're a fighter. A real hero. If anybody can survive it's you. The thing is, when the mirror you gave me stopped working I had no choice but to believe you had died. I didn't know what to do. I'm nothing without you._

_Recently I saw an article about you in the Daily Prophet. They claimed they had seen you in Diagon Alley and that you are still alive. Of course, we both know that we have to take everything_ that_ paper says with a grain of salt, but so many saw you that day. I actually went there to ask around. Even Tom was certain he had seen you, even though you looked very different from what you used to. (I must admit I'm a little worried about that.) Another person I talked to assured me that he had even seen your scar. It must mean you are still alive, so I don't know what happened to the mirror. It's still not working._

Harry only understood half of what the letter said.Yes, he had been with the Death Eaters for a long time, but he hadn't suffered all that much from what he could remember. Except from the potion, there wasn't much to complain about being the Dark Lord's Heir. He had also been in Diagon Alley, but only for a short time because he had been trying to get away from the Death Eaters and the Aurors. The person who had written the letter made it sound like he or she knew him. He refused to believe the letter had been sent to the wrong person so that meant it had to be someone from his former life.

Harry almost bounced in his bed from excitement, but a part of him couldn't help feeling suspicious. He continued reading.

_Here at Hogwarts things seem to be just the way they have always been for the untrained eye, but it's not. It's simply not the same without you. The tension has been thick ever since you got taken, but it's better now as people know you are still out there somewhere. Draco does his best to take control over the DA. I think he frightens the other students. He's much worse than Zacharias Smith! No one (except Ron, Ginny and I) dare to fight him anymore. He uses a lot of dirty tricks all the time. Now that can be a great way to learn tactics, but the DA is faltering. Fewer and fewer show up at the meetings. We're not a team anymore._

_Ron and I argued a lot in the beginning after you were taken. We seem to have reached a sort of understanding now though. We're not what we used to be but we're friends._

_Sorry, I'm babbling. Just thought you may be interested in what's going on here. I suppose I should get to the reason I'm writing this letter in the first place._

_I miss you terribly. Please come back. We need you. I don't know what to do without you. I'm really sorry for the way I treated you that night. You must think I'm a horrible person. You didn't deserve it and I shouldn't have said what I said. I should've known that Lestrange wouldn't be the only one they would send to get you. I should've stayed with you as I said I would. I don't think I can ever forgive myself. I beg you, give me another chance and come back. Use the portkey I added with this letter. Come back to me. Please._

_I know we can win this war if you do. I know we can fight anything as long as we're together._

_With all my heart,_

_Hermione_

Harry didn't know what to feel or what to believe. The name Hermione did sound familiar to him, but he had no idea from where. It could be the same girl as the one from his dream, but where was the chance in that? He wondered if this girl meant Bellatrix or Rodolphus when she said that 'Lestrange had come for him.' That had to be when the Dark Lord had sent for him. What Harry didn't understand was if the Dark Lord had done more to get him or if Harry had come by his own free will. He thought he had, but the letter made it sound as though they getting him had been a bad thing.

What Harry did realize, however, was that he had been to Hogwarts before he arrived at Stone Edge. He knew that was the place where the children of many Death Eaters went. Harry wondered if he was close friends with any of them, or if this Hermione girl was or would be a Death Eater as well. She hadn't told him her last name. Her parents could be anyone.

There was another letter as well. Only that one was from another person and wasn't nearly as long. The handwriting wasn't as neat as Hermione's either, so Harry figured it had to be a male.

_Hi Harry._

_How are you? I guess that's a stupid question. Of course you're not all right. I'm just not as good on this stuff as Hermione is. You're my best pal and I hope you come back. We have a game of chess to finish._

_Sorry I didn't know what else to say. I'd rather talk to you in person._

_Ron._

Harry sighed. If anything he was even more confused. He had no idea who this 'Ron' person was either.

He decided to write a reply back to the both of them.

_Hermione and Ron,_

_I have no idea what you are talking about. Please explain._

_Harry._

He turned to Hedwig who was still resting on his shoulder.

"Take this back for me girl. I don't care who gets it." The owl gave the letter Harry had in his hand an ugly look, like she would rather eat fruit than deliver it. She turned her head and stared defiantly the other way.

"Do not be a baby. You are an owl and owls are supposed to deliver letters!" The owl cleaned her feathers for a moment with a disgruntled expression, but in the end she gave in and stuck out her foot.

"See? That was not so difficult, now was it?" Harry rose from his bed and opened the window. "Here you go. Now go on."

When Hedwig refused, Harry took a firm grip with both hands under her body and threw her out the window. The owl dropped a few feet, but quickly regained control and continued her mission.

Harry laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time. He wondered slightly if he had two versions of himself. One that longed to cause pain and have as much power as possible and another part who longed after making things right and be accepted by the people around him. It seemed to be affected by his mood, but the problem was that his mood was just about as predictable as the weather. It could be sunny one day and rainy and stormy the next without warning.

The thing that confused Harry the most was definitely himself.

-

-

By midnight Harry started to worry about Annie. She had promised to come home two hours ago and she usually rang if she changed her mind. Of course, Harry knew there was a possibility that she had simply forgotten about it or decided she didn't need to tell him everything she decided to do in her free time, but it would be very unlike her. He hoped her boyfriend hadn't done anything to hurt her. If she disappeared Harry had no one to go to and he rather enjoyed her company.

She rarely asked him questions about his past and if she did Harry knew she would have the right to know. She never asked him to do something out of the ordinary and she seemed to know when he needed to be alone. She respected him without being scared. If he acted like a selfish brat she would tell him so. It was good to know where he had her. It made him feel like he had some control over the situation he was in.

Harry finally heard Annie arrive half past twelve. He pondered a moment whether or not he should say hello to her or pretend he was sleeping, but in the end he decided he wanted to know why she had been so late.

Apparently, Annie wasn't doing all that great. She had a angry, lavender colour mark in her cheek and Harry realized she was going to have an ugly bruise. That Luke Joans guy really had the nerve to hit her in the face?

"Annie?"

When she saw she was not alone she quickly turned her face away from him. "Hi, sorry I'm late," she replied, breathing deeply as though she was trying very hard not to sob. She fumbled with her purse as though she was looking for something, but Harry suspected she only did it to keep her hands occupied.

Harry didn't buy it, but he also didn't know what to say her. Was this really his problem? Was it his responsibility now, to make sure she was all right since she had done the same for him?

When Harry thought about it, he realized that it was his responsibility now. He owed her his life for taking him in. It was like an unofficial life-debt. He wouldn't die if he didn't repay it because she was a Muggle, but he felt as though he had to do something. It was below him as a wizard not to do so.

"I'll go to bed soon," whispered Annie, still with her back to him. "You don't have to wait up."

"Lord," breathed Harry. "What did he do to you?"

Annie stiffened. "Nothing. We had a row that's all."

"He hit you, did he not?" said Harry, not really asking.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"I will kill him," said Harry, meaning it.

"-_but _I broke up with him like you suggested," finished Annie, ignoring what Harry had said. Harry noticed her voice quivered slightly when she continued. "I realized it couldn't keep going the way it had. That doesn't matter now though. It's not like he'll have the chance to do anything anymore."

"Okay," said Harry. "But he better not bother you again. Or me for that matter."

"He said I wouldn't get rid of him that easily," replied Annie hesitantly. "He was quite angry. It sounded like a threat, though on the other hand he often says things he doesn't mean." She had stopped searching her purse. Instead she turned around and was looking at Harry with a rather odd expression.

"What?" he asked.

"Thank you. For being here. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Me neither," Harry confessed. He knew he had changed in the short time he had been in West London. He suddenly had a reason to care about other things than himself and the Dark Lord's wishes. He suddenly found himself incapable to hurt an owl he could barely remember the name of. Harry felt a cold shiver run down his back. Did that make him weak? Would that make him an easy target?

Maybe it was his way to rebel against the Dark Lord. He could still feel the affect the potion had on him, like something was waiting for him in the back of his mind. However, as long as it didn't grow stronger he knew he was more than capable of controlling it. He would not succumb to the darkness, to nothing.

Harry cleared his throat and looked Annie square in the eye. "Would it not be wonderful to have _something _to protect yourself with? _Something _that you can use as a weapon if you wish, only it is not a gun. Would it not be wonderful to give Luke a little bit of his own medicine? How much would you hurt him to feel you have given him an appropriate punishment?" Harry didn't know why he was asking her these questions, but found himself waiting anxiously on her answer.

Annie was looking at him with a slightly suspicious glint in her eye. "I wouldn't kill him if that's what you want to know. I'd be tempted to cut off his manly pride though. Maybe that'll cut his ego down a notch. But I'm not sure what kind of weapon you're talking about. There's lots of things you can protect yourself with, but it's not common to carry those items wherever you go."

"You should have something," said Harry seriously. "You never know when you may need it. You may not know it, but we are living in very uncertain times. There is a war going on between two different groups in our society."

"Were you from one of these groups?" asked Annie quietly. Harry realized that his attempt on getting her mind on other things were only half working and that she was still thinking about it. Either that, or it was her way to try to know more about his past.

On the bright side, she was not crying.

"Yes, I was," Harry finally replied. "That is why I know. I just want you to be prepared in case something happens."

Annie walked over to him then, suddenly, and placed a warm palm on his cheek. "You are sweet. I am really glad I took you in." She removed her hand again. Harry noticed her eyes were very blue, especially in the dark. She looked a little uncertain.

"Can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone. Not after what _he _did."

Harry hesitated only for just a moment. His mind immediately returning to the way Bellatrix had tried to seduce him. It had been a fun game, but very dangerous. This was very different. This was _Annie. _A girl that had saved him. Now it was his turn to return the favour.

Harry smiled at her, suddenly feeling a little shy. "Yes."

Annie gave him a quick, grateful hug. "Thank you! Let me just brush my teeth and I'll be right up."

-

It was weird not to sleep in the same bed as he had been sleeping in the last weeks, Harry concluded as he laid down beside Annie, who let one of her arms rest across his chest.

Annie's bed was much larger than his and she had different sheets with a large, knitted blanket over the both of them. Her curtains were knitted too and the walls were filled with pictures and paintings. She had told him a quick story about how she used to draw when she was younger and how she never seemed to find the time anymore. Harry thought they were quite good and had told her so, but she had brushed it off like it was nothing.

For some reason, Harry thought the walls missed bookshelves. It seemed natural to him that every room should have at least one set of school books. Besides, books could give him a better idea of who Annie was as a person. He had began to know her quite well of course, but he didn't know any of her secrets and he didn't know simple stuff as her favourite colour.

It didn't take long before Annie was fast asleep. She breathed heavily, but otherwise she didn't make a sound. She let her hand support her head, only using a small corner of the pillow to sleep on.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. He was feeling like a mess again with all that was going on in his life. The few things he did remember only served to confuse him. He wondered if normal people like Annie ever felt the way he did. He supposed they could all be uncertain about their futures and afraid their boyfriends may hit them, but could it really be compared?

Harry didn't think so.

-

Harry never slept well that night and he opened his eyes before Annie did. He had a lot of unwanted, dark energy in him. He knew he had forgotten to get some of that energy out before he went to bed and now he was paying for it. He found himself tired, restless and sweating. The cold ball in his stomach forcefully reminded him that he should have taken action a long time ago. Harry bit down on the pillow as hard as he could. He couldn't start cursing birds in Annie's room and from the sight of it he was not getting out of his position easily.

Harry noticed that Annie's pillow was now completely abandoned and was laying on the floor. Instead she was using _him _as a pillow and had tangled her smooth legs neatly between his. Harry doubted he could move without waking her, but he tried anyway.

So much for the effort. As soon as he had struggled himself out of Annie's bed without waking her, Annie's cell phone rang. She turned and reached for it – still half asleep – and pushed down the little green button.

"Hello?" she asked groggily, her voice barely recognizable. Suddenly she sat up a little straighter. "What? No!" She suddenly adapted a scared expression and her eyes became rather wild. "Absolutely not! ... you wouldn't dare!"

Harry watched her, unmovingly. She had yet to realize he was there.

"What do you mean with 'You'll wait and see?' What part of 'bugger off' don't you understand? NO! As a matter of fact, I'm visiting Christina tonight! ... that's none of your business. You had your chance and you ruined it. Don't blame me for it and don't ever call me again!" Annie hung up the phone and in a fit of anger she threw her phone away. It hit the wall with an audible crash and fell apart, its pieces flying everywhere.

"It was _him, _was it not?" asked Harry unnecessary, eying her cautiously. Annie started.

"Oh gosh, you scared me!" she seemed to sober up a little and eyed her now ruined phone with a regretful look. "Yes, it was Luke. He's such a git. Thank God it's Friday."

"Oh well," said Harry, thinking that it didn't really matter for him as he didn't go outdoors anyway. He only stayed in the house; sometimes with Annie, sometimes with a couple of birds, sometimes alone.

Annie seemed to know what he was thinking. "Hey, why don't you come along tonight? You haven't met Christina yet, have you?"

Now it was Harry's turn to be surprised. "What? _Oh. _No I have not, and yes I would love to come with you." Annie flashed him a bright smile. Harry smiled back carefully.

"Brilliant! We leave at six o'clock this afternoon. Make sure to be ready by then! I only have three hours of classes today so it shouldn't be a problem. What do you want to drink?"

"Drink?" asked Harry, but almost immediately realized she had to mean alcohol. "Oh. I do not need anything."

"Don't be stupid," said Annie, looking annoyed. "What do you want?"

Harry fidgeted for a moment. "I suppose a bottle of wine is satisfactory."

"Any special kind?" asked Annie distractedly, no longer sounding annoyed as she took some clothes out of her wardrobe and put them on right in front of him. Harry tried not to be too distracted, but it was rather hard. It wasn't everyday he had a girl changing clothes right in front of him!

Harry wondered if he was supposed to look away or not. Didn't she want him to see her when she changed right in front of him?

"Does not matter really," he mumbled. "Buy one you like."

"All right," said Annie, pulling on some dark blue jeans. She suddenly noticed his gaze on her and winked at him. Harry stared back at her with a challenging look, cursing himself mentally for putting him in that position. Looking away was a sign of weakness and she probably knew it too.

Or else she was _definitely _getting the wrong idea.

When Annie was done dressing, she grabbed her makeup purse and headed for the bathroom. However, when she walked past Harry she slowed her walk ever-so-little, letting her hand slide across his chest lightly before continuing on her way. Harry shot her an incredulous look she didn't notice and sat back down on her bed.

"Bloody hell!" he muttered to himself, shaking his head. Was _every_ girl that crazy? That flirting, that devious, that unpredictable?

Harry chuckled to himself. Here he was, the former Heir of the Dark Lord, sitting on a bed in a Muggle house with a Muggle girl wondering if this girl was completely out of her mind. Something was very wrong with that picture. On top of that, he noticed he was shivering like he was suffering from fever. He knew he had to use Dark Arts and he had to use it now.

Harry eventually got up from his bed and bent down to pick up his shirt and wand. He never noticed Annie returning before she was standing right in front of him. Harry started and the wand fell down to the floor again with the shirt on top of it, fortunately blocking it from Annie's sight.

"You seem awfully tense," said Annie, reaching up to massage his head. Harry tensed automatically, something that did nothing to dismiss her suspicions about him being tense.

"I am fine," Harry insisted, but Annie was having none of it. Before he could think of a way to gently get her mind on other things she had placed herself behind him and was working with her hands on his back.

At first it was very painful and Harry wondered to himself why people would ever request for a massage. Then, however, he felt himself relax. It felt rather good actually – he could practically feel his blood stream ease and the knots on his back loosening.

Annie made a disapproving sound in the back of her throat. "If I didn't knew better I'd say you'd never had an massage in your life, this is practically _dreadful, _you're nothing but knots and knots and knots and knots..."

Harry gave a mental shrug and ignored her voice. How could he know if he ever had a massage or not? As far as he knew he hadn't. What Annie did to his neck and back didn't feel familiar at all.

Harry surprised himself when he felt a low moan escape his throat and his eyes widened in surprise. _Moaning was unacceptable! Another sign of weakness! If he did that in the Dark Lord's presence, he would get punished. _

Annie didn't seem to notice him moaning, or she found it completely normal. Harry smirked. To _Obliviate _her because of something like that would be comical to look back at.

"There," said Annie. "Feel better now?"

Harry nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem." Annie flashed him another bright smile before trotting out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen. Harry picked up the Dark Lord's wand and went to the bedroom he was accustomed to. There, he silenced the room, opened the window and summoned a bird.

-

The day went by in a flash. Before Harry knew it, it was time to go to Annie's friend Christina. Harry had small regrets about the whole thing. It wasn't for a small reason that he stayed in Annie's house all day. What if a Death Eater or an Auror spotted him? What would he do then?

Annie found Harry a white shirt and some black jeans. Harry liked the clothes, they fit him and made him look older somehow. It would also be easier for him to blend in the Muggle society, an advantage he could need.

Harry tried not to complain too much when Annie attacked his hair with a comb. It was a lost cause and they both knew it, but that didn't stop Annie from trying.

"Doesn't it _ever _lay flat?" she muttered, dragging him to the bathroom where she took a handful of water and splashed it over his head.

"I just took a shower," muttered Harry. "You do not need to make it wet all over again."

Annie made a growling sound in the back of her throat and combed his hair rougher. Harry wondered if she was ever that careless with her own hair, but by the look of her long, smooth hair it was rather doubtful. She was wearing dark blue jeans and a dark green top that fit her figure nicely. On the top of her head she wore a black, feminine hat. Her hair was neatly hanging on her sides.

Harry's thoughts drifted back to the letter he had received the day before. He wanted to know who Hermione was. He was curious about this Ron guy too, but Ron's letter had been so short while Hermione's had been so much longer. More personate and more intimate. He was certain he knew that girl from somewhere and she obviously knew things about him that he didn't know himself. Perhaps if he met her he could learn some new things about his past?


	35. Live or Die Trying

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

-

Ch 35: **LIVE OR DIE TRYING**

In the paper today

tales of war and of waste

but you turn right over to the TV page

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

We know they won't win

**(Don't Dream It's Over – Crowded House)**

Harry and Annie arrived at Christina's house an hour later. Her house was quite larger than Annie's as she was still living with her parents, who were away for the weekend. As soon as the girls saw each other they squealed and hugged fiercly. Harry shrugged off his jacket, hung it on its proper place and kicked off his shoes. He double-checked to make sure that he still had his wand in his left sleeve.

The girls broke apart and Christina helped Annie carry the shopping bags into the kitchen. Annie threw Harry a beer.

"Here," she said, "enjoy yourself."

Harry grabbed the can with ease, but did not open it. He frowned of the idea of getting drunk; he'd seen how it had affected other Death Eaters. The alcohol always affected them in the same way – they would get childish, loud and clumsy. They would also get a poor judgement and a bad arm when throwing spells. Harry had no desire for that to happen to him. Instead he went out to the living room and saw modern looking furnitures, a black couch and a glass table. It also had a very flat wide-screen and a exclusive music stereo system. Against his will Harry found himself admiring the Muggle technology. Looking around more closely he saw several pictures on the wall; a wedding picture and a few pictures of the other living humans in the house. He also found a few pictures of what had to be Christina and wondered if he had had pictures like that in the house he had grown up in.

"There'll be more people in a moment," Christina reassured with a shy smile as she entered the room and saw Harry looking at the pictures. She must be thinking he was bored.

"That is fine," replied Harry absentmindly. In truth he didn't like the thought of them having company in case there were any wizards among them. Wizards would recognize him in a heartbeat.

Christina looked over him searchingly but finally settled on saying: "Tell me if you need anything. I'll be in the kitchen with Annie."

"Sure," said Harry, not looking at her. His mind was back on the letters he had recieved the day before. He wondered how much time the owl needed to fly to and back with a reply.

Harry's train of thoughts halted when he heard his name being mentioned from the kitchen. His ears perked up and he walked softly closer to the wall. The voices were not loud, but just audible enough for Harry to hear.

"_I don't know Annie. Something seems off about him."_

A sigh. _"You don't know him. He can be really sweet."_ Harry wrinkled his nose. _Sweet? _They weren't talking about him were they?

"_How much do you know about him anyway?"_  
_"I know enough,"_ came the affronted answer. _"Look, I know you are merely looking after me. But I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. He hasn't done anything to hurt me, and more importantly, he respects me. His looks aren't too bad either-"_

A snicker. _"You can be so single-minded it's comical."_

"_Hey!"_ the voice that clearly belonged to Annie rose a little. "_What about you? You have done lots of things yourself! Do I need to remind you of the time when you--"_

"_Yeah yeah. No need to bring _that_ up again! We all know what happened. Besides, we're talking about you now. What are your plans for the evening?"_

A pause. "_My plan is to give him a few drinks and see what happens. I've caught him looking at me – I know he's interested."_

"_Really? You've never told me about that."_

"_That's because of Luke. I couldn't act upon it while I was with him. Now, however…"_

"_Hush,_" interrupted Christina's voice. "_Don't want him to hear us would you?"_ Harry bent a little closer and pressed his ear against the wall so he could hear better. They _were _talking about him! Christina's voice continued. "_Anyway, if you really like him as a friend, it's not fair of you to use him to get over Luke. You know that_. _It'll be stupid to do anything to risk that."_

"_But I'm not!"_

Silence.

"_If you say so. Come on, before he comes looking for us--"_

Harry retreated, his head spinning with thoughts. He wasn't sure what he thought about what he had just heard. Annie wanted to use him to get over Luke? He hadn't thought about that possibility.

Sitting down on the couch, Harry considered the still unopened can of beer he held in his hand. He knew he wouldn't get drunk by one only and if he didn't drink it they would suspect he had heard what they had been talking about. Harry opened it. Perhaps he could simply empty it in a nearby plant –

Someone knocked on the window behind him and he turned abruptly. There was that white owl again. The one he somehow knew was called Hedwig. Harry quickly rose from the couch and let the bird in silently. She was carrying a new letter in her talons and looked very worn and tired, like she had flown for days without stopping. The moment she reached Harry she flew to his shoulder and rubbed her head against his ear. At the same time Harry could hear the girls mumbling something back in the kitchen and knew he had to be quick. They could come out any time and an owl with a letter would be hard to explain.

Harry tore open the letter and skimmed through it quickly. It was from the Hermione girl again, asking to meet him, no sooner than by the Leaky Cauldron the very next day. Harry didn't know what to answer, nor did he have the time to write a reply. Quickly he led the bird over to the window and whispered:

"Now, go on Hedwig. We cannot let the Muggles see you!"

The owl hooted softly in indignance, letting him know how rude he was to not even offer her something to drink or an owl treat. Harry didn't care; he simply threw her out of the window. He closed it just as Annie and Christina came back. Annie looked at him and the window questionly with her eyebrows slightly raised. Harry shrugged and told them he had wanted some air.

Both sent him a charming smile that only resulted in making Harry even more suspicious, though he didn't show it.

Annie sat down beside him, sitting very close in Harry's opinion. Someone knocked on the front door with loud cheers and Christna went to open. Annie winked at Harry and opened a beer of her own. They toasted and Harry found himself forced to take a drink. He didn't really mind the taste – he minded the effect it would have on him if he drank too much. He was comforted, however, with the feel of the wand on his left forearm. The dark mark underneath stung a little, but not badly. It was merely a constant reminder that the Dark Lord was waiting impatiently for him to get back.

In a matter of minutes, a number of people had entered Christina's house. Harry gladly accepted another beer so that he had something to do and would not look out of place. The risk he was taking and what could happen if someone recognized him was constantly gnawing in the back of his mind. Annie shifted and sat down on his lap. Harry looked up at her with surprise.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

Harry suddenly felt he had two arms too many and he didn't know what to do with them. He hesitantly planted them on her thighs. That way he could stop her from getting any closer. She was way too close already and after what he had heard from the kitchen, he had a good idea what she wanted to try. Harry sighed, knowing he had to answer something. "Just a letter I recieved last night."

"From who? And how did they know my adress?"

Harry shrugged, his normal response whenever he didn't know what to say. She wouldn't believe him if he told her an owl had delivered it to him anyway. "Um—"

Harry was supposed to say something more, but was interrupted when Annie suddenly leaned forward and kissed him.

To say that the kiss erupted hidden feelings, created fireworks or anything of that sort would be a lie. In Harry's opinion, the kiss contained no romantic feelings, only shock and confusion. For Annie's part, it was like she was trying to prove something. If it was for him, Christina or herself Harry didn't know. She wasn't a bad kisser – not at all – but Harry had a strong feeling that her heart wasn't in it.

_So why was she kissing him?_

The best he could say about the kiss was that it was short. Harry sat frozen to the couch. Even though his eyes had closed automatically, he still felt like a total idiot. Like he was completely inexperienced, which he knew he wasn't.

Annie had moved her mouth from his lips and was now resting her chin on his shoulder, hugging herself to him softly. Harry held her; trying to look at the turn of events in a new way. He couldn't remember having to protect someone other than himself, but he liked it. He liked that she needed him and he liked having someone to care for. It made him feel less hollow. Less alone.

-

They spent two more hours at Christina's. Soon, however, everyone began to move out the front door. Most of them were going to a pub or somewhere underground to drink and party. Harry had began to feel slightly tipsy himself from the alcohol, but it was nothing more than what he could handle. He was probably the most sober guy in the whole group.

Annie and Harry was the last ones to go. Christina trusted Annie enough to let her have her own key to the apartment. Annie had been searching for her jacket in all the mess in the hall. When she finally found it she had let out an annoyed sight. Her black coat had been laying on the floor and had clearly been stepped on because it had a visible, grey foot print on its back. Annie had refused to leave until the mark had been removed and Christina had to catch the bus. Harry and Annie were going elsewhere and had ordered a cab.

When everything was in order, Annie smiled at Harry. She was no doubt pondering about his lack of response when they had kissed. Harry shrugged and refused to meet her eye properly. Annie shrugged too, opened the door and stepped outside. Harry followed, but stumbled into her when she stopped dead.

"Oh no." Annie turned abruptly and forcefully shoved Harry back inside. The sudden movements nearly made him fall.

"What is the matter?" he asked, looking at her concerned face.

"That car belongs to Luke," she said, her mouth and hands trembling. "I don't know what he's doing here, but I don't like it ... I don't like it at all! Oh Harry, please don't let him see me..."

"Hush," said Harry, wrapping an arm around her. He had a feeling there was something he ought to tell her, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what. "It is all right," he mumbled as soothingly as he could. The words felt weird on his tongue. "He will not see you. I will make sure of it. Come on now."

"I – I can't..."

"Sure you can. You are safe with me," insisted Harry, still with the nagging feeling in the back of his mind. "Come on-"

"He'll see us! He's dangerous Harry – you have no idea what he is capable of!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Oh please. He cannot be worse than what I have dealt with. Tell you what," he said, reaching for his wand and showing it to her. "Nothing can beat this. Do you believe in magic?"

Annie blinked at him. "Huh?"

"Magic," repeated Harry as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "This is a wand and it can protect us. I am a wizard."

Annie stared at him for a moment. Then she bursted out laughing. "Yeah right! And I'm Santa!" She swayed for a moment and Harry held her a little tighter to keep her from falling.

They were alone in the house now. Everyone had gone outside. Harry knew they should get going right away so Annie wouldn't have a chance to finish the plan she had talked about earlier to "seduce" him. At his state Harry wasn't sure he minded, but he knew he would regret it later. He had no feelings for the girl and he knew he couldn't stay with her forever either. Still, he wanted to get her out of the house and he felt he could prove to her that what he was telling was true. He wasn't sure about the rules concerning muggles and magic, but who would know about it anyway?

"I am serious. Here, let me show you."

Annie laughed harder. Harry sighed and tapped her head with his wand, promptly using a Disillusionment charm on her. She shivered when the cold sensation went down her back, but she didn't notice she had turned nearly invisible herself.

"Do not freak out, all right?" said Harry and did the same to himself. Annie abruptly stopped laughing and her eyes flickered around the small room uncertainly. He could feel her hold on him tighten as though she wondered how she could feel him but not see him.

"I am right here," he said softly. He could only see her if he concentrated. "We have merely turned invisible for the unsuspecting eye."

Annie was shaking. "What have you done to me? Why can't I see myself? I'm gone!"

"I used a Disillusionment charm on us so Luke would not see."

"This ... this is ... oh Harry, I can't even pretend to understand! Are you really a wizard? Is this really magic? Am I merely dreaming?"

"You are not dreaming," reassured Harry, starting to get impatient. "Now let's get going!"

Annie nodded numbly beside him. Gently he guided her out the door and down the street. Passing Luke Joans without him noticing was easy, but still filled Harry with excitement and an urge to curse the guy.

"You know," said Annie when they were safely out of reach. They had ended the Disillusionment charm and found a cab. "This magic thing is wicked!"

Unknown to them, Aurors from the Ministry appeared in Christina's house minutes later. One of them them was Nymphadora Tonks, another was an undercover Death Eater named Brian Stick. Both were eager to get back to their leaders and tell them that Harry Potter's magic had been tracked and that he was in the neighbourhood. Things were about to happen, and it would affect a lot of people.

-

Annie and Harry had taken a cab as soon as they were safely out of Luke's reach. They stopped the cab when they were just a couple of blocks away because they would have had to take another long route to get around, and they didn't have enough money for that. Annie thanked the driver, faced Harry and took his hand. They started walking down down the dark street that smelled fresh with rain. He still felt warm and fuzzy from the alcohol. That, combined with the quiet street and the fresh smell, gave Harry a sense of calm he hadn't felt in a long time.

A sign nearby lit the street in front of them with neon light. It was a restourant named _'Partner at Hand' _that felt vagually familiar to Harry. He had to stop for a moment when he reached a certain fence in the front.

"What is it, Harry?" asked Annie. "The nightclub is just around the corner."

It took a while before Harry answered. He was trying to remember where he had seen that fence before. "Nothing," he said at last. "Let's go."

When Annie had said the nightclub was just around the corner, she hadn't exaggerated. It was, in fact, the same building, only on the other side. Harry could hear the music now; just audible, and he could feel the rythm in the air if he paid attention to it. Annie kept a firm grip on his arm as they faced the guard on the front.

"ID please," said one of them until he recognized Annie. "Oh, it's you. Come on in." Annie smiled and moved past. She turned and waited for Harry.

"ID please," said the guard again.

"Er-" Harry began, but Annie interrupted.

"He's with me and he's almost nineteen. Now please let him through."

The guard raised his chin speculateively and looked down at them. Harry didn't feel threathened, after all, he was the one with a wand. The guard looked ready to argue, but Harry quietly slipped his wand out of his sleeve and casted _Imperio. _

_Let me through, _ordered Harry through the invisible link they temporarely shared. _And find me if anyone comes to search for me or ask you unusual questions._

The guard nodded stupidly and stepped aside. Harry smirked and followed the slightly shocked Annie.

"What did you just do?" she whispered, just outside the door in. Harry looked at her innocently.

"Do? Me? Nothing."

Annie rolled her eyes. "If you think that look can fool me you are sorely mistaken."

Harry didn't bother to comment and simply opened the door, feeling the sound of the music hit his face with a force he never knew existed.

-

The next hour flew past as though it had never existed. They didn't do much else than move to the music and dance. Once they went up to the disk to buy some more beer and once they went to the bathroom.

It was on the second time they parted to do their business that they ran into trouble. When Harry got out from the men's room, he saw two muscular men blocking Annie's way out.

She was a little unsteady on her feet and kept looking at them uncertainly. A stranger would think she was calm, but Harry recognized her stiff attitude and darting eyes as a sign of nervousness.

"Excuse me," she tried, and began to squeeze her way through them.

"Not so fast, you," said one of them and grabbed her by her shoulder. "Why don't you come with us for a while?"

"No ... my boyfriend is waiting," she mumbled, trying to get ouf of his grip.

"But your boyfriend is not here, is he?" one of them said. "He won't even notice."

"Wait Earnie," the other one said. "This is Luke Joan's girlfriend."

Annie froze but they didn't seem to notice. The one who held Annie in a death grip paused and looked down at her. There was quite a height difference. He said: "Luke still owes me money. Tell me where he is."

"I don't know," mumbled Annie. "Now let me through.We're not together anymore."

The man seemed surprised, but didn't let go of her. "You're not?" He took up his cellphone and seemed to write something.

"I said _let me through!" _Annie slapped him. Despite of the loud music playing in the room beside them everything seemed oddly quiet. Harry chose that moment to make an appearance.

"Let her be!" he ordered. He grabbed Annie's arm and yanked her out of the bigger man's grasp. "Come on now."

"Not so fast-" Harry heard behind him before he recieved a dizzying blow from behind. He was hit between the shoulders and he promtply flew forwards, crashing in the wall in front of him.

Before he had managed to shake off the dizzyiness, he recieved a kick on his legs. It hurt, and white-blazing anger welted up in Harry, as well as a huge bitterness. He had been _so good –_ he had managed to avoid cursing humans ever since he had stumbled over Annie's house. And for what? Being bullied? He wanted to be feared, he wanted to show that he was stronger than them.

There was no one elsed in the hall. Wiping his mouth, Harry jumped to his feet, pulled out the wand he had hidden in his sleeve, and pointed it at the one who was closest.

"Silence! _Crucio!" _

It felt wonderful to do the Dark Arts on something else other than a bird. The man before him screamed and covered on the ground, hugging his knees and managed to wet himself. The man's friend only stared in shock. "What is that?" he gasped. Harry ended the curse and stared at him.

"It is magic you moron. _Dark_magic. And you have never seen it. _Obliviate!_"

Harry turned to the sobbing and whimpering man on the floor and used the same memory charm on him.

"Come on Annie, let's go." Annie was frozen in shock and clutched his arm tightly. Harry knew she was terrified, but she was too shocked to protest. The two men looked at each other in confusion and moved away from the two teenagers. "Do not bother us again," Harry hissed, before leading Annie out from the hall and to where the music was. They had to get away and they had to get away now. Harry had no idea what could alert the Ministry, but Dark Arts on muggles had to be taken seriously by them. He had no desire to get caught. As soon as they had found a spot where no one noticed them, Harry wrapped his arms against a still shell-shocked Annie and Apparated.


	36. Meetings on Several Fronts

Special thanks to Anna Rose!

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

-

Ch36: **MEETINGS ON SEVERAL FRONTS**

But the girl is only in your mind

She's leavin' everything behind

She's not the girl that's gonna make it right

So you can kiss that girl goodbye

You could look forever for someone like me

She's just a memory

(Kiss That Girl by Sheryl Crow)

When Harry had Apparated with Annie, he hadn't given their location a lot of thought. It was a miracle he had not managed to divide either himself or the girl in his arms. They merely appeared in the first place that came to his mind: Mid-London, right outside the Leaky Cauldron. Harry remembered running for his life on that very street he and Annie were now standing on, trying to get away from the Death Eaters and the Aurors that had been following him. Now, even though it was around four o'clock in the morning and everything was as quiet as it could get, being back there made the hairs on Harry's neck to rise. The chilly April air went right through their thin jackets. It was not a safe place to be there in plain sight.

"Where are we?" asked Annie, clutching her stomach and looking as though she was going to get at sick any moment. Harry couldn't blame her as she was not used to Apparating.

"London, I guess," answered Harry with a shrug. "You just experienced the most common way wizards use to travel."

"Oh," said Annie. "Then I'm glad I'm not a wizard. That was awful! I never, ever want to do that again!"

"Witch," corrected Harry quietly, surprised by her words. He couldn't imagine not wanting to be a wizard. If he lost his magic it would be the end of the world for him. "Do you want to go home?"

Annie shook her head.

Harry suppressed a smirk. He was hoping she would say that so he would have a chance to meet Hermione later in the day. "Come on then, let's find someplace warm."

-

They ended up in a small pub not far from where they had arrived. They had tried the Leaky Cauldron, but since Annie was a muggle she could not see it, much less enter it. Instead, they had by a stroke of luck found a small pub that was open because it needed to be cleaned from a particularly messy night. The bartender there seemed very annoyed and his movements were jerky like he was thirty years older than what he really was, but he allowed them to stay there for a few hours. All he demanded was that they did not disturb him.

It turned out that Annie didn't want to go home because she didn't want to see Luke. She refused to tell him that she was afraid, but Harry could see it in her eyes.

Besides, she argued, the night was still young. Harry didn't bother telling her that it wasn't even night anymore as the clock was almost six. When Annie had made up her mind about something, she would stick to that decision, no matter if she knew she was wrong or not.

Five more hours until he was supposed to meet Hermione.

They found a soft, black couch in a corner that was hidden from view. The bar was modern looking: Red, black and grey seemed to be the main colours and there were lamps with bright colours . On the table in the front, Harry could see a number of different bottles in all shapes and sizes. On the walls, he could see several pictures that reminded him of street signs – unmoving but fitting at the same time.

They didn't talk much. They settled on resting against each other, simply enjoying each other's presence. A few months back Harry would have argued with all he was worth if someone had insisted he was capable of having a friend. Yet, there he was, with a girl on his shoulder. A girl who seemed to want more than friendship, sure, but he didn't worry about that. She was a friend he would go great lengths for if necessary. It still felt unreal for him to have a friend like her. He wasn't sure what was expected of him, but somehow that didn't matter. He had plenty of time to find out and he knew Annie would tell him if something was bothering her. She wouldn't abandon him. She needed him as much as he needed her.

Harry knew he could spend years with that girl. Nothing could change that. He would just have to find a way to continue his education as a powerful and great wizard on the side.

-

Both of them had fallen asleep at some point, because the next time Harry opened his eyes the sun was peaking through the curtains in the bar and the sounds of a loud traffic jam came from the street outside. It was morning. Harry quickly looked over at the clock and saw there was still forty minutes until he was supposed to meet Hermione. He let out a relieved sigh. They hadn't slept too long.

"Hey, sleepy-head, wake up," he said, nudging Annie, who was still resting her head on his shoulder and breathing heavily. She blinked a few times and sat up slowly.

"What time is it?"

"Twenty minutes past ten," answered Harry.

"Oh," she said, yawning and straightening up in her seat. "Do you think Luke is still outside my house? Wait – oh my god! You're a wizard!" Annie suddenly looked very much awake and her eyes were very wide.

Harry rolled his eyes and quickly put a hand on her shoulder so she would stay in her seat.

"Quiet!" he whispered. He looked at her very seriously so that she would understand the seriousness in the situation. "You are not supposed to know that. Wizards are not allowed to tell Muggles like you – non-magic people – and we may not be alone." He gave her a pointed look towards the barman, who was snoring on a nearby table, his glasses still on his face.

Annie's eyes widened in realization. "Oh. I see your point. But ... it's true then? You really are a – you know--?"

"Yes-"

"You can do magic?"

"Yes."

"You can--?"

"Yes, yes and yes probably," said Harry and smiled, pulling her close. "You know what? I do not want to go back to your place for a while. Let's just stay here for some time."

"Okay..." said Annie slowly as if she questioned his motives, but Harry knew she didn't mean anything mean about it. He didn't elaborate. For some reason, he didn't want to tell her that he was supposed to meet Hermione in a little while. He had planned to, but something stopped him. Besides, there was always a chance that she would refuse and demand to be taken home.  
He looked at his watch. Ten minutes to go.

"Did you have fun last night?" asked Annie, giggling. "I know I did."

"Sure. It was fun."

"The thing you did to that guy who tried to contact Luke was so wicked!" Annie giggled again. "I don't know what you did, but I sorta liked it."

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You did?"

"Yeah. I like the thought of having someone to protect me. I've never had that before, I think it's in your nature. Oh, you may put up this tough, 'bad guy' mask, but underneath that mask you are so much more."

Harry didn't know what to say. Her words had managed to make him annoyed, comforted and strangely naked all at once. Something deep inside him stirred. He wanted to say something similar to her, like how much she meant to him, but he didn't know how. He couldn't find the words.

In an effort to tell her in another way, he shot her a grateful smile and patted her knee hesitantly. She smiled back at him, as if she understood what he wanted her to know.

"I have to go outside for a while," Harry said to her, rising from the couch. Annie frowned at him.

"Why?"

"Just to take care of some – er – wizard stuff. I will be right back."

"Okay," said Annie, taking the hint of staying where she was, but she didn't seem to happy about it.

"Do not worry about me," said Harry softly, kissing her forehead before walking out of the pub.

-

There were a lot more people in the alley outside of the entrance now, but Harry preferred the crowd at the moment. The Hermione girl should be close by, unless it was a trap. Harry stepped out from the shadow he had been standing in. The sun felt hot and sharp against his face and his eyes squinted against the light.

Harry felt like he had some difficulties breathing. This was so stupid of him, putting himself and Annie in danger like that. Annie was a muggle, she had no way to defend herself. What could she do if she was attacked? Yet, Harry knew he needed to do this. He knew he had to take the chance. Hermione could be the key to his life. He had to know.

Harry flexed his fingers nervously and looked around. He stepped a little further out onto the street. Everything seemed so peaceful on the outside, but every now and then funny looking people would pass, looking nervously over their shoulders and ducking inside a shop. He knew they were wizards by the way they dressed. Harry almost smiled when he thought about what their reaction would be if they saw him. They would probably wet themselves just like the huge man that had almost assaulted Annie. If they for some reason weren't afraid of him, he'd show them that they should be.

"Harry?"

Harry was startled by the soft voice behind him, feeling a jolt of recognition. _Was that her? Could it be--?_

He whirled around, his eyes searching the street wildly, before he saw her. A girl about his age was standing in front of him. She had soft brown eyes that sparkled with unshed tears, and a lot of bushy, brown hair that just revealed her neck. She was wearing ordinary Muggle clothes, possibly to not attract attention to herself.

Harry only stared at her, all of the questions he had been meaning to ask her were instantly swept from his mind. She did look familiar, in a way. Harry noticed that her chin trembled and her chest rose painfully for each breath, as if she, too, had trouble breathing.

"Harry," she said again, but this time there was no question in her voice. She seemed to be waiting for him to make the first move. He felt his mouth go dry and it was suddenly difficult for him to form words.

"Hi."

Suddenly – and nothing could have prepared Harry for this – the girl bolted forwards, threw herself into his arms and gave him a bone-crushing hug. Harry didn't have the time to take out his wand and curse her – she was too quick. Instead he had to take a few steps backwards to prevent himself from falling from the force.

His first thought was that she had to be mental to act like this, but then he reminded himself that she was supposed to know him. However, if she did, shouldn't she know that he normally didn't like hugs? Shouldn't she know that she shouldn't cry and make a fuss of herself in front of a large audience as the one in the street they were standing on? Shouldn't she know that he didn't like any signs of weakness?

Hermione's hair was obscuring most of his vision and he felt rather vulnerable. She was clinging to him so tightly that he could scarcely breathe. Then she sniffled. Harry could feel his shirt getting soaked by her tears.

"I can't believe you're here!" she sobbed at last, clinging even more tightly to him. "Everybody thought you were dead and then we saw you in the newspaper and we knew it had to be you! Of course, it could've been someone under the Polyjuice potion, but they would need you alive to be able to turn into you! And now you're here, and I'm here, and I can't believe it, and I really hope you can forgive me because I really regret what I said, and I didn't really mean it, I just thought it would be for the best if only for a little while, but of course it wasn't when it meant that-"

Feeling uncomfortable by her babbling, he pulled away from her embrace and took a step back, studying her carefully.

"You know me?" he asked, trying to change the subject from whatever she was talking about.

"Yeah," she said, wiping her eyes. She didn't recognize what he had said as a question. "I do. I should've known you wouldn't just ... you know. But when the mirror showed my reflection instead of yours, it seemed like it was the only explanation left! I remembered what you had said and then I asked Professor Lupin just to be sure and he said the same thing! Then I asked Professor Dumbledore and Professor Flitwick in case something went wrong with the spell, but they said it seemed to work fine and-"

Harry had to interrupt her because yet again he didn't have the faintest idea of what she was talking about.

"Sorry?"

"The mirror," the girl started again, but Harry held up his hand, trying to get control of the situation.

"Pardon me, but I have no idea what you're talking about. You _are_ Hermione right?" He had to be sure.

"What – what do you mean?" The girl's chin began to tremble again and she suddenly looked very scared.

"You wrote this letter then?" he reached inside his jacket and showed her the envelope.

"Yes." Her voice was trembling too now. It looked like she wanted to ask him something, but something stopped her.

"Good," said Harry, the questions he had been meaning to ask returning to his mind. "And how do you know me? How did we meet?"

Hermione looked at him, completely bewildered. "I – we – er, we met on the train to Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts!" cried Harry in triumph. Finally something he recognized. "Are you done with school?"

"No."

"Were we in the same house? Same year?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Were we friends?"

"Of course! Harry-!"

"And what about Ron, is he our friend too?"

"_Stop it! _Please, Harry, why are you doing this? Do you want revenge? Is that it?" Hermione was poorly trying to hide her tears with her hands.

"Hush," he said, having no time to deal with her fretting. "Now where were we? Oh yes, I cannot believe I forgot to ask you right away. Did anyone follow you here?"

Hermione pressed her lips together, her face redder than what had to be normal for a human being. Then her expression softened. She stopped trying to hide her tears and let her hands fall to her sides.

"Oh Harry, what happened to you?"

Harry, who was in the middle of asking her another question, halted, thrown off guard. "Happened to me?"

Hermione nodded solemnly, but then her eyes caught a movement behind him. He felt someone place a hand on his shoulder from behind and he knew instantly it was Annie. He relaxed slightly, but he was worried that Annie might do something to screw up his 'interview' with Hermione.

"Hi," he said, giving Annie a wry smile. She moved a little closer to him and looked carefully at Hermione.

"Who's this?"

"Hermione. Hermione, this is Annie Highwater, Annie, this is Hermione." He turned towards Hermione again. "Sorry, I never got your last name."

"Granger," said Hermione faintly, weakly shaking Annie's hand. Harry noticed that Hermione was taller than Annie and that Annie seemed to be pulling herself up as high as she could, almost standing on her toes. Hermione narrowed her eyes. It was like it was a silent competition going on between the two of them. He cleared his throat awkwardly. Both turned to look at him, but Harry found himself unable to meet either girls' gaze.

"Can we go somewhere more private?" he pleaded. A crowd had formed around them and Harry could hear his name being mentioned. In the corner of his eye, he also saw some of them slipping away. Whether it would be to call the Aurors or the Death Eaters Harry didn't know, but either would be bad. Very bad.

"Annie," he said quickly to the blonde girl. "Go home. Take a bus or a cab if you must. Just get away from here. I will explain later."

Annie frowned for a moment before she understood. But she didn't move. "What about you? We should get back to bed. We had little sleep last night."

Harry didn't like how she made it sound as though they were sleeping together as a couple, but he let it pass. "No, Annie. Not now. This is urgent. I can get home in an instant. You can't. You need to go now."

Annie was upset. She leaned closer to him so Hermione wouldn't hear, gripping his hand tightly. "Why do I have a feeling you're saying goodbye?"

Harry was genuinely surprised. "I am not. Why would I?"

"You promise you'll be back?"

"Yes, of course. Now go. I'll come as soon as I can," he promised. Then he smiled at her and tucked some hair behind her shoulder. His finger lightly touched her cheek. Annie smiled back at him and moved away, her hand leaving his. Harry watched her go, then he turned back to Hermione.

"Come on."

He lead Hermione a little further away from the crowd. The Muggles quickly lost interest, but Harry saw a few wizards in the crowd who followed their every movement with their eyes. Harry hoped Hermione knew how much danger she was putting herself in.

He was about to tell her so when Hermione began to talk again.

"You don't have any memories of Hogwarts do you?" Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but Harry heard every word clearly.

"No."

"How – how did you get away?"

"From...?" asked Harry, not sure if she meant the Death Eaters or the Aurors.

"The Death Eaters of course!"

Harry began to feel uncomfortable by the intense way her eyes searched his. "I ran off. Then I Apparated away."

"Do you remember something then?" asked Hermione hopefully. "Do you remember when we learned how to Apparate in the forest?"

Harry raised his eyebrows at her. He had learned how to Apparate from Dolohov and that was not in a forest. He had been a natural though, and gotten the hand of it almost right away. He was a natural in a lot of things. "No," he said at last, truthfully.

Hermione seemed disappointed, but didn't give up. "Do you remember the Triwizard tournament?"

"The Tri-what?"

"What about the Ministry of Magic? Do you remember when we fought for the Prophecy?"

"Prophecy?"

"What about the time when we bathed in the lake? Last September?"

"You and I? No."

"Well, do you at least remember the time we kissed on the fence in front of the 'Partner at Hand?'"

"No-" Harry started, but then his eyes widened in realization. He remembered that he had been in front of the 'Partner at Hand' the night before with Annie, and he had stopped at the fence there, trying to figure out why it looked so familiar. "Oh."

Hermione's face lit up. "You remember?"

"Some of it perhaps. I remember the place." That, at least, was true.

"Maybe professor Snape can brew you a potion," she muttered. "Maybe that'll help you remember?"

Harry's head snapped up at the word _potion,_ and then narrowed his eyes at the name _Snape. _It had to be Severus Snape, the one who had betrayed his Lord! And there was no way Harry would take another potion in his life. What if someone tried to trick him and he somehow took the last dose? Then the whole escape would be for nothing.  
Harry felt anger flare up inside him. He may have ran away himself, but he didn't have a choice in doing so. Snape on the other hand, had betrayed his master quite deliberately, spying on them, and told the Light side everything he knew!

"No," Harry sneered. "I am not going to drink a potion or see Snape Never!" _Except for killing him, _he added to himself.

"What? Harry, no! You must come back! We need you!"

Harry was getting impatient. "That is not my problem. I like it the way I live now, thank you very much."

"With _her?"_ Hermione almost shrieked, waving her hands. "She's a slag! And she's – she's _blonde!_"

"Yes, she is blonde," said Harry coldly. He pulled out his wand to show Hermione that she better not insult Annie again. It was also because he had recognized Lucius Malfoy over Hermione's shoulder. He was further down the street, walking towards them. At the moment Harry was too annoyed to care as much as he should. He knew Lucius wouldn't kill him, but it would be reckless of him to stay around much longer. "And she is my friend," he continued. "I am not leaving her."

"I can't believe this," said Hermione, her voice breaking at the end. She shook her head sadly, more tears streaming down her cheeks. She hadn't seen the Death Eater behind her. "You're not the Harry I know at all!"

"Well, _duh,"_ said Harry, suddenly sounding like Annie. "Obviously not, how can you know me when I know nothing about you at all? I do not know if I did once, maybe I did, but quite frankly I am _glad _that part of my life is over! I am curious of who I was before, but I do not need you or anyone else. And I definitely do not want to risk my life for anyone other than myself, thanks."

He knew it was harsh. He knew that it was not the smartest thing to say. But he had never imagined how hurt the girl in front of him could look by his words. Her every emotion reflected on her face, plain as ripples in the water: Surprise, denial, sadness, anger and betrayal.

Harry found himself regretting his words, but it was too late. Without saying another word Hermione turned away from him and bolted down the street.

Right into the hands of a smirking Lucius Malfoy.


	37. Phoenix Song

Special thanks to Anna Rose, for all her help and all her suggestions.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

-

Ch37: **PHOENIX SONG**

I never thought you were a fool

But darling, look at you

You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight

These tears are going nowhere, baby

**(Stuck in a Moment by U2)**

Hermione had been too blinded by her tears to see who she had ran into. She didn't look up right away to see who had caught her.

"Sorry," she muttered, moving to the side, but Lucius wouldn't let her go that easily.

"Hello Mudblood."

Hermione froze and looked up, her eyes extremely wide. She gasped in surprise and fright when she realized Lucius Malfoy was the one standing in front of her.

Harry didn't know what to do. He didn't know this girl. He shouldn't take the chance of getting caught by Lucius either. Harry stood, shifting his weight from one foot to the other while trying to decide what to do. His mind told him to quit being stupid, that he really should get back to Annie like he had promised. His mind told him to use what he had learned in the last months, to put himself first and ensure his own survival. The mess this Hermione girl had gotten herself into shouldn't be his problem.

The problem was that it felt like his problem. She had come because of him.

At first Harry had thought that perhaps Hermione and Ron were supposed to be trained to be Death Eaters like himself. Why would he be friends with them otherwise? However, when Harry saw the look of horror written across Hermione's face, he knew that couldn't be the case. Hermione was never supposed to be a Death Eater, she supported the side of light.

This thought confused Harry even further, but he knew he couldn't dwell on it until later. Right now he needed to act. Only a coward would hide or do nothing, and he was anything but that.

Lucius didn't seem to be in a hurry. He watched Harry with cool, grey eyes, like he was waiting for something. Harry approached him carefully and slowly, knowing that the Death Eater would have a portkey somewhere so that he could disappear whenever he wanted. Harry refused to be caught or go back to the Stone Edge ever again. He wouldn't even do that for Annie.

Annie's words rang in his mind. _'I like the thought of having someone to protect me. I've never had that before, I think it's in your nature. Oh, you may put up this tough, 'bad guy' mask, but underneath that mask you are so much more,' _she had said. More importantly, she had meant it. Harry felt the need to prove that he was worth those words.

"Lucius," said Harry coldly.

Lucius was peering at him expectantly. "Ah, _Harry. _A pleasure to meet you again. Have you enjoyed yourself?"

Harry knew that Lucius, like him, paid more attention to their surroundings than their conversation. Both knew it would only be a matter of time before the Aurors showed up.

"Oh yes," said Harry, his tone matching Lucius'. His time as a Death Eaters came rushing back to him. Suddenly he felt as though he had never left, although he knew he had changed. "I have had lot of fun."

Harry's eyes drifted over to Hermione, who tried in vain to wrestle out of Lucius' strong hands. Even from where Harry was standing he could see that her arms would soon be spotted with dark bruises. She had no chance of getting away. Her face was so pale Harry expected her to faint any moment.

"We all wondered what had happened to you, after you disappeared like that," Lucius continued, seemingly unconcerned by Hermione's protests. "Whatever made you change your mind?"

"I did not," protested Harry indignantly, knowing that Lucius meant about being a Death Eater. "I did not have a choice in the matter! Did you really think I would not figure out what that potion did?"

This seemed to surprise Lucius to the point where Hermione almost succeeded to get away. She managed to get one arm free, but Lucius quickly grabbed her other wrist and jerked her back to him. Hermione yelped with pain.

"No! Let me go, please," she begged. "Please!"

If possible, Lucius gripped her even tighter. When Hermione kicked him in his leg he shook her roughly.

"Stop that," barked Harry before he could stop himself, afraid the shaking could break Hermione's neck or something like that. He had heard it happen before. To his surprise Lucius actually did, but this time Hermione's legs refused to support her. Lucius had to hold both her arms tightly to keep her from falling to the ground.

"I see you have regained a few memories," said Lucius thoughtfully. Hermione widened her eyes at that, while Harry had to restrain himself from showing the same surprise.

"So what if I have?" he said, succeeding in keeping the hesitation from his voice.

"That explains a few things. Master guessed you had, said it could be a side effect from the potion you seem to know all about."

"Yes, that can explain a few things," Harry agreed, trying to think of how he could use this to his advantage.

"Good thing I have your little girlfriend here then," challenged Lucius with a cruel smirk. This time Harry could not restrain the surprise to show from his face.

"Girlfriend?"

"You think we did not know?"

Harry wisely shut his mouth, daring another quick glance at Hermione. She looked down, not meeting his look. He wondered why she hadn't told him about that. His heart raced up a bit and he felt almost dizzy. Suddenly it was as though he had found a piece of a puzzle; this had to be the girl he had dreamt about. Although he had never seen her face, he now recognized the bushy hair, her voice and her body. He found himself looking at her again, _really _looking at her, and this time she met his gaze. She nodded slightly. Harry quickly looked up again and narrowed his eyes at Lucius.

"Let her go." This time his voice was hard and firm. A few sparks escaped from the wand Harry had from the Dark Lord.

"I will, under one condition," said Lucius smoothly. Harry's stomach sank. He knew what that condition would be. Lucius nodded, smirking. "That is right, if you come with me, I will let her go. Her for you."

"I—" Harry began, but he was interrupted by shouting further down the street. Aurors were coming, waving their wands in circular motions in the air, surely to create barriers against Apparating.

"You have three seconds," Lucius prompted, his words hurried now. "One—"

Harry glanced between Hermione and Lucius. He knew what the answer had to be.

"I understand, Harry," said Hermione softly. She stood on her feet now, upright, like she was preparing herself for something she knew she couldn't avoid. Like she already knew her destiny.

"Two," continued Lucius, his eyes not on Harry but on the Aurors who were quickly closing in on them.

"I can't!"

Lucius halted, staring at Harry in obvious surprise. "What did you say?"

"I can't," repeated Harry, his voice soft. He tried to tell himself that he didn't really know the girl, at least not anymore, but it was hard. He had never felt more helpless.

Nobody said anything for several seconds. Hermione was breathing heavily, but she had her tears under control. Harry tried not to look at her, but his eyes were constantly drawn towards her body, her hair and her eyes. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, but he couldn't even do that. At last, when they couldn't postpone it any longer, Lucius nodded sourly.

"You know where to find us," he grumbled, before he pressed Hermione against his body; one arm around her waist and one arm around her neck.

"It doesn't matter, Harry. I love you!" lamented Hermione, and her brown eyes were so full of love for him that Harry could not bring himself to doubt her even one second.

"Three. Activate," said Lucius mercilessly, his tone silky and dangerous. Two seconds later he and Hermione were gone.

Only then did Harry realize that he was in real danger. The Aurors where only thirty feet away from him now, coming from all directions. Feeling panic create a huge, cold ball in his stomach, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on Apparating outside Annie's house.

Nothing happened. He knew he had done it right because he had felt as though he was about to leave the ground, but then he had met a barrier. The Aurors had already put up the wards! He couldn't Apparate!

Harry spun around on the spot several times, trying to find a way he could run, a way he could get out. For some reason all of the Muggles seemed to have disappeared from the street, so he couldn't hide in a crowd. He had no idea where to go. He didn't have a portkey and he couldn't use the Dark Mark as long as it wasn't glowing.

"Stay where you are!" ordered one of the Aurors. Of course, Harry did anything but that. Dizzy with fear, he spun again and ran the opposite way. There were Aurors there too, but there were not as many as there was in the other directions, so they were therefore Harry's safest bet. He would simply have to find a way past them as he ran.

Harry considered using the Dark Lord's wand, but he hesitated because he didn't want to encourage the Aurors in firing spells back. Harry could avoid three, perhaps four of them if he was lucky, but not the whole bunch. Unless he managed to get past them, he would be stuck. He would be finished. Imprisoned, kissed by a Dementor or killed.

Harry ran as fast as his legs would carry him. He ran so fast that he felt weightless, only the jolt he felt through his body every time his feet hit the ground reminded him that he was not flying. Somewhere in the back of his mind he became worried about falling, as that would surely hurt an awful lot, but he didn't dare slow down. He had to continue.

Harry had every intention of continuing down the broad street he was running on. He ran in the middle of the way as there were no cars to worry about. He didn't notice much except what was going on right in front of him. Once he almost stumbled over a black cat that came in his way, but he managed to avoid it in the last second. The cat let out an indignant hiss, but he paid no more attention to it.

When Harry looked up again, however, he saw some sparks in the air about fifty metres in front of him. Then, a second later, an old man with a long, white beard appeared. He was holding the tail of a magnificent swan-like bird in red and gold, looking extremely powerful despite his old age.

A phoenix, Harry realized, although he couldn't remember anyone telling him. Without meaning to he slowed down. He got the feeling something was about to happen, and it did: When the phoenix opened its beak and sang, it opened something in him. Harry felt more nauseous and distressed than what he could ever remember being. All strength left him and he couldn't run anymore. Instead he froze on the spot, unable to move, until even that became difficult. He felt as weak as a kitten.

"Hello Harry," said the old wizard in front of him. For some reason Harry felt the urge to cry. He was lost, he truly was. In the end it hadn't mattered that he had decided not to change places with Hermione, the only difference was that one more person would suffer because of him.

"It will be all right, Harry," said the old man in front of him and the Phoenix sang some more. Harry wished it would stop. He wished he had the energy to kill himself with the Avada Kedavra curse. His life wasn't worth anything. He didn't want to live anymore.

To Harry's horror he felt his eyes water. He couldn't cry! He had worked too hard to learn how to stop himself to begin now. However, the more Harry tried to stop himself the harder it became. Unable to help it, he felt the first tear escape his eye. Scolding himself, he quickly brushed it away, but it kept coming more. His chest hurt of suppressed emotions. Soon he was sobbing just like Hermione had.

The old man had reached him now. For some reason the Aurors had stopped to watch. Harry briefly wondered why, but had no time to think about it as the man suddenly reached over to pet him on the shoulder. Harry instinctively flinched away, but that only seemed to encourage the man to come closer. Before Harry knew what was happening, the old man had pulled him into a tight embrace.

Still sobbing, Harry knew he should be scared or at least embarrassed, but found himself too drained mentally and physically to care. All he wanted at that moment was to bury himself in the warm clothes and stay there. Harry felt his head being stroked by a warm hand and felt it oddly comforting. His sobs subsided a little. When he finally opened his eyes and rubbed them, he saw nothing but velvet cloth decorated with yellow stars and moons.

What an odd man.

When Harry found the courage to look up, his eyes locked with pale, twinkling blue ones. The old and wrinkled hand continued to stroke Harry's messy, black hair.

"I believe we have everything under control," said the man to the Aurors who were watching silently. "Thank you for all your help."

The Aurors nodded. "Glad to help, Albus," one of them said, before clapping his hands and looking at his team. "Let's clean this mess up then!"

Harry turned his eyes away from the scene. He knew he was about to be arrested. When the old man called Albus grabbed the bird's tail again, Harry wasn't surprised to feel himself leave the ground in a whirl of flames.

-

Harry reappeared in a bright, fancy looking office with a lot of portraits and silver instruments. The portraits seemed to be snoring, but he instantly knew better. He could practically feel their eyes on him and their snores were far from even. The phoenix flew to a perch in a corner of the room, cleaning its wing with its beak. Harry didn't mind as long as it didn't sing.

It hit Harry that it was a very weird room for being questioned in. He had expected it to be in a dirty and badly lit basement, with heavy and intimidating guards. Not in an almost comforting and fancy looking office. Harry licked his dry lips, feeling uncomfortable.

The old man instantly went over to the fire-place, threw in a handful of Floo Powder and called for a woman named Poppy. A few seconds later a woman in her fifties emerged, cleaning herself free from soot with a quick spell from her wand. Her eyes instantly searched the room. When she spotted Harry she hurried over, waving her wand over him. Harry would've drawn a wand himself, but it didn't look like she was about to curse him. Actually, if he was not mistaking, she was a nurse.

The woman continued to wave her wand over him in complex patterns while muttering under her breath in several minutes. Harry waited impatiently for her to finish, but he didn't dare to complain.

It took a while, but when the woman finally finished she seemed satisfied. "He has a few bruises, Albus," she told the older man, "but he's not hurt. A good night sleep will do him well though."

The man nodded. "Thank you, Poppy. I am very happy to have Harry back with us, alive and well."

"Absolutely," said the nurse kindly, smiling at Harry. Harry merely stared back. "Yes, well," said Poppy,looking a tad unnerved. "I better get going then. Good day, Albus. Mr. Potter." With that, she left the way she came.

Harry felt his body tense. Surely the Aurors would be the next to come? He didn't understand why the old man, Albus, had said he was _happy,_ of all things, to have him back with them. Harry threw the man a skeptical look, but he definitely did look pleased. His eyes were practically shining, twinkling and dancingat the same time.

"Harry," said the man, walking over to Harry and resting a hand on his shoulder. Harry flinched, gritted his teeth and moved away further.

"Do not touch me!"

Albus let his hand drop at once and hung his head, as though ashamed. He sighed deeply.

"I understand, Harry. I understand your resentment."

"Good," was all Harry replied.

"Let us sit down."

Harry shrugged and did as the man suggested. Albus looked every bit his age now, not like the powerful wizard Harry had seen appear with the Phoenix at all Harry shrugged again. He knew looks could be deceiving.

"Lemon drop?" asked the old man once he was seated behind his desk, holding out a box with yellow candies.

"What?" said Harry, confused, then eyed the drops with skepticism. He wouldn't take Veritaserum if he could help it. "No thanks."

The man seemed to expect that answer and popped a candy into his mouth. Maybe the drops weren't fed with truth serum after all, Harry reasoned. He fought the urge to squirm when Albus suddenly leaned forward and looked at Harry very seriously. Harry steeled himself. He wished he had joined Annie when he had ordered her to go home.

It was funny how things could change in only a few hours.

Harry had steeled himself so much that he hardly heard the first thing the old man said.

"Sorry?" asked Harry, forcing himself to pay more attention.

"I said I am sorry for letting you down, Harry," Albus said. Harry felt his eyes widen in surprise.

"You are?"

The man in front of him looked sad and remorseful. "Of course. I swore to protect you that Halloween. I am afraid that I underestimated the enemy. In the end it did not matter how many guards we had around you and around the castle, you were taken anyway. For that I am sorry. I should have guarded you myself that night."

Harry paused, unsure on how much he should tell. "Um-"

"I never wanted it to come to this, Harry. No one wanted you to be taken, I can assure you of that. Now, Severus informed us what happened the first night when you were in Voldemort's hands-" (Harry gasped over the rude and disrespectful way to address his Lord) "-so we already know what made it possible for the Death Eaters to get you. They already had Wormtail inside Hogwarts by the time he made the threat official. The Order, and I in particular, should have foreseen that." The old man grabbed Harry's astonished hands. This time Harry didn't flinch away, but he came very close. Only his curiosity kept him in his seat. It was obvious that the other wizard didn't know anything about Harry's lack of memories. It remained to be seen if he should try to keep it that way. The old man stared Harry deeply into the eyes as he continued speaking again. "You are very important, Harry. Not only for the war and the side of light, but also for the people who care about you. I am one of them ... and that makes it even more regrettable that I could not stop you from being taken out of the safety of your bed. I know I cannot even begin to make up for you."

This time Harry did remove his hands. "Er, all right."

The man shook his head, looking even more resigned. "No, Harry. It is not all right. You have every reason to be angry, to be disappointed. It will not make you a bad wizard."

Harry felt something clench deep inside him. He already was a bad wizard. He had killed people. He _enjoyed _it even. How could this man even begin to think Harry didn't protest because he was a light wizard? A light wizard, no matter how weak, would never take the Dark Mark. Instead of answering, Harry pressed his lips tightly together and stared at the man defiantly.

Albus sighed. "Do not misunderstand me, Harry. It is truly remarkable to have you back with us, alive and well. I must admit, when Snape failed in getting you out we thought all hope was lost, and that was before we saw the condition you were in inside a Pensieve. No boy, no _man _should ever go through what you have endured. To have you here now, after all this time, is like a miracle. However, I must ask you how you managed to keep your sanity after all the Cruciatus Curses they used on you? Did you use Occlumency to guard your mind?"

Harry didn't know what to say to that. He realized that he couldn't possibly fool the man forever into believing he still remembered his former life. He should just as well admit it before it became too obvious. Clearing his throat, Harry opened his mouth. "I do not remember anything from my past life, sir." His voice were rough and hoarse, and didn't sound like himself at all.

The other man stiffened. "Pardon?"

"At least not much," Harry quickly added. "I do not remember much before last December."

"Oh dear." The man looked at Harry in shock. Harry fidgeted and looked down at his hands.

No one said anything for several minutes. Harry tried not to dwell much on his lost memories. Instead he forced his thoughts to focus around the issue of punishment. Harry was sure he would be killed himself for killing and hurting all the other people. He could claim he had done it all under the Imperius, but only cowards did that. He would never sink to that level.

However, Harry made sure that his Dark Mark was covered by his sweater, just in case. Then he looked up and gazed at the older man. It had gone unnoticed; the man still had a sorrowful and faraway look in his eyes.

"I have a long name, but you may call me Dumbledore," said the man at last. "However, it is definitely a problem that you do not remember anything. This is something only Severus can fix."


	38. Severus' Help

This chapter is dedicated to a special girl from Canada named Annick. We've known each other for some time now and I feel as though I can talk to her about anything.

I'd also like to thank Anna Rose, who's done a wonderful job correcting this chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Ch38: **SEVERUS' HELP**

Long ago  
In someone else's lifetime  
Someone with my name  
Who looked a lot like me  
Came to know  
A man and made a promise  
He only had to say  
And that's where she would be  
Lately  
Although the feelings run just as deep  
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep

**(Someone Else's Story – Chess)**

It took Harry only a second to connect the name 'Severus.' He had heard the name often enough at the Stone Edge to remember it for a lifetime – Severus Snape was the one who had turned his back to Dark Lord and betrayed everyone. Harry felt a cold chill trickle down to his gut and create a glowing ball of fury there. He didn't realize he had clenched his fists so tightly; they had turned white before Albus Dumbledore had reached the fireplace. Harry wanted to protest, but he hesitated too long. The old man was already sticking his head into the hearth so that only the lower part of his beard and back was visible. Harry flinched and sunk deeper into his chair when he heard Dumbledore give Snape a quick explanation about Harry's situation. All about the loss of memories. Harry realized the whole situation had just made a turn for the worse. He wasn't sure when Snape had left the Dark Lord's side, but it had to be around the time when Harry took his Dark Mark, which meant that the filthy traitor probably knew Harry was a Dark wizard and one of the Dark Lord's followers.

Not good.

What was more, however, was that Harry felt obliged to inform the Dark Lord of Snape's whereabouts. He still felt loyal despite running away. Harry wondered if it could be because the Death Eaters were all he knew before he met Annie, or if it had something to do with the potion he had been forced to take. Although ... Harry let his eyes wander to the old man, who had just pulled his head from the fireplace and was stroking the Phoenix's head ... perhaps it would be better to play good and cooperating for a while. Dumbledore already knew Harry had no memories. Maybe _that _could be his ticket away from Azkaban and the Dementors?

Feeling quite proud of himself, Harry tried to appear calm. He forced himself to take several calming breaths, forced himself to not think about the Dark Mark, and forced himself not to think about how much he resented Severus Snape.

Way too soon the fireplace turned green and spat out a tall, pale man with greasy black hair and black clothes. He had long fingers and a crooked nose. Harry immediately disliked the man, but at the same time he could understand how it had fooled the Dark Lord. The person Harry probably trusted less in the whole world truly looked menacing. Harry couldn't remember seeing him before, but he didn't fool himself into believing the man had never seen _him._

"Potter," the newcomer drawled, staring at Harry with unreadable, black eyes. The words 'traitor' rested on Harry's tongue, but instead he merely said:  
"Snape."

"That is Professor Snape, Harry," corrected Dumbledore gently. "He teaches Potions."

"I do not see the difference, Albus," Snape commented. "The boy has always been disrespectful and he has never made an effort to learn normal politeness like decent human beings."

Harry almost smirked. Even his old self hadn't liked Severus Snape. The rude comment didn't bother him at all; it actually made him feel better and more confident.

"That is a matter for another time, Severus. At the moment we need to find something that can help Harry restore his memories."

"I suppose a potion could do the trick," murmured the potions master softly. "I know one that is very effective. It demands several expensive and fragile ingredients, but it will not take me long to brew it."

Harry felt as though his heart was about to stop at the word 'potion.'

"I am not taking another potion!" he shouted, erupting from his chair, but the adults paid no attention to him as they were too caught up in their solution.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore cried, his eyes twinkling brighter than ever. "What are we waiting for? Severus, please get started right away."

The Potion Master nodded and was about to leave when his eyes caught Harry's. Harry had scrambled from his chair and was now standing in a corner as far away as he could. Harry couldn't help it, but the word potion made his stomach feel sick and turn into a twisted a knot. He knew that the potions master was not on the Dark Lord's side, and that he _probably _wouldn't feed him with another final dose of the damned elixir he had been forced to take, but it didn't make taking another potion all right. In fact, it terrified him to the point where he almost felt as though he had trouble breathing.

"I said I will _not _take another potion!" Harry narrowed his eyes at the two adults. "I refuse!"

The headmaster stroked his beard while he regarded Harry carefully. "I am afraid we have little choice in the matter. Severus, is there any other option?"

Snape sneered. "Not that I know of. There are some things only a potion can fix. To try to mess with a spell now is not only dangerous, it could also give Potter a one-way ticket to St Mungos."

_Better to go there than Azkaban, _Harry mentally countered, but he was smart enough not to say it aloud.

"Harry?" the headmaster gently inquired when Harry didn't say anything. "We are only trying to help you."

"I would not know," replied Harry, deadpan. He did his best not to sound rude.

"The potion is the only thing that can restore your memories, my boy. Do you not wish to remember?" Dumbledore stepped closer towards Harry.

Harry did want to know what kind of person he had been. It would certainly answer a lot of questions and it could give him an advantage later on, but he wouldn't do it if the price was too high.

The headmaster and Snape obviously took Harry's silence as a 'yes.' Snape nodded curtly and finally left the room. Harry was sure Dumbledore had noticed Snape's departure, even though the old man's eyes had never left Harry's. "It will be all right. If we are lucky, your memories can even give us an idea of Miss Granger's whereabouts."

It took Harry more time to connect the name Miss Granger as Hermione than it had to connect Severus with Snape, but when he finally made the connection, it didn't make him feel much more eager to take the new potion. Harry gulped and closed his eyes for a brief moment, sliding down to a sitting position on the floor in defeat. "It will not be all right," he murmured softly. "You do not understand."

The headmaster bent down so he was at the same level as Harry. "Please enlighten me."

Harry swallowed, not knowing where to begin. What was happening to him? Why did he have such an urge to confide in the older man? At the moment Harry could barely care. It could be his only way out of Azkaban. "It is just ... well, it is hard to explain. What if the potion goes wrong? What if it is, uhm, something _else..._ I cannot take the chance, sir."

Understanding dawned in the older man's eyes. "Voldemort gave you potions as a part of your imprisonment, didn't he?"

Harry didn't answer. It wasn't necessary. Dumbledore patted his knee.

"I can assure you that Professor Snape is a quite talented potions master and will certainly not get the potion wrong. He is also a strong ally for the light. He will never do anything to harm you."

"But he hates me!" Harry couldn't help but exclaim. "He hates my guts! Actually, I would not be surprised if he feeds me poison on _purpose, _not to mention another dose of that _awful_ –" realizing he had said too much, Harry abruptly shut his mouth.

Dumbledore sighed. "He does not hate you, Harry, even though he makes it seem that much. In fact, he has saved your life several times. I know you cannot remember, but he did everything he could to get you out from Voldemort's hide-out."

"Come again?" Harry spluttered. Not only because Dumbledore had _yet again _insulted his Dark Lord's name, but also because he had said that Snape had tried to get Harry _out_ of Stone Edge. It had to be before Harry took his mark, or else he would've remembered. Perhaps Snape had known that Harry was about to get marked, and wanted to stop him from taking it...

Harry suddenly got a very bad feeling. Something wasn't right. Something about what the headmaster had just told just didn't add up. What was more, was that Harry felt that the answer was right in front of him. A part of him was terrified to figure out what it could be.

"You are lying," accused Harry, after Dumbledore had repeated what he had said. Dumbledore shook his head. Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I am not. In fact, you can see it for yourself if you take the potion. If it helps, I will control it myself to make sure nothing is wrong. I can even take some if you want. My old mind can surely need to remember a few details."

"I suppose that will help a little," admitted Harry, knowing he had ran out of excuses. It didn't mean he had to like it though.

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes sparkling again. "It will probably take a little while longer before Severus has the potion done. Would you like something in the mean time? A cup of tea, perhaps, or–"

Harry quickly shook his head. "I am just tired, Sir. I did not get much sleep last night."

"Then I believe it is time for you to meet your dorm mates. They have all been missing you dearly." Dumbledore sobered up a little. "I am afraid there is little we can do about Miss Granger's situation at the moment until we know more about where she could be. We have Aurors on the case, however. There is no reason to give up hoping for the best."

Harry nodded numbly and rose from his chair. He could not believe he was getting away from punishment. If taking that potion was what it took to avoid it, then that was one more reason to take it, but he had to be extremely careful.

Harry said nothing while he followed the Headmaster down the stairs from the office, past the gargoyle, and the numerous halls they walked in before they reached their location. A portrait of a fat and ugly lady.

"Here we are," announced Dumbledore, unnecessarily. "The password is Flying Eagles." The ugly woman in the portrait smiled at Harry and said:

"Good to have you back, son. Come on in."

Harry glared at her, but she didn't seem to notice as she swung back and revealed an entrance to a room with too much red and gold. He felt the hairs on his neck and arms rise in alarm and horror when he realized he was not a Slytherin after all. He could handle being a Ravenclaw or even a Hufflepuff, but a Gryffindor? That house stood for recklessness, foolishness and irrational pride. Gryffindors were widely known among the Death Eaters for making poor and rash decisions that often ended up with them getting killed before the Death Eaters themselves even needed to raise a finger.

Harry really began to dread what he would remember after taking the potion from Snape, if this was only the beginning.

The common room went quiet when Harry entered. Every person in the room was staring at Harry in disbelief and shock, looking as though they had just seen a ghost for the first time. A tall, red haired boy reacted first, closely followed by a red haired girl. Unable to speak, Harry felt quite helpless when the boy gave him a one-armed hug and clapped his back.

"Good to have you back mate. We've missed you."

Harry could only nod as the boy let go of him and the younger girl, probably his sister, hugged him tightly.

"Don't leave us again!" she begged fiercely. Not knowing what else to do, Harry gave the headmaster a desperate look. To his amazement, the man seemed to take the hint.

"Students," he called, and he got everyone's attention in a matter of seconds. "I know you are all happy to have Mr. Potter back with us, and you are no doubt anxious to ask him many questions. However, I am afraid it will all have to wait until tomorrow. Right now the thing he needs the most is to rest and have a good night's sleep. Mr. Weasley, perhaps you would be so kind as to escort him to his bed?"

The red haired boy nodded eagerly. "Of course, Professor!"

"Wonderful. Please come down right afterwards."

Weasley nodded and gladly escorted Harry up the stairs. "I meant it when I said it's really good to have you back," he admitted. "It's brilliant, in fact. Gryffindor is not the same without you."

"Thank you," said Harry insincerely, following the other boy into a dormitory. He was tempted to say it had to be a huge misunderstanding and that they had to mistake him for another Harry. He felt completely out of place, like a black sheep among dozens of whites. He had felt as though he had belonged at the Stone Edge, and eventually he had felt as though he could belong with Annie too. The idea of him ever actually _belonging _to Gryffindor House was absolutely laughable. When Harry looked up again he saw the red-haired boy still standing there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Harry made an impatient sound.

"You know," the boy started. "You can tell me if there's something that bothers you. You have obviously been through a lot, a lot more than what I can even begin to understand. I know that I – um – maybe haven't been the best friend to you this year, but I promise to be better this time."

"Sure," said Harry, not knowing what else to say. He had a strange feeling someone had told the boy what to say to him.

"Oh," said the Gryffindor as he bent down, reaching carefully for something under his bed. "You probably want this." The boy was holding a snake by its tail, his long and lanky arm stretched out as far as possible in an effort to keep the snake away. He made a face.

"Is it mine?" asked Harry in amazement, and when the other teenager nodded Harry immediately felt happier. He had always wanted a snake.

"I never understood why you liked that snake so much, you know." The boy handed the snake over to Harry and immediately stepped away. "But I suppose being a Parselmouth helps."

Harry nodded, and felt a glowing satisfaction from the words. He was proud of being a Parselmouth. That was something he had in common with the Dark Lord, something that made him special.

Harry noticed that the other boy kept staring at him, almost without blinking. They shared an awkward silence, before the lanky, red haired teenager managed to stutter that he had to go down to the common room again. Harry raised his hand in farewell, but allowed himself to roll his eyes as soon as the boy had disappeared from the room and the door had closed behind him. He couldn't help thinking the other boy was an idiot. It was more than a little alarming to discover he had been friends with people like that. At least Hermione had seemed sweet enough.

Harry sat down on his bed and leaned his back against the wall. He knew he should feel ashamed for wanting to help a girl he knew nothing about, but for some reason it was the other way around. He felt guilty for _not_ being able to help her. Perhaps his old self had remembered 'their love' or something like that. Harry shifted uncomfortably at the thought.

Downstairs he could hear Dumbledore telling everyone what had happened to Hermione. Harry heard it well; no one else was speaking.

Turning his attention back to the snake, Harry sighed. Things had turned out much better for him than what he had dared to hope for. He had to forget about Hermione and try to figure out what to do.

Harry knew he probably should drink that potion. He couldn't imagine living the rest of his life wondering what his life had been like before. The best thing to do was to get his memories back. Then he could get out of the building and back to Annie.

Harry sighed as the snake curled itself around his left forearm. It was just big enough to cover the Dark Mark there, even though the poor thing looked starved.

Suddenly he heard some furious outrages downstairs from the common room.

"What's he doing there?" one of the boys shouted.

"Ten points from Gryffindor!" exclaimed an older man's voice, a voice Harry recognized as Severus Snape's.

"Now, now, Severus."

Harry felt his stomach turn. The potion had to be ready. He would never admit it, but he was scared of taking that potion. He had a feeling he would discover something awful. Something that would turn his world upside-down.

A minute later the door to the room he was staying in opened. Dumbledore and Snape stepped in. Snape was holding a blue vial.

"Make sure you lie comfortably," Snape instructed. "The potion will make you quite disoriented while it digs up your memories. However, I must warn you. It is not certain it will work. It depends on the reason you lost your memories in the first place."

"Wait – are you saying this potion may not work after all?" Harry suddenly felt a whole new level of doubt.

"Yes, but we are optimistic," Dumbledore assured. "It has never failed us before."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh great. Fantastic."

The old man didn't seem to notice Harry's sarcasm. "Wonderful. Are you ready?"

"Yes," snapped Harry sourly. He just wanted to get it over with.

Snape handed Harry the blue glass container. Harry sniffed it first to make sure it didn't smell anything like the stuff he had gotten at Stone Edge. Then he shrugged, tipped his head back and downed the vial.

-

-

The potion had a very paralyzing effect, Harry realized with more than a small stab of fear. The first few minutes Harry couldn't remember anything new, instead he was reminded of things that had just happened: what Hermione had said to him, his night in the city with Annie, how he had tortured those birds...

Harry stared up at the two adults looming above him, feeling quite nervous but also knowing that there was no way back.

"Let us give him some privacy, Severus," said Dumbledore, and he took Snape by the elbow. Snape sneered, but complied and left the room with the headmaster. Harry was glad, it was quite difficult to relax when someone like _that _was looking at him.

The potion had led him back to the Stone Edge now. He could recall everything he had experienced since that time with frightening details. He remembered things he _shouldn't _remember, like what he had eaten for breakfast the day before the raid in Diagon Alley. Remembering how the river full of rotten bodies he had been forced to swim in looked _and_ smelled like made his stomach turn. He remembered how the skull tattoo had been spelled into his skin like it was yesterday. He rememberd the weeks with training before that.

Then it suddenly felt as though he was taking a portkey. Only instead of a tug behind his navel he felt a tug in his brain. Harry gasped and clutched his head with his hands. No one had told him it would bloody hurt! He felt his eyes watering, but he blinked it away. He could feel the potion working again. He laid still as the first of his lost memories came rushing back to him.

The new knowledge quickly became horribly confusing, however. Harry knew the potion wasn't lying and that it had really happened, but all those memories of being tortured ... death eaters who had broken bone after bone in his body, bruised him, humiliated him, tortured him in the worst way possible ... he hadn't remembered that. No one had told him. He couldn't remember being _tested_ to see if he was screwed up enough to ... to _want _to be a Death Eater either.  
The suspicion Harry had about something being horribly wrong tripled.

The potion brought him back further, from how Hermione had been the one thing he had tried to focus on not to lose his sanity completely, to Halloween, the night he had actually been captured. By then Harry didn't bother trying to figure out everything as he remembered it. He was discovering new things all the time. It was all so new still ... it didn't feel as though it had actually happened to him.

Harry was tired. If it was because of the potion or exhaustion he did not know, but soon he felt himself slipping away from reality. He lost himself into a world full of vivid colours and memories that he had once forgotten.


	39. Answers

Special thanks to Anna Rose!

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Ch39: **ANSWERS**

Give me back my point of view

Cause I just can't think for you

I can hardly hear you say

What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done

You've made a fool of everyone

Oh well, it seems like such fun

Until you lose what you had won

**(Look What You've Done by Jet)**

Harry awoke, much later, in a dark room full of snoring boys. He felt disoriented and confused, like he had been sucked into a tunnel. At first he didn't know where he was. He could've sworn he had just been in a warm and comfortable bed, looking up at two smiling faces. One of them had long, red hair while the other one had black and unruly hair, just like himself.

My parents, Harry realized, sitting up quickly. He reached for his glasses and quickly put them on his nose. His heart sank when he realized he was in Gryffindor tower. It must have been a dream; he knew perfectly well they were dead.

The Dursleys ... Harry had to close his eyes. He remembered so much from his time with them, so many details. Things he should have forgotten. Things he didn't want to remember.

"All right there, Harry?" someone asked from a bed beside him. Ron.

"Sure," said Harry, frowning in confusion. He felt as though he was ignoring something important. "This may sound silly, but ... which day is this?"

It was dark so Harry couldn't see very well, but he could feel Ron's eyes on him from across the room.

"It's Monday, April the fifteenth. Why?"

"1996?"

"Yeah? Have you gone mental or something, mate?" Ron's tone was only slightly mocking.

Harry felt a sudden urge to stick out his tongue, but refrained himself. His Master didn't accept childish behaviour.

The thought made Harry blink, but before he could grasp its importance his mind had wandered elsewhere. He began to lightly stroke Akin's tiny head, chuckling slightly as he remembered the day in the zoo with the Dursleys as though it had happened yesterday. Funny, how he could use snakes like that. He should tell Hermione; maybe she had a clever idea of how to use that advantage in a duel. Harry realized she would probably tell him to take Animagus lessons from McGonagall so he could _be _a snake as well. That would be very convenient if he ever needed to get away. Merlin knew he ended up in trouble often enough as it was, with or without Death Eaters. Harry hissed this idea to Akin, who seemed quite taken with the idea of Harry turning into a snake like him.

So many memories! Harry felt as though he could spend the whole day doing nothing but think. The future didn't seem very important.

The chamber of secrets ... the basilisk. Now _that _had been a huge snake, not to mention dangerous. Couldn't everyone have a basilisk though? All they needed was a chicken egg and a toad. However, it would be difficult for them to control the snake if they couldn't speak Parseltongue... Harry shrugged and started to think about Fawkes, and his old Defense teacher Professor Lockhart. Then he started to think about the ward in St Mungos, and if the professor had gotten any better. Harry hoped not, the world was a better place without him.

Thank Merlin Hermione wasn't obsessed by him anymore. On the other hand she was more obsessed with the books than the author himself. Still, better to have the scumbag out of the world, thought Harry. Hermione was _his _girlfriend after all, and – wait. That wasn't quite correct. She broke up with him. And then...

Oh no. No, no, no. Lucius had her! Death Eaters! Stone Edge! The Dark Lord!

Harry gasped, cold panic spreading from his gut to his very core. The bite of frost was so fierce and painful it felt like it was cleaving him. He was ... no, it couldn't be, it had to be a dream.

Deep down, Harry didn't need to remove the snake around his wrist and look at his forearm to know it was true. But he had to be sure.

Terrified, and widely awake now, Harry's stiff fingers closed around Akin's slim body, then removed the snake. The sight of a horrible skull with a snake curling out of its mouth was clearly visible for Harry, even through the dark. He could have sworn his heart stopped the very moment when he could no longer deny the truth of all the terrible things he had done, every selfish and manipulative thing, every person or creature he had tortured and killed.

Harry did the only thing he could do: he screamed.

Blood rushed to his ears and his scream tore at his throat so much it hurt, but all the while he screamed, screamed like he had never screamed before. He was so terrified, so full of utter and complete horror that he didn't know what to do with himself. He had tortured for fun. He had killed a pregnant woman. He had gotten Ron's, his _best friend's_ brother Percy killed! He had flirted with Bellatrix, he had fawned on the Dark Lord, and perhaps worst of all ... he had done nothing to stop Lucius from taking Hermione.

Harry couldn't breathe. So many emotions were threatening to burst out of him at once that he was sure he was going to explode. He felt sparks of magic in the air around him, but was too distraught to care.

Harry stumbled out of bed and fell blindly to the floor. His hand flew up to his throat while he struggled for breath. He had stopped screaming, and he was dimly aware of someone trying to grab his shoulders. Black spots danced before his eyes.

"Bloody hell, Harry!" breathed Ron, sounding shaken. Neville had gotten out of bed as well, while Dean and Seamus were still in their beds, ignoring them.

Harry forcibly shook his head and croaked out a 'no.' _He was not all right!_

He turned desperately to Neville, clutching the boy's PJs like a drowning man. "I am a good person, right? I cannot possibly be a Death Eater, can I?"

"It was just a dream, Harry," said Neville nervously. "Besides, if you were one you would have the Dark Mark."

Harry moaned and shook his head in denial. "I'm not..." he whispered. "I cannot be, _no_..."

Someone put a hand on his shoulder from behind and Harry started and spun around, only to see Ron standing there.

"Go to bed, Harry."

Harry blinked, trying to clear the fog of confusion and horror in his brain. He felt an itch in his fingers to use Dark Arts, but ignored it the best he could. It had only been 24 hours since the last time. He could wait –

Why was he even thinking about it? He could never use the Dark Arts again!

_Never..._

A cold hand clutched Harry's heart. The thought of never using any Dark Arts again bothered him immensely, more than what he would like to admit. Closing his eyes, Harry willed himself to not think about it. He knew that wishing would not be enough to stop him from being one of the Dark Lord's followers. It didn't matter that he remembered everything now and regretted it. It didn't matter that the Dark Lord had manipulated him into taking the mark. His time with the Death Eaters was so strong and so fresh in his mind that he couldn't help feeling as though he belonged there as much as he belonged at Hogwarts. Months with training and learning had made their desired effect. And so had the potion.

Harry felt sick and the content in his stomach did a sudden jump. He had to clutch his mouth tightly with his hands to stop the vomit from spraying across the room. Harry rushed to the bathroom and wasted no time in leaning over the toilet and retch. When he was done he shakily locked the door to the bathroom with the most powerful locking charm he could manage.

He went over to the sink, trembling violently while he washed his face and gulped down several handfuls with water. For a while he simply stared at the running water. It seemed like a good way to keep himself from thinking and remembering.

It had been so much easier before. He had known who he was then, despite of not knowing his past. Now he didn't know who he was anymore. Was he the Boy–Who–Lived, the Light Side's hero and fighter, or was he a Death Eater, Heir of the Dark Lord? Did none of the options fit him, or did both?

Harry let out a shaky breath and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His face was paler than it used to be and his hair was a mess. His lips held little or no colour, while his eyes were framed red as though he had been crying. What hit Harry, however, was how the colour of his eyes had changed. His eyes didn't have the startling, green look in them anymore. They shone with a darker intensity that he couldn't quite explain. _Perhaps eyes really are the window of the soul,_ he mused. He certainly had a darker soul than before.

Harry let his eyes travel down to his arms, still finding it hard to believe he was marked as a Death Eater. The snake tattoo stretched itself up his arm as high as it could go, curled down again and hissed. Harry felt as though it was mocking him.

He had to get rid of it.

Fumbling, he searched the cabinet for something he could use. His gaze finally landed on a scissor and he quickly took it up. He sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the sink. He glared at the ugly mark and smirked bitterly. He played with the scissor between his fingers a bit, then opened the handle to part the tip. He used the sharpest part to try to rip and puncture the skin where the dark mark was. He didn't dare to use a spell, it was too unpredictable.

It hurt a great deal, but it didn't damage to mark at all. Crying out in frustration, Harry ripped the scissor across his skin harsher and more furiously than before. Every now and then the scissor would trail to unmarked skin, and when it did it created an angry and red line.

With a sigh, Harry realized he couldn't destroy to mark. Trying a different tactic, he began to trace the outline of the mark with the scissor. He punctured his skin, watching dispassionately as red blood began to flow out from where the wound was. Harry clenched his jaw, letting the scissor dig deeper into his flesh. He even tried to angle the scissor to parallel his arm so he could get the tip underneath the mark and break through it that way, but it didn't help.

-

It was a good while later Harry finally gave up, panting. His whole arm was covered in blood, but the only place he was actually bleeding was around the mark. The mark itself was as whole as ever and continued to mock him. He felt a strong urge to sob when he realized that he was marked for the rest of his life; there was nothing he could do to make it go away.

Harry realized the dark mark was another thing he had in common with Hogwarts' potion master. If anyone knew what Harry was going through it was Snape, and Harry needed someone who knew what he was going through.

Knowing Snape probably was his safest bet to get some answers, Harry decided he had to go and see him. It was way past curfew, but when did the man ever sleep anyway?

Cleaning up the mess with the wand which still belonged to the dark lord, Harry opened the door back to the dormitory. All the boys were sleeping again, which made Harry wonder how long he had stayed in the bathroom. Silently finding a long-sleeved sweater and Akin, Harry put both on while he left Gryffindor tower.

Harry's heart was already aching for Hermione. He really missed her. _She'd known what to do... _

Harry met no one on his way to the dungeons and he was grateful. He had no idea how he would react to anyone at the moment. He doubted he could keep his head cool if anyone startled him. It was possible he would curse someone instinctively.

Harry reached the dungeons in no time. The air was much cooler down there and made him freeze despite of his sweater. On top of that he felt ill with nervousness.

Telling himself to just get it over and done with and stop being such a baby, he knocked on the dark, looming door in front of him which he knew were the entrance to Snape's living quarters.

Harry waited for someone to open, but the door remained closed for a long time. Harry was just about to leave when the door finally opened, and he was face to face with a tired and angry looking potion master.

To see Snape so annoyed didn't help Harry's nervousness, and he actually took himself in taking a few steps back.

"What, pray tell, are you here for in _the middle of the night_, Potter?" barked the head of Slytherin viciously. Harry gulped and prayed that it wasn't a mistake for him to come.

"Sorry to bother you sir, but I was wondering if I could talk to you? Only for a minute, it will not take long. It is important." Harry shot the man a desperate look which he instantly hated himself for. _He wasn't going to beg ... he was better than that. His Lord had thought him to never-_

Harry quickly interrupted himself, forcing himself back to the present. He searched the older man's face, but his expression was hard for Harry to assess. Snape scowled thoughtfully, but opened the door wider so Harry could get in.

Snape's living quarters were simple, but elegant. The floor had pale, almost white walls, which contrasted with the dark, rich wooden floor under Harry's feet. Almost all the furniture was black, including a couch and an armchair in the right corner as well as a huge bookcase in the left corner. It was simple, but still seemed to reflect Snape's personality Now that Harry had seen it he couldn't imagine Snape's living quarters looking any different.

"Sit down," commanded the potion master, pushing Harry down on the couch before he sat down on an armchair on the opposite side of Harry. "Spill."

Harry nodded and looked down at his hands, knowing it wouldn't be easy.

"I – I wanted to thank you for helping me when I was imprisoned. You tried to get me out, and ... I will never forget that. Thank you, sir."

Snape sighed in exasperation and anger. "_This_ is the reason you came to see me? It couldn't possibly wait until morning,when people are _not _trying to sleep?"

Harry's eyes widened. "You were sleeping? I did not mean to wake you, sir, I just figured –"

"Figured what?" asked Snape dangerously, and Harry swallowed what he had been planning to say about assuming Snape never slept.

"Never mind," he murmured. "It is not the main reason I came to see you, however."

Snape waited for Harry to continue.

"I also wanted to ask you about being a Death Eater. What made you take the mark anyway?"

"That is none of your business."

"Please, sir, I need to know." _So much for not begging,_ thought Harry morosely.

Snape folded his arms and looked at Harry down his nose, almost defiantly. "Why is that?"

Harry opened his mouth to tell the professor about his own mark, or maybe even show it, but his confidence left him in the last second. It left him a bitter taste in his mouth. He was such a coward.

"Because," he started, casting around for an excuse. "I have seen a lot of things of what Death Eaters do. I know more about how they think, how they act. How they kill..." Harry's voice trailed off as he remembered the people he had killed himself. He found it hard to believe that only a year before he had been terrified of knowing that he either had to be a murderer or a victim. Now he already had killed someone, but it was not the Dark Lord and he could still lose. He would have to kill again.

"You want to know why I decided to become one?" Snape challenged. Harry nodded carefully. "Very well. However, make sure you remember that I did it of my own free will. Both of my parents were dark wizards and I was raised as one. They sided with the Dark Lord early and I was expected to do the same.

"School slowed down those plans and it was decided that I would wait with taking the mark until I had finished my education. It would be too risky to let me take the mark before that, as it is difficult to hide something like that in a school. If it was to be discovered, the consequences would be ... disastrous."

Harry tried to swallow the abnormally huge lump he had in his throat. He suddenly had the uncomfortable feeling that Snape wasn't _entirely _talking about himself, but Harry as well. _Did he already know? _

"School changed my view on some matters, however," Snape continued as though he was talking about how he liked his coffee. "I discovered that everything did not evolve around the Dark Lord, and that the world could be a better place without him. However, school also left me bitter. I was different than everyone else and thus did not get along with many. I began to study the Dark Arts and dream of how I could hurt people like your father. I am sure you remember from _my _memories in the Pensieve that we did not get along very well. He was a self-centered, conceited and selfish boy, who showered himself in undeserved attention." Snape sneered at this, his black eyes boring into Harry. Harry held his tongue; he wanted Snape to continue. Snape did.

"I stuck to my family's plan and took the mark right after I finished school. For a while everything was good and I was more than happy to follow the Dark Lord and do his bidding. It was refreshing to feel as though I belonged. Then, after several years in his service, I began to grow tired of the never-ending lifestyle. There was always someone I had to kill, always a house or a family that needed to be taken care of. I had to prove myself to the Lord all the time, and even though I succeeded in getting into his inner circle I never felt safe. I often wondered if he was going to let me live if I slipped up, or if he was going to torture me for bringing him bad news. It became old, and I was sick of being treated like dirt and like I did not matter. I became tempting to settle down with a family of my own."

"A family?" echoed Harry before he could stop himself, finding it hard to look at Snape as a family man.

Snape took one look at Harry's stunned face and curled his upper lip. "Yes,_ Potter,_ a family. Is it that hard to imagine a teacher can have a family outside Hogwarts?"

Harry hadn't given it a lot of thought, but quickly shook his head. "When did you decide to become a spy?" he asked, wanting to change the subject.

"When I overheard a certain prophecy," drawled Snape in triumph, his black eyes boring into Harry's again. Harry remembered that the potion master was a skilled in mind reading and quickly looked away.

"So you know," muttered Harry quietly. Snape nodded.

"I do, but so do all the other Death Eaters at Stone Edge. Do you not remember? Didn't the potion work?"

"Oh yes, it worked all right," said Harry. "I remember telling them. I just do not like to think about it."

"Ignoring the problem will not make it go away," Snape pointed out. "However, it was after hearing the prophecy for the first time I realized that the Dark Lord was not unbeatable and that I could be a free man. Dumbledore discovered that I had overheard him and Trelawney and we had a little chat. That is when I agreed on being a spy and he offered me a position at Hogwarts."

"I am sorry you had to blow your cover because of me, Professor," Harry offered. He felt guilty, especially since he remembered how difficult he had made it. It wasn't just because he had been too weak to run, he had been too scared. He hadn't _wanted _to escape. Harry realized it was the torture he had received after that incident that made him lose all thoughts of being a light wizard. After that he began to long for the power he saw the Death Eaters have. He had wanted to be the one who caused pain instead of being the one who received it.

Snape said nothing to Harry's apology, but he didn't seem angry either. Harry found that encouraging.

"Sir ... when I was at the Stone Edge, the Dark Lord wanted to give me a potion. I do not know what it is called, but it was light green and smelled awful. Do you have any idea of what it does and how to counter it?"

Snape's head snapped up at this. "A potion? Did you take it? All three doses?"

Harry shook his head, only answering the last question. "No ... I overheard the Dark Lord talking to Bella about how it would work. He said that after I took it I would not have a mind of my own anymore, and that I would be completely under his control until the day he died. Something that cannot happen then as long as I am the only one who can kill him."

"You use the name 'Dark Lord,'" observed Snape. Harry figured it was no point in denying it. He couldn't even imagine using the Dark Lord's real name anymore. It was impossible.

"Yes," he said, looking down. Snape didn't ask him why, but continued as though he had never mentioned it.

"The Dark Lord is right about the potion, I happen to know a lot about it as I was supposed to make it. I believe he has a rather dubious interpretation about the prophecy, but you never know how things will turn out. He could be right about the fact that he cannot be killed by anyone but you, but then that should go for you as well, Potter. I suppose you are not interested in finding out if you are, in fact 'immortal' or not by letting me try to kill you?"

Harry just stared, wondering if the potion master was serious or if he had attempted a joke. "Um, not really," he replied.

"Thought so. I would not recommend you to try to get yourself killed by some stupid stunt either. Merlin knows we need you alive so you can challenge the Dark Lord. We must remember that he believes you are immortal as long as you do not attack each other; we can find a way to use that to our advantage."

Harry nodded in agreement, but then thought of a certain Gryffindor girl. "But the Dark Lord has Hermione! We need to find a way to save her!"

"You will do no such thing!" Snape thundered. "She is not important enough in this war!"

"But sir!" Harry objected, unable to keep the desperation away from his voice. "She is important to _me! _I need her! Why try to win this war if there is nothing to win for?"

Snape narrowed his eyes dangerously. "I recommend you to stop only thinking about yourself this instant! You truly are your father's son if you are so shortsighted as that you cannot see the reason people _keep _sacrificing themselves for you. We must win this war, or it would have been for nothing."

Harry blinked. _Great. _Like he needed to be reminded of all the people who had sacrificed themselves for him. What really stung, however, was that Snape had practically said they hadn't done it because they loved him, they done it for the greater good. "You are right. Sorry." Harry felt the urge to kick something. He couldn't believe he had apologized to Snape twice already, that was just plain ridiculous

"It is no use beating yourself up over Miss Granger's captivity, Potter," Snape advised, "only one with a Dark Mark can reach her now as long as she is in the Dark Lord's clutches. He makes sure to block all possibilities for Apparition, Floo and Portkeys in cases like this."

Harry made sure to keep his face blank so it wouldn't betray the turmoil of thoughts that had started to spin in his head... He decided to change the subject. "As for the potion, though ... is there a way to counter it?"

Snape threw Harry a concerned look that Harry definitely didn't like. "No. There is only two ways to have some degree of control over it. The best way is to simply refuse drinking it as it has to be taken willingly. If you already have it in your system the only thing you can do is to stay away from all Dark Arts."

Harry felt his eyes widen. "Dark Arts? Why?"

"The potion interacts directly with Dark Arts and need it in order to work. The Dark Arts creates a unique energy which the potion feeds from. It cannot work without it."

Harry smiled in relief. It felt good to know there was a way to control it. He doubted he could stop with the Dark Arts, but he didn't need to as long as he didn't drink the last dose of the potion. Now he just needed to save Hermione.

Harry stood up from the couch, and nodded politely to Snape. "I better go back to Gryffindor, sir. Thank you for the potion, the talk, everything. I will not forget it."

The potion master stood up as well and crossed his arms. "This took more than one minute, Potter."

Harry grimaced sheepishly. "I know."

Snape led him to the door and opened it like he couldn't wait for Harry to disappear.

"Good night, Professor," said Harry, stepping out in the hall. He realized this had to be the longest civil conversation he had ever had with the head of Slytherin. It made him feel rather optimistic about the future.

"Night, Potter. Next time you decide to grace me with your presence be sure to come in day time." Snape was just about to close the door, when he opened it again. He curled his lips in a way that could almost be described as a cruel smile, and added, like in afterthought: "And ten points from Gryffindor for being out of bed after curfew."

Harry just rolled his eyes and began to walk back to the Portrait of the Fat (but Undeniably Ugly) Lady. It didn't matter what Snape had said about Hermione not being important enough in the war. He was going to save her the next time his mark burned. In the mean time he would simply have to keep the mark a secret and prepare for what could be the most important fight in his life.

-

**A/N: **There's a picture for this chapter. If you wish to see it, simply go to my yahoo!group address from my profile.

Tell me about your plans for the summer! I'm going to spend some time with my family and friends, find a job and have fun. I hope to visit England, but I don't know if it'll work out yet. Thanks for reviewing!


	40. A Lose or Lose Situaton

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Phew. I never thought I'd get this chapter done! Took me awfully long though, I'm really sorry. Hopefully it'll never happen again, at least not with this story. I also hope you're still reading, and if you're too angry to review that's understandable. Anyway, no more waiting, on with the chapter!

Special thanks to Anna Rose for her help and encouragement. Check out her stories under the author name mstiquerose in my list of favorite authors!

-

Ch40: **A LOSE – LOSE SITUATION**

I don't want to let go, girl.

I just need you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,

No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

**(No Promises by Shane Ward)**

Harry was so lost in thought the entire way back to the common room that he started when his feet stopped walking and he saw he was standing outside the Gryffindor portrait. He sighed and said the password. The portrait swung open obediently and Harry went in with his head down, deep in thought.

Harry wasn't sure what to think of Gryffindor anymore. It was his house and had been more of a home to him than Privet Drive had ever been, but he didn't feel as though he belonged there any longer. He couldn't deny that the strong colours of red and gold made his skin crawl or that the people in it seemed to be very narrow minded and saw everything in black and white. Only twelve hours ago, Harry had thought about how much he would rather belong to Slytherin, but he didn't belong there either. As far as he could see, none of the Hogwarts houses fitted him anymore.

"Hi Harry," someone said. Harry jumped in surprise, but he relaxed when he saw it was Ron.

"Hi Ron," replied Harry dutifully, "what are you doing up so late?"

"So early, you mean?" said Ron with a short laugh. "It's nearly six a.m."

"Oh." Harry waited for Ron to continue talking.

"Actually, your snake woke me. You should be more careful, you know," Ron advised after a short moment of silence. "_I_ would never hurt Akin as he's your pet, but I can't speak for Dean and Seamus. They are dead tired of him, seriously. I've heard them make jokes about how they can 'accidentally' kill him and stuff."

Harry frowned angrily at this, and thanks to old habits he was already plotting how he could make Seamus and Dean pay for their jokes. However, deep down he also knew he would never act on it. Not now as he remembered them as friends. Besides, they joked about many things. Surely they didn't mean it? Surely they wouldn't _really _hurt Akin?

Ron leaned back in the armchair he was sitting in and stretched his arms above his head with a yawn before he smiled mischievously at Harry. "The question is ... what are _you _doing out of bed at this hour?"

Harry resisted the urge to take a step back. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Ron shrugged. "You asked me, so I asked you."

"Oh, I was just walking around, to look at things. It has been a while since the last time I were here, you know." Harry could've kicked himself for the bad excuse, but Ron just nodded in understanding.

"No kidding. It's already spring, and you've only been here less than two months of the entire year," Ron said. Suddenly his face adapted such a serious expression it was almost comical. "Was it ... you know, horrible there?" Ron leaned forward, still with the same expression in his face. Harry noticed the expression didn't suit his friend at all; it gave him wrinkles and he looked stupid with his mouth hanging open. Harry stopped these thoughts quickly before they got too far and answered the question.

"It was no _fun, _if that is what you are asking ... but it was certainly a learning experience."

"I don't know how you deal with it all," continued Ron. "And now that you're finally here again, the same thing that happened to you happened to Hermione. How do you think she will handle being there?"

"I," Harry began, "I think she, er, well, I would like to say she can handle it, but I do not know what they are going to do with her. They do not have her for the same reason they had me. I believe they did not actually plan to capture her, it was me they really wanted. She is more like the bait, I think."

Ron's eyes were very wide. "Are you going to save her?"

"Of course," replied Harry at once.

"I'll come with you," said Ron quickly, looking excited at the prospect of a new adventure. "Do you know where she is and how to get there?"

"She is probably the same place I was." Harry sat on the armrest on the couch and looked at Ron seriously, purposely avoiding the last question. "But you cannot come with me." Harry held up his hand and continued before Ron could respond with an angry remark. "This is something only I can do. I know the place and I know the people. If both of us went, we would be discovered easier, it is too risky."

"But we always do things like this together," protested Ron meekly. "What's changed?"

"I have," muttered Harry, and he looked away. He got a very bitter taste in his mouth and he badly wanted to curse something from the unfairness of it all. "And the situation. We are at war, Ron, and Hermione's life is in danger. They are probably torturing information out of her as we speak, maybe even doing other _unspeakable _things." Harry shuddered as he remembered the not – so – innocent comment one of the Death Eaters had made about Hermione being a virgin or not. "You have no idea what kind of things they can do, Ron. They do not have any morals to anything except the Dark Lord's orders. The Death Eaters are going to guard her very carefully, perhaps even the Dark Lord himself. If you come, you will be a _spare. _Remember Cedric?"

Ron nodded. His face had gotten so pale, his freckles stood out clearly against his skin. Harry felt as though he had just cursed his friend with the Cruciatus, but it was necessary. Ron needed to grow up before something bad happened. At least he, Harry, had learned his lesson.

"Yeah, I remember him," said the red haired boy at last, looking defeated.

"Good," said Harry, grateful Ron had seen his reasoning.

They sat for a while in silence.

"Things are never gonna be the same again, are they?" asked Ron, but it didn't sound like a question. He looked very sad.

"No," admitted Harry. "We are not children anymore. We cannot simply put our heads in the sand and wait for everything to work out. In fact, I am not sure I believe everything will work out in the end anymore."

Ron didn't know what to say to that, but Harry hadn't been lying or exaggerating; he really did not believe things would work out in his favour this time. How could it, as long as Hermione was captivated by the Dark Lord? If Harry went there, he would probably have to change places with her, and then there would be absolutely no hope that he would be able to escape again.

This time, it was a lose – lose situation.

-

Harry became very depressed and secluded in the next few days, and for every day that passed, he grew more and more sure that he could never win the war without Hermione by his side. No matter what happened and no matter what he had to do, he had to go back to the Dark Lord and save her.

When Harry first acknowledged this was how it had to be, he felt that sooner was better than later. He couldn't bear the thought of Hermione having to be there in the death eater den longer than necessary. However, he had to wait until the Dark Lord activated the mark before he could do anything, as only the mark could transport him to the Stone Edge. The mark had bothered Harry frequently while he had been living with Annie, but not anymore. It was as though the Dark Lord knew how much Harry desired it to burn and avoided activating it just to mock him. Harry had never been more frustrated; _days_ went by and he didn't even feel a tiny stab of pain! Harry actually would've suspected the Dark Lord to be either sick or dead had it not been for his scar, which would twinge with anticipation now and then, like to make up for the lack of pain from the mark.

Being back at Hogwarts was absurd for Harry. The castle, which he had truthfully called his home only a year ago, seemed false now; like an illusion or a soap bubble ready to burst. Nothing felt like it used to be.

Maybe it was because everyone stopped and looked twice at him every time they saw him, as though they couldn't quite believe he was real, or maybe it was because every girl who carried books or had brown hair reminded him of Hermione, but not having her by his side was like a wound that wouldn't heal, aching deep inside him. Harry felt terribly lonely and lost without her, and Ron was not nearly enough to make up for her absence.

Harry eventually returned back to his classes. Most of his teachers got teary-eyed whenever they saw him and let him get away with anything, which was fine with Harry. His classed didn't really interest him anymore and he did poor on his assignments. In subjects like Transfiguration and Potions, the class had moved to such complicated tasks that Harry doubted he would ever catch up.

On top of it, Harry's addiction to the Dark Arts began to make things difficult for him. He was determined to stop using them completely and he had avoided any situations where he might snap or fall for the temptation, but it became increasingly difficult to restrain himself. When he wasn't thinking about Hermione, he was thinking about dark curses and hexes. He was constantly sweating, his hands were shaking and it became difficult to focus on ordinary tasks. He became withdrawn and angry at everyone and everything. Most of his teachers took pity in him and assumed it was because of Hermione and his 'horrible, traumatic experience,' but Harry knew it was only a matter of time before he messed up.

Snape was the one who made Harry the most nervous and self-conscious, so Harry began to avoid him as much as possible. The man wasn't as easily fooled as the other teachers and he kept shooting Harry suspicious looks. Harry knew he could blame himself for Snape's suspicion, though; he should've remembered that Snape had probably been addicted to the Dark Arts himself once, and therefore would know all the signs. They hadn't talked since their night in the dungeons and they weren't as hostile to each other as they had been once, but those looks told Harry that he had to be careful. The less the man knew about how hard Harry was struggling to keep his appearance up, the safer Harry and everyone else would be.

However, there were people Harry could not avoid, no matter how much he tried. Ron, but also Draco Malfoy. The Slytherin was particularly annoying and obnoxious and Ron seemed to make it his job to protect Harry, which was almost equally annoying.

Harry could not understand why Ron thought Harry couldn't take care of himself. It was quite ironic; considering how close Harry was to the edge these days, it was really Malfoy Ron should be protecting.

Harry's patience had gotten so paper thin that little could make him overreact and do something he would regret later. He wanted to wipe the smirk off Malfoy's face so badly that his wand nearly glowed in his pocket every time he saw the Slytherin, and he could feel 'his darker self' bubble beneath the surface. The only thing that had kept him in check so far was because he needed to be ready so he could at least try to rescue Hermione.

With that in mind, Harry prepared himself mentally for the next lesson; Transfiguration.

"Come on, Harry, or we'll be late," said Ron sternly, and took Harry's arm and began to drag Harry down towards the Transfiguration classroom. Harry would've laughed if it had not been for the fact that the gesture reminded him of Hermione.

"I can find my own way down, thanks," sighed Harry. "I am familiar with the castle, believe it or not."

Ron got a little red on the top of ears, and let Harry's arm drop. "Fine."

Ron sped up his walk to the point where Harry almost had to run to keep up.

"Trouble in paradise?" said someone to Harry's left, and Harry didn't need to turn his head to see who it was to know the voice was Draco Malfoy's. Not bothering to answer or slow down, Harry left Draco behind and continued to follow Ron to the Transfiguration classroom, where most of the class was already waiting.

Harry felt his stomach tighten with a sudden nervousness when he saw the class staring at him.

"Hi guys," he muttered, not meeting anyone's eye or trying to talk with anyone. Luckily, at that moment, McGonagall appeared around the corner and opened the classroom door. Everybody piled in and Harry once again found himself having to follow Ron to a couple of seats in the back. This was the second Transfiguration class Harry had attended since he came back to the castle, and they were sitting in the exact same seats as last time. Harry wondered when that had changed; Hermione had made sure they were all sitting in the front for every lesson before Halloween, when Pettigrew appeared with the portkey and the unnaturally strong silver hand, taking Harry away.

McGonagall started the lesson.

"Today, we are going to continue working on human transfiguration. You are not to transfigurate your arm to the arm of a monkey's this time, but to one of a cat. Remember you should not practice this without supervision until you got it right. I assume you all know what a cat paw looks like, but if not –" here McGonagall waived her wand and produced a picture, animated so everyone could see the paw from every angle, "-you can look at this picture. You may begin."

Harry sighed as all the other students took out their wands and practiced the wand movement silently. Everyone seemed to take this quite seriously and Harry couldn't blame them – he would rather not make his arm explode or something like that. Harry didn't feel very confident about the spell at all, so he watched the other students for a while to get some tips on what to expect. Normally he would just ask Hermione, but given the situation it was rather difficult. Ron seemed to struggle with the spell as well so Harry didn't bother to ask him for help. Parvati, on the other hand, appeared to handle the task well. She was one of the first students to successfully transfigurate her arm into something that resembled a cat's. Harry remembered from the last Transfiguration lesson how she had showed everyone her animagus form; a small and pretty dark blue and black bird. An Asian Fairy bluebird.

Struck by sudden inspiration, he tapped Parvati on her shoulder, hoping she could give him some pointers.

"How do you do it?" he asked, leaning forwards so he didn't have to raise his voice so much. He remembered the depressed mess the girl had been in after her family was killed, and he was glad to see that her eyes were sparkling again. She didn't seem to have much contact with Lavender anymore, however.

"It's not that difficult really," said the dark haired girl with an encouraging smile. "Just wave your wand like this while you visualize what you want your hand to become in every detail, and then say _Anima Basila. _With a long '_I_.'"

"Um, okay, thanks," said Harry, only to figure out he still didn't get it. and he turned back to his desk again, only to figure out that he still didn't get it. He cleared his throat so he could get Parvati's attention again. "Does it hurt?"

"Not really," she replied. "Just tickles. It only hurts if you don't get it right. The first time I did it, it hurt _really _bad, I had to go to Madam Pomfrey and everything..."

Harry grimaced.

Parvati laughed, brushing some of her long black hair away from her face with her hand. "Hey, don't worry, if I can do it then you can too. Just relax and take it easy."

"Will do," said Harry, and he turned his attention back to his desk again. He rolled up his left sleeve and pointed his wand at the underside of his arm, only to discover that he was showing off the dark mark to the entire classroom. He let out a strangled yelp and quickly pulled his sleeve down, his heart beating madly in his chest. Harry quickly looked around, and saw that several students and McGonagall were watching him. He couldn't tell whether or not they had seen the mark.

"Is there a problem, Potter?" asked McGonagall, walking over to him.

"No, not at all," said Harry, a little too fast.

"Let me see you try the spell then," she said, waiting with her arms crossed over her chest. Harry could feel the tiny hairs in his neck stand and goose bumps appear on his skin. Was it just a trick to see if they had really seen a mark there?

"Um, now?" asked Harry with a small voice.

"Yes, now," said McGonagall sternly. "Or you will have to wait until the next lesson, and you need all the extra practice you can get. Come on, now."

"You can do it, Harry," said Parvati from the seat in front of him.

"Yes, you can," muttered Ron from his right, having finally gotten some ginger fur on his arm, although no more than that.

"What, are you like my cheerleaders now?" said Harry, too nervous to be particularly annoyed about it. Why did he hesitate? If he could produce a Patronus at age thirteen, then surely he could do this too?

Harry rolled up his sleeve again, making sure to keep the mark down to the desk so it was not visible to anyone. Merlin, he hoped they hadn't seen it!

He pointed cautiously at his arm with the Dark Lord's wand again, concentrating of what Parvati had said, only with Hermione's voice: _Anima Basila. Anima Basiiila._

"_Anima Basila_!" he said, while he pictured the cat paw and giving the wand an extra flip. Nothing happened.

"Visualize," McGonagall advised. Harry resisted the urge to snap back. He _was _visualizing!

"_Anima Basila_!" he cried again, furiously, not caring that he had raised his voice so much that everyone else who weren't already watching stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at him. "_ANIMA BASILA_! _This is not working, professor!"_

"Take it easy, Potter," said McGonagall and she put her hand on Harry's right wrist to keep him from poking someone's eye out with his wand. "Your hand is shaking ... take a few deep breaths. It will be no use to hurt a student or destroy the classroom with a wayward spell."

Harry realized she was right, and he quickly put both of his hands in his lap in an effort to hide the shaking. He couldn't help thinking what the Dark Lord would do to him if Harry did this bad in one of their lessons. It would not be particularly pleasant.

"Can I leave? Please?"

McGonagall hesitated, but finally nodded. "All right. You need to regain your strength before doing advanced magic like this. I advice you to visit Madam Pomfrey just in case, to see if there is anything she can do."

Harry just nodded.

"Can I go with him, professor?" asked Ron, and lent forwards and whispered to McGonagall like he didn't want Harry to hear: "He shouldn't be alone right now."

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Very well, mister Weasley. You may go as well."

Not saying a word, Harry packed his things. Everyone was treating him like he was a fragile porcelain doll and he hated it. He wished they could just all leave him alone.

-

"You know," Ron said as soon as they had exited the classroom and no one could hear them. "I think McGonagall has a soft spot for you, Harry."

Harry snorted.

"She has a point, though. You should go to Madam Pomfrey, you don't look too good."

"Gee, thanks Ron."

Ron continued as though Harry hadn't made a comment at all. "Are you sure you're not sick or something? You're sweating, your hands are shaking and you're too tired to do magic ... though the spell wasn't easy, I give you that."

"It is this stupid wand..." muttered Harry under his breath, just not loud enough for Ron to hear. He gave the Dark Lord's wand a hateful look. "I want my old one back."

"What? You want it all done, back? Sorry, mate, either I didn't hear you, or you're not making a lot of sense."

"I said there is no way I am going to Madam Pomfrey," Harry invented. "Hey, maybe I should just go to bed now and maybe I will feel better in the morning."

Ron hesitated. "I don't know, Harry, McGonagall said –"

"When did you start to listen to what she has to say anyway? I do not need a baby sitter, Ron!" Harry was truly annoyed now.

"It's not like that, mate –" started Ron, but Harry cut him off again.

"Look, it is probably nothing anyway. I should just take a nap." They had reached the Gryffindor portrait. "See you later." Biting out the password, Harry hurried inside and went right up to his bed. Not to sleep, however.

Finally being somewhere he didn't have to act wear a mask of normality, Harry's shoulders slumped with relief. He rubbed his face tiredly with his shaking hands. He didn't lie down, instead he sat with his back leaned against the wall and his feet curled beneath him.

Harry closed his eyes and tried to count silently to ten, but it didn't help. He held his hands in front of his face. Despite his very best efforts, he could not keep them from shaking. He even tried to sit on them, but then his elbows and shoulders started to shake and that, in his opinion, was worse. He didn't need Hermione to tell him it was because of all the suppressed dark energy that was flowing in his veins. He had been using the Dark Arts for so long that he had become addicted to it. How good wouldn't it be, to summon a bird or two and play with them a bit ... that would calm him, that would make him feel fit as a fiddle again...

_No! _Harry screamed inwardly. _Never again! Never, never, never! _

Fumbling with his wand he quickly muttered a silence spell to his throat. He couldn't take it anymore!

Desperate, Harry threw himself down on his bed, stuffed his face in his pillow and screamed as hard and as long he could.

Harry didn't know how long he screamed. No sound escaped him, but his throat was still sore when he stopped screaming at last. Not only did it only symbolize the unfairness of it all, but also predicted that he wouldn't have much voice to talk with the next day.

Harry closed his eyes to rest and finally dozed off, dreaming that he got to curse the Dark Lord and all the Death Eaters in existence over and over, with every dark curse he knew for making life so difficult for him.


	41. Pushing the Limit

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Special thanks to Anna Rose for correcting (again, if you haven't checked out her stories yet, you should, she's to be found as mstiquerose under my favourite authors.) And also a special thanks to Estarc who reviewed every single chapter of this story in less than 24 hours. I've never gotten that many reviews at once before!

Ch41: **PUSHING THE LIMIT**

Oh I am what I am  
I do what I want  
But I can't hide

**(Here With Me **by **Dido)**

"_Harry?"_

_Harry lowered his wand. "Hermione?" _

"_Yeah…" she was panting. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, but when you just-" _

"_It's okay," Harry quickly reassured her. "How did you find me?" _

"_I used a Tracking charm…" Hermione said as she stepped closer to him. Her hand reached out for his. Harry suddenly felt nervous and a chill went down his spine. _

"_Harry…" she said. "What happened?" _

-

_Hermione frowned slightly, as though she sensed he wasn't really sorry at all that she wasn't dating Ron. "Harry," she said, "I want you to know that you can tell me anything." _

_Harry was surprised. "I know. I haven't told the Prophecy to anyone but you." _

_She took his other hand and squeezed it gently. _

-

_Hermione hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded. "Alright, but then you have to promise me something: if Voldemort ever gets me, kills me or hurts me in any way … promise me that you won't blame yourself and do something stupid." _

-

It was remembering those words that made Harry wake up. He instantly knew he had been dreaming memories again, not merely making up some fantasy. He had been doing that quite a lot lately after taking Snape's potion. Harry didn't mind this usually, except when he was reliving something that had been particularly horrible to him in the past. Then he couldn't tell himself it had all just been a dream, because it had really happened.  
Although it hurt to be reminded of happier days with Hermione, it was also a weird kind of comfort. While he was dreaming about her, he could forget the reality for some time. He could even pretend that nothing had happened to her.

Harry turned over in his bed, knowing he would not get any more sleep that night. The memories had felt too real, like he was experiencing them all over again. Waking up to the present was like having someone kick him roughly in the stomach.

Harry clenched his fists and opened them again a few times. He wanted to go back to sleep again so he could be with Hermione. Dreaming was much more tempting than the dull reality he was living in. However, Harry couldn't help but recall what Dumbledore had said in his first year: _It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that._

All right, so he wasn't going to waste his life dreaming about something that was all in the past, but he highly doubted he could ever enjoy his life the way it was now. Something inside him ached now more than ever for it all to simply _end,_ so he didn't have to feel so much pain all the time.

It was always one thing after the other. He could remember (again thanks to Snape) his first and only year with his parents, and that year had been pretty happy – despite the evil and the insecurities lying in the shadows. It had all gone downhill from there. The years with the Dursleys had all been bad, and Hogwarts had therefore seemed like a heaven to him at first. A place where he could be free to be himself, somewhere fun and somewhere he could start a new and better life. Had he really been happy at Hogwarts, though? Every year had been filled with threats, difficult tasks, unstable teachers or monsters, and when Harry thought about it he realized he had used the entire time worrying or solving a mystery.

He could only remember being truly happy a few times in his life. He was always happy being at the Burrow with the Weasleys, pretending he was a part of their family, and he enjoyed winning Quidditch and riding a broomstick. The half hour where he thought he didn't have to go back to the Dursleys ever again and live with Sirius, and spending time with Hermione were just the joyous occasions he could ever remember being happy.

Was all the pain, all the worrying and all the suffering really worth it?

Harry didn't know. But he did know he didn't have much to lose.

-

"Come on, Harry, time to get up." Ron shook Harry's shoulder.

Harry opened his mouth to say he was not sleeping, but the silencing charm he had put on himself still worked and no sound came out. Sighing inwardly, Harry sat up and swung his feet down to the floor. Ron went to wash his face, and Harry used the opportunity to cancel the silencing spell. He had some training from the Death Eaters how to use spells silently, and the spell had weakened over time anyway so it wasn't much of a problem. His throat felt sore and dry, though.

Harry changed his clothes while massaging his neck, not really wanting to start a new day. "Your turn," said Ron when he came back from the bathroom. Harry nodded, went in and closed the bathroom door behind him. Harry allowed himself some time to simply look at himself in the mirror and study the dark mark a bit for any signs of activating.

There were no signs, but Harry hadn't really expected there to be any. He had been awake most of the night, too restless to sleep, and in all those hours he hadn't felt anything in the mark.

Harry looked back up into the mirror. He had to admit his reflection in the mirror looked awful. His hair was messier than usual, his face was almost as pale as the Dark Lord's, his lips were void of any colour and his eyes were a dull and lifeless dark green. How quickly everything a person knew could change.

Ron knocked on the door. "Coming?"

"Er, no," replied Harry, with a voice so hoarse that it was barely a voice at all. "You go ahead. I'm not particularly hungry."

Ron made a sound of disbelief, but after a few moments he gave it up as a lost cause and went away. The other Gryffindor boys had gone to breakfast a long time ago.

-

Harry skipped classes that day. The thought of dealing with Snape for two whole hours in potions and McClaggan in defense was not particularly tempting. Instead he sat down and tried to write a letter to Annie. He really missed her, and he longed for the sense of normalness he felt at her house. He missed her cool attitude. It was weird for Harry to admit, that in spite of the short time he had spent with her she had managed to become one of his best friends.

Had it not been for Hermione and what he had to do to save her he would return to Annie immediately like he in the ink and hovered over some parchment. He tried to decide how to start the letter. Hi Annie? Dearest Annie, or just Annie? Harry frowned, it was hard to concentrate. He decided to write the headline later and rather start on the letter.

This proved to be even more difficult. Harry's thoughts were such a mess he couldn't think of anything clever to write that would make sense to Annie, and his hands were still shaking rather badly so his handwriting was pretty hard to interpret.

_It shouldn't be this difficult, it's just a letter, _Harry told himself, before giving up on the letter. He could write it later.

Harry collected Akin from his dorm and took him up to the owl tower to visit Hedwig. He had to wear Akin around his neck, however, because the little thing complained that Harry's wrist was shaking so much it was hard to stay on. Combining Hedwig and Akin soon proved to be a problem as well though, as both pets considered the other as a threat. Harry decided to leave, and went somewhere he knew he could be alone – the Astronomy tower.

Harry breathed in the fresh air and tried to force himself to relax, all the while trying to get rid of the dark hole inside of him that grew bigger and bigger for each day. He walked over to one of the windows and looked out at the morning sky. It really was a beautiful view that he should have enjoyed, but all Harry could think about was how far down the ground was.

"_Maybe I should just jump off the tower,"_ suggested Harry half-heartedly in Parseltongue, his voice shaking slightly. He knew he would do no such thing, but he couldn't help entertaining the thought. Akin tightened his hold around Harry's neck in agitation. Strangely, the weight of Akin around his neck was more comforting than the view and the fresh air.

"_No! I need someone to take care of me, and feed me! Others of your kind are scary!"_

Harry remembered what Ron had said about Seamus and Dean joking about accidentally killing Akin. _"They won't do anything to you,"_ he promised. _"I won't allow it."_

Akin seemed unsure. _"I don't like them; they wish me harm. You're not always there to watch over me. You're back now, but you were gone for an awful long time."_

"_I didn't have much choice,"_ said Harry, and he told Akin all about the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, and how they had used the Cruciatus curse so much Harry forgot all his memories and got confused enough to become a Death Eater. Then he told Akin about how he had felt uncomfortable killing someone at first, but how he had suppressed it enough for it to be second nature for him. He told how much he regretted killing all of the innocent people, especially the pregnant woman, and being partly responsible for Percy's death. Harry's stomach twisted to a very uncomfortable knot remembering that; what would Ron say if he ever found out about it? Ron may not have liked Percy, but the Weasleys were extremely loyal to their family.

Harry was very grateful that only he and the Dark Lord knew Parseltongue. Akin was the perfect listener that way; he couldn't tell anyone even if he wanted to.

Harry didn't begin to cry, but he did feel something break inside him as desperation took a new death grip on him with its cold hand. If only there was a way for him to contact the Dark Lord, then –

Wait. Hadn't he tried just that once at Grimmauld Place and partly succeeded?

Harry felt his eyes widen as his heart did a great jump. Of course!

"_Akin!"_ he cried in excitement. _"I know! I know how I can talk to my Lord!"_

"_I thought he wasn't really your Lord?"_ remarked Akin dryly.

"_Never mind that!"_ Harry was too excited to care. _"I can tell him I'm ready to come back!"_

"_But then you'll have to leave me again!"_ hissed Akin_. "I don't want you to go. Not again."_

Harry shifted guiltily. _"I'm really sorry, but I have to do this. I can't live without –" _There was no word for Hermione.

"_Your mate?"_ suggested Akin.

"_Yes, her,"_ said Harry. _"She'll take care of you if ... if I don't come back."_

Harry untangled Akin from his neck and put him gently down on the ground a little out of the way. He knew this would be extremely risky. The last time he had tried had been a fiasco – as soon as the Dark Lord knew what was going on he had made Harry Apparate. Had it not been for the fact that Harry had been in Grimmauld Place at the time with Apparition wards, he would've been caught by the Dark Lord much earlier.

"_I don't have much to lose anyway,"_ muttered Harry quietly as he prepared himself for what he had to do. In fact, he was quite proud of himself for thinking of it in the first place. He didn't feel particularly scared either, just a calm acceptance of what he had to do.

He remembered what Hermione had said the last time he had tried to contact Voldemort: _"You _can't_ mess with Voldemort like that! No one knows what he could do!"_ She was right of course, but he was doing this for her this time, not just to save a random person he didn't know.

Harry closed his eyes and calmed himself again the best he could. He sought for the connection he shared with the Dark Lord in his mind, focusing only on finding the same sensation as he had last time, the feeling of being close to the Lord without actually being near him physically. He had done it before, so he could do it again.

He tried thinking of what the Dark Lord could be doing at the moment and how he felt. _Willing _himself to find out, he suddenly felt his mind doing some kind of shift, like a part of himself was transported somehow, and he could not feel himself sitting on the top of the Astronomy tower any longer. He was standing, with his left hand resting on a smooth surface. Harry couldn't see anything, and even though he badly wanted to see if Hermione was in the room with him, he couldn't take the chance of history repeating itself. Last time, the Dark Lord had only realised Harry was there when Harry forced his eyes to see what the Dark Lord saw.

_Master?_ Harry whispered inside his mind. He forced down the bad taste he got in his mouth when he addressed the Lord as his own. He had to be respectful, or else he wouldn't achieve anything.

Harry felt the Dark Lord's body tense, and a second later he felt the awareness of another mind seeking out for his. Harry retreated slightly so he wouldn't get too close to the other mind, but he was tired already. He had to do this quick.

_Master?_ He tried again.

_Ah, Harry, _Harry heard the Dark Lord say. _I wondered when you would try to seek me._

_I have been waiting for you to call me, my Lord, _said Harry.

_Have you now? _The voice was dripping with sarcasm.

_I have! _Harry hurried to explain. _But I was confused. My memories started to come back and then Bella told me about that potion you were making, and what it would do... _this was a lie: Harry didn't think it would be a good idea to tell the Lord he had been eavesdropping.

_She told you? _pressed the Dark Lord dangerously.

_Well, yes, _Harry replied, doing his best to sound sincere.

_You lie! Do you honestly think I cannot sense it when you do? You have always been bad in hiding your feelings, boy! You only want to come back so you can save your precious Mudblood._

Harry didn't know what to say. This wasn't going the way he had hoped, and he was so incredibly tired already from staying in control of his own mind... _Look, I will come back if you activate the mark, my Lord. If you do not want me to, then there is nothing I can do about it._

_Always the Gryffindor ... tell me, killed something lately? _

Harry thought of all the birds he had played with while he had been staying with Annie and said nothing.

_You have, _remarked the Dark Lord with amusement. _We have a lot in common, you and I. You are not the only one who has killed someone lately..._

Harry felt himself go cold. _You have not killed Hermione, have you?_

_Now, now, where would be the fun in that?_

_I swear, if you hurt her -!_

_You would do what? You better remember where you belong, boy. You are marked as a Death Eater, and that means you will be one for the rest of your life. You will always think like one, and you will always act like one._

_I'm not like that! I was marked against my will! _protested Harry, even though he knew it was pointless. Somewhere deep inside, no matter how much he loathed to admit it, the Dark Lord did have a point. Harry still felt as though a part of him belonged with the Death Eaters.

Harry felt a wave of irritation from the Dark Lord that Harry recognized was not from what he had said, but from _how _he had said it. Harry thought back to what he had said for a moment and hurried to correct himself. _I _am _not. _

The Lord had always made a point of sounding like an adult.

_Denial is a dangerous thing, _warned the Dark Lord._ You know very well you were not marked against your will. I recall you were quite eager, in fact. You have always had a darker side in you, Harry, it was bound to come out sooner or later. The sooner you realise where you truly belong, the better it will be for both of us, not to mention your Mudblood friend. Although, I am curious of why you did not try to rescue her in the first place ... no matter. I will consider summoning you._

_Thank you, my Lord, _said Harry breathlessly, surprising himself. Why was it so easy to still call the Dark Lord for _his _Lord? It really shouldn't be.

Harry found he could no longer hold the connection with the Lord. Without warning, his head exploded in pain and his scar cracked open. A wave of dizziness forced him back to the Astronomy tower. He swayed in his sitting position for a moment, his eyes rolling up in his head, before he promptly passed out.

-

Harry came back to consciousness when he felt himself being lifted from the ground.

"Lemme 'lone," he mumbled, trying to fight the invisible force holding him up with his arms and feet, but as no one was actually holding him he didn't have anyone to fight against.

Harry opened his eyes and saw the person who had found him was none other than McClaggan. The Defense teacher had his wand pointed at Harry, concentrating in holding a hover charm. Harry let his head fall back in defeat. _Just great._

"We have been looking high and low for you, Mister Potter," said McClaggan gruffly. "We almost suspected you had been taken again or something worse. You did not come to classes today."

"I know," said Harry dryly. He refused to apologize. Trying to find a way to reach Hermione was much more important than classes so he didn't feel ashamed in the least.

"We didn't see you at breakfast either," continued McClaggan, frowning thoughtfully. "When was the last time that you ate something?"

Harry struggled to remember. "Yesterday morning, I think."

The Defense teacher made a disapproving sound. "No wonder you haven't been feeling too well! A growing boy like you needs nutrition!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Harry grunted, wanting to make a comment about the teacher not being his father. Instead, he said, still with a rather raspy voice: "Put me down already!"

"Sorry kiddo, not yet. I have a hard time believing you were merely sleeping up there. You're going to Poppy, you are."

Harry groaned. If he went back there, the nurse would never let him go! "Really, I_ am_ fine," he said as convincing as he could. "I just tried this new form for Occlumency and I overdid it. Dumbledore will know what I am talking about."

"Will he? He approves of this?"

"Yes. Well, he wants me to do it with supervision. I forgot about that until now, it is a while since the last time we practiced." Again Harry lied with just as much truth to make it believable. He was getting quite good at it.

"I see," was all McClaggan said, and they were quiet for several minutes while McClaggan guided Harry down the stairs from the tower with the hovering charm.

Harry sincerely hoped no one saw him like this. They'd believe he was a rotten child who had misbehaved or something. Not seeing a reason to let himself be embarrassed by something like that, he took out the Dark Lord's wand to cancel the spell.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," McClaggan commented. "It'll hurt to fall down these stairs. And believe me, if you cancel the spell, you will fall."

Harry scowled, before remembering that Akin was still up in the tower. "Oh wait, I forgot my snake! We have to go up again."

McClaggan groaned. "No way!" Harry got a strange urge to laugh. Now who was the one acting like a child?

"I can wait here," suggested Harry, his eyes dancing with unconcealed amusement.

McClaggan looked over him critically. "Probably a good idea. I'll just freeze you so you can't go anywhere -"

"What will I do if someone comes by and try to hurt me then? I will be completely defenseless and it will be all your fault."

This caught the professor off guard and he seemed to be at loss for what to do. "Er, right. Do I have your word that you _will not _go anywhere?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Why would I do that? I want my snake back. That is the whole point."

McClaggan's jaw tightened in irritation before he turned on his heel and walked back up to the tower with quick, angry steps that echoed back to Harry, who was now sitting on one of the steps.

Harry couldn't help but grin evilly in triumph, and he had to cover his mouth with his hands to stop the snickering that suddenly escaped him. He hoped the teacher felt really, really stupid.

McClaggan returned shortly after with Akin carefully between his hands. Harry rose and quickly put the little snake around his neck. Then he glared at McClaggan.

"Shall we go then? I do not know about you, but I certainly do not have the entire day to waste."

McClaggan's lips were just as thin as McGonagall's usually were when he mumbled something that sounded very much like: "You could say thank you."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Oh yes. _Thank you _for flying me down here against my will like a silly doll and forgetting about my snake. Thank you _so much. _You are very generous."

"Why do you talk like that?" asked McClaggan sharply.

Harry instantly threw up the best Occlumency shield he could manage. "Talk like what, exactly?"

"Like a younger version of Professor Snape," McClaggan explained. "Like just now you said 'you are' instead of 'you're' like a normal teenager would. And you even say ' I do not know' instead of 'I don't know.' How come? Isn't that to, er, exaggerate a little?"

Harry stared. As a Death Eater, he was expected to be proper in order to create more respect and even fear. He still wanted that kind of respect, but was it really a good idea to talk like that if it connected him to another Death Eater? Now it was Harry's turn to feel stupid and he got annoyed again. Of course it wasn't worth it.

"Why do you care?" asked Harry grumpily. McClaggan ignored that comment.

"You're extremely rude too. I realize you've had an extremely hard time the last few months, but it doesn't give you an excuse to act like a spoiled brat."

"_I do not act like a spoiled brat!" _Harry hissed, seeing angrily red spots dance before his eyes. He forced himself to put away his wand to keep himself away from using the Dark Arts. "Of all the spoiled kids in this school, I am not one of them!" he continued angrily, "in case you forgot, my parents are DEAD and the family members I still have DO NOT CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL! I have been on my own for my entire life and I have fought for the lives of my friends and my own more times than I can count, not to mention I HAVE THE FREAKING RESPONSIBILITY TO RID THIS WORLD OF THE DARKNESS YOU LIKE TO CALL DEATH EATERS– _AND YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL ME SPOILED?"_

"I didn't say you _were _a spoiled brat, just that you act like one," the Defense professor lamely tried to defend himself, more than a little surprised by Harry's outburst.

"You know what?" Harry barked, forcing his sore voice to shout some more. "I DON'T CARE! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING JUDGED BY EVERY LITTLE THING I DO! No one has the right to judge me, they don't know what I've been through! SO WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?"

McClaggan clearly struggled to keep his calm. "You obviously don't need to visit Madam Pomfrey. You look healthy enough to me. But you will see Professor Dumbledore young man!"

"FINE! I can find the way myself, thanks!" Harry gave the professor the ugliest glare he could manage.

"FINE! Have it your way then! No sane person would want your company when you're like that anyway. However, I will talk to Professor Dumbledore later, and if I hear that you have not been to see him I will give you so many detentions you won't see daylight until summer."

"Yeah, whatever," said Harry, giving the Defense teacher one last glare before strutting quickly away in the direction of Dumbledore's office. "Like I would come anyway," he mumbled under his breath, just as the school bell rang and small students began to scatter out of different doors, too busy to get out of the classroom to put their school stuff properly into their bags.

They must have Potions next, thought Harry to himself. He almost felt sorry for them.


	42. A Different View

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Ch42: **A DIFFERENT VIEW**

I'm standing still

I'm oh, so peaceful

I can't pretend that I'm fine

I get so ill, crazy, agitated

When I've not really died

I can't do this, I can't do this

I can't do this by myself

I can't do this, I can't do this

Oh God, I need Your help

(**I Can't Do This **by **Plumb**)

Harry was still angry, but after a few minutes he began to calm down a little. He knew he had overreacted and he knew McClaggan _probably_ didn't deserve all those rude comments, but it had felt so good to give into his anger and frustration for a moment. Not using any Dark Arts really took its toll on him. His body and mind ached more and more each day to use the Dark Arts that it was so hard not to use them at times. It was so close to the surface, so close to suck him into an eternal abyss of darkness and violence...

_Do what is right, not what is easy, _Harry reminded himself stubbornly, clenching his fists. _Do what is right, not what –_

A little kid from Ravenclaw ran straight into Harry from behind and knocked out both his breath and train of thought.

"Hey, watch where you are going!" barked Harry to the annoying little girl, glaring at her. The Ravenclaw's eyes widened and filled with tears before she began to run away in the opposite direction, absolutely scared out of her wits. "Hey!" Harry called after her, "don't be like that, I didn't mean to scare you!" She was out of earshot already, however.

_Wonderful_, he thought

Shaking his head in irritation, Harry continued his chant. "Do what is right -" _Honestly, couldn't the first years EVER watch where they were going_? _They had eyes like everyone else for a reason. What is right ... what was right anyway? Oh right. Not being a Dark wizard was right._ "Not what is easy –"

Again, Harry felt someone run into him from behind. Determined to be nicer this time, Harry forced himself to breathe slowly and he merely closed his eyes in irritation for a moment before continuing his stride, not looking back to see who it was.

Until someone, most likely the same person, shoved him roughly between his shoulders.

Harry lost the last shreds of patience he had left.

"Can you _please_ pay attention to_ –" _Harry began, but halted when he saw the person who ran into him twice was none other than Draco Malfoy. Harry narrowed his eyes at the Slytherin dangerously. "You!"

Draco smirked and mocked viciously. "Do what's right, not what's easy, nah, nah, nah."

Harry felt an angry flush creep up his chin. "Why do I have the feeling that it is not a coincidence that you are here?"

Receiving no answer, Harry scowled, turned away and started to walk in the direction he was originally headed. The Slytherin just smirked and followed side by side.

Draco sneered. "There's a reason they managed to get you, you know. It doesn't matter that I warned you, you still are the same weak and pathetic Potter as you've always been."

"Shut up, Malfoy," said Harry, not breaking his stride. He could almost hear Hermione whisper to him: _Don't listen to him, he's not worth it ... _To a certain extent, that helped him to keep his anger in check, and as long as he could do that he could stop himself from using any Dark magic.

"What? Are you e_mbarrassed, _Potter? You know I'm right.And I know you're scared. Not much of a Gryffindor after all, are you?"

Harry rolled his eyes and kept walking. _Ignore it... _He was tempted to reveal that the sorting hat had almost placed him in Slytherin, however.

"My father told me all sorts of things he did to you when you were held captive, and how you cried like a baby. I bet he'll do lots of the same things to your Mudblood girlfriend."

Harry quickened his pace. He knew he shouldn't let Malfoy's words bother him, but it became increasingly difficult to ignore. Pity he had to walk almost all across Hogwarts to reach his destination. Draco struggled to catch up on Harry's quick and long steps.

"Doesn't it bother you that she's a girl? I mean, I know she's a Mudblood and all, but I bet there're a few Death Eaters who're desperate enough to even go for someone like her. I know my father wouldn't sink that low, but I know of at least three or four who--"

Harry whirled around, furious. "_Sod off, _Malfoy! Don't you have anything better to do?"

Draco smirked and pretended to look around. "No."

Harry's body was itching to use some Dark Arts so badly it actually _stung _him on the inside The Dark Lord's wand in his pocket seemed to radiate irresistible warmth. Harry realized that the chance of him making it all the way to Dumbledore's office without exploding was very slim.

"Not so tough now, are you? Did the Death Eaters break the Golden Boy? Did they scare you? Well, guess what, they're probably going to break _Granger _too, especially when they take away her clothes and-"

This was all Harry could take. With a furious growl he grabbed Draco's arm roughly and threw the Slytherin into an empty classroom. Draco stumbled to the floor, but before he could get up on his feet Harry had leapt over to where he was, and Draco was kicked harshly in the gut. "SHUT UP! Just shut up!" Harry screamed, making his throat dry. Then he withdrew his wand from his pocket and pointed it menacingly at Draco. "You don't know _anything! _ANYTHING!"

Draco gasped for breath, but he still wore that damned smirk on his face "Oh yeah? I know all about you and I also know you have picked the losing side in this war!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Oh, have I now? Who has said I am on anyone's side but my own?"

Draco's expression suddenly became abnormally guarded. "What do you mean?"

Harry threw his head back and laughed a dry and slightly hysterical laugh oddly similar to Bellatrix Lestrange's. When he finally got his laughter under control he bent down so he was at the same eye level as Draco. "What I mean," he whispered dangerously and very slowly, "is that I am on my side and my side only. I do not have any qualms for hurting someone anymore, especially those I do not like. You better remember that before you test my patience further."

Draco rose to his feet, looking shaken. "You know, if I didn't know better I'd say the Dark Lord didn't break you after all, he _made _you! Something about you has changed and I intend to find out what it is."

Harry's breath hitched in his throat and he straightened up. He suddenly realized that he had talked like a Death Eater would, and Draco had noticed. Without meaning to, Harry's eyes flickered to his left forearm. It was only for a second, but the Slytherin noticed.

"Wait a minute!" murmured Malfoy, reaching for Harry's arm with wide eyes. Harry threw his arm back and out of his reach. Harry's heart raced madly in his chest. He had to get out of the room!

Draco Malfoy didn't try to follow him this time. Harry raced up to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom instead of going straight to the Headmaster's office like he had promised to. He needed to be alone. He needed time to calm down.

He locked himself inside a stall and sat down on the toilet inside, not caring to check where the girl ghost was. He took a deep breath and put his head in his hands, rocking a bit back and forth as he struggled to calm himself.

He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. It was a weak comfort to know he hadn't used any curses. He shouldn't have let Draco's mocking affect him that much. Now the Slytherin knew Harry wasn't as light as he appeared to be.

Harry gritted his teeth and tried to tell himself that no one would believe Draco if he began to tell people that The – Boy – Who – Lived had the Dark Mark, but it didn't help much. Snape already suspected, and _he_ would listen to Malfoy. The Slytherin ferret knew too much and he needed to be silenced.

-

"You wanted to see me, Headmaster?" inquired Harry, somewhat nervously a half an hour later. It didn't help that Snape was lurking in the shadows of Dumbledore's office either. Harry forced himself not to bite his lip – it wouldn't do any good to show that he was nervous. He hadn't done anything wrong that they could nail him for, had he? He had managed not to use any Dark Arts since he arrived at Hogwarts, so unless Snape had talked to Draco already _and_ had voiced his suspicions to Dumbledore, everything should be fine right? Harry's stomach suddenly did a bad flip. What if they had bad news about Hermione?

Thinking about Hermione made Harry even more nervous, but he reminded himself that he had just talked to the Dark Lord. He didn't know her physical shape, but at least she should be alive.

"I did indeed," said Dumbledore, stroking his beard and looking at him over his glasses. "I believe you remember everything now?"

Harry nodded stiffly, his throat dry.

"Excellent. The potion worked then. Remarkable work as always, Severus." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he looked over at the Potions Master, who gave him a look which said _'did you expect anything less?'_ Dumbledore turned his attention to Harry again. "I am sincerely sorry you had to go through it all again. It was necessary, however. This way we can finally find the last pieces to the puzzle." The older wizard waited a moment before he continued, like he was unsure of how to proceed. Harry put his hands in his lap so no one would see how much they were shaking. The withdrawal affects just got worse and worse...

"Perhaps you should start with the beginning," suggested Dumbledore. "Of how you got caught to what happened when you got there..."

Harry did tell, but not everything. He avoided telling that he had been marked, being looked upon as the Heir of the Dark Lord, and he avoided telling them about killing those innocent people. Most importantly it was because he didn't want to plead guilty in more than he had to, but it was also because it was very hard to talk about. However, he did tell that the Death Eaters first used him to practice the Dark Arts themselves, but then started to teach him what they knew. Then he started explaining what he knew about the potions he had to take. Snape and Dumbledore both paled dramatically when they heard that Harry had taken two doses already, and Harry realized that the two older wizards already knew about what kind of potion he was talking about.

A serious silence followed, before the raid on Diagon Alley was brought up. Harry knew he could not avoid telling them about that one, because he had been spotted and identified there.

"You were most likely Confounded," said Dumbledore suddenly, turning to Snape to see if the Potions Master agreed. Snape just shrugged.

Harry licked his lips nervously and said nothing. Didn't they know that he had killed several people, among them Dolores Umbridge? Umbridge was personal, they should know that. He was also partly responsible for Percy's death, and that had happened in public with a lot of Aurors.

Dumbledore got up from his chair behind the desk and picked up the Pensieve. He put it down in front of Harry, and picked up a bottle with silvery mist inside it.

"This is a memory from one of the shop owners that day. We first thought you were under the Imperius Curse, but Miss Granger told us you can throw that off. There are other ways to confuse a person and make one do things against his or her will, however. The Confundus Charm is one of them, but what you said about this potion is most curious indeed ... perhaps the potion _combined_ with the Imperius curse was what did the trick..."

Harry plunged head first into the pensive, Dumbledore appearing next to him. Harry recognized the scene immediately; the Aurors would arrive in a minute and Dolohov had just told him to hold Percy under control as a hostage with his wand. This caused Harry to feel uneasy, watching himself with some interest and increasing fear.

"_Come on, kill him!" _ordered Dolohov's voice, echoing all around them. Dumbledore saw the real Harry gasp as he heard; the old instincts begging him to comply.

"_Harry, no! It's me, Percy!"_

Harry saw the misty version of himself hesitate and Percy made a new, desperate attempt to win him over. _"Harry, please! I'm sorry for writing that letter to Ron! I didn't mean it, well, I meant it, but not anymore, I promise!"_

Harry didn't dare to look at Dumbledore who was standing next to him as the version of himself made a confused sound. It _did _look as though he was fighting some kind of Imperius Curse, but Harry remembered the real reason for why he was hesitating back then ... he hadn't understood how Percy could know his name and talk like he knew him.

"_KILL HIM!"_ barked Dolohov, bringing Harry's attention back to what was going on in front of him.

The Aurors had arrived and Dolohov had grabbed Harry's collar. Harry frowned as he closed his eyes and opened them again, making sure he imagined what he saw. He had wondered, back then, why Dolohov had grabbed him like that, but it couldn't be more obvious now: The older wizard had used _him_ as a hostage! Harry felt as though his ground had been knocked from beneath him. They hadn't trusted him once, not even there. They would rather kill him than let the Aurors get their hands on him. Had they thought he would give away their secrets just like that? He had been a proud Death Eater, and he wouldn't even have considered escaping had it not been for the fact that he overheard his Lord and Bella discuss the potion!

"_When I say now," _said Dolohov, but not loudly, _"run towards Knockturn Alley. Do you understand?"_

"_Yes," _Harry heard himself answer, but Harry could see how he had swayed where he stood, so that Dolohov had to steady him as well as cast the Imperius Curse on Percy. Harry glanced at Dumbledore. Surely the old man wouldn't force him to see Ron's brother die all over again?

Luckily, that was not necessary. Dumbledore merely nodded and grabbed Harry's arm, telling him it was time to go. Once more, they were both in the Headmaster's office. They all sat down in their chairs again, even Snape, who smirked back at Harry.

Harry looked slightly ashamed of what they had just seen, but strangely, neither Dumbledore nor Snape made any comment that indicated they blamed him. Harry looked down at his feet, trying to find something to say. Suddenly, a hot soaring pain shot through Harry's left arm, and he jerked in his seat just as Snape did the same.

The Dark Mark! Harry's heart soared in his chest, but it was quickly drowned by another piercing pain from the mark. Through watering eyes, Harry saw Snape cover his left forehand with his right arm, and he struggled not to do the same. It hurt so badly!

Dumbledore looked at them both curiously over his glasses, and Harry felt faint from pain and worry that the cat was out or the bag for good this time.

Snape just confirmed the question in Dumbledore's eyes on whether it was the Dark Lord or not with a short nod. Then both looked at Harry. Dumbledore leaned across his desk, watching Harry closely.

"Is it your scar, my boy?"

Harry nodded quickly, although he did hear the question underneath those words: _Or is it something else? _He didn't trust his voice enough to speak. It took a lot of effort to not give away that it was his mark that hurt, not the scar, and he kept his hands completely still with difficulty so he wouldn't give it away. However, a new urgency had risen within him: he had to get out of the castle so he could be transported to Stone Edge before it was too late. He knew the Dark Lord wouldn't wait long, and if he saw that Harry didn't come after all Merlin knew what would happen to Hermione. He had to go right away.

"Erm, I have to go," he mumbled and rose from his seat, his words and knees shaky with adrenalin and pain.

Dumbledore looked alarmed. "I do not believe that is a good idea, Harry. It is better if you stay here in my office."

"No!" said Harry, a little too quickly, walking backwards towards the door. "There is something I need to take care of. It cannot wait!"

The Headmaster stood also and started to move towards Harry. "Surely it can. Whatever it is, it can wait. There are more important matters we need to discuss--"

"No, it has to be done now!" interrupted Harry, getting desperate. "I will be quick, honestly!" He was almost by the door now; if he just stretched his arm behind him he should surely be able to reach the handle...

To Harry's great surprise Dumbledore pulled out his wand. It was not a threatening move, but Harry recognized the warning behind it. Harry itched after his own wand, which was in his pocket. He took one more step back towards the door, but crashed against something soft.

Snape!

Harry realized he was trapped, and the panic wrapped around his mind like a blanket. He couldn't screw this up; Hermione's life was at risk!

"No!" he cried, making a sharp turn under Snape's outstretched arm and bolting for the door. Surprisingly Dumbledore didn't fire after him, but Harry supposed the Headmaster didn't want to violate his trust. Harry took the flight of stairs in only a couple of leaps, almost crashed into the gargoyle and sped down the hall. His feet felt so light it barely felt as though his feet connected with the stone floor at all. A few words repeated themselves in his mind like a broken record: _Please don't let it be too late, please don't let it be too late!_

And he ran even faster. He barely noticed passing McGonagall, or that she asked him where he was going. He was nearly there when –

"_Stop right there, Potter! Where do you think you're going?"_

Harry narrowed his eyes at the Defense professor as he ran, but he was not slowing down. McClaggan had his wand out, ready for use. Harry's mind was racing of possible ways to solve the situation, but it was difficult to make a decision.

"I said STOP!" shouted McClaggan in great despair.

As Harry got closer, it was suddenly clear to him what he had to do. He reached his professor a second later, letting an angry growl leave his mouth, just like a wild animal. The spell McClaggan had started to say died in his mouth as Harry shoved him roughly to the side, and the professor's head hit the stone wall with a sick sound. Harry looked back at him, seeing what he had done and how he had caused pain so easily. It hadn't been with a spell, but for some reason it still felt good. Harry shook his head, pushing his thoughts at the back of his head and jerked the heavy entrance door open and ran out to the school ground, heading towards Hogsmade. The Dark Mark still stung, but not as much. He still had a chance of making it.

_Please don't let it be too late..._

It was strange, being so terrified of not making it because of Hermione, and yet at the same time being terrified of actually making it because it would surely mean the end of him as a free person. The end of Harry Potter, the wizarding world's saviour.

"Time to do what is right," Harry breathed between his long steps. His whole body ached from the effort of running so fast, sweat running down his forehead, but he refused to acknowledge it. Rest was something he could do later.

Harry met no else who stood in his way, and he suddenly stopped as he reached the Apparation point. Surely the Dark Mark could be activated from there?

Breathing hard, Harry ripped up his left sleeve so fast that he tore the fabric. He pressed his fingers towards the skull of the Dark Mark. He could feel a slight tickling underneath his finger, as though the Mark was unsure whether or not to transport him. Had he been too slow?

"Come on!" Harry hissed, unknowingly speaking in Parseltongue because of the snake tattoo, "Come on, WORK!"

Nothing happened.

"Don't do this to me! COME ON!"

Then Harry felt the ground beneath his feet dissolve.

-

**Authors Note: **A new chapter ... should be a joke since it's April Fool's day right - it's been so long! Surely you thought I were dead or something by now? However, I promised you I wouldn't quit the story so I won't, even if I've lost many of you readers by not being able to get it done sooner.

In the end I got some help by Annick, who helped me string the chapter together. I highly doubt the chapter would be done yet had it not been for her. Then my beta Anna Rose did a wonderful job correcting it. I owe them both!


	43. The Sacrifice Part One

**A/N:**It's been a while hasn't it...I'm not going to make excuses because all in all it doesn't make that much of a difference to you.

I want you to know that if you see any mistakes then they're entirely mine as I don't have a beta anymore. Feel free to shout them out if you see anything.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing belongs to me.

-

Ch43: **THE SACRIFICE **

**PART ONE**

This is the end  
Beautiful friend  
This is the end  
My only friend, the end

**(The End by the Doors.)****  
**

The first thing Harry thought when he landed on solid ground again was that the Stone Edge was exactly as he remembered it: Dark, majestic, massive, looming and intimidating. The next thought that came to his mind was that this might be the last time he ever Apparated. A sharp wisp of wind went right through his thin sweater, and Harry crossed his arms in an attempt to not lose all his warmth. It was futile, however. He could've had a huge winter coat and he would still be cold; it was something about the place that chilled him to the bone.

He wasn't sure what to expect. Were they waiting for him? Did anyone aside from the Dark Lord know he was coming, and had they prepared a trap for him?

Most likely, thought Harry darkly.

He broke into a run and let his feet carry him to the entrance. He was already late. Merlin knew what they would do to Hermione if they thought he wouldn't show up. The thought of his brilliant ex-girlfriend made his heart clench and his feet run faster, and soon he was inside the building. The door closed behind him, shutting out almost all light. It was like a sign; a sign of how his life would become. No freedom, only darkness.

Harry squinted to make out what was in the hall. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he had not expected to see what he saw. Which was next to nothing: the hall was bare, completely stripped for furniture and decoration except for the picture frames which hung alone and silent one after one on the wall. All the portraits had left their pictures, so not even their breathing could be heard. Harry tried to not let the silence freak him out. After a few hesitant steps, he shook his shoulders, forced his chin up and began to walk quickly further into the castle. The sound of his quick, trotting footsteps echoed back to him from the walls.

Harry knew exactly where to go: as the Dark Lord loved irony and playing games, it made sense to Harry that the Death Eater meeting would be in the same room as Harry got his Dark Mark all those months ago. So he decided to head that way, using all the shortcuts he knew. He refused to think of what kind of danger that was waiting for him. It would only make him want to try to delay the inevitable and that would do more harm than good ... all that mattered was Hermione. He just hoped she would manage to find her way out of the building without him.

Harry realized he was almost at his destination and slowed down a bit. His body suddenly felt very heavy. It was impossible for him to breathe properly, like something was pressing his chest back towards his spine. He was gasping for air, yet it never seemed to fill his lungs completely.

_Pull yourself together, _he told himself sternly, but he couldn't help it; he really didn't want to go in that final room. He guessed it was selfish of him – especially since it was his fault that Hermione had been captivated in the first place – but in his opinion he had a damn good reason to be scared.

Harry had stopped outside the door to the room he was almost certain everyone would be in, and for a few seconds he allowed himself to simply gaze at the heavy, dark wooden door, taking in all the details and collecting his breath until it was finally steady again. His hand rose to touch the doorknob, but then he thought better of it.

Better show he was a wizard to be reckoned with. If he was going to enter, he should do it with style.

The door opened with a _bang, _making dust and splintered wood fly everywhere.Harry let his wand arm holding the wand he still had from the Dark Lord fall to his side. He had put a bit too much force into the spell than he intended.

Harry stepped in and the door closed automatically behind him. It was still whole enough to keep him trapped in if the Dark Lord wanted him to be. Harry jumped in surprise from the sound of the door clicking shut, but if someone saw him do that he didn't know. The room had gone completely dark when the door had closed and no sound could be heard.

But it was another type of silence this time, one that was heavy and foreboding. Harry closed his eyes for a moment to collect the last shreds of courage he had left in his body and thought one single word inside his head: _Lumos. _

His wand ignited.

At first it was hard to see anything at all because the light from his wand contrasted so sharply against the dark that it was blinding. However, as soon as his eyes had adjusted he could make out dozens of white Death Eater masks in front of him by the wall on the other side of the room. Harry wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed he had gotten it right on his first try. He knew one thing though: This was it. The beginning of the end.

As soon as he thought that, all the torches in the room ignited at once. Had the situation been less grave Harry would've rolled his eyes of how dramatic the Dark Lord tended to be. Unfortunately, this time the effect had its desired result; namely in making Harry even more nervous than he already was; something he hadn't thought possible.

Harry spotted the Dark Lord to his left. It was easy enough; although the room was about as big as the Great Hall back in Hogwarts was everyone else were wearing their Death Eater masks. The sight was so familiar to Harry that he couldn't help but feeling as though he still belonged there. His head turned to his old Lord and instantly he dropped to his knee and bent his head and upper body into a respectful bow. Harry cursed himself immediately afterwards. What had made him do it he didn't know, but in spite of still wearing the Mark he was not a Death Eater anymore and bowing to the Dark Lord was not the way to show it.

Harry rose to his feet and glared at the Dark Lord's snakelike face spitefully ... and was instantly hit with the Cruciatus Curse.

The pain was absolute, but Harry had expected it so he bit his teeth together as hard that nothing but a whimpering sound could come out. When the curse ended – after what seemed like twice an eternity – Harry found himself on the cold floor, numb from head to toe curled as an infant. It made him feel angry and humiliated, but he didn't have the energy to make a comeback that he was lose anyway. He was suddenly overcome with a desire to give up and forget about everything. It would be so nice to close his eyes and sleep for a while.

He just hoped Hermione didn't see him like this...

The thought of her made him look around. It took a while for his eyes to be able to focus, but when they finally did all he could see was the Dark Lord and row after row with death eaters in their robes and masks, observing him silently. _Where was she? _

Harry tried to form the words so he could ask, but the combination of his fuzzy head and the sore jaw he had gotten from pressing his teeth together so hard made it too difficult to form any words.

"Now, now, now, look who has decided to crawl back to his master. This brings back fond memories, does it not?"

Harry curled his fingers and glared right up into the crimson eyes of the man who had marked him. He wished he could find the courage to say something offensive.

The Dark Lord smirked. "Do you hate me, Harry? Oh, but your fear is greater. It keeps you from doing anything you will regret. My, my, you are becoming less and less Gryffindor for every day, even without my guidance..." The Lord held up a bit of his robe, so the hem got more visible. Harry knew what that meant and dared not refuse, in fear of receiving more of the Cruciatus Curse. He scrambled to his feet, but failed, and he was forced to crawl over to where the Dark Lord stood so he could bring the hem to his lips and kiss it.

Amused chuckles went through the crowd and Harry could feel his face burn. He was such a coward. The Dark Lord was right; he was nothing like a Gryffindor anymore.

"Give me my wand, boy," ordered the Dark Lord, his voice more dangerous. He held out his hand expectantly. Harry placed the ebony white wand in the palm of the Dark Lord's hand with shaking fingers, and wondered briefly whether he would ever get his own wand back. He knew better than to ask for it, however.

The Dark Lord spent a minute or so to play with his wand as though to get the feeling of it again, and then he stroked the fine wood up and down lovingly. It was morbid and fascinating at the same time for Harry to watch; it was impossible for him to take his eyes of the scene. Suddenly the Dark Lord locked his crimson eyes with Harry's dark green.

"You remember everything now, I presume?"

Harry nodded stiffly and forced himself to speak up. "Yes."

The older wizard waited.

"My Lord," Harry added after only a moment of hesitation. If he hadn't, he would only get Cruciated again and he wanted to save what was left of his strength.

"You must remember a lot of handy spells and good techniques then, do you not?" muttered the Dark Lord. "After surviving all those years..."

Harry nodded again, wondering where this was headed.

"That should make you even more powerful than before then." Harry could tell it wasn't a question from the way the Lord said it. "Good. You will be an ever greater asset to me this way."

Harry looked away and his heart clenched harder in worry. Where _was _Hermione?!

The Dark Lord seemed to know what he was thinking and smirked. "Oh, yes, yes, yes. Cannot have you come all the way down here without seeing your Mudblood girlfriend, can we?"

Harry gave him a worried glance. He didn't like the sound of that.

Voldemort snapped his fingers, and two Death Eaters Harry didn't recognize immediately because they had their robes and masks on quickly darted through the only other door in the room.

Then they waited in silence and the Dark Lord played some more with his old phoenix wand. He seemed to enjoy the silence, but Harry couldn't stand it. It was driving him crazy. However, when the door finally opened Harry couldn't be sure if ten minutes had passed or just ten seconds.

Harry's eyes searched wildly for Hermione. He spotted her almost immediately, but gasped of what he saw and _really_ shouldn't see; her naked body.

Not even when they had been dating had he seen her completely devoid of clothing, and while she looked beautiful even know as she probably was at her worst Harry saw two red humiliated spots on her tear strained cheeks. Something in the back of Harry' mind snapped and with an animalistic snarl and a growl he started towards her in a desperate attempt to reach her before they could do her anymore harm. Her body should never be an object of the Death Eater's amusements! Suddenly Harry lost his balance and he felt roughly to the stone floor, his arms shielding his face. His feet had been glued together by a curse.

"Hermione!" he breathed, got up and tried to run again, but his feet wouldn't part and without his wand he was helpless in reversing the curse. He didn't intend to let that stop him however so he tried to crawl instead. All thoughts or worries about looking pathetic were gone now as he saw what Hermione was going through.

Cackles of laughter echoed through the hall. Harry looked back up at Hermione desperately. He wanted nothing more than to cover her up with his cloak or a big sweater – _anything_ to save her honour. Hell, he would've died on the spot if it meant that she would be safe in her bed back at Hogwarts; with teachers and students watching over her.

She had seen him, he could tell, because her body had suddenly gone rigid and her anxious and hurting dark eyes looked right at him. Then she broke his heart even more and tried to hide behind the two Death Eaters holding her as though she didn't want him to see her like that.

Harry made a whimpering, dog-like sound in the back of his throat and tried to get back at his feet, but suddenly he felt a nauseating jerk in his body and then he flew across the floor and landing right in front of the Dark Lord's feet. Harry was shaking with anger and he shot the Dark Lord a glare that had to be the closest thing a human could come the look of a Basilisk.

"_What have you done to her?!"_ he hissed.

The Dark Lord did not look the least intimidated and seemed to find the whole situation rather amusing. "Done?"

Harry could feel the dark magic he had in his veins roar; like a beast begging to get loose. The entire room shook for a moment, and then all the lights went out.

The Dark Lord lightened them again with a quick wave of his wand arm, and when he met Harry's look Harry was surprised to see them widened, as though in surprise or even fear.

Harry felt a flash of satisfaction – he knew his magic had been the cause of the shaking – but it was quickly subdued when he reminded himself it had been _accidental_ magic and not magic he could actually control, much less direct to hurt the Dark Lord without causing damage to himself or to Hermione. Instead he tried to calm himself with a few deep breaths and then he steeled himself for what he was about to ask:

"What do I have to do for you to let her go?"

The Dark Lord's eyes gleamed with triumph over Harry's question. It was obvious now that he had been waiting for Harry to ask just that. The Lord's claw like fingers entwined with each other and then curled; fingernails that were too long and rotten scraped across the corpse-looking skin. It was a pretty nasty sight.

"I will let her go on one condition," began the Dark Lord quietly, but everybody in the room heard him. "If you, Harry, fight us one by one and win. It will be the perfect way for me to see what you are capable of doing."

Harry felt his stomach drop and he quickly scanned the hooded figures in the room. They were so many – thirty perhaps – and they all knew so much dark magic; there was no way he could win! He glanced nervously at Hermione and noticed that she was still hiding her body from him behind one of her guards, but he also noticed that her face was peeking behind one of the guard's shoulders just enough to allow her to look back at him. She nodded slightly, telling him he could to do it ... that if anyone could win it had to be he. Harry felt a rush of gratitude fly through him. He didn't think he could win, but to know that Hermione believed in him meant everything. Harry wanted nothing more than to rush over to her, take her in his arms and wrap his cloak around her, and hold her so tightly that they would be one; in their own little world where they were safe and no one could seperate them. But then the reality came back crashing into him, reminding him of where he was and the situation he had gotten himself into. He wondered – for a fleeting moment – why Hermione didn't try to escape; the Death Eaters didn't seem to hold her very tightly.

"I am quite curious of how powerful you are with all your memories intact," continued the Dark Lord, just as quietly as before; his words smooth as silk, yet sharp as a razor. Harry reluctantly tore his eyes away from Hermione and shot the Dark Lord a nervous look. His mouth felt dry again and he cautiously licked his lips. The Dark Lord smirked. "You have always had power, boy; you have simply not used your full potential before. However, with the right motivation..." The Dark Lord's evil eyes glittered towards Hermione, who whimpered and turned her face away. "...we should all be able to see just how much you can do for us. Did you think you could just _quit, _Potter? After what I made you?"

Harry realized the Dark Lord was about to reveal the fact that he had been marked as a Death Eater to Hermione and he was stricken with a paralysing fear. "No! Please –"

"_Crucio!" _hissed the Dark Lord suddenly, hitting Harry with the curse. He didn't hold it for long this time, however, just enough to get his warning across. _"Remember who you are talking to! _You shall address me properly!_"_

"Harry, what does he mean?" asked Hermione, speaking for the first time behind one of the two Death Eaters holding her. She sounded anxious and afraid; Harry had rarely heard her voice so uncertain and light before.

"Oh, bring her in front of you already!" snapped the Dark Lord impatiently. "I want to see the Mudblood. _All of her,_ when I reveal the news." Then he turned to Harry and stepped closer. "Would not _you, _Son?"

Harry realised he was shivering uncontrollably. He wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Hermione as the two Death Eaters holding her pushed her between themselves and to the front, where she fell to the floor with a grunt from the force. The sound of metal chains brought Harry's attention away from her naked body and to its source. Disbelief made it hard for him to perceive immediately, but suddenly he saw why he had heard that sound: Hermione had a collar around her neck. And not only one, but _two_ chains were hooked on to it; being held by the two Death Eaters on each side of her. She couldn't run even if she tried to and everyone in the room knew it. In spite of himself Harry couldn't help but thinking it was an excellent way to hold someone captive on and that he should remember it for later. A surge of dark magic that had been built up from all the times he had used Dark Arts rushed through his body, telling him to curse everyone he disliked in the room and start the battle early. If only he had had a wand! He could make everyone pay for what they did to his Hermione! Harry's skin prickled with anticipation at the thought ... but his renewed anxiety for his best friend won over the urge, and he remained still.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" asked the Dark Lord dangerously, and it took Harry a moment to realize the Dark Lord was talking to him, and it took him yet another moment to realize what he had asked in the first place.

"I, er, uhm..." Harry glanced at Hermione's crouching body and then he looked quickly over to where the Dark Lord was standing. "I..."

"Speak up!"

"I would rather not, Sir."

"_Why are you being polite__ to that monster!"_ hissed Hermione from where she half laid, half stood, and was roughly kicked by the Death Eater to her left. She fell sideways with a muffled groan, before covering as though she was afraid to get cursed as well for her disrespectful words, but no curse came. The Dark Lord paid her no attention; his eyes were boring into Harry's furious ones, adapting a curious look.

"Do you not find your Mudblood girlfriend attractive?"

Harry narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Was it a trick question? He didn't know, but he thought maybe it was and decided to lie; quickly throwing up his Occlumency shield further.

"No," he said.

The Dark Lord's arm had been on its way up as though to emphasise a point he was about to make, but stopped in mid motion.

"No?" the Dark Lord sounded disbelieving, and genuinely surprised. "Do you truly not wish to see her? _All _of her?"

"No," Harry repeated, making his voice clearer and stronger. He couldn't have sounded more convincing, yet his answer could never have been further away from the truth.

"Peculiar," murmured the Dark Lord and walked a few steps forward, closer to Harry. "Very peculiar indeed." His eyes moved across the Death Eaters standing around them. "I happen to know quite a few of our members who would like that very much."

Hermione had been frozen for a while from her spot on the floor, but Harry could see – even from where he was standing – that her jaw had tightened at these words, and his stomach clenched so painfully for her he could scarcely breathe. Again he wondered what they had done to her, and a new desire to use the Dark Arts on her watchers engulfed him.

"Are you gay?" a Death Eater called out from the crowd, unwisely, and he was instantly Crucioed by the Dark Lord, although the Lord himself never took his eyes off Harry. The curse was lifted after a few seconds as it was only meant as a warning. Two crimson eyes scanned Harry for a second, and the Dark Lord said:

"No, our Gryffindor serpent is not."

Harry stood still and waited for the Dark Lord's next move. All this waiting was driving him crazy, and he got more certain by the minute that the Dark Lord had to be truly enjoying himself in those situations where everyone waited for him to move with awe, respect and fear. That had to be the reason all the major meetings like the one he was in and where everyone was collected dragged on to what seemed to him like forever. What was more, however, was that all the waiting was ragging on his nerves.

"She is your girlfriend. How could you not be attracted to her?" asked the Dark Lord suddenly, bringing them all back to the previous topic.

Harry forced a shrug. "We broke up months ago, before I even came here, My Lord. Time change and we grew apart."

He said it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. What he didn't realise, however, was that in his attempt to make his lie sound as convincing as possible, he had made one irreversible mistake.

"_My Lord?!" _gasped Hermione, and the little colour she had left in her body disappeared leaving her completely white. "What do you – what did he –? _No, Harry – _it's not possible, you aren't ... tell me you aren't!"

Harry's stomach plummeted like lead when he realised his mistake, and with wide eyes he turned to look at her again, wanting to say something, _anything _to assure her, but no words came to him. His body had become efficiently numb and his mind was devoid of any words or thoughts; blank as a new sheet of paper. He felt as though he was standing outside of himself, a mere bystander who could see that something horrible was about to happen, but unable to stop it.

"Harry? _Harry!_" Her voice brought him back, but he was still as unable to find something to say as before and he looked away from her in shame.

The Dark Lord placed a hand on Harry's shoulder and smirked. Harry wanted to shrug the hand off, but couldn't bring himself to do it as he was frozen with fear and shame. "Did it just occur to you, Mudblood? I have been told that you are intelligent in spite of your blood. Surely you must have guessed before now what your Gryffindor hero has become?"

Hermione shook her head in denial, tears streaming down her cheek. "N-no, it was never an option, he's _Harry_..."

Harry's throat tightened. Not only did she have to hear him say he didn't want her anymore or found her attractive, now she was also told that he had become everything she was fighting against and he didn't even try to deny it.

"_Harry!_" she cried in despair, and he forced himself to look back at her yet again, knowing she was fully capable of seeing the truth in his eyes. Her face had gone from ghostly white to beet red and her eyes were swollen and shiny. Her hair was flying everywhere in wild, frizzy curls, only partially covering her breasts ... and even in a situation like this he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was, on the outside as well as her inside: in spite of all the evidence against him she still refused he could be a Death Eater.

Her faith in him was astounding, and sadly also very naïve.

Hermione had not given up. _"Tell me it's not true! Tell me you're not one of them! Tell me!"_ she demanded again, hysterically. Harry closed his eyes briefly before reopening them, peering back at her just as desperately as she was peering at him in an attempt to convey to her, somehow, the reason for it all ... that had he known better, he would never have taken the Mark.

Hermione's face remained uncertain.

"I cannot," he said finally, and his words rang heavily through the room.

Hermione's eyes welled with new tears. "I don't believe you!" she sobbed. "You're not like that ... you're not! _I love you!" _she said, like that was reason enough.

Harry's mouth dropped open in surprise. He remembered, as though it had happened decades ago and not only half a year, that there had been a time when she hadn't been ready to say it. And now she had, in spite of everything. The urge to curse everyone else in the room faded a little, like it wasn't as important anymore. Yet, at the same time it made him incredibly sad, because he knew that the chances of him making it out of the Stone Edge with her were very slim, even if he did win.

The Dark Lord made a disgusted face. "There is no such thing as love!" he spat, removed his hand from Harry's shoulder and threw a curse that would cause electric shock at Hermione. She had been kneeling, but when the curse hit her she yelped and fell backwards.

Then the Dark Lord waved his wand in another motion that was all too familiar with Harry. "CRU-"

"NO!" Harry yelled and started forwards to knock the wand away from the Dark Lord's hands, before stopping abruptly when the Dark Lord didn't finish the curse.

"Ah, so you _do _care..."

"I never said I did not, My Lord," Harry defended himself, though he suspected it was futile, "just that I am not attracted to her. She is still my friend and I do not wish her any harm."

The Dark Lord seemed to accept Harry's words and smirked evilly. "Are you willing to fight for her freedom, then?"

Harry nodded. Fighting for Hermione's freedom had been the entire reason he had come in the first place. He couldn't stop a renewed feeling of dread to settle in him, however. It seemed to Harry that he had been working up to this moment his entire life. The final battle. This was it.

The Dark Lord held up both his hands, and the door behind Harry bolted itself so it was thoroughly sealed and no one could possibly get out. Harry spotted his holly phoenix wand in one of the Dark Lord's hands, and the wand was given to him silently. Harry wasted no time in getting it and a rush of relief went through him when he finally had the slim, fine wood in his hands again. Then, the two chains fastened to Hermione's collar glowed blue for a moment before disappearing and she was released.

Hermione seemed to doubt her new freedom for only a second. She threw herself to her feet and ran to Harry, only partially covering her private parts with her hands and arms. Harry quickly pulled off his robe so he could cover her with it. Hermione ran into his arms with a muffled cry, clinging to him as though her life depended on it. Harry wrapped his robe around her body like a protective blanket and he hugged her back, and holding her had never felt so good ... but then she pulled away, her eyes still puffy and shiny from tears, and she glanced down at his left forearm where his Dark Mark stood out as a horrible glaring tattoo against his pale skin. No robe was covering the truth anymore.

Hermione didn't say anything and stood still, unmoving. Harry could only watch her helplessly as she thought; he doubted it would be a good idea to reach out to her in any way. If he knew her as well as he thought he did, it might send her into hysterics. He could see it in the way she kept her eyes down and away from him to avoid his gaze, and the way she stiffly and slowly took her arms in their rightful sleeves so she could wrap his robe even more tightly around herself.

Harry wished she would say something.

The Dark Lord pointed out three Death Eaters from the large group surrounding them, and as they answered Harry didn't recognise one, so he supposed they had to be new recruits. Harry knew what the Dark Lord was trying to do: tiring Harry out for the good ones. What was worse, however, was that Harry knew it would work.

His lips, mouth and throat suddenly became dry all over again, and his heart was beating painfully against his chest. All the Death Eaters except the three the Dark Lord had chosen stepped back so they were standing against the walls. Harry turned to face his three opponents. They had their masks on and for a brief moment Harry tried to look through the masks and to the human beings hiding behind them – where they there at their own free will? Or had they been Imperiused? Where they perhaps someone's husband or father? If he did something that hurt them, would he risk destroying a family?

_That is your old self talking, _Harry scolded himself and took a deep, shaky breath. _Do not think about that. It is about surviving now. _Everything _is allowed. _

He took another deep breath and looked sideways at Hermione, who had turned as well and was now facing the same way as he just had, towards the centre of the room. He didn't want her to see the way he had learned to fight since Halloween and he knew he would have to use Dark Arts at some point, but somehow he was glad to have her there. It might be the last time she stood by his side like this, and even if she would rather be anywhere else in the world it warmed his heart. He wanted her to be released and he would fight for her freedom until he did not have one living cell left in his body.

Hermione did not have a wand. It would be entirely up to him to do it.

Adrenalin pulsed through Harry's body all the way down to his toes, and he watched in a kind of detached way the Dark Lord as he clapped his pale, bony hands together like a gleeful child waiting to open Christmas presents. The clapping sound echoed back from every wall in the room, like a bell of doom.

Then the Dark Lord raised his arms high up in the air, and shouted:

"Begin!"


	44. The Sacrifice Part Two

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me. Except for every grammatical error and spelling mistakes. No beta anymore!

-

Ch44: **THE SACRIFICE **

**PART TWO**

It would help me to know  
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand  
No promises, no demands  
Love is a battlefield

**Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar**

The three Death Eaters attacked simultaneously. Hermione cried out and ducked, a curse soaring over her head. Harry sidestepped the other two curses which were directed at him. He could see that the Death Eaters prepared themselves to fire again, but they were slow – too slow to be doing it by their own will, he thought – and he fired three quick "_Finite Incantatem!" _towards them. To Harry's surprise they all hit their target and the Death Eaters fell to their knees. The mask to the one furthest to Harry's right fell off and Harry realised he had been right as he saw the distant and confused look in the man's eyes; they _had _been Imperiused...

However, the Dark Lord had already summoned the fallen Death Eaters wands and pointed out three more Death Eaters from the crowd, and Harry paid no more attention to the ones who had already fallen. He was encouraged by how fast he had taken the previous ones down and he tried the same "_Finite Incantatem_" spell on the new Death Eaters, but this time only one of his spells hit target and nothing happened. Harry tightened his jaw. He should've known they all wouldn't be that easy. It was likely that only the three first ones had been under the Imperio spell.

They all circled each other for a while without attacking. Hermione held herself close to Harry, but made sure to give him enough space to move and dodge. Other than that she didn't pay him much attention; she was concentrating on the Death Eaters around them. She had no wand to protect herself with so she depended on her ability to move away the second a curse was fired towards her.

Suddenly a Death Eater shouted a curse, but Harry was ready and blocked it with a flick of his wand. It helped that the Death Eater said the curse out load. The next Death Eater who fired also yelled out load – _"stupefy!"_ – only this time it was directed towards Hermione. Another _stupefy _curse was fired towards Harry. Harry, who wanted to keep his spells silent, exclaimed a _'Protego!' _inside his head to make a shield for Hermione and dodged the curse which was soaring towards him. However, Hermione had managed to dodge the first curse anyway so there had been no real use for Harry's shield, but Harry would rather be safe than sorry. Adrenalin and something else was surging through his veins, making Harry breathe hard even though he had not yet begun to tire. He swallowed when he recognised the '_something else' _he was feeling: it was the Dark Arts begging to be released. Firing a disarming spell towards the Death Eater closest to Hermione Harry allowed himself to cast a quick glance at her. He knew she wouldn't approve if he used any Dark Arts, but at the same time he knew that if he had to use them, he would.

The disarming spell he had shot had hit its target, and the Dark Lord wasted no time in calling that Death Eater out and another one in. _Four down,_ Harry thought; trying to encourage himself.

A new stunner was fired towards Hermione and Harry raised a new shield for her just in time: she wouldn't have dodged quickly enough this time. A new curse that seemed much more dangerous than a simple stunner was fired towards her from another angle. Using what he had learned from the lessons he had taken from Dumbledore back in Grimmauld's Place, Harry put more strength and energy into the spell so that his shield widened and wrapped itself around Hermione from all angles. For the first time during the match so far she looked at him, surprise and admiration in her eyes. Then her eyes caught the curse that had been directed at her, but that had instead hit Harry's shield. It had been reflected back to its owner, who had not been prepared for Harry's trick. The curse hit, and the Death Eater fell to the ground and was quickly replaced by a Death Eater who seemed to dance on his toes to not stand still. Harry made sure to step on his toes as well like McClaggan had once taught him. Harry couldn't help but thinking that the practice sessions he had had back then was remarkably similar to what he was experiencing now – especially the one where he was supposed to protect Hermione, where she couldn't protect herself ... it was a remarkable coincidence. Harry was almost willing to believe Trelawney had made another prophecy about the situation in McClaggan's presence.

The match continued and Harry managed to bring down eleven more Death Eaters. The Dark Lord always made sure to collect the fallen Death Eaters wands so Hermione couldn't reach them, and he always made sure that there were at least three Death Eaters in the fray. However, none of that seemed to matter for Harry. All that mattered was he, Hermione and the Death Eaters they were fighting; everything else became an unimportant mist. Time seemed to slow down as Harry's feet worked overtime from keeping him in the same spot more than a fraction of a second. Hermione did the best she could not to be in the way and to dodge the spells that came flying towards her, but Harry still found himself conjuring shields for her almost as much as he fired back at the Death Eaters. It was no point only focusing on protecting Hermione and himself as no one had ever won a war by merely playing defence that he knew of, and the Death Eaters were so many...

When Harry was halfway through the crowd of Death Eaters it had gotten tougher. They were more advanced and knew more combat tricks, and they all moved in different directions. They seemed to prefer to keep themselves either directly in front of Hermione or on the other side of her, which made it extremely difficult for Harry to aim. Often he didn't dare to in case Hermione got hit, and so it began to take him as much as ten minutes sometimes to bring down one Death Eater and he began to tire.

'_Stupefy!' _he bellowed inside his head. '_Avis! Expelliarmus! Stupefy!' _Light was flying everywhere along with sharp-beaked birds, and one of his red stunners collided with a Death Eater's blue curse making the whole room glow purple in a spectacular shower of light. Hermione had to raise her arm in order to shield her eyes. '_Incarcero!' _Harry continued, making ropes fly out of his wand. They tied themselves around a Death Eater who didn't see it coming because of all the light and he fell to the ground. The ropes were another thing he had learned from Dumbledore, Harry remembered, and then he recalled an additional spell.

'_Incendio!' _he mouthed wordlessly, making the spell more powerful so that instead of a small flame it was a bomb of fire at the size of a small kitchen table that he shot towards a Death Eater, who widened his eyes in shock.

"_Aguamenti!" _the Death Eater bellowed, waving his wand frantically at the ball of fire that was too large to dodge, but it was no use. He was hit with full force and was thrown all the way to the other side of the room. His clothes, hair and mask on fire – his whole body, in fact – and he screamed in pain. Harry felt a great wave of adrenalin rush through him, making him lightheaded and his nerves on even higher alert. It wasn't as good as using Dark Arts, but it was still a wonderful sensation to feel so powerful.

Harry didn't realise he was smiling.

Another Death Eater replaced the fallen. Harry didn't take the time to look and count, but he guessed there were only eight of them left now. For the first time Harry felt as though he had a shot of winning ... Hermione would be able to go and be free.

As soon as he had thought that, however, the new Death Eater cried "_Accio!" _with his wand pointing towards Hermione. She yelped as her body was yanked forwards, but thanks to the lesson Harry had had with McClaggan he was prepared that it could happen. What he didn't know, however, was how to stop her from flying into the Death Eater's grasp. Thinking quickly, Harry tried to stop her course by crying out an '_Accio!' _of his own. She stopped in mid-air, but didn't come towards him. It was a weird sight, it was like she was about to have a fit. Suddenly she started to scream in pain and Harry's eyes widened in horror as he realised what was about to happen: she would be literarily torn in two ... at the same time, Harry also saw in the corner of his eye the two remaining Death Eaters fire at him. He broke the spell holding Hermione, dove to the floor in a forwards roll, before raising both of his hands and sending a jolt of electrical light towards to Death Eater to whom Hermione was heading. The two curses from behind soared over his head and by a stroke of luck also below Hermione's feet, hitting the unfortunate electrocuted Death Eater square in the stomach. A deep gash appeared there, and dark red blood flowed out. Hermione fell to the ground right under the red stream, which painted her hair and back with red blood. She gasped and spat and crawled to her feet – the bare sole of her feet slipping against the wet surface – and ran back towards Harry, who had turned facing the other way from her was now firing with full force against the two Death Eaters who had almost made him to lose. Harry desperately wished that Hermione could get a wand and help him. She knew so many useful spells.

Harry had avoided using any Unforgivable Curses for Hermione's sake, but he could feel his barriers slipping away ... his mind was in a battle-modus, where there were no restraints. _To hell with that, _he thought, _this is about saving her, not being her white knight. She would have to settle for a dark grey one..._

"_IMPERIO!" _he exclaimed suddenly, fortunately hitting a Death Eater. Struck by sudden inspiration he quickly found the bond that connected him to his victim, and commanded: '_Attack those with dark robe and white mask!'_

The Death Eater turned on the spot and began to fire against his own, taking an additional Death Eater down in the moment of surprise. It only worked once, however, as the Death Eater wasn't nearly as quick when he wasn't doing it by his own free will. Harry smirked with excitement. _Why hadn't he thought about that before?_

_Five _more Death Eaters to go now. Time for the Dark Lord's inner circle. Shooting Hermione a nervous glance, Harry was surprised to see her looking back at him. What was more was that there was no judgement in her eyes. Instead she nodded as in urging him to continue fighting ... Harry's heart jumped. She accepted it ... she accepted him! In a flash he could imagine all kinds of silly clichés, like the two of them as an old couple, sitting by the fire in a cosy home, a big and fluffy carpet underneath them. She would lie in his arms, smiling up at him as he held her tight. Everything would be all right in the world. The walls would be covered with prettily framed pictures showing their life together, and they would have children, beautiful children. They would celebrate every Christmas and every Thanksgiving together, there would be no war and there would be no Dark Mark on Harry's arm...

_St__. Mungos, here I come, _thought Harry to himself. He was clearly going insane.

"WATCH OUT!" cried Hermione suddenly, and Harry was abruptly pulled back to the reality. He swore to himself for letting down his guard. How could he have been so stupid?

A bright, green light was soaring towards him from behind his back, but he discovered it too late and time allowed him no more than to turn. A mere second before the curse would've hit him, however, he felt a rough shove on his side and he was knocked sideways. He fell to the floor, and he felt something that was both soft and hard fall on top of him before sliding off and landing on the floor beside him, and red-stained brown hair covered his vision. Harry's heart stopped in horror. For several seconds all he could do was stare.

Things weren't supposed to end this way. She was supposed to make it out alive, it had been the reason he came, the reason for everything ... _NO..._

"No..." he whispered in anguish. "NO!"

She had her face away for him. Harry was somewhat relieved because that meant he didn't have to see her empty eyes, devoid of the life and knowledge he loved so much about her. But he had to see ... he refused to believe she could be dead before he saw the truth with his own eyes.

Blinded by unshed tears and dizzying fear, Harry hardly noticed as he was scrambling to his feet that the Dark Lord was screaming in rage that _'no killing curses was to be used! I need the boy alive!' _or that another jet of green light soared across the room, hitting the Death Eater who had originally sent the killing curse towards Harry. If Harry had, he might've tried to block the course of the killing curse with his own body, in the hopes of getting hit. Without his Hermione, he had no one left to fight for, no one left to live for.

His breath coming out as short, panicked gasps, Harry leaned over Hermione's still body, and brushed away some of her blood-soaked hair so he could see her pale face and her still open eyes. She stirred and looked at him.

"Please don't be dead, please don't," Harry choked, not noticing her movement. "Please..."

"Harry," whispered Hermione hoarsely. Then swallowed to collect herself. "I'm OK, really, I just got my breath knocked out..."

Harry blinked at her in disbelief; sure that what he was seeing couldn't true. That he couldn't be so lucky. "_You..." _he said, grasping for words, but finding none. "You...!"

Hermione reached up a hand and touched his chin gently, and her touch was so delicate and welcome to him that it was impossible for him to move away from her. "_Shhh._.." was all she muttered, before giving him a weak smile. After a moment she slowly got up to her feet, on guard again. Harry did the same, his head spinning. _That had been too close..._

One of the Death Eaters he had been fighting with suddenly started to chuckle, and Harry recognised to voice as Dolohov's – who had been one of the two that had held Hermione in chains when Harry first saw her that evening and also the one who had nearly killed her last year in the Department of Mysteries. Suddenly something inside of Harry snapped and a rage stronger than what he had ever felt before – even towards Bellatrix – came over him and he saw red. It didn't matter to him that the Death Eater who had actually been stupid enough to shoot the failed killing curse was already killed by the Dark Lord; Harry was furious. Hermione had almost died to save him, and that Dolohov had the nerve to _laugh? _

Leaping to his feet, Harry bolted towards a no longer laughing Dolohov. "CRUCIO!" Harry thundered, hardly seeing what he was doing in his rage, but also instinctually knowing that his aim would hit its target. Red light shot out of his wand with an intensity that Harry had never experienced before. As the curse hit Dolohov he started to scream in such an agony that Harry felt spasms of orgasmic pleasure rally through his body; filling him, completing him. It was better than the sensation that had filled him the first time he had been riding on a broom or Sirius' motorcycle, it was more extraordinary than the time when Hagrid had told him he was a wizard and that he could live away from his Aunt and Uncle. Harry let all of his frustration and fury go through the curse, making it even more powerful than originally. All the pain Harry was causing Dolohov was transferred back as pleasure to Harry. And it didn't stop! It lasted and lasted and Harry didn't want it to end either. It felt wonderful and that was a feeling he hadn't experienced too often lately. Harry threw his head back and began to laugh. He was a butterfly, he thought with childish glee; a vibrant and alive butterfly with large, ticklish wings ... Harry laughed so hard he could scarcely breathe, but suddenly the pleasure stopped, even though the curse had not. Harry stopped laughing and suddenly felt very exhausted. Almost afraid of what he would see, but too tired to truly care, Harry looked down at Dolohov.

The Death Eater who had been exposed to Harry's rage lay on the floor, his eyes open and glazed, and inside his half open mouth and down his chin there was blood. With a very detached form of acknowledgment Harry realised he had killed him; Dolohov had drowned in his own blood after biting himself. Harry shrugged. It was impossible for him to feel any form for remorse; the bastard had gotten what he had deserved.

Harry felt a relieved grin start to tug the corners of his lips. Then he felt something hit his back and everything faded into darkness.


	45. The Sacrifice Part Three

**A/N: **This chapter turned out to be a little longer than I intended, but that's not a bad thing, is it? Also, I'd like to give a special thanks to John – a friend from my school who reads this story and makes sure that I write regularly.

-

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

Ch45: **THE SACRIFICE **

**PART THREE**

It hurts to set you free  
But you'll never follow me  
The end of laughter and soft lies  
The end of nights we tried to die  
This is the end

**The End by the Doors**

When Harry regained consciousness and opened his eyes he saw that he was in the same place as before. If he had to guess, he would assume that he had only been unconscious for a maximum of couple of minutes. Harry glanced around himself – and his heart sank. Hermione had been captured again – by Avery this time – and her hands were tied behind her back. Her hair had been pushed to one side so that Avery had free access with his wand to her neck. The message was clear: Harry had lost the fight. If he misbehaved, Hermione would pay the price.

"I conquered Harry Potter, I conquered Harry Potter!" Bellatrix cheered herself, jumping from foot to foot in joy and clapping her hands together. Her eyes gleamed with triumph. Seeing that Harry was awake, her mouth formed into a little 'o' before she stopped her jumping and looked at the Dark Lord expectantly. The said Master ignored her and raised his hand as a signal for everyone to settle down. Getting up slowly to his feet, Harry did not, however, pay attention to the Lord. He had seen his wand in Bellatrix' hands and he wanted it badly. Surprisingly – after another gesture from the Dark Lord – Bellatrix gave it back to him. Harry accepted it with some surprise. The well used wood was comfortingly familiar, but he knew that for the moment it was of little use for him.

The corners of Bellatrix mouth curled up in a slight smirk and she went to stand beside another Death Eater. As on cue, the Death Eater removed his mask and revealed a great amount of blonde hair and icy grey eyes, making no doubt of his identity: Lucius Malfoy. Smirking down at his companion, Malfoy Senior handed her an item with a piece of cloth over it. "Well done, Bella," he said emotionlessly as Bellatrix gleefully accepted. She seemed to already know what it was and by the tender way she held it Harry guessed it was something fragile. He looked between Bellatrix and the object suspiciously. He had a feeling of what it could be, and Bella's sugar sweet smile did nothing to ease his worries.

A cold sense of dread spread through Harry and he looked back at Hermione. She looked horrified. He had a feeling it was not just because she was captured again, but also because of the way Harry had killed Dolohov, and what would happen now as her ticket out of the Stone Edge was gone. Harry wanted to say something to her, but he didn't know what. What did he say to the one person who had always been there for him, when he had not been there for her when she needed him the most? What did he say to his best friend who he had failed to save and who now also knew the darkest side of him? What did he say to his past girlfriend when they were no longer together and soon would be parted forever?

Harry suddenly found it very difficult to breathe. "_I'm sorry,_" he tried to say, but his voice was so hoarse that nothing audible could be heard. Only the movement of his mouth could indicate that he had tried to say something at all. Harry looked at Hermione desperately and hoped she could see what he was trying to say to her through his eyes. She had always been very good at reading him...

The Dark Lord stepped forth, closer to Harry, getting Harry's full attention in the process.

Harry had run out of ideas. All that was left was to beg. Bowing his head as respectfully as he could, he cleared his voice a little. "Please let her go. Please."

"_CRUCIO!" _the Dark Lord bellowed. For some reason – and Harry could've cast a Cruciatus curse on himself for that fact – he had not expected it at that moment, and he yelped as the curse hit him. Two more Cruciatus curses hit him from other angles, tripling the effect. The all too familiar feeling of thousand knives stabbing him from the inside out engulfed him, and in a very far corner of his mind Harry registered that his face had hit the floor and he had started to scream.

Harry wriggled, twisted and arched his back as the curse continued to soar through him, his voice failing completely so he could no longer even scream. His lungs lost the ability to take in oxygen and he felt very dizzy. Then he couldn't think of anything else other than the fact that the last time he had been tortured under a Cruciatus curse that strong for a long period of time he had lost his memories – with disastrous consequences. That couldn't happen again.

The curse stopped. Feeling weaker than a kitten, Harry allowed himself to simply lie completely still on the cold stone floor, faking that he had fainted again. He could easily have given up and stopped caring what happened to him, but Hermione was still in the room, he remembered. Therefore he had to continue fighting. And to do that he would need strength.

The Dark Lord stopped directly in front of Harry and then bent down so that he was nearly at the same level as Harry, like in an absurd parenting way. Harry didn't dare to glance up and meet his eyes, but he did open his eyes. It was a better solution than being caught faking to pass out. The Dark Lord put a long finger under Harry's chin, lifting his head slightly so that he could peer into those emerald eyes.

"You know I cannot let her go without a price," said the Dark Lord softly, as though the torturing had never found place, like Harry was nothing but a child who needed to be reminded why he couldn't have any candy. "You already had a chance of releasing her, but you did not succeed."

Harry gave a single nod.

The Dark Lord made a disapproving sound. Harry could feel the monster's eyes bore into him searchingly. "To let her go now would mean that you would have to do something else for me. What do you think that could be?"

Harry ransacked his brain. Only one answer came to him and it filled him with such fear that he could feel his stomach turning, sending vomit up his throat so that he could taste it in his mouth.

"The potion," he pressed out, knowing it would be useless to play dumb. His voice was barely a whisper.

The Dark Lord looked pleased. "That is correct. Bella, if you may..."

Bellatrix stepped forwards and bent down together with Harry and Voldemort. She removed the piece of cloth that covered what she was holding, revealing a see-through cup of dark blue potion that smelled to Harry as horrible as a rotten corpse would do. "Here, Harry sweet heart," she winked at him and held out the potion, not looking upset at all to get rid of it.

Harry had to forcibly calm himself, suddenly realising his body was shaking.

"NO!" cried Hermione suddenly and yelped as Avery put more force from his wand into her neck to keep her quiet.

Harry took the goblet from Sirius' cousin's hands and saw golden threads spread from the warmth from his hands and into the potion before melting into the liquid, making it green instead of blue. The Dark Lord confirmed what Harry already knew.

"It has to be drunk willingly."

Hermione didn't seem to care that Avery's wand was digging deeply into her neck.

"Don't do it, Harry!" she gasped. Avery grunted in annoyance.

Harry sent her a determined look. "Don't be stupid. I am not going to fail you again." _Even more, _he added to himself.

It was, in fact, quite an easy decision. Without her, he had nothing. Even when he had no memories of her and was living with Annie he had still felt that something was missing. He would do anything to get Hermione out of the castle so that she could return to Hogwarts and live a safer life. She was the love of his life.

So he drank.

The first sip was enough for his mouth to start to burn, and as he swallowed the burning spread down his throat and down to his stomach. He drunk again and he could feel the burning start to spread further; to his shoulders, down his arms and feet to the tip of his toes and fingers. He gagged, furrowed his brow and forced himself to continue drinking, he _had _to continue...

Hermione had started sobbing, but she was held tight. A different kind of burning started to prick behind Harry's eyes and he almost felt like crying too, but he couldn't.

He swallowed the last drop and his shaking hands lost the glass so it fell to the floor and broke into a thousand pieces. In all honesty, that's what he felt was happening to him, too. That he was on the edge of being torn apart. His vision was blurry and it was hard to focus on what was going on around him. He felt blackness creep upon him and he had to fight to stay awake and not pass out for real. When he had taken the potion before he had felt immense pain, now, however, all he felt was numbness; like his senses had somehow stopped to function as properly as they had done before.

"Now, Harry, you have to do as I command. You belong to me. My will is now your will. I am going to let you go back to Hogwarts, but as soon as I call you through your mind you have to obey. Come to me when I tell you to, and do _everything _you have to in order to make it happen."

Harry furrowed his brow and wanted to protest, but he didn't know how to. He was too drained. He could hear the words his Lord had just spoken repeat themselves in his mind.He knew he would never forget them.

Hermione was let go, and she rushed over to Harry.

Still sobbing, and in spite of the fragile condition she was in herself after her captivity, she let him support himself on her. The front doors behind them opened.

"You are free to go," said the Dark Lord, his eyes glittering devilishly.

Hermione wasted no time in turning Harry around and together they started rather klutzily to move towards the exit.

When they were almost there, they heard the voice of the Dark Lord drawl: "You are forgetting something." Both casting a look over their shoulders, they saw the Dark Lord holding up a wand.

Hermione's wand.

Hermione let out a tiny sound mostly thought of as a whine from a small dog and for a second she stood still. To get her wand it would mean for her to leave Harry where he was and go back to where the Dark Lord stood waiting.

Harry felt Hermione tremble underneath him, but her decision had been made. With a new determined glint in her eyes, she ignored the invitation from the Dark Lord and hurriedly continued towards the exit. Harry admired her courage and his heart swelled with love for her. Somehow it gave him strength to speed up.

As they went through the door they could hear the Dark Lord laughing.

Hermione didn't look back. All her focus was on helping herself and Harry to get out of there. They stumbled down the hall. "Move Harry, move!" she urged him and Harry nodded, trying to do as he was told. But he was so incredibly tired and all his muscles seemed to have mysteriously vanished ... he could feel the potion move around in his belly, making him feel sick...

They rounded a corner and Hermione threw him off herself so that he stumbled against the wall. He was about to ask her what she was doing, but she wasted no time in explaining.

"You have to throw up the potion immediately. Now!"

Thinking it would be easy because of his nausea, Harry bent over and gagged, but nothing came up. It was as though something stopped it. He tried to put two fingers in his mouth, but with the same useless result.

"Oh, for heaven's sake..." mumbled Hermione and took his wand from his hand. _"Contromit!" _she cried, pointing the tip of his wand to his belly. Suddenly Harry could feel his stomach contracting itself and then he was throwing up, nice and thoroughly. "Good, good," said Hermione, petting him anxiously on his back. "It'll be ok. Everything will be ok. We can handle this ... we've been through difficult trials before. Come on, let's get out of this place."

Harry took his wand back cleaned his mouth with a _scourgify. _

"Yes," he said, his voice not quite sounding like himself. He tried to ignore that in spite of throwing up a good part of the potion he didn't feel much better. "Let's."

-

As Hermione didn't know the way, it was up to Harry to tell which way to go. It didn't go as fast as he would've liked it to, however. Both he and Hermione were tired, so tired in fact that both of them doubted they had ever felt worse. The thought of a hot bath, a bed and some food seemed like something that belonged to another world. Harry swore to himself that he would never take that for granted again.

In spite of Harry's disorientated mind he managed to guide them both out of the castle and outside to the soggy ground and heavy clouds above. Harry gave a brief thought to the fact that it must had rained while they had been inside, but the thought was soon forgotten. It had no importance.

Working their way to the Apparition boundaries, Hermione with bare feet, Harry sincerely hoped this would be the last time he was in that place. However, that wish could only come true if the potion went away and the prophecy was cancelled somehow. Both seemed just as unlikely.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to Apparate us both, Harry," panted Hermione anxiously.

"You can," assured Harry, thinking that there was no way he could apparate them or even himself alone at that point. The world was spinning too much; he would be lucky to only splinch once if he tried it. Hermione looked at him anxiously, probably knowing what he was thinking.

"What if I get it wrong..."

"You won't," said Harry quickly. "And if you did, I wouldn't be mad. Besides, you were always best at this."

Hermione closed her eyes in an attempt to gather courage. Harry smiled gently and grasped her hands, thinking the Sorting Hat had been right to put her in Gryffindor. When she opened her eyes again she had the same determined glint she had back in the room with the Dark Lord.

"OK, let's try. On three ... one ... two ... three..." Harry felt his feet leave the ground and a second later they were standing in Hogsmade, with Hogwarts' impressive size at some distance before them. Harry hands still clutched Hermione's, and he shook them gently in triumph.

"You did it!"

Hermione took a deep breath and let it go, looking just as relieved as he felt. "Yeah."

"You are without a doubt the most astounding, brilliant witch I know," Harry praised sincerely. Not finding the thought of walking all the rest of the way very appealing, Harry let go of Hermione's hands to pull out his wand.

"_Accio firebolt!" _Harry shouted, feeling the cool air starting to get to him; he now not only wanted to find a bed to sleep in, but also one to find warmth in. However, in spite of how tired and afraid he was, he was sincerely happy. Not just because they were very close to Hogwarts, the one true home he had ever had, but because Hermione was beside him. She was still naked under Harry's coat and her hair had never been more bushy, but looking at her Harry realised he had never seen anyone more beautiful.

-

After making it back to their school, they dismounted Harry's broom and put it away in one of the Quidditch broom closets. Hermione, who had never been very fond of riding a broom, had not complained once on their flight. Harry was amazed that he had managed to stay alert. Maybe he had more strength than he had thought after all?

They took no detours in getting to the Gryffindor common room. Their only obstacle was when they had met Dumbledore and Snape, who had both given him very inquiring looks and was insistent on talking with them. They said something about hospital wing, but Hermione managed to convince them that it was not necessary, that all they needed was a good night's rest. Harry was quite nervous the whole time and made sure to keep his arm around Hermione's shoulders so they couldn't see his Dark Mark. At the same time, however, Harry couldn't help but feel resentful towards the two older wizards for keeping them.

When they finally reached Gryffindor tower Harry was in no mood to talk to anyone, so he just nodded and smiled back to his housemates when they greeted him and Hermione. Parvati seemed exceptionally happy to have him back. Harry smiled at her, glad that she had regained some sparkle in her eyes. He hadn't see her have that since the night she had lost her parents and had come to Grimmauld's Place where he had to take care of her. Harry had not been too fond of the task then, but later he had been glad because it had given him a new friend.

Ron came over as well, but he went quickly from cheering "Hey, you're back! Both of you! Brilliant!" to stop talking and then get very long neck like he was curious to see what Hermione was wearing underneath Harry's coat. Harry was about to snap at him when Neville come over and offered them some chocolate. After eating a bite Harry no longer felt the need to snap at Ron. When he thought about it, he could actually understand the Weasley in a way. Hermione was an attractive girl. Harry took another piece of chocolate and felt some more energy return to him.

After excusing themselves, Harry and Hermione sent each other a silent look of agreement. Instead of going to her own dormitory, Hermione followed Harry up to his. After all they had been through they didn't want to say goodnight to each other just yet.

Fortunately the rest of the Gryffindors seemed to realise they needed some alone time and no one followed them up. Hermione and Harry sat down on Harry's bed together, sitting close and holding hands. The curtain was slightly open which allowed some moonlight to get in. Hermione was deep in thought and didn't say anything at first.

Harry sighed and looked at her. He knew he had to be the one to start talking.

"I am sorry I have changed," he forced out, not beating around the bush. He looked away in shame.

Hermione's eyes flickered almost involuntarily to Harry's Dark Mark and then to the scars around it from when Harry had tried to remove it with a scissor after magic had failed to.

"You were brainwashed," she relented finally. Harry could feel her hand put a slight more pressure into his. "Obviously they introduced you to the Dark Arts, making you addicted to them..." Hermione hesitated and looked at him uncertainly. Harry gulped, remembering that he had introduced the Dark Arts to himself, even before the Dark Lord had aided him. Sometimes he had just felt so restless and angry, and using the Dark Arts had felt good at the time, like therapy. Somehow, however, Harry felt that there was an explanation for that, but the answer escaped him. "...and I know you remember everything now," continued Hermione. "And that you're still addicted, that the Dark Arts are still a part of you. I mean, after what you did to Dolohov –" seeing Harry's face Hermione quickly added "–not that I'm sorry. He was one of the worst in there, he was downright vicious and he deserved what he got."

Harry looked at her in surprise.

"I'm not sorry about him being dead, Harry. I'm sorry that you have to have his death on your shoulders."

Harry nodded in understanding. But a worry he had had since he had first seen her chained and naked in the Stone Edge had not let go of him. He felt his stomach go cold, but he knew he had to ask.

"Did they, you know, do something to you while you were there? Did they _touch _you in an inappropriate way, or something? Did they?" Harry swallowed, realising his voice was shaking.

Hermione looked away, her eyes growing blank. Harry froze, hardly daring to breathe. Did that mean that she had been raped? Harry was not tired at all anymore: he had grown warm with fury and he was clenching his jaw together so tight with determination that it was painful to him. He knew that he would hunt whoever had done it to hell and back if he had to in order to avenge her honour. How _dared _they?!

"They did, didn't they?" he pressed when she didn't answer him. "Who? Who did? I'll kill him, I swear I will, just like I did to Dolohov, only I'll torture them for a much longer time. So long in fact that he'll beg for me to kill him before I'm halfway done!"

Hermione turned to face him, looking worried by his words. "You'll do no such thing," she said firmly. "You're going to stop with the killing, and Dark Arts in general. Because you're Harry – you're too good for it. In spite of everything you've been through, and in spite of that _horrible thing..._" She said, nodding towards his Dark Mark. "...you're not a Death Eater." She blinked to force back some tears. "And I was never raped by them. Being a Muggle Born of unworthy blood meant that I was too dirty for them; below their standards. " She choked, unable to fight back her tears anymore. "I'm not sorry about _that,_ of course. It's just..." she choked again and seemed unable to continue the sentence before she had collected herself. Harry waited patiently, feeling immensely relieved, but also worried why it had still managed to upset her. "You think I'm pretty right, Harry? You were lying when you said you felt nothing special towards me to V-Voldemort, right?" Hermione looked up at him desperately, her hazel eyes red and swollen with tears. "I know we broke up," she continued before Harry had the chance to answer. "Well, _I _broke up. I shouldn't have done that. I'm not really smart, am I? Everyone thinks I'm so clever just because I read books, but in real life I'm not smart at all! Not smart, not pretty, not-"

"Hush," Harry interrupted her, cupping her face with his hands and brushing away some tears with his thumbs. Then he leaned forwards, feeling her warm and sweet breath on his chin. Then he closed the rest of the distance and kissed her, more gentle and tender than he had ever kissed her, or anyone, ever before.

It took her a second to respond, but then she was kissing him back, just as carefully, raising her hands to his shoulders, holding him close to her. They deepened the kiss, tongues brushing against each other softly, not demanding anything, but simply to revel in each other's presence. It was a promise to each other: that from now on whatever happened they would stand together, fight together, doing everything together. Kissing her made Harry forget all the troubles of his past and all his worry about the future, especially now that he had drunk the last dose of the potion. Kissing her made all that seem unimportant. All that mattered was him and her, and that moment.

Harry traced his tongue over her bottom lip, back and forth, making her moan and clutch him tighter. Somehow they ended up kissing lying down on the bed, Harry on top. His hands were still cupping her face and he marvelled in how soft her skin was. He stopped kissing her for a moment and pulled back a couple of inches to take in how beautiful she looked. Her hair was spread across his white sheets and the moonlight from the window illuminated her face, giving her an eerie glow. He wanted to remember that sight forever.

"You're so beautiful," he said sincerely, unable to avert his gaze. Hermione looked as though she wanted to believe him, but not quite daring to.

Instead of trying to convince her with words, Harry decided to show her just how beautiful he thought she was. Tracing his fingers from her face, her neck and to her collarbone, his fingers found the hem of the coat he had given her earlier. It suddenly seemed quite incredulous to him that she was wearing still it and that she would look even better without it. Gently he spread to coat to each side so that her breasts were visible to him. Liking what he saw, Harry helped her remove the coat completely and put it on the floor beside the bed. Then, slowly, he began kissing her jaw. Instead of moving to kiss her mouth, however, he moved down to kiss her neck, making her moan again, before kissing further and further down her body; between her breasts and to her belly, only stopping when he reached her belly button. He didn't want to go further if she wasn't ready.

However, Hermione's pretty eyes did not look scared or hesitant or upset, instead they were calm, sure and filled with love for him.

"You don't have to stop," she said, moving her hands to caress him beneath his shirt.

Harry's heart soared with happiness. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked her, brushing his lips against hers again.

"Yes," she breathed, arching her back slightly so she could come closer to him. "Yes."

"You're so beautiful," Harry repeated, and added: "Like an angel."

Hermione laughed; her laughter sweeter than music to his ears. Then Harry remembered something she had said in the room with all the Death Eaters and he smiled down at her. "And I love you, too."


	46. When Every Minute Counts

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.**

Ch46: **WHEN EVERY MINUTE COUNTS**

I've been trying to nod my head, but it's like I've got a broken neck  
Wanting to say I will as my last testament  
For you to be saved and me to be brave  
We don't have to walk down that aisle

For if marriage ain't enough  
Well, at least we'll be loved

More Adventurus by Rilo Kiley

Morning – or afternoon, he wasn't quite sure – greeted Harry by making him squint his eyes against the sharp light which was poking them. He buried his face further down his duvet where something curly that smelled off vanilla tickled his nose. Starting to feel more conscious, Harry became aware that he had his arm wrapped over a warm body in front of him. The body breathed slowly and Harry felt a great wave of relief wash over him when he realised the nightmare was over. He was holding Hermione, she was alive, he was alive, and they were together.

Harry smiled in content and snuggled closer to Hermione. He liked how she felt against him; her nice curves and her thin waist and how his arm seemed to fit perfectly somewhere in between. In her sleep Hermione made a small murmur and moved closer to him and one of her hands moved up to hold Harry's softly. It reminded him of how vulnerable they were. They were strong together, but they were only two, and to Harry it seemed like the whole world was fighting against allowing him happiness. Harry knew that for him happiness meant Hermione and there was no way he was letting her go now.

Sighing, Harry decided to continue to lie beside Hermione silently, watching her sleep although her hair was blocking most of the view. He just wanted to enjoy every moment. Harry found it quite amazing that in spite of being so worn out and tired on his way to Hogwarts from the Stone Edge, he hadn't felt tired at all when he had been in his bed with Hermione. However, after they were done enjoying each other both had almost instantly fallen into a very deep sleep. If anything, their night together had been perfect.

Harry peeked over her shoulder to study her face. She seemed so peaceful and so young when she slept. He could even imagine she was kind of smiling. Harry sighed and gently removed his top hand from hers to brush some hair away from her face. Her eyelids fluttered slightly and she moaned sleepily in protest of losing his hand. Harry smiled and gave his hand back to her. His thoughts running away with him, Harry supposed the Stone Edge had forced both of them become adults for real and he wasn't going to take the innocence he saw on her face now for granted.

Outside Harry's window the birds were celebrating with genuine delight over the sunny weather by chattering away. Some of the sunshine had found its way through one of Harry's curtains and made Hermione's hair glitter. The rest of the dormitory was empty. Harry laid back on his pillow and wished they would never have to move.

Harry wasn't sure how long they had been lying there when Hermione suddenly stirred and turned around to face him.

"Hi," she murmured sleepily, her eyes barely open. She blinked softly in an attempt to clear her eyes.

"Hi," Harry whispered softly back to her, his voice sounding a bit hoarse just like hers did. He smiled as he thought back to the night before once again; her soft kisses and skin and how she had felt inside ... looking at her now, he found her just as beautiful as in the moonlight.

Hermione pulled the blankets a little tighter around them both before resting her forehead against his. Harry had almost expected her to be behaving a bit sheepishly towards him, but she seemed completely comfortable. None of them said anything more for a while and neither wanted to move. Harry noted with dismay that he was starting to feel quite hungry, but did his best to ignore it. Instead he took two fingers under Hermione's chin and brought her head up so he could kiss her again. It worked very well as a distraction from his complaining stomach.

They stayed half an hour more in his bed before Harry had to admit that as a man he could only deny food for so long, and both agreed that a shower would be an advantage. With an adventurous look in her eyes Hermione suggested they could have a shower together which Harry happily agreed to. They ended up spending more time in the shower kissing, touching and giggling rather than getting clean, but it certainly made both of them feel very refreshed.

When they were done Hermione dressed into some of Harry's clothes instead of finding her own from the girls' dormitory. The common room was blissfully empty as well, and they could walk down to hall towards the kitchen hand in hand to eat breakfast in privacy. Dobby greeted them with great child-like delight and served them instantly.

"Dobby is so happy Master is back, Sir!" he exclaimed happily, jumping from foot to foot as he moved about in the kitchen. "Dobby hopes Master and his Misses will enjoy their lunch!"

"Thank you, Dobby," said Harry sincerely. He pulled the chair out for Hermione. "Shall we?"

Hermione nodded and sat down gratefully, rubbing her hands together in anticipation. Within a minute their plates had been filled with bread, eggs, beans, sausages and salad, and on the side they both had a glass of juice that would automatically fill up when they had emptied it.

"It feels like ages since I had a proper meal like this," said Hermione quietly, and seemed to struggle to meet his eyes for a second. Harry got the impression that she wanted to talk more about what had happened to them both in the Stone Edge.

"I know," replied Harry, but left it at that. He knew exactly what she meant, but he didn't want to bring it up just yet. Actually he just wanted to forget everything about it and pretend it had never happened.

Hermione said nothing more about it and they ate in a rather comfortable silence.

"That was delicious," remarked Hermione when they had finished their meal.

"Yes, it was," Harry agreed, and got up to take her hand. "Thanks again, Dobby."

"Dobby is happy to, Sir!" said the little house elf eagerly. "Dobby wishes Master and Misses a good day!"

"You too, Dobby," said Hermione kindly, squeezing Harry's hand. "Would you mind sitting outside by the lake, Harry?"

"Not at all."

They walked out of the castle and towards a few threes by the lake in silence. Harry was afraid to talk about what had happened and Hermione seemed to be deep in thought. Glancing at her, Harry could see that sometimes she would frown and bite her lip, and he instinctually knew she was anxious about the future and also their future together. Neither of them knew how much the last dose of the potion would affect him as soon as the Dark Lord made a move. The spell Hermione had casted on Harry to make him throw up may not prevent the potion from working. Both Harry and Hermione knew that sooner or later that day they would have to find Snape and Dumbledore to try to sort things out with them and get answers to their questions. However, before then they deserved a few moments of bliss and Harry was determined to enjoy every minute of it.

The weather outside was getting cloudy, but the sun from that morning had left its mark by making the air warm and humid. Bees and butterflies were flying around like they were confused and didn't know where to go. A bust of wind made them tumble sideways and they had to fight to regain control. Sitting on a branch not too far away from them hungry crows were watching intently. Harry ignored that tree and went to the one he considered his favourite. That tree had a particularly thick trunk that could support both of their backs without being too uncomfortable and also gave them a good look over the school lake as an added bonus. Harry liked the lake and how he and Hermione had bathed together in the beginning of the year. That memory made him smile. Together, Hermione sighted and put her chin down on his shoulder while holding his upper arm softly and thoughtfully. Shifting slightly to look at him, Harry felt his heart flutter when her eyes met his. He suddenly became aware of how the water reflected back onto her face, painting all sorts of patterns across her soft skin. He also noticed how the slight and uncertain sunlight made her hair glitter; similar to how freshly fallen snow would in the winter. He then noticed her eyes lower towards his lips. He took the hint and kissed her, softly and firmly. She tasted very good and Harry eagerly kept on kissing her for a good twenty minutes until they were interrupted by someone clearing his or her voice.

Looking up, Harry saw the person he had considered his best friend for many years: Ron.

Hermione turned her head and saw the red haired boy too. Squealing, she jumped to her feet and gave Ron a bone crushing hug.

"Ron!" she exclaimed joyfully, pulling back to see her face with a big grin. Ron was grinning back at her, and Harry felt a pang of jealousy when he remembered Ron had insisted on Hermione giving him a shot of a romantic relationship with him last summer, and that he quite possibly still had feelings for her. At the same time Harry's wand sprouted out a few angry sparks which was unnoticed by anyone except Harry himself.

"Hello," Harry shot in to interrupt them. Hermione was his! And no one was taking her away from him.

Ron's eyes shifted from Hermione to Harry and he offered Harry a smile as well. "Hi Harry. Good job on bringing her back!"

"Of course I was bringing her back. Could not very well let her stay there and rot, could I?" remarked Harry, he was unable to keep his voice from not sounding the slightest bit accusing. He almost added '_And what did you do to help?' _but managed to refrain himself.

Hermione shrugged uncomfortably and sat back down beside Harry. After a moment's hesitation Ron decided to do the same, only directly in front of Harry and Hermione and therefore blocking the view to the lake. The sun was completely hidden behind a cloud now and Harry suddenly realised that what was _not _hidden was his Dark Mark since he was only wearing a t-shirt. He shifted his left arm so the mark was pointing towards the ground and not from an angle where Ron could happen to see it.

"So!" said Ron, looking quickly between Hermione and Harry. "Don't leave me in the dark! Go on. Tell me what happened!"

When Hermione seemed to struggle to find the right words, Harry shot in: "It is not that easy to explain, Ron."

"But it's similar to our experiences from other years, isn't it?" Ron questioned, getting a little bit defensive. "We've been through stuff before, it's not like I can't handle to hear about it."

"I am not saying that. All I am saying is that this was nothing like those other times," Harry tried to explain. "Before, when we managed to get ourselves into danger, we were only in true danger for a short period of time. Usually the day after we would be out of the trouble and in the hands of adults who healed all our wounds before they had _real _time to hurt, we got plenty of rest, food and drinks, we got everything we needed straight afterwards. This time was different, for both of us." Harry cast a glance towards Hermione. She looked apprehensive, and her lips who had been swollen from kissing were slowly returning to their normal thickness. "This time, there was no escape … the pain was just there, constantly, and you knew it could only get worse. That was the worst bit. Not seeing the end of the tunnel. And when you have reached that point, they can do anything to you…"

Harry broke off, feeling he had said a lot, maybe too much.

"Yeah, yeah," said Ron impatiently. "But what _really _happened?!"

Harry sent Ron a quick, impatient glare. Hermione finally spoke up.

"We were in captivity. I had to spend most of my time in a cage, waiting to be questioned. But there was nearly no water or food in all this time … that's bad enough, but Harry got it worse I think," she offered.

"No food and no drinks..?" gasped Ron, stunned.

"Yes, that's right," said Hermione, a knowing look in her eyes. She knew it was the best way to make Ron understand a small fraction of what they had been through. Again, Harry felt proud by thinking of how smart his girlfriend was. He hoped she was his girlfriend again at least.

"That must've been awful," said Ron. "I would've rolled over and died after five hours tops."

"Come on, Ron. That's not true!" encouraged Hermione, then jokily added: "You would've done at least six."

The corners of Ron's mouth pulled upwards and soon he was laughing. Hermione giggled, like she was trying to be polite. Harry merely watched them both. He didn't want to pretend for one second that it was funny, he didn't see the point.

When Ron had recovered from his amusement, he kicked up some earth with the sole of his shoe and wrapped his hands around his knees. "Well. I'll join you next time there is something."

"That is nice, Ron," said Harry with a sigh.

"You know if you had told me you were going I would've come with this time as well."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "OK…"

Hermione took Harry's hand and squeezed it. Harry was grateful; she had a very calming effect on him.

"But maybe that was a good thing," suggested Ron surprisingly. "I mean, you're here, right. If I had come with you, I might've screwed it up."

Harry shrugged, knowing Ron was right about that. He didn't want to think about the complications that could have arisen had Ron came with him to the Stone Edge. "Maybe, but it wouldn't have been your fault. The whole situation was just-"

"-impossible," Hermione continued. "And very horrible. I never, _ever _want to go back there!"

"I'm glad you both made it out OK," said Ron quietly after a moment's pause. "Hogwarts hasn't been the same without you. I'm sorry for how things were last fall and if I behaved badly. I've missed you."

Hermione grinned affectionately, looking touched. "That means a lot. You seem older somehow too. I suppose you must've matured quite a bit!"

Ron smiled thinly. "I guess I have."

"Well, it had to happen sooner or later," joked Harry, and quickly had to duck away from a handful of grass Ron threw at him.

Harry was happy that the ice seemed to be broken. Unfortunately, it was not to last long.

Ron seemed to struggle with what he was about to say next. "I've got some bad news though, mate … your snake, he's, erm, gone missing."

Harry stared at him. "What?"

"Seamus or Dean took him somewhere. They really don't like snakes…"

Harry let go of Hermione's hand and stood up. He felt ice cold. Without a word he turned away from their alarmed faces and started to walk briskly towards the castle. He knew that if he stayed chances were he would take it out on Ron. _It is not Ron's fault, _he told himself sternly, feeling his stomach clench in worry and anger. _It would not be fair to take it out on him. In fact, Akin might still be OK…_

"Harry, wait!"called Hermione. Harry heard her approach with small running steps behind him. Ron followed along too, but not as hurriedly.

"What are you planning to do?"

"We will see," replied Harry. He hadn't planned anything other than following his gut feeling.

Hermione seemed to know what he was thinking, and she leaned close to his ear so she could talk without Ron hearing her.

"You don't know if Akin's hurt. Remember Sirius? Investigate everything first."

Harry snorted. Of course he remembered Sirius! How could he not?

"Just…" Hermione lowered her voice further. "Just don't use any dark arts. The potion was a dark potion, doing dark arts might just make it stronger … magic is connected like that…"

At the mention of dark arts, Harry felt his wand glow warm. It was less than a day since he had used them last, but he already wanted to use them again….

"Promise me!" insisted Hermione urgently.

Ron finally caught up with them and Harry used that as an excuse to not answer her. He wanted to promise her, but he honestly didn't know if he could keep his words.

With Ron and Hermione flanking him on each shoulder, Harry walked determinedly towards the Gryffindor common room. He wanted a word with Seamous and Dean.


	47. Annie's Predicament

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me.

**Author's note: **Long time no see! I apologise this has been the case during my studies. I simply felt there were far more important things to write than fanfiction (like the endless amount of essays) and many social events that were more tempting than the essays. Nevertheless, I stand by my promise of finishing this story – especially since there's so little left! I'm sure you'll be glad to know I'm done with my studies now and have much more time and opportunities to write. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, as well as its additional length. Finally, I hope that you have an exceedingly good memory and have not forgotten everything.

Ch47: **ANNIE'S PREDICAMENT **

_Akin might still be __OK…_

Hermione's words echoed through Harry's head, but they did nothing to ease his mind. Before he knew it, his feet had carried him to the portrait of the Fat Lady who, for the first time Harry could remember, did not ask for a password, merely swung open. Striding in, Harry made sure to let everyone know he was serious.

"Anyone care to tell me what happened to my snake?" he hissed furiously, adrenalin pumping through his veins. He gave Seamus and Dean a hard stare, and they did a double take before giving each other a nervous glance. The rest of the Gryffindor common room was deadly quiet; all Harry could hear was Ron and Hermione's heavy breathing behind him as they were still out of breath._ "Well?"_

"It was a snake, mate," muttered Seamus meekly. "Snakes are a Slytherin thing…"

"Says _who?" _Harry snapped, his voice raising.

"Says … everyone."

"Everyone, eh?" Harry looked around angrily, glaring at all of his housemates in turn. "DO YOU?"

"Harry…" whispered Hermione, laying her hand on his arm so he would lower his wand. Harry hadn't even been aware of raising it.

"Is he dead?" Harry asked, struggling to keep control of his temper. Nobody answered, which infuriated him more. "_Is he dead?" _

Dean was the one who finally dared to speak up. "You were never around to take care of him. When you finally did come back you left almost immediately. We thought you'd be gone for ages again, if you'd return at all! Plus, we were afraid he'd end up eating _our _pets when he was big enough, he kept looking at them funny … so yes, we made sure that could never happen. He's dead."

Harry felt ice cold and he stood completely still. Not only was Akin dead, but on top of that he was accused for not taking good care of his pets! It wasn't like it was his fault.

Hermione still held her hand around his wrist, and that was probably the only thing that kept him from exploding in that very moment, cursing the whole common room apart. He was sure that she could feel how strongly his blood pulsated against her skin.

Abruptly fed up by having everyone's eyes at him, Harry tore himself free of Hermione and tramped across the room and up the staircase leading to his dormitory. He was sick and tired of all the pressure upon him. The pressure from Dumbledore, the Dark Lord, Ron, Hermione, the wizarding world in general and even the pressure he had within himself, that had been heating up like a kettle and was now about to reach its top boiling stage … he needed to be alone. He needed an out.

Harry could sense that the Dark Lord was excited.

Worried and still furious, Harry burst into his room. Fortunately the only one who was there was Hedwig and she was not a company he minded. Hedwig was perched beside his bed, cleaning her left wing with her beak. When she heard Harry she looked up with her amber eyes, hooting softly. She was holding a letter between her competent claws and Harry felt a much needed relief wash through him; it had to be from Annie.

Annie was one of the very few remaining people Harry felt he had surplus for. She had been a good friend to him when he had needed someone the most, when she didn't have to be. More importantly; she never judged him.

"What have you got there, Hedwig," he asked softly, walking over to his owl so he could pet her head. With a pang of regret Harry remembered how easily he could've killed his own by a mistake when he didn't remember anything of his past, and had that tendency to kill birds to ease some of his cravings to perform the dark arts. "It's OK, I remember now," he murmured reassuringly. Hedwig didn't seem upset at him. She stood completely still so he could continue petting her, gazing at him with her deep, amber eyes. "Fuck Dean and Seamus!" he growled suddenly. "They are worse than me, going on about it like that." In afterthought he wasn't sure if that last bit was true, but it felt good to say it.

Sighing in annoyance, Harry took the letter between Hedwig's claws and turned the envelope around so he could see the writing in the front. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. It was the exact same letter he had sent Annie – unopened!

Harry's heart sped up again with worry. Why wouldn't Annie open a letter from him? Thinking fast, the first option that came to his mind was that she was afraid of owls and didn't know that's how the wizarding world corresponded. However, as soon as Harry thought that he eliminated that option. Annie loved birds and all kinds of animals. She would've greeted Hedwig with delight and open arms. That meant, the only reason why she wouldn't open a letter from him, had to be that she couldn't. And if she couldn't, it had to be because she was hurt somehow or physically unable to. Hedwig would've been able to track her down if she had moved away or had gone on a vacation…

"Accio firebolt!" Harry cried, performing a whipping motion with his wand. He had to do something. He couldn't lose Annie too, whatever difficulty she might be in.

A few seconds later Harry heard a huge crash, and suddenly hundreds of glass shards were flying everywhere. He had put way too much effort into the spell and the firebolt had gone straight through the double glazed window.

"Ops," mumbled Harry to himself. From downstairs he heard people asking what had happened in surprise. Harry hastily searched Hedwigs' feathers for cuts. Seeing none, he didn't bother checking himself and mounted his broom. He could hear someone running up the stairs to his dormitory and he knew he had to be quick otherwise Hermione would try to stop him. He kicked up from the floor and hovered in the middle of the room. The door to his dormitory sprung open and his eyes landed on Hermione's shocked face.

"I'll be right back," he promised.

"No, WAIT!" cried Hermione, but Harry had already flown out of the window and into the dark.

Harry only rode his firebolt as far as the apparition boarders around Hogwarts went. Once there, he hid his broom in a bush and apparated.

He reappeared in the middle of a street in London and was immediately blinded by two brilliant moving flashlights that burnt his eyes. Throwing himself to the side, he only just avoided being hit by a big, double decker bus. Shocked and disorientated, Harry had to give himself a moment to simply lie still on the pavement to recover from the shock of nearly being killed.

He snorted to himself. _The great Harry Potter; who conquered the Dark Lord as a baby … killed by a muggle bus in his teenage years. _It seemed incredibly funny to him all of the sudden and he had to laugh, until he reminded himself of why he was there in the first place. In the future, however, he better avoid apparating into the middle of a street.

Harry pushed himself up from the wet asphalt, the palm of his hands stinging in complaint. He brushed off his jeans and glanced across the street to where he knew Annie lived. He figured it was best to go for the normal, muggle approach and knock the door … just in case. Seeing no cars or buses coming, Harry quickly went to her door and knocked.

No one answered. Harry knocked again, more urgently. He could hear soft footsteps from inside the house, so he knew someone had to be in there.

"Annie? It's Harry. Open up."

The door opened slightly, hesitantly, but not more than five inches. A chain from inside the house was stopping the door in opening fully. Harry's mouth opened in shock. From inside the crack he could see Annie, but her face was nearly unrecognizable. Her left eye was swollen shut; the surrounding area bruised in a deep, purple colour. Her hair was unwashed and tangled. Her usually smiling lips were pale and cracked. Searching her eyes, Harry was unable to find the sparkle and the life force he had always associated her with. Seeing her this way made him feel awful, and it drained all the words he was planning to say straight out of his mouth.

"Harry?" asked Annie suspiciously. "I don't know any Harry."

"What?"

The part of Annie's face that could move, scowled. "Now go away before my boyfriend gets back."

"Boyfriend? Do you mean Luke? You broke up!" cried Harry, unable to keep the slight accusation out of his voice. It was also to keep her holding the door open, as he could tell she was about to shut it. Harry's stomach clenched with worry. Something was very wrong.

Annie's facial expression, however, revealed nothing more about her feelings towards that subject. "Not that I know of. You know him, then? Did he send you?"

"No, I…" Harry stopped himself as a thought struck him. "He did this to you, didn't he?" He nodded stiffly towards her face, the rage that followed him like a shadow these days flaring up instantly. Annie's jaw clenched.

"No. Mind your own business!"

"But-!" Harry started, but Annie flung the door shut, using way more force than what had been necessary for the little opening she had allowed it in the first place. Harry found himself staring at painted wood, but not for long. He had no patience for games.

"Alohomora."

The security chain slid off easily and the door swung open. Annie, who had been walking towards the kitchen, spun around to look at him, her expression first incredulous then frightened.

"What are you doing?" she gasped. "Get out!"

"You don't have to be afraid of _me!" _cried Harry. "I'm just – me!"

"I DON'T KNOW YOU!" she screamed, waving her arms in exasperation. Her eyes moved around frantically until they landed on a plate. She picked it up and threw it at Harry, but missed by miles. It stung Harry to see her so genuinely afraid of him and he had to admit to himself that she must have been speaking the truth when she said she didn't recognise him. Someone must've tampered with her memories, like what had happened to him.

As soon as he thought that, Harry also realised why. It had to be the Ministry of Magic. They must've detected that he had used magic in front of Annie the last night he had been with her; he had used no magic in her presence before then. The Ministry of Magic must've waited for her when she had gotten back after saying goodbye to him, and erased him out of her memory along with the memory of her breaking up with Luke. The Ministry took no chances when it came to the wizarding world being exposed to the public, never mind that Annie had sworn to never breathe a word about it out loud…

Harry could have cursed himself from being stupid enough to leave her alone, even for the few hours he had intended it to be. He had protected neither Hermione nor Annie that day, which he should've done. Now it was no use to try to convince Annie of everything that had happened, nor did he know how to reverse what the Ministry had done. He would end up doing more damage than good. "Don't you remember?" he invented instead, trying not to show how upset he was. "We were old classmates, from primary school-"

"As if!" Annie snapped. "How stupid do you think I am? Please, just go, before Luke comes home … he's not very forgiving when it comes to me spending time with other men, even less when they're in my home. Please..." Her eyes filled with tears and she blinked them back angrily, not wanting to show weakness in front of a stranger. She had given up trying to chase him out, however. Instead she walked backwards until her back hit the wall behind her. She crossed her arms protectively around her chest, staring at the floor, waiting for whatever it was Harry would do.

Harry stood still and helplessly, shock still corroding through his system. He had never seen Annie like this. She had expressed anxiety over Luke before, but she had always been tough about it. After she had broken up with Luke and realised he was leaving her alone, she had flourished. But then, he, Harry, had to destroy everything by leaving her. Luke must've approached her at some point, and seen that Annie had no memories of actually breaking up with him. Luke must've thought her weak for not sticking with her words and then taken advantage of the situation. Harry felt his blood rush through his veins and he could barely restrain himself for crying out in rage: at himself, but most of all at Luke. Luke was responsible for breaking Annie into an unrecognisable version of herself and he would pay.

With that promise in mind, Harry lifted his hands in surrender. "OK, I'll go. Do you know where Luke is?"

Annie sniffed, still suspicious of him, but calmer now that he had promised to leave. "He said he was going to a pub near '_Partner at Hand_.' You probably don't even know where it is if you're not from here, so I wouldn't bother-"

"I know where it is," said Harry softly and offered a thin smile. Funny how he kept returning to that place … but at least he knew where to look.

Taking a deep breath to force himself to appear calm, Harry walked over to where Annie stood. With a heavy heart he knew this would be the last time he saw her; their lives did no longer correspond. He could not keep her in his and the law would keep him out of hers. All he could do now was to make sure she was protected when he left her.

Annie moved sideways along the wall to avoid Harry getting too close to her, but Harry followed her movements and blocked her easily. He put one hand on her shoulder to keep her in place and the other he placed carefully underneath her chin to force her to look at him. He knew it was selfish of him to demand this goodbye of her, but it was something he needed for himself.

"It's going to be OK," he told her softly. "You won't have to worry about Luke ever again. You'll be better off without him. Go and do what you really want with your life and have no regrets." He let his promise linger in the air just as long as his fingers were lingering underneath her chin. He leaned forwards and kissed her forehead. Annie stood completely still, hardly breathing.

Harry took a small step back and allowed himself to study her uncertain face for a few more seconds. It was not the face he remembered, but he wanted to remember it nevertheless. He tried to offer her a smile, but his lips couldn't quite manage the job and instead turned into a bitter grimace. He really would miss her. Now another person with importance to him would be lost.

Turning around, Harry walked out of Annie's house for the last time.

Harry knew it was no good to let his anger build up the way it was doing. What he'd do to Luke he had yet to decide, but he hoped he could find a manageable solution somehow. The desire to use the dark arts was a constant presence to him; a constant burning in his wand. He just wasn't sure he could afford doing that anymore.

'_The Partner at Hand' _neon sign – which would go through many different colours – glowed red when he arrived to the site. It highlighted the fence where he had kissed Hermione for the first time. It was also the place where Kingsley had died. Harry had been a different person back then. Now he didn't know who he was.

_You belong to me, _an arcane voice whispered in Harry's mind, but the voice was easily drowned out by everything else Harry had to think about.

"I should stop thinking what the Lord would say, for starters," Harry muttered to himself.

Harry continued along the pebbled path a bit further until he reached the pub where he expected to find Luke. He hoped Luke was still there – if he wasn't that would mean Harry had to guard Annie's house all night.

The pub itself seemed friendly; it was made of dark wood that looked like it had been there for centuries. By the entrance there was a rose bush with a couple of benches in front; people would sit there on a fair day. From the building itself Harry could hear extravagant laughter and beer bottles clinking against each other in some kind of celebration. It seemed unfair to Harry that these people – presumably also Luke – were celebrating whereas Annie and most of the wizarding world were in turmoil.

Unlike the nightclub around the corner where Annie had taken him no one seemed to care about asking him for an ID when he stepped into the pub's lounge, warm and damp air hitting his face. Harry's eyes scanned the room and he could see lots of old looking furniture, a juke box and a pool table. As for the pub customers the majority of them were unattractive and middle aged. In one of the corners, however, Harry triumphantly spotted Luke amongst a group of drunken twenty-year olds. As if he could sense Harry's eyes on him, Luke turned his head and stared right back, unblinkingly. Harry did not avert his gaze and continued to glare at him, making his intention clear. The lighting in the pub flickered sympathetically. Luke's stare turned into an annoyed scowl.

Harry knew he had Luke's attention now. Smirking, Harry turned on his heel and walked out of the pub, rightly assuming Luke would take the hint and follow him.

Luke caught up with him a moment later.

"I've seen you before! You're the guy who caused all that trouble down at the club, aren't you?"

"Might have been me, yes," agreed Harry, wondering how much Luke remembered from that night. He expected the Ministry to have erased the last bit of the night at the very least.

"You're the guy who came with my woman as well, aren't you?" Luke continued, rolling up his sleeve as his pace matched Harry's. "Just who do you think you are coming back here, eh?"

"I told you to stay away from her!" Harry growled back, not slowing his brisk walk until he reached a parking lot he trusted to be enough of a deserted area. He span around to meet his opponent.

Luke was older, taller and looked a lot stronger than Harry. For Harry, Luke seemed to be the exact same type as the guys who had bullied him back in Primary school before he had gone to Hogwarts. The type who would hang with Dudley; picking on those who could not stand up for themselves. Guys like Luke would never change - they'd just invent new methods of power playing. Harry, however, was now more than capable of protecting himself.

Luke's eyes travelled up and down Harry's physically inferior shape. "You really think I will listen to anything you have to say?"

"Yes."

Luke threw his head back and laughed. Harry continued to glower at him. After a while Luke finally sobered up and adapted a more serious expression. "Look, it's really none of your business. Annie's mine and she'll stay that way. She chose me, not you. You better stay away from her or there'll be consequences!"

"Annie is my friend. What you are doing to her is unacceptable." Although Harry managed to keep his voice down and body still, Harry could feel his figure burn with anger. Especially his wand arm. "From tonight _you_ will no longer approach her or contact her in any way. You and your friends will leave her alone. And no funny business! Believe me, I will know. You have no idea of what I am capable of."

Luke scowled and came closer to Harry so that he could use his body build to intimidate. When he spoke Harry could feel drops of spit hit his face. "Listen, mongrel. You don't get to come here like you are somebody and tell me what to do. I've no patience for this kind of shit. Especially not from a nobody like you!"

Harry raised his eyebrows defiantly, liking the irony. "I am somebody, as a matter of fact."

"Where, in la-la land?" Luke mocked. "Do you want me to send you back there, little boy? Won't take me long."

Harry gave him a murderous look. "I am fine where I am, thanks."

"Oh yeah? You sure?" spat Luke, pushing his index finger into Harry's torso.

"_Leave Annie alone, get out of my sight, and FUCK OFF!"_ snarled Harry, swapping Luke's hand away furiously.

"Alright… fine…" said Luke in surrender and turned his back on Harry. However, a second later he span back around. Harry barely had time to register the movement before Luke's fist connected with his jaw. Surprise flooded Harry's mind – he had half expected this possibility, but he was unused to muggle combat – then adrenalin kicked in completely. He was on the ground tasting the asphalt for the second time that night and then he was not. He was back on his feet, dodging another bruising blow from Luke's shoe. Harry jumped sideways so he would be momentarily out of reach from Luke's limbs and then he charged, achieving instant momentum for greater force. Luke's eyes widened in surprise, unused to anybody fighting back. He had time to do nothing else before Harry's body crashed into him, making them both lose their balance and fall over. Tumbling on top of each other they were soon wresting; hands trying to close around each other's throats.

This would've been perfect for Harry. The fighting allowed him to get some of that spent up energy out of his system and he was not using any magic that would risk him performing the dark arts. However, it was not the most ideal situation as Harry had a hard time resisting Luke's strength. Soon he was defending himself from Luke's iron grip rather than attacking. Things were getting out of control.

Luke had an insane glint in his eyes and Harry knew this guy would stop at nothing. Luke's arms were like tree trunks in comparison to Harry's normal sized ones, and his fists were equally matching. Grunting, Harry forced his shaking arms to continue resisting Luke's aim for his throat. For the first time that night he was genuinely nervous. He needed both his arms to hold off Luke; he could not reach his wand now.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Suddenly, with strength he had not shown before, Luke threw himself on top of Harry from their sideways position on the ground. Luke pushed his entire body weight down on Harry, pressing out all air. Harry could not speak or tell him to stop. All his focus was on keeping Luke's hands away from his neck. Harry's hands were turning white from the static effort. Unexpectedly, Luke withdrew his hands with a swift motion, making Harry's hands and upper torso follow until he was halfway into a sitting position. Giving out a cry of outrage, Luke plummeted his hands back down, hitting Harry hard in the chest and consequentially Harry's head whipped back and crashed into the ground; it was enough to make Harry's head ring and black dots appear in front of his vision. Harry was unable to maintain his defensive grip, and felt sick with fear when he felt Luke's strong fingers wrap themselves around his neck and squeeze.

"Not so full of yourself now, are ya?" Luke laughed, not loosening his grip. "You regret trying to steal my bitch now! Maybe this will teach ya?"

Harry's one hand was still trying to pry Luke off, with the other he tried to pull his wand out his pocket. Problem was that it was trapped between his body and Luke's knee. Harry struggled and squirmed underneath Luke's weight, but the harder he tried the more desperate he became for oxygen. His lungs were burning for air. Harry could feel his strength evaporating. His attempts on pulling out his wand grew weaker.

Harry was starting to accept he would never be able to pull his wand out of its stuck position. He would have to somehow shoot through his trousers, hopefully hitting Luke and not himself.

Harry could barely see anymore, his vision being replaced by increasingly large, black dots. The sounds around him were muted like he was underwater. He knew he was running out of time. Where Luke really attempting to kill him? Would he not stop?

Harry pressed the handle of his wand into his leg to hopefully aim the tip away from himself. It was hard to stay focused.

_What spell to use? Avada … no. STUPEFY!_ Harry shouted in his head.

The spell was weak and did not stun Luke – at least not on first glance. However, Harry could feel Luke's balance on him waver slightly, and Harry wriggled feebly to take advantage. Luke's iron grip around Harry's neck loosened momentarily a fraction as Luke suddenly seemed highly preoccupied by his left leg, and it was enough to allow a small amount of air inside Harry's lungs. Harry immediately gulped it down and his lungs exploded with pain. However, the rest of his body still felt too sedated to put up a fight and his allowance of air was soon cut off again.

_To hell with it! _Harry thought. It was his life or Luke's. _Avada Kedavra! _

Luke's body turned limp in top of Harry's. A moment later Luke's forehead had hit the ground beside him. The curse had worked; Luke was dead. Harry immediately took a dozen of very large gulps of air. His heart was beating furiously as though it was trying to catch up for lost time and he had a weird, metallic taste in his mouth. A blend between shock and relief was radiating through his system, immobilising him for a longer time.

Harry was unsure how long he stayed on the ground for, with Luke in this weird half-sitting position on top of him. It must have looked very strange from an unknowing point of view, had anyone walked by and seen. Harry freed his hands and massaged his neck carefully, continuing to take large breaths. He would never take the ability to breathe for granted again.

Harry grimaced as he tried to swallow. The adrenalin was finally leaving him and he also felt stinging pain on the left side of his jaw. The metallic taste in his mouth was blood, he realised.

Succeeding in finally retrieving his wand, Harry pointed it at Luke's dead shoulders; he had to pull his arm quite far back to manage it.

"Wingardium leviosa…" croaked Harry to levitate the corpse off his body. Harry continued to levitate him until he reached the side of the parking lot where there were some bushes. Harry hesitated. Thinking better of it, he instead brought Luke back towards the centre of the parking lot, between two parked cars. The killing curse made it seem like the heart of its victim had merely stopped and rarely caused suspicion. However, had Harry left the body in the bushes it would immediately become suspicious and the muggle police would open an investigation. Not that Harry cared _that_ much, per say, but it was nevertheless good to avoid unnecessary headache.

Harry was more worried of having alerted the Ministry of his use of magic in front of a muggle. Especially since it was also dark magic. It was time to leave.

Harry struggled back up on his feet. His limbs felt incredibly heavy and he still had the sensation of being underneath a water's surface. Pointing his wand towards the sky Harry called forth the Death Eater skull. That's what the Ministry expected to find, and once they did they would think no more of the incident.

Harry also had to admit that a part of him felt it was right.

Harry took a good look at his surroundings. Satisfied he was alone, Harry span on the spot and apparated to the outskirts of Hogsmade.


End file.
